Chapter 40: Aack! The Illiteracy! It Burns!

Merry braced himself against his chair, as if contemplating whether or not to simply refuse to read. Realizing he was just one Hobbit against a room full of people all equally intent on not reading, he did the wise thing and shifted sullenly to the seat of doom.

Pippin began to laugh slightly, until Merry glared at him and said, "I'll remember that, when you're reading the next chapter."

Pippin fell silent.

Starr saw only blackness. Her world was dark. Nothing could b seen.

'I can't c anything!' Starr thought in despair.

"Open your eyes, you silly twit!" Arwen muttered.

She slowly came too, finding a pair of cerulean orbs staring concernedly at her. It was just like that moment sooooo long ago when she woke up in Rivendell.

"Legolas?" she said.

"Yes, melamin." He said.

"Why don't you just skip this part, it's obviously we're going to be getting it on very soon…" Legolas groaned.

"So paranoid." Elrohir and Elladan chorused.

"Well!" Legolas exploded. "At least you two don't ever have to worry about being mentioned! For, apparently, they have no idea you even exist!"

"Which is lucky…" Eowyn mused. "Think of the possible love triangles!"

"Huh?" Glorfindel questioned.

"I can see it now…" Faramir said, adopting a high-pitched and giggly voice. "Oh Elrohir, I thought you were your brother!"

Eomer jumped in. " 'Oh well, I'll shag you both!'"

"I see your point…" Elladan frowned, as Elrohir silently thanked the Valar that the Sues were clueless. He wasn't very secretive about it, for his eyes were raised to the ceiling and he appeared to be chanting 'Hannon lle, hannon lle, hannon lle' without making a sound.

Sam appeared to be fighting a severe case of the heebie-jeebies. He twitched slightly, unable to prevent the nasty images in his head.

Aragorn turned to Glorfindel. "You got lucky too. And Eomer was pretty fortunate."

"Ahem." Merry cleared his throat.

Everyone continued talking.

"aHEM."

Still talking.

"AHEM."

Still talking.

"AHEM AHEM AHEM AHEM!"

Dead. Silence.

"Thank you."

Celeste came in, fully recovered, and jumped onto Starr's bed. Aragorn followed soon after. The two girls began to jump around having a pillow fight. The feathers swrling around made them look lyke angels. And they were!

Mary (Merry snorted.) and Pippin came running in and placed crowns of flowers on the girls' heads before joining them. Gornie and Leggie joined too, and here came Frodo and…that fat hobbit, what was his name? He was cute tho.

"I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered…" Sam mumbled.

"But insulted. Always, when it comes to Starr." Pippin responded.

Soon all the Fellowship and it's two saviors was bouncin on the bedd. Cept Gim Gim, he might've broke it.

"GIM GIM!" roared Gimli in consternation.

Legolas fell out of his chair, incapable with laughter.

The nxt day wuz Aragorn's coronation…

"Oh this should be good." Arwen scoffed.

Aragorn walked down the pathway after being crowned.

"Well, I really should of expected it, but…I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE SKIPPED GANDALF'S SPEECH AND ARAGORN'S SONG!" Faramir shouted.

He had Gimli next to him to make him look even hotter. And Starr was on the uther side, looking radiantly beautiful, her hair in an intricate style, with—

"This goes on for pages, so I'm skipping it." Merry informed the others. He got no complaints.

She saw Eowny and Fary, and she felt really bad for the poor guy.

They reached the Elves and Legolas took Starr's arm and—

"RIPPED IT FROM IT'S SOCKET!" Legolas screamed suddenly.

Merry jumped and stared worriedly at him.

"Hey, I can hope."

And they stood off to the side. Then, oh no! Arwen stepped forward, looking repulsive!

"Begone, golddigger! I have found my soul mate!"

And Celeste stepped forward, in pure white, looking like a goddess. Her hair was swept back and pinned with exotic wildflowers. She was an angel.

"Yes, so we've heard." Sam said dryly.

"I have chosen Celeste to be my wife and queen." Aragorn said. Arwen ran off blubbering and even Elrodn didn't blame Aragorn for picking Celeste.

Arwen kept her mouth shut tight, fearing what would come out if she opened it. She would not be responsible for her words.

Aragorn produced a beautiful crown.

Then Leggie got down on his knees in front of Starr.

"And I, Legolas of Mirkwood, have found my soul mate. I would travel to the depths of the sea, to the peaks of Caradrs for you. I love you, Starr. Be my wife."

And he slid a huge diamond ring on her finger as she cried and said yes.

"Ha! Keep dreaming!" Came a voice. "I would never let my son marry into such evil!" Everyone looked up to see Haldir and Thranduil in the doorway. They hesitated to enter, as if regretting they had come.

Legolas looked put out. "Why did you leave me?"

"I…uh…went for reinforcements?"

"Uh huh, yeah sure."

"We came back for the finale!" Haldir announced.

"Yes, we can only imagine what will happen!" Thranduil contributed.

"Well, we can look forward to a wedding or two, that's for sure!" Eowyn said.

"And if you thought it was racy before!" Eomer let out a low whistle. "Now they don't have any 'stupid pointless battles' to interfere!"

TBC…