The O.C

A Life Half Lived

A/N: Sorry, as always for not updating sooner but I've actually been in the beautiful Nelson's Bay for the past two days so I have an excuse. Sorry if anyone here is Australian and lives in Nelson's Bay but the shopping center at Salamander Bay is shocking. Anyway, here is your update. THANKS for my reviews. We're past the 250 mark! YAY! I nearly made it to 200 with 'Intertwined,' lol. I really don't mean to be bitchy and I know you all want Seth/Summer time but I just want to explain that not only is this not an S/S story, and I'm also trying to incorporate everyone else into the story, I also have to be in the mood to write Seth. He's a hard character to write. I think if I think if I write to much, I'll overwrite the S/S relationship and it'll become boring and mushy and I DON'T want to do that. I promise there WILL be S/S time. I just cant tell you when and I don't like being pressured because if you were reading a novel, you couldn't tell the author what to do, it's already been written. That being said, this is a S/S chapter… Happy reading! Genevra xxox

Summary: "I don't look sick. I am sick."

Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with The OC. Sigh. I do however own any characters or scenarios you don't recognize. Yay!

Chapter Twelve: Dignity

"Hey," Seth whispered as he entered the bedroom later that night.

"Hey," Summer smiled back sleepily. She stretched and moved herself slightly as she watched Seth wrestle with his sock. "How was work?"

"Hectic," Seth answered, sitting down on the bed to pull his socks off. He leaned over and kissed Summer on her cheek. "The Walkmen are coming back. You should come to the show."

"Ha," Summer said. "I'm sure my doctor would allow that."

"He let you go to the beach with Ryan," Seth answered, a serious look on the face. Summer laughed again and slapped Seth's pleading hands down.

"I can't," she answered shaking her head.

"Then I won't go either," Seth said, turning away. He turned to her with a pout on his face and blank at her with puppy dog eyes.

"No," Summer said, shaking her head. "You have to go. If you don't go, Alex will kill you. And anyway, they're one of your favourite bands. I'm not going to let you miss out"

"But, Sum," Seth said, glancing at her with an 'Are you sure this is what you want look?'

"No but's, Cohen," she said adamantly. "You're going. And I'm the sick one. You have to do what I tell you to do."

"If it's what will make you happy," Seth said dramatically. He struck a pose and looked at her. "I will do whatever you want."

"Come to bed," Summer said, patting the bed next to her. She yawned and Seth removed his clothes down to his white cotton t-shirt and boxers, switched off the light and hopped into bed next to his wife. She moved closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder as their backs rested against the chocolate suede bed head. She let out a satisfied groan as Seth traced patterns on her hand. He moved his hand and head down the 'Belly' and kissed it.

"I think I can feel its feet," Seth said, lightly patting a bump on Summer's expanded stomach. Summer winced as the baby kicked. Seth pulled back and beamed up at her.

"I guess you felt that, huh?" she asked, a smile on her face. She winced lightly as the baby kicked again.

"I really think Mummy wishes you'd stop," Seth said in a faux-serious tone. "You see she's really sick and we need you to be as still as possible so she can get better."

"Seth," Summer said in a soft voice. "Don't."

"We never talk about it anymore," Seth said seriously. He moved and sat back up next to Summer after kissing the 'Belly' again.

"I'm not good with words," Summer reminded him. She moved as far away as her tired and pregnant body would let her. "You know we don't have to talk about it. Maybe I can't deal with it tonight."

"We both know that's not true," Seth said. "You are the only one who can deal with it, Sum."

"Maybe I don't want to deal with it," Summer replied. "Or I just want a night off. Or maybe talking to you is like talking to a brick wall."

"And maybe this brick wall wants to collapse and I want to talk about it," Seth exploded.

"Seth," Summer said, exasperated and slightly angry. Seth stopped and looked at her. "I know what the next words out of your mouth are going to be which is why I'm telling you, we are not having this conversation right now."

"But, Summer," Seth said.

"I just want one night where I don't have to think about it. When I don't have to deal with it," Summer sighed, moving back over to Seth and resting her head on his chest. He kissed her hair and began running his fingers through it and in the process, cradled her head. "Can't we just have a night where we sit in bed and we kiss and we talk and banter just like we used too?"

"Sure," he whispered, blinking back tears she would never see. They sat in silence as Seth's fingers moved through Summer's hair.

"We're going to have a baby in two weeks," Summer whispered.

"I know," Seth replied, having a hard time keeping the smile out of his voice.

"We haven't even thought of names," Summer replied, smiling as she realized how easy it was for them to step back into the people they used to be. "And if you even suggest Thor, I will shoot you."

"Funny," Seth shot back. "But there is no way I would call my daughter Thor. Barbarella, maybe or Lois. Wonder, even but Thor. I do have some dignity."

"Barbarella?" Summer laughed. "Barbarella and dignity do not go in the same sentence."

"What are you talking about? She was hot," Seth retorted. Summer turned to look up at him and laughed in his face.

"What about me?" she asked, blinking at him.

"Me? That's a stupid name. That's worse than Kneevil," Seth said. Summer rolled her eyes at him and he leant down and kissed her. "You know you're beautiful."

"Eww," Summer said, sitting up straight. "I wish people would stop telling me that."

"Why?" Seth asked, sounding more shocked than Summer had ever head. She looked over at him and sighed.

"Please do not tell me that we're going to start that whole junior high thing again," she shot-back. "I'm so over being completely adored."

"Not really," Seth whispered in a singsong voice. She smacked him lightly on the arm and laughed.

"Not at much," she admitted. "Not when I know I look like crap, anyway."

Seth rolled his eyes at Summer. She would not believe anyone that despite her un-groomed appearance, she was still beautiful.

"Oh, come on," she cried, her voice weak as always. "I haven't had my hair done for months. I haven't worn make-up in ages. I need an eyebrow wax, a Dermatologist appointment, my nails done and a whole bunch of other stuff you as a male wouldn't understand."

"So, anyway. About this name business," Seth said, abruptly changing the conversation.

"I was thinking," Summer started but was interrupted by Seth.

"I suppose you want to work my mum and/or Marissa's name into it," he finished for her.

"Yeah," Summer admitted a little sheepishly. "Is that corny?"

"Well, Marissa and Ryan did half name their kid after you," Seth said. "So I guess we're just repaying the favour."

"Right," Summer replied. "So, I've been thinking about it and I was thinking maybe we could take the middle names of both of them and figure out what order they went best in."

"Emily for Marissa and for Leanne my Mum," Seth answered. He looked at her and gave her a withering glare. "Summer, you have two choices. Emily Leanne or Leanne Emily."

"Emily Leanne," Summer said automatically. "Emily Leanne Cohen."

"Emily Cohen," Seth said, tasting the words in his mouth. "Emily Leanne Cohen. I like it."

"Me too," Summer smiled, snuggling back into Seth. She smiled and kissed his t-shirted shoulder. "I am so glad that's out of the way."

"What do you want to do now?" Seth asked, stretching out.

"This," Summer said, kissing him. "I feel like we never get time to ourselves anymore and when we are together, we're talking about the leukemia or what to do if I die."

"Shh," Seth said, placing a finger on her lips. He kissed her once, twice, three times and then pulled away. "As much as I wish we could keep doing this all night, you need your rest."

"Cohen," she whined but he was adamant.

"I can tell you're exhausted," Seth said. "You need to get some sleep."

"Will you at least rub my back?" Summer asked, as he helped her get into position.

"I'll do whatever you want," he said, as his fingers caressed her back. She sighed blissfully as she drifted into sleep.

"Love you," she murmured.

"I love you too," Seth whispered. He felt Summer's body relax completely and listened as her breathing became even and regular. He used to love to watch her sleeping but he hadn't always made the time to do so, assuming that he would have his whole life to. But not anymore. He took nothing they did for granted anymore, not knowing whether it would be the last time they would to it, whether it would be the last time he kissed her or the last chance he had to tell her he loved her.

Seth used to love watching Summer sleep. He used to smile down at her peaceful face, a face void of pain, of distraction, or anything but complacency. Now, he looked down at her and he blinked back the tears. Her face was paler than it had ever been, more constricted, less brave. He memorized every feature, breathed in every movement, saw everything flutter of an eyelid. He knew when she was gone, these memories would be all he had to hold onto. They would be all he had left of his wife, the only proof she ever existed, that what they had was real. Every night, he watched her and he watched her and he cried over her face and his hands outlined every feature. He always brushed his mouth across her eyes, across her nose, her forehead and her lips. He whispered good night and he kissed her swollen stomach. Every night, the same. Every night, no change.

Seth didn't know if Summer knew what he was doing. didn't know if Summer could feel his tears or could hear the sobs that racked his body, or hear him crying that he couldn't live without her. If she could, she never told him. and that was one thing she gave him. she left him with his dignity.

He did it again tonight. He cried over her, kissed her face, her stomach, whispered goodnight and rolled over. It never changed. It never would.

"Seth, I want you to promise me one thing," Summer says suddenly, looking over at him.

"What?" he shoots back grumpily. They have just been arguing and he isn't quite sure he's ready to forgive his wife of four months.

"I want you to promise me that every night, no matter what mood we're in, and I mean no matter WHAT mood. Even if we've been fighting or we are so mad at each other, promise me that you will continue to kiss me on the cheek and say good night every night," she demands. "Every night."

"What for?" he asks, before committing to anything.

"Because that way, I'll know you'll still love me in the morning," she explains, her voice growing quieter as she becomes slightly embarrassed.

"You should never doubt my love for you," he laughs, ready to forgive her.

"I don't," she answers but she looks at him. "Please promise me."

"Ok. I promise," Seth says, kissing her.

"It's stupid, isn't it?" she replies.

"You thinking I could ever wake up in the morning and love you is stupid," Seth answers. "I've been in love with you since the minute I met you. The minute!"

"I know," she replies, looking away again. "I'm sorry I was so mean to you."

"I got the girl," Seth says, in a slightly cocky voice. "I think I can get over it."