TRANSFORMERS : THE MOVIE : THE PARODY PT.ONE
category: action, comedy (duh!), friendship (as in best friends till the end) violence (sorta!) and luv (awwwwww!) Rating: PG, Reason, bad words, some scary scenes toward the end of the story, some sad stuff, and mild yaoi. Also for stuff that might make you laugh so hard you'll hurt yourself! Sorry to toot my own horn, but this gets me laughing and happy when I'm sad, which isn't often, but if I screw something up, I get a little upset, so if you're down, this story is for you!
Here is one of my best fanfics, I think it's hilarious! That just proves that boys are not kings of the world! Except for Rikshaw (the one that's mean to Daniel, yet is still an Autobot -?), and a surprise character that appears quite early , she's a girl Autobot, I do not own the characters here, but I own this version. In fact, it's quite different from the movie. Even though this is a parody, there are going to be some situations of peril and seriousness, but enjoy the comedy! Here we GOOOOOOOOO! P.S. I did some (in my opinion, anyway!) heavy editing to remove things and it didn't damage the story, so this is the edited version you are reading. I will keep the original version for myself, I don't think I'm gonna post it anywhere, not on here, not anywhere!
Laserbeak flew around and around in a circle trying to find a place to land, but he couldn't see beyond his stupid nose (beak, nostrils, whatever!)! So he decided to cut some of it off, and he did just that! Then, he could see! He ate the part of his nose that he cut off, see in the lyrics at the end of the story in pt.2, in the ending credits, the song is titled "Eat Your Nose". He landed and put out his camera thingie so Megatron could spy on the Autobots.
"Ironhide, status report!" Optimus called.
"Everytime I look at a screen, I get hot under the collarboard! When are we gonna start kickin' Decepticans?" Ironhide fumed.
"Hmm, maybe we'll do it today, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after tomorrow, maybe the day after the day after tomorrow, maybe..."
"I get the idea, Prime! Stop! Please!" Ironhide begged.
"Ironhide, go take the beat up Pinto ship to Earth and go get some stickers so Daniel will not be bored the whole time, then..." Optimus said when Daniel popped up on the view screen and yelled, "I DON'T WANNA PLAY WITH STICKERS OR ANYTHING ELSE, I JUST WANNA HELP BLAST DECEPTICRAPS!"
"Testy," Ironhide said.
"Sorry, I'm with Hot Rod, he just went for a swim, so it's safe to gossip about him!" Daniel explained.
"Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, it's not nice to gossip about idiots!" Prowl said walking into the room Optimus and Ironhide were in.
"I forgot," Daniel said,"but you know how it is with Hot Rod!"
"Boy, do we ever!" Ironhide said.
"I mean, I still like Hot Rod a lot, but he's kind of a punk! He's still my best friend, but I get a little tired of him saying stuff like"I LUV FISHING, DON'T YOU?" all the time! I do like how he calls me Danno, though... Well, bye bye!" Daniel said and disappeared from the screen.
"Boy, I CAN see why Hot Rod likes Daniel so much, he can act like a five year old!" Prowl remarked.
"Yeah, hey listen to this! This is what Hot Rod will be telling Danno next! Ahem, Danno, will you be my son! We have a striking resemblance! We were born to be father and son! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHA!" Ironhide laughed.
"Enough horsing around! You need to get that stuff from Earth! Prowl, Wratchet, Mirage, and Brawn will join you!" Optimus commanded.
"Okay, I love flying in ships without radar or strong metal or guns or signals if we get in trouble!" Ironhide said jumping up and down. And he skipped happily away humming "Oh Starry Night" from Sailor Moon.
"Whew, they almost made me laugh, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Optimus laughed. "C-come in Jazz hahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahaahah!"
"This is Jazz, are you alright sir? You look drunk!"
"I-I-I'm fine, hahahahahahahaha! Are-are Cliffjumper, Omega Supreme, and Warpath with you? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahhahahaaha!"
"Cliffjumper and Warpath are, but Omega Supreme is out at a movie with his girl friend Omaggy Supremea!" Jazz replied.
"He finally found time! I'm happy for him! I wonder how many kids they'll have? Hahahahahahahaahhahahahahahaahhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Optimus laughed like nuts.
"He said fifty, but his girl friend says she wants to have more than that! Omega said she'll get tired after the one hundred-and-twentieth one!" Cliffjumper said trying not to laugh. Meanwhile on the Pinto...
"Wratchet, get the television workin'!" said Prowl.
"I'm done already, weren't you listening to me?"
"No, I think I fell asleep, flying the ship is soooo boring!"
"JEEZ! IF YOU FALL ASLEEP WHEN YOU'RE FLYING DA SHIP, YOU'LL CRASH AND KILL US ALL!" Brawn yelled.
"Oh, I forgot..."Prowl said when a huge blast blasted the ship.
"Great! You crashed us! You fly better when you're asleep!" Brawn grumbled.
"You didn't crash, Autobots, but we did, your party!" a stupid, gravelly voice called.
"Eeeeks!" Brawn yelled. "Double Eeeks!" Starscream yelled. "Triple Eeeks!" "Quadruple Eeeks!" "Eeeks times five!" "Eeeks times six!" "Eeeks time seven!" "Eeks times eight!" "Eeeks times nine!" "Eeeks times ten!" "Eeeks times eleven!"
And this went on for about an hour before Megatron killed Brawn. "Ha! Now I'll kill you Mirage!" And he did. "Ha! Now I'll kill you Wratchet!" And he did. "Ha! Now I'll kill you Prowl!" And he did. "Ha! Now I'll kill you Ironhide!"
And he almost did, but Ironhide grabbed the dead Autobots, jumped into an escape pod, and blasted to Earth, well, he gets there after the Decepticons do, but you know what I mean! On Earth...
