Chapter 44: SHE CAN ADD!

Arwen looked slightly deflated. "It's finally the Epilogue."

There was a great group sigh of sigh of sweet, sweet relief.

Starr and Legolas and Celeste and Aragorn live happily ever after.

"Don't they always." Thranduil muttered.

Celeste and Gornie had only five kids, and only one boy, Eldarion, to be the hier.

Starr and Legolas had thirteen kids, Starr's age when she came to Middel Erth.

"That's sick. She was only thirteen?" Eomer said, looked revolted.

They had six boys and seven girls.

"SHE CAN ADD!" Haldir exclaimed, nearly falling out of his seat.

All the guys were hawt and the gurls were cute. Except for one, she wasn't a good girl, but we won't talk about her. When the time came, the four parents and their kids except for the heirs and that one gir), sailed into the Undying landz. That girl stayed with ARwn and Eowny.

"Hopefully she was SANE." Eowyn said pointedly.

Once their, tho they did battle pirates along the way—

"PIRATES!" Sam half-shouted.

They were welcomed warmly by the Valra, who were in awe by Starr and Celeste's beauty and treated them as one of der own. They became two new Valar.

Elladan put a hand to his ear. "I swear I just heard Manwe suffocating himself with laughter."

And so the world grieved their leafing, but eventully were able to go on with thier lives as normal.

"Trust me, anyone who comes in any sort of contact with these two will NEVER be able to go back to normal life." Merry declared.

And so the two most beautiful girls in the entir world lived happy full and brave and helpful and giving lives and made the world a better place. They, such wonderful and beautiful young women, got the fairy tail happy ending they deserved.

"And," Aragorn added in a choked whisper. "That's the end of the book."

"Thank the Valar." Legolas whimpered. There were several affirmative groans from the others, all in various stages of writhing in pain on the floor.

"Now maybe life can go back to normal—" Merry began. He never finished his sentence.

The book in Aragorn's hands began to glow and reverberate. Two beams of light shot out and materialized into two forms.

As the light faded, Elladan squeaked. "Please, Arwen, Eowyn, let this be a trick again!"

But the two females were staring on in horror along with everyone else.

"Lyke, where r we?" Starr queried, staring around.

"I dunno." Celeste replied.

The Middle-Earthians had never seen anything so horrible. They were correct in most of their descriptions, yet the Sues' characteristics were so exaggerated, they looked alien. Their eyes were bulbous and Gollum-like. Their hair was blindingly greasy and so multi-colored it looked like warg droppings. Their chests were so oversized they looked like bubbles about to pop.

"OMFG! It's leggie!1"

The poor Elf looked ready to die of shock.

Gimli raised his axe as if hoping to help out his friend.

"Ew, teh yucky hairy guy is blocking mah Leggie-kins!" Starr growled. Then she emitted a terrible, terrible noise, that probably should have been passable as a song, but was so awful it made Gimli keel over right on the spot.

Luckily, thanks to some quick maneuvering on Haldir and Glorfindel's part, the two Sues were bound and gagged. Apparently their powers were all in their head, for they could do nothing but screech through their gags and squirm a lot.

Elrohir looked unsure of whether he should throw up or faint.

"What do we do with them?" Eowyn questioned in a weak voice.

"Feed them to a warg?" Aragorn suggested, still lying where he had toppled from his chair. "Tar and feather them? Burn them at the stake?"

"The possibilities are endless…" Pippin said, suddenly looking more excited than scared.

The book suddenly leapt out of Aragorn's hands. A shrill voice suddenly erupted from it.

"I'M TIRED OF HAVING THIS NONSENSE ON MY PAGES! THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH A BOOK CAN TAKE!"

Everyone in the room stared at it with that deer-in-headlights look.

"Books can talk?" Eomer whispered. "Learn something new everyday."

The pages suddenly flew at the two Sues and began to mercilessly give them paper cuts. Between the fingers and toes, on the eyelids, behind the knees, under the arms, you name it.

The onlookers cowered in horror and blocked the screams from their ears.

The book stopped suddenly and began to shake. Another person came out of it, only this time, they landed in a heap on the floor.

Ignoring the moans of Starr and Celeste, Legolas and the others inched their way over to the figure.

"This must be the authoress." Aragorn hissed.

"Well, it's too late for these to," Merry jerked his head in the Sues direction. "So what do we do with her?"

There was a moment of heavy silence as they contemplated this. Suddenly the silence was broken by an unfamiliar voice.

"I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the girl."

TBC…

Ooo, a cliffhanger! I'm so mean! Anyway, I hope this ending is so far suitable to everyone. I had a REALLY hard time trying to decide how to end it. The next chapter will be up very soon, I promise.