The O.C
A Life Half Lived
A/N: Sorry for the long delay between updates. Lots of crap going on. Happy reading! Genevra xxox
YellyBelly: I'm really sorry for your friend. I know people who are in the same predicament and it kills me when I see them. Should I be upset that I keep making you cry or flattered? I feel bad but I also feel very proud because it means my writing has touched someone. Plus, they do say 'no tears for the writer, no tears for the reader,' which means this makes me cry too. How egotistical, lol. I just wanted to say thank you so much for the reviews. You're an awesome reviewer and I always feel so touched to read your words. Keep it up! xxx
Summary: "I don't look sick. I am sick."
Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with The OC. Sigh. I do however own any characters or scenarios you don't recognize. Yay!
Chapter Eighteen: Justice
Marissa power-walked through the hospital, later that night. She walked straight past Summer's ward and walked into the nursery where baby Emily slept. She knocked on the door and peered through the glass window where a nurse waved her in.
"I'm here to see about Emily Cohen," Marissa said. The nurse took in Marissa's well-cut (and obviously expensive) designer jeans, her brown boots and black and white poncho, she figured this must be the new mother's best friend. Marissa glanced over at the nurse and pushed back the sunglasses that held her shiny hair back from her face. "Marissa Atwood. I'm her aunt."
"What can I do for you?" the nurse asked, politeness evident in her voice despite Marissa's cool and slightly demanding demeanor.
"I was wondering if it would be possible to have Emily moved into her mother's room," Marissa said, sounding hopeful. She smiled in an attempt to be friendly, although her insides were churning up and her nerves were fluttering like overgrown butterflies kept in a glass jar.
"I'm not sure that that will be possible."
Marissa sighed impatiently and glanced down at the nurse's nametag.
"Listen, Kate," she tried. "I don't know if you know but her mother is in a coma of sorts but I think if she woke up and found her baby not there, she'd freak out completely."
Kate looked at her, still slightly wary.
"Listen," Marissa said, her voice pleading. "I don't know how I do, but I just do. She's going to wake-up soon and I want her daughter to be there. she's never held her. Please. Let me take her now. She won't be left alone for even an instant and she was supposed to sleep in Sum's room anyway. I don't see what the difference is."
"Just let me check with my supervisor," Kate said, finally. Marissa hadn't even concocted a very good or strong argument but Kate found it hard to argue with the hope and the pleading in her voice. Kate left the room. Marissa watched as she walked to a desk and bent her head down to talk to a yellow smocked woman. The woman looked up and over at Marissa who was now pacing the room and looking bewildered. "Mrs. Atwood, that shouldn't be a problem. I'll just call someone to escort you down there now."
Marissa's face broke into a wide smile and she closed her eyes briefly, relieved and happy.
"Thank you so much, Kate," she said, flashing her another smile. She walked over to her new niece and bent down to her. "Hear that, pretty girl? You're going to see your mama."
She cooed over the baby, fixing up her blankets and sheets and rearranging the assortment of plush toys that lined the bottom of her crib. She looked up when she heard someone clear their throat above her.
"Hey," Kirsten said, the smile growing on her face.
"Hey," Marissa replied, slightly embarrassed. She walked over and let Kirsten kiss her cheek and run her fingers quickly through her hair. Pulling away, she glanced at Kirsten. Her eyes were red and puffy. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Kirsten said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm just scared about Summer. And I'm worried about you and I'm worried about Seth."
"I think we're all worried," she replied. Kirsten nodded as the nurse wheeled baby Emily's crib outside. Marissa motioned for Kirsten to follow but she shook her head.
"I think I'm just going to sit here for awhile," she said, pausing when she saw the concerned look on Marissa's face. "It's ok, sweetie. I just want to be alone for a while. I promise I'll come in in a minute, ok?"
Marissa hesitated for a moment before walking over to Kirsten and wrapping her in a hug. She pulled away and kissed her cheek.
"As long as you're sure you're ok," Marissa said, knowing full well she was not. Kirsten smiled at her bravely and Marissa smiled back before turning slowly away and following Kate back to Summer's room.
As soon as her daughter in-law was out of sight, Kirsten collapsed onto the nearest seat and lowered her head into her hands, letting the tears flow. She wasn't alright. There was nothing fair about this, nothing at all. Where was the justice in her world if her once healthy daughter in-law was lying broken and bruised in a hospital bed with no guarantee she would wake up? Where was the justice in the world if her son was without his wife? Where was the justice in the world that Summer could not even hold her own child and that Seth could not bring himself too? Where was the justice in the world that let it be Summer, a young wife and mother with her whole life ahead of her, be sick and it not be Kirsten herself, an older mother and wife who had lived her life?
But what really got her was this. It seemed unfair that it would be internal bleeding and Summer's inability to wake from the anesthesia that might kill her when the cancer had been trying so hard too. Where was the justice in that?
She sat in the same seat and cried, people of all professions and stations passing her by. This was the oncology ward. They were used to people falling apart. They were used to people coming to grips with the horrid disease that had latched onto their loved ones and that was not letting go. They were used to all this because they felt it or they watched it every day. And it never got easier. Not for them, and it wouldn't for her, because there was no justice in the world.
Marissa paused outside Summer's door when she heard a low male voice talking. Seth. She motioned to the nurse to not talk and leant over to whisper to her, "I can take it from here. I just want Seth to spend a little more time with his wife."
"Not a problem, Mrs. Atwood," Kate replied with a sad and knowing smile.
"Please, call me Marissa," Marissa answered, leaning closer to the door to try and catch what Seth was saying. "And thank you for all your help."
"That's ok. Really," Kate smiled. She waved at Marissa and then walked away, quietly so as not to interrupt Marissa's eavesdropping.
