The O.C

A Life Half Lived

A/N: Ok. This is it. I have been racking my brains for what to do next and I had about a hundred ideas running through my head but that's not what the story wants. It wants to end so this is the last chapter. I know I promised some other things but they aren't working for me and so I don't ruin the story, I think this is the best thing to do. I will be doing a stand alone chapter about Seth and Emily in the future which may turn into a sequel so look out for that. Happy reading! Genevra xxox

Thanks: I want to thank each and every person who took the time to review this story. A thank you does go out to those who read it but to those who took the time to review, you get a special thank you for taking the time to tell this story how it affected you or whether you loved it or hated it. Thanks for inspiring me to keep on going!

A special thanks to Clara,(Carebear Stare who writes the most amazing stories- Rapunzel is one of the best on this site and believe me, I don't lie) who inspired me for this chapter without even realizing it. You're a doll and you're an amazing writer. Thanks so much for your reviews. xxox

Another special thanks to yelly-belly. Your review made me want to cry. I am so honoured that you keep reading this story even though it must be hell and I'm proud that my words touch you so deeply. I am so thankful that you are so honest in your reviews and I am also thankful that you have stayed with this story even though you could have given up. I hope your friend is hanging on and I pray that she will hang on for longer. Thank you so much for everything!

pink-digi: There you are. You know how she died now! Hope it was an ok death. Thanks so much for the support you've given me!

Lil Aussie Alias Chick: Hmm. It's August and unless I've missed it, there's no Alias. Channel Seven are crap and are liars. Bastards. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for your reviews. They kept me amused and I loved getting them.

kursk: If I ever continue this story, I promise there will be more banter. Thank you so, so much for your support. I don't think there has been a chapter you haven't reviewed and it means a lot.

Dogsbody: I thought people would think she was being selfish but I happen to know for a fact that she was being realistic. And it's true that she couldn't wallow because she needed to look after everyone else. I just feel bad for her. and as you'll see in this chapter, she did go to her grave clinging for life.

Paige-fan: My note to you a few chapters ago was stupid. it wasn't the actual death that you were disappointed in, it was the way it was written. I feel kind of silly. I just wanted to thank you so much for your support and your reviews.

carry-me-around: A late reviewer but you're words meant a lot. I'm glad you like this and thanks for taking the time to review.

Summary: "I don't look sick. I am sick."

Disclaimer: I do not own nor am I affiliated with The OC. Sigh. I do however own any characters or scenarios you don't recognize. Yay!

Italics represent either Summer's P.O.V. or flashbacks.

Chapter Twenty-One: Whisper Until They Hear

Summer watched from behind as the black clothed backs stood, heads bowed, gazing down into the deep hole that would hold her body. She choked back a sob as she watched them grieve for her.

"I'm not dead. I'm here. I'm alive," she tried to scream as she watched Kirsten break down next to Sandy. She yelled at them but her voice made no sound, made no impact on them. She walked up to them and touched their backs, feeling them shiver under her touch. They tilted their heads and discreetly looked at each other. Summer worked herself in between Seth and Ryan and ran a hand over Emily's face. She stared at Seth, willing him to see her. She whispered to him but he did not flinch. "Seth? Can you hear me? Seth?"

There was no answer.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to commit Summer to you today," the priest intoned. His voice was calm and even. His face betrayed no emotion. This was just part of his job. It wasn't a part he particularly liked, but it was what he did. Marissa listened to the words he spoke and found herself spiraling out of control.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Kirsten whispered, glancing over at her daughter in-law. She wiped the tears off her face and turned to a paling and shaking Marissa.

"This isn't right," Marissa whispered, her eyes going blank and dull. "We shouldn't be burying her. She should be at home with her husband and her little girl."

"I know," Kirsten whispered back, again reeling in the injustice of the situation. They lapsed back into silence as the minister continued. The words that were meant to comfort and soothe Marissa simply angered her. She was about to open her mouth again when she felt a large, warm hand place itself on her back. She glanced across Kirsten and blinked at Sandy. She wanted to mouth thank you that he had stopped her from creating a big scene but she couldn't make her mouth move. She wanted to be allowed to be angry. She wanted to be allowed to scream. She and Sandy continued to look at each other until Kirsten leaned slightly forwards, blocking their view.

The minister continued to babble on as the five stood, dressed in black, unparallel to the guests that stood behind them in their suffering. Their silhouettes left a grave impression on all who saw. They way they stood, they way their heads were bent, they way they paid no-one no attention to anything but whatever was running through their head showed just how deeply their grief was affecting them.

Emily cried and Seth turned around to hand her to The Nana, unable to give comfort to anyone but himself as he watched the minister sprinkle the sand that represented ashes and dust on his wife's mahogany coffin.

"Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust," he said, his voice laden with nothing but tiredness. Seth felt the blood rush to his face and his heart start to beat as a memory flashed across his mind. Why had he blanked this out? And why had he remembered it now. Yes, the voice had haunted him in his dreams. The way she said his name, the way she screamed. He'd never seen the pictures before. Never linked the sound and the images in his mind. And now he had, he wished he hadn't.

"Seth," she gasps, her eyes fluttering open as she gaped for air. He presses the emergency button on the bed next to her, his fingers clenching it so it gives an unrelentless drone. "It hurts. It hurts so bad."

"What hurts?" he asks, his mouth trembling.

"Everything," she whispers, letting out a low moan. He wants to block his ears.

"It's ok. The doctors will come. They'll fix this," he says, his fingers letting go off the button and tracing her face. She screams again and her body doubles over. He lifts her up and notices the blood trickling from her mouth, the blood seeping up through the sheets. He wrenches the sheet off her and lets out a yell. "You've been bleeding."

She begins to cry in shock and in pain and it's everything he can do not to break down himself.

"Where is the doctor?" he yells, shooting off the bed. He runs to the door and opens it, looking up and down the hall desperately. Summer gives another scream and he rushes back to her side.

"Don't… leave… me," she gasps, taking pained and laboured breaths between each word.

"I'm not going to leave you," he whispers, taking her hand in his. Her fingers, bony and fragile, are almost unrecognizable to him. he somehow manages to lean over and brush her cheek with his lips as she squeezes her eyes shut.

"But I'm going to leave you," she whispers, clenching his hand.

"Don't say that," he whispers, his voice breaking. A sob escapes his throat and he whimpers, "Don't say that."

"I don't want too," she says, as another sharp, stab of pain runs the whole length of her body. "But I can't hang on anymore. It's killing me."

The irony of her statement is not lost on him but he knows she's not trying to be funny.

"Just try," he pleads as her eyes bulge open. She manages to take one deep breath and exhales in his face. He barely feels it. She is clinging to him, her fighting spirit taking over. He sees herself willing herself to live, willing her body not to break down.

"I just want you to be okay," she whimpers, tears running down her face. He can see she is getting tired and he lowers her body back onto the pillows. Their hands are laced together and they are both crying, knowing this is the end. "And Emily."

"I want you to be okay," he cries back.

"I will be," she sobs. "I will be."

The door is flung open and a team of six concerned and harried doctors and nurses fill the room. Seth leans over and kisses Summer's forehead, knowing he will not be allowed to stay for this. he smiles at her through his tears and she smiles at him through her pain.

"I love you," he mouths, drinking every little inch of her in.

"I love you too," she mouths, before convulsing in pain.

He feels the bile rise in his throat as he is shooed from the room and not for the first time, he wants to throw up. He wants to purge all of this out of him. the whole experience. He wants it gone.

And when she is gone, he ceases to be anything more than a shell of himself. He chokes down the meals that Kirsten places in front of him. Everything tastes the same these days. He would have eaten her cooking and not even flinched. Everything was automatic. He is given food. He eats. He is shown his bedroom door. He sleeps. Emily is placed in his arms. He feeds her. He burps her. He changes her. She is the single ray of light in an otherwise bleak, depressing and lonely day.

Seth looked out at the thankfully dwindling line of black-clad mourners who waited to walk past Summer's submerged coffin to place a pink rose on her coffin. Some of the mourners simply left and retreated to the safety of their cars before driving towards the Nichol estate where the wake would be held. The majority, however, continued on to where the five stood a short distance away from the hole to hug them or cry with them or give them their condolences.

A woman dressed in light pink and black caught his eyes and he felt his calm and detached aura begin to fade. He had begun the day determined not to break down and had avoided his loved ones, knowing he couldn't lie to them. Seth instinctively knew he had to get away. He knew he could not lie to his family and he knew he could not lie to her, he could simply pretend and while his family would let him, she would not. He knew if he broke down now, that would be it for him. He would not get back up. She offered him a tear-filled smile and he gazed blankly back, willing himself not to feel.

He turned to Marissa and whispered that he needed a break. She pulled him into a slow hug, their cheeks pressing together before nodding and prodding him away. Seth looked back at her briefly wondering how her cheek could still be make-up smooth or how her red lipstick was still perfectly applied. He had to admit she looked good in her conservative funeral wear. The simple black skirt-suit she wore gave her an aura of togetherness and sophistication. The simple string of pears had been clasped on by Julie to liven the outfit up a little. The black pillbox hat with face-covering veil was there not to be fashionable but to cover her grief-ridden eyes. She had done that for everyone else, knowing that if people looked into her eyes, it would kill them because she was also dead.

She in turn, turned to Ryan and Sandy who were standing next to each other in black suits. The sensible approach to hours of standing and forcing smiles onto their faces as people who barely knew them, who barely knew Summer, came up and cried to them and told them how much she'd be missed. They knew how much she'd be missed. They would miss her. Marissa stretched her black pump encased foot wishing, not for the first time today, that there were more sensible shoes to go with black funeral suits. She looked over at Kirsten's tiny black shift dress encased frame. She made her way over to where Kirsten sat, looking blankly out over the ocean. A small sob made her shudder as Marissa approached.

"Hey, baby," Kirsten said, wiping the tears quickly away. Marissa sat down next to her and leant her head on her shoulder. She felt the tears drip from Kirsten's face onto her own and she sat up, gently pushing Kirsten's own head onto her shoulder.

"Kirsten, we don't need you to be strong for us anymore," she whispered, her own eyes cast unmoving out to the sea. She felt numb, emotionless and she thought for the time being, it was a good thing to feel. "I need you to cry. I need you to grieve."

Kirsten gave another shudder and began to sob, allowing all the emotions that had been boiling under the surface to breakthrough. Sandy and Ryan willed themselves not to run straight over to the pair. They continued to greet people and tuck their commiseration away in their head simply so Kirsten, Seth and Marissa wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. The sooner they got this all done, they sooner they could take them away and race them to the safety of home.

Summer sat between Kirsten and Marissa. She kissed the tears away from Kirsten's face and blew onto Marissa's emotionless face. It killed her seeing them like that. It killed her knowing she had caused it. She whispered to them both before catching a glimpse of Seth. He was standing by himself near a tree. A lone figure dressed in pair of simple black pants and a pink boucle jacket walked up to him. Summer smiled to see that Anna had dressed conservatively for her funeral. She made her way over to them, eager to see what Seth would do when in the presence of one of his oldest friends.

Anna placed a hand lightly on Seth's back and said something to him in a low voice before walking around to stand in front of him. His face crumpled as she kept talking to him, whispering. It was her words that hit closest and truest to the heart because he knows she is sincere, he knows she means what she says.

Summer's walked quietly through the last stragglers that were talking in hushed tones to Ryan and Sandy. Her flimsy white dress trailed behind her as she clambered over the grass and towards her husband. She reached them in time to see Anna slip her arms around Seth's back and to watch him rest his head on her shoulder and began to cry.

"You know she loved you," Anna whispered. "And you know I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm here for you, if you need me. I know everyone keeps saying it but I am here for you."

"It's true," Summer whispered to her husband. "She will be here for you. One day, you'll love her as much as you love me."

But the love would be different. Anna would be a friend to her husband, his escape when he found it to hard to handle his family or his daughter. They would never be anything else but he would need her and he would mourn her too, when she was dead.

Summer smiled at her husband and at Anna. Seth pulled away from Anna and wiped the tears away from his eyes. Summer quickly ran between them and kissed her husband on the cheek before darting back over to Sandy and Ryan. She stood next to them and listened to what the last person had to say about her.

"She was just the most beautiful person I knew," the voice said. "And I'm going to miss her very much."

"So will we," Sandy said, shaking the man's hand. Ryan shook his hand as well before glancing at the priest.

"I think we're ready," Ryan said to the priest who nodded and walked a safe distance away. Ryan went over to bring Marissa and Kirsten back to the grave. Sandy walked purposefully over to Anna and Seth who were talking, heads bent together. She heard Sandy asking if Anna wanted to stay and say a final goodbye to Summer but she heard Anna decline, stipulating that this moment should be for family. She pecked Seth on the cheek and told him they would talk soon before hugging Sandy.

Watching Seth as he leant on Sandy and Kirsten as she leant her full weight on Ryan broke Summer's heart. She needed to tell them not to cry for her. She needed to tell them she loved them and that she was aright. She wanted to tell them she was not worth all this fuss but she knew it would fall on deaf ears so her best option was to try and get them to say goodbye to her and let her go now. She had yelled at them, right in their faces but they would not hear her.

Summer tried again as the five stood alone in the graveyard, staring into the hole that will now house her. One of them whispered a prayer as they stood, hand in hand, this time allowing tears to drip down their faces.

No one could hear her but she couldn't give up. She tried again and she yelled and screamed and cried until her voice was hoarse and her throat hurt but she could not give up. She knew eventually they would hear it so she whispered, before she was wrested away from them again.

"I love you all. Good bye."

Perfect timing. Sandy finished his prayer and they all whispered 'Amen.' Sandy and Ryan found themselves whispering goodbye. Kirsten found herself sobbing it. Seth found himself mouthing it and Marissa whispered it.

Summer felt like a weight had been pulled off her shoulders. She let a single tear slip down a pale white face and hit the ground as she walked around them and touched their faces one last time. Marissa saw the drops on the ground as Summer stood in front of her and she lifted her head slightly, looking up at the sky. There was another plop. There was no rain. Marissa shivered. And they both smiled.

The End.