I'm going on vacation for a week, so I won't be able to update till next weekend. I hope this chapter makes up for it. It's very long.

Chapter 41: Wedding Dresses and Meeting Future In-Laws

Pippin suddenly leapt from his chair. "Ah! Ah! Newcomers read! They read!"

Haldir was about to protest, being that they had been there before, but Legolas realized what a good punishment for his father this was, and voiced his assent. Soon everyone joined in.

Thranduil turned to Haldir pointedly. "I've got seniority and superiority. You read first."

Haldir gave him a sour look.

Interlude, Aragorn.

"One of these was bound to show up, I knew it." Aragorn scowled.

Starr and Celeste r the most beautiful girls in the whooole world.

"Yes, I do believe that opinion has been stated repetitively and we have been reminded of it at least five times each chapter." Thranduil smirked.

Gimli shook his head, muttering something about 'poncy Elves' and the fact that Thranduil had read all of two chapters and really shouldn't complain.

The King heard, but chose not to say anything. He could sense the last of the sanity in this room go marching out the door, and he didn't want an angry Dwarf on his hands.

Our wedding is being planned rite now. We're having a double wedding, with lots of pink and white and flowers and cake and—

Haldir broke, for, unlike the pansy-book-Aragorn, he actually had to breathe and could not say all that in one breath

--And doves and ribbons and sparkles and guests and dresses and jewels and presents and clouds and puppies and rainbows and—

"ALRIGHT ALREADY!" the others screamed.

Starr and Legolas r journeying 2 Mirkwood so she can meet Leggie's Aba.

" 'Leggie's' what!" Glorfindel questioned.

Elladan held in a snicker. "I think she means 'Ada.'"

"It's really not that hard of a word…" Elrohir murmured piteously. "Only three letters."

"So she's going to meet my father…" Legolas mused, suddenly acquiring a devilish smile. "I insist that you skip no scenes, as racy as they are." He smiled sweetly at his father. "Payback."

"What, do you hate me or something?"

"No, I just currently enjoy seeing you suffer."

"Ah."

With Leggie and Starr…

Thrandiul bowed to Starr and hugged his son. He was hot, just like Leggie, so Starr knew that was where his good looks come from.

"Hmmm…" Eomer began. "Obviously the place the author is getting her information from has no descriptions of Thranduil and she is just vaguely aware of his name."

"That would be why she could offer no other details of his appearance other than his 'hotness'." Faramir said, catching on.

"Oh, this should be good." Sam mumbled, shrinking down into his chair.

Merry was looking around. "Say, where did Eowyn and Arwen go?"

"They've escaped!" Pippin gasped.

"Lucky." Legolas whispered.

Suddenly the door burst open and everyone looked up, expecting to see Arwen and Eowyn. Instead, a horrible, horrible sight met their eyes.

Two girls did indeed stand in the doorway, but not the ones hoped for. Instead, there was a girl with long blonde hair and one with strawberry blonde. Both had excessive amounts of makeup and abnormally large chests.

There was a very heavy silence over the room, and then…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Once the initial shock wore off…it gave way to panic.

Merry, Pippin, and Sam were running around the room screaming, overturning chairs in their wake. Legolas and Aragorn were both cowering underneath their chairs, while Elladan and Elrohir, for all purposes, had leapt onto the bookcase. Gimli, Faramir, and Eomer had backed into respective corners, brandishing whatever weapons they had to prevent the Sues from coming near them. Haldir and Thranduil were…hugging…each other tightly with matching 'Save Me!' looks on their faces. Glorfindel proceeded to run around yelling with Hobbits, until he accidentally turned and ran smack into a wall.

The two girls suddenly began to laugh. Laugh at the others, scared out of their minds, and at the unconscious Glorfindel.

They suddenly pulled off their wigs to reveal Arwen and Eowyn, not Starr and Celeste as previously supposed.

At the completely-astonished looks on their faces, Arwen and Eowyn fell to the floor, incapable with insane laughter. They began to pull the fabric out of their shirts that they had stuffed in there to create the illusion of grossly-big chests, and wiped off all their makeup.

"Oh, that was mean." Pippin whimpered from the floor, having just tripped over one of the chairs he had knocked down.

"We WILL have revenge, you do realize this?" Aragorn said, narrowing his eyes.

"Yeah, in the meantime, someone help me revive this idiot." Thranduil said, fanning Glorfindel.

"Okay," Merry agreed. "But if we throw water on him, make sure someone other than EOMER does it." He grinned as Eomer scowled at him.

"Ha ha. Valar, you knock out ONE GUY with a water pitcher and NOBODY will let you live it down!"

Once Glorfindel had been successfully revived, everyone settled back down to continue reading.

"Tis such a pleazure to meet such a beyootiful woman." Thranduil said.

"Oh, and here comes the incest!" Legolas rolled his eyes.

Later that night, Starr and Leggie and Thrandy were in the study, when…

Haldir suddenly stopped and his eyes bugged out significantly. "Oh, no…no…anything but that…"

Gimli gave him a bored look. "Yeah, we're used to it by now. So, does she get it on with 'Leggie' or 'Thrandy'?"

Haldir looked up from the book with a sickened expression and mumbled something inaudible.

"What was that?" Elrohir pressed.

"Both."

There was another long silence as everyone tried to comprehend this.

"Excuse me,…'both'?" Pippin asked, very slowly.

"You heard me."

"But how…?" Merry gulped.

Legolas and Thranduil glanced at each other, and turned away with identical looks of horror. "EWWWW!"

"My own FATHER!" Legolas shuddered uncontrollably.

"There has to be LAWS against this sort of thing!" Thranduil said in disgust, glancing into the bathroom window, which, to his dismay, he saw barred shut.

Meanwhile, Celeste was picking out the wedding dreses. Cuz she and Starr like, liked the same kinds of clothes, she would pick out both.

To b nice, she took along the fashion-challenged Arwen and greasy Eowyn (to get her out of Fary's hair).

"Isn't a weding dres supposed to be white?" Arwen said.

Celeste held up a pink one. "Yeah, but Starr's is gunna be white cuz she looks like even more gorgeous than usual in it. And pink's my favorite color so STFU! Besides, it has to match my nails!" she held up her perfectly manicured hand with neon pink nail polish on it.

"She paints her nails? Neon pink at that?" Faramir asked incredulously.

"U are soooo stylish," Eowny said in aww.

Celeste just smiled sunnily and made dem carry all the boxes and bags. She couldn't risk throwing out her back bfore her wedding. That is saved for da honeymoon! (wink wink)

"Um, ew." Eowyn shook her head.

"Well, knowing them…" Faramir trailed off.

"I know, but she didn't have to say it."

"Of COURSE she had to."

"Bragging rights?"

"Mmhmm."

"I still think it's gross."

Starr and Leggie returned later that day.

Both girls had something on their minds that worried them.

"What happens after we die?" Starr said.

"We throw a bloody big party and celebrate?" Sam offered.

"Yeah, that about sums it up." Elladan agreed.

"Yeah, poor Leggie and Gornie will probably die of heart aches!"

Just then the faerie appeared. "I have heard your problemo and know how to fix it. I will turn both of you into Elves. That way you can live forever and then go to the Undying Landz."

"Huh? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Aragorn cried out.

"Relax, maybe the ship will sink, or they'll be attacked by a renegade band of orcs on the way." Eomer offered.

"Yeah!" Glorfindel agreed. "Besides, I think we should rule 'old age' out of ways we hope they will die."

"It WOULD take too long." Pippin concurred.

"Yay!" Starr and Celeste said after the tranzfromation was complete. "We're Elves!1"

"Funny, I thought they were already better than Elves." Gimli remarked dryly, earning several glares from the Elves in the room.

The same servant from the earlier water-pitcher-incident happened to be in the room, fixing the chairs. She looked up. "Yes, but it is very common for Mary Sues to turn into Elves because it's just that much more exotic, and allows them to be immortal, even though they possess the ability to come back from the dead."

She finished her work and walked out of the room, leaving fifteen startled individuals.

They found there men, who began to proclaim how beautiful they looked, even more than usual. The ppl of Gondor built them a temple and began regular worship each day.

"And, sadly enough, I knew that this would one day happen." Arwen exhaled.

"Hey, now we can go to the Undying lands and b goddesses there!" Celeste squealed.

Aragorn sighed, very depressed. "How I wish that I could join you, to see your splendor."

"Well, as knowledgable as we are, we don't know what happens to you, so why don't you just come with us? Frodo and Gandalf will be." Starr said.

Most everyone in the room could think up SOME reason why this was not feasible, but they all opted to just stare at the book and marvel at its stupidity.

"Yes! Then I can be with you forever!" Aragorn said, very happy.

"I'm so bipolar today, am I not?" Aragorn grinned.

Thranduil had just begun to recover from his utter shock of his previous escapade with Starr. His eyes started to lose their glazed appearance and he stopped shaking. Legolas was still a little further behind in his recovery, having been previously and horribly scarred worse than his father.

Arwen suddenly felt very stupid, like she should. She was now stuck in Mddle- Erth and would grow old and die. No one was sad. Faramir was already plotting how to get rid of Eowny, to give him more time with Celeste.

Eomer and Starr had begun to sneak around together every once in a while, cuz he was cute too.

Both Eowyn and Legolas turned to Eomer with Cheshire-Cat, 'Ha-ha-you're-being-corrupted-too' grins.

Both girls told their soon-to-be-husbands, who didn't mind at all. And some nights they had a six-way.

There was a sudden group-shudder as that little gem of an idea produced a whole new brand of images in their heads.

The cute hobbits dropped in and joined every once in a while, because all four were sooooooooo cute!

"Yes, we have established this." Gimli whispered to Elladan, eyeing the looks of horror on Sam and Merry's faces, and the look of horrific reminiscing on Pippin's face.

And Frodo is so angsty! SUCH a turn on!

So everyone was happy, cept Arwen and Eowyn, which no one cared about. But Fary was kinda sad, so Celeste and Starr made sure to look for wayz to get Ewyn out of the picture. Maybe push her down a flight of stairs…

"And once I recover—because I would refuse to die—I'd make sure to chop off all your hair, break all your nails, and...oh, disembowel you!"

"Don't forget scratch their eyes out; that would be fun!" Arwen contributed.

And Mddle-Earyth had a very peaceful period, and everyone was excited fo the upcoming wedding. It was gunna be the best wedding ever! Wit the most beyootiful brides ever!

"Not to mention the raciest honeymoons (that will most likely be described in FULL detail and will most likely coincide in a very sickening way) ever!" Glorfindel muttered.

"Oh gee, there's something to look forward too." Elrohir said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I can hardly wait." Eowyn sighed.

TBC…