"Sum," Seth was pleading, his voice desperate. Marissa could almost imagine him. his eyes would be red from crying and his hair would be wild and unruly from the hours he had spent dragging his fingers through and through it. he would like tired. Black circles would live under his eyes, so dark that even Marissa's most expensive concealer could not cover them. He would still have the same jeans and shirt that he had had on the night before and he would be sitting next to Summer's bed, his hand gripping hers. "Sum. Wake up, baby. Please wake up. We've been through this. I cant live without you. I can't do this without you. I need you to live, I need you to be strong. If you leave, who do I have? who do I have to lean on? I don't want to do this. I can't do this. You can't die because I'm selfish and I need you. I don't want to be alone."
there was a pause where she heard Seth quietly sob. Not like her collapse, but worse in a way. She could feel his pain in every shaking breath, in every tear that dropped in a puddle at his feet. He shuddered and then with a shaky breath, began to talk again.
"You're the love of my life. You're the most beautiful person in the world. I don't know anyone like you, Summer. I don't know anyone who loves me as much as you and I definitely don't know anyone I could ever love as much as you," he whispered, his need growing deeper with every breath. "I love you with everything I have. with my heart, my soul. Everything I have ever done is for you and I wouldn't have it any other way. All I want is for you to do something to me. I want you to live."
Another pause.
"I don't think I can live without you so please, Summer, wake up. Wake up for me. Wake up for your baby," he begged before falling silent again. "Maybe you're right. Maybe this is useless and you are going to die. I don't know but I need you to know all this anyway."
Marissa didn't know whether to blink back tears or smile at how sweet he was. She knew the only response was the first. His desperation ate at her like nothing else. All he wanted was for her to live. All she wanted was to be able to grab him, hold him close and tell him that he wouldn't be alone without Summer. He would be different, yes, but he would be alone. he would have her and he would have Ryan and he would have Kirsten, Sandy, Emily and even little Alexis.
There was a long pause in the room and Marissa chose that moment to barge in on his longing. She knocked quietly and then pried the door open slightly. She stuck her head in the door and look over at Seth who sat exactly where she thought he would.
"Hey, Seth," she said, smiling at him. he stood up and looked at her bewilderedly. "I bought Emily over to see Summer. I thought maybe they'd both like to be in the same room for a while."
She opened the door and carefully dragged Emily's crib over to the side of Summer's bed. She looked at Seth, who glared back at her.
"Why would you do that?" he asked, anger seeping into his voice.
"What? Seth, I just thought it would be…"
"You thought what, Marissa?" he said, his voice growing louder. "That you would just butt in and stick your nose in where it's not wanted? That you would try and take control?"
"Seth, it isn't like that," Marissa yelled back, hurt tears springing into her eyes.
"Oh, that's great," Seth said, with a maniacal laugh. "Just cry so I feel bad. Well, it's not going to work. I don't want Emily here. If I did, I would have gone and got her myself. Hell, having her here isn't going to help. It won't change anything. Just stay out of this, Marissa. I can handle it myself. I don't need you to help."
"You know what, Seth?" Marissa asked, ignoring the tears that dripped down her face. "You aren't the only one who's losing someone here. You're not the only one who wants her awake."
"No-one wants her awake more than I do," Seth said, sounding weak and pathetic. His voice was still laced with anger and that was what spoke volumes to Marissa. She turned on her heel and walked to the door where she turned around and glared at him.
"I'm sorry for trying to help," she spat, still angry. Emily began to wail. "But I think you're being pretty selfish. And I think you're wrong. Having Emily here is going to help. And do you know what else I think? I think the only reason you don't want her here is because it means you're going to have to turn some of your attention on her and away from your precious Summer. Well, guess what Seth? She's your daughter. Live with it. she needs you. and you know what else? Summer might not wake up and if that happens, your daughter is the only thing of her you'll have left so you may as well make friends with her now."
"You're just jealous because I'm closer to Summer than you are," Seth yelled back. "And you're jealous because everyone's paying attention to me, not you."
"Call me if anything changes," Marissa said calmly, walking out of the room. How she stopped herself from breaking down again, she didn't know.
Seth gaped after her and then back down at his wife. His eyes eventually moved over to his daughter who was crying. He sighed and slowly walked over to her. He picked her up and sighed. He sat down on the edge of Summer's bed and began to pat his daughter's back.
"Shh, baby," he whispered. "Stop crying, baby. Mama's asleep."
His voice broke as he whispered to his little girl. Mama was asleep and this time he wanted her to wake up when her baby cried. What kind of world was he living in?
Summer stirred on the bed next to him. He stopped whispering and patting the baby's back and turned to her.
"Summer?" he asked, as she blinked. She looked up at him blearily and smiled softly.
"Hey, baby," she whispered, closing her eyes again.
"Summer?" he asked again. She opened her eyes briefly but was so tried and worn, she couldn't keep them open. "Please open your eyes, honey, open your eyes."
"Too tired," she whispered, somehow lifting her hand. She ran her fingers over Seth's face and then rested them on the baby's belly. "Emily?"
"Yeah," he answered, kissing her hand. "She's beautiful. Looks just like you."
"Mmm," Summer said, a soft smile on her face. "Kiss me."
Seth leant down and placed a small soft kiss on her lips.
"Tell everyone I love them," she said, opening her eyes again. "Tell Marissa she's my best friend."
"I will," he answered. He held the baby lower. "I want you to see her."
Summer opened her eyes again and breathed in every inch of her child. With great difficulty, she placed a kiss on her cheek.
"She's beautiful," she whispered.
"She is," Seth replied.
"I love you," she said, before closing her eyes again.
"I love you too," he answered. "And baby does too."