Chapter 43: The Twins Go Blonde!

Luckily for Pippin, the lack of sleep and great annoyance that is 'Tales of a Dream Come True' seemed to increase the speed of his reflexes, and he was able to duck in time to avoid the pink blur speeding towards his curly head.

"Honestly Father!" Legolas chided. "We're tense enough without you attempting to knock out people in this room!"

"Tense? Try 'about to crack'." Eowyn mumbled.

"I wonder if anyone will ever write a book about this…" Elladan mused.

"Say what?" Elrohir responded.

"I can see it now… 'Fifteen beings locked in an ultimate battle against an abomination so terrible even the Valar themselves could not bear to listen to the pink lace-covered message of DOOM!'" the Elf boomed in a deep voice.

" 'Who will be the first to be driven into insanity?'" Faramir contributed.

Way over in the Undying Lands, Manwe turned to Varda. "Hey, that would be a good story..." And thus fanfiction was born.

Just kidding.

Merry reached over and plucked a fallen piece of lace from Pippin's hair and dropped it quickly into the fire as if it had hurt his hand merely to touch it. It probably did, but moving on…

Sam gave him a sympathetic look and Pippin lifted the book from the ground, heaving a great sigh.

Like, the honeymoon…teeheehee…

He looked up with terror in his eyes. "This is going to bad, isn't it?"

No one had the heart to tell him, "Yes, it's going to be the worst thing you've ever and will ever encounter." So Gimli just pat him on the shoulder by means of comfort.

Starr and Leggie decided to go to the Shire, because it was sutch a quaint place.

"Well, see!" Arwen interrupted. "There's a ray of hope right there! The couples separated! No racy group scenes!"

"Unless it's with the Hobbits IN the Shire…" Pippin said with a sour look.

Arwen fell silent.

Celeste and Aragorn went to Rivendale, to see it again before Elrodn left. She wanted to get aquainted with her hohm. It would be nice to esperiense life as an only child.

Elladan and Elrohir clasped their hands in vigorous silent thanks to ever higher being they could think of in their overjoyed state.

Wait! Like, OMG, my best freind just told me that Arwen had 2 older brothers! Twins! Something like Dan and Ro.

"Yeah. That's exactly it. Good job." Aragorn said stiffly and not without great scorn.

That would make things like interesting!

Anywayz, Starr and Leggie found a cute little house right near Frodo's house!

"How utterly convenient." Eowyn smiled grimly.

So like the first thing they did, after 'getting settled' hee hee, was to go 'visit' Frodo.

Sam opened his mouth in a silent scream at the idea.

Like I've said before, the blu eyes and angst is such a turn on!

Eomer had to hold Sam back from bashing his head into the wall a few times until the images went away.

Celeste stepped down the grand staircase in a glittering white gown. She was to meet her brothers.

"Wait." Glorfindel spoke up suddenly. "Wait. Wait."

"WHAT!" everyone roared.

He started and stared sheepishly at the angry faces around him. "Sorry. Anyway, if they're her brothers, is she really going to…?"

"You betcha." Legolas and Thranduil replied simultaneously, looking deadpan.

The two twins were indentical.

"REALLY?" exclaimed Gimli with an air of mock surprise. "Is THAT what 'twins' means!"

They were really hott and had long blonde hair like Legolas.

Every single mouth in the room hung open in blatant disbelief. She didn't even bother to check with her 'friend' about what they looked like!

Faramir recovered first and muttered something that sounded vaguely like, 'that was to be expected…'

"I mean really!" Elrohir insisted. "If anything, this story will turn our hair grey, not blonde!"

"She's got us as two 'Leggie' clones! She has three now!" Elladan raged.

There was silence as they all recognized the conspiracy.

"Ohhhhhhhhh…" came the universal realization.

"So she's basically transforming the lot of you into simpering, blonde-haired, Elven clones for her to have her beastly way with?" Haldir summarized skillfully. "Gee, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm GLAD I died."

Eomer and Faramir adopted similar nervous looks and threw their hands over their heads. They liked their hair the color that it was, thankyouverymuch!

They headed to their fathers' study and Elrond was there, smiling.

"EWWWW!"

That night was magical.

"Oh I'm sure it was!" Glorfindel seethed.

Celeste knew she would have to invite the twins to Gondor a LOT. Aragorn read her mind and grinned.

"Oh, I am so creepy!" Aragorn shook his head, until he realized how wrong that sounded, and by that time virtually everyone present was dying of laughter at hearing that phrase come out of the mouth of the king of Gondor.

"I'm glad you finally admitted it!" Legolas said, tears of laughter literally rolling down his cheeks.

Pippin, who had been skimming over the ever-present NC-17 scene, was quickly losing the color in his cheeks and turning a most unpleasant shade of white.

Eomer reached for the pitcher, but stopped as the others screeched 'NO'. He returned his hand back to his side with a dark and clearly annoyed expression on his face.

"I am never saving any of you ever again." He growled.

"Legolas my love!" Starr moaned.

That triggered a chain reaction as everyone clapped their hands to their ears and shouted various exclamations, about tricksy hobbits and gross mental images and Pippin's mother.

"HEY!"

Merry grinned as if taking full responsibility for the last one. "Yeah, I said it!"

"I only thought it fair that everyone has to suffer through this torture! With the leather chaps and rose petalz and chains and handcuffs and random Hobbit appearances…"

Every so often their fun would be interrupted by a random Hobbti coming into to join in. Not noted for their stamina ("SAYS WHO!" Merry argued.) they were soon finished and gone, leaving the two lovers to their game. ("On second thought, thank Eru for that!" Merry hastily amended.) Leggie had just pulled out the vat of melted chocolate and strawberries when Frodo, Merry, Sam, and Pippin came knocking at the door.

"Ooo, the more the merrier!" Starr said with a giggle.

"STOP! STOP!" pretty much everyone in the room screamed from the floor.

"MERCY!" Legolas cried.

"Ah, fine."

There was a great roar of cheers.

"We have to get back to Celeste and Aragorn and the twins anyway."

Mass crying ensued.

A servant listening outside the door frowned and hurried off to alert the therapists again.

TBC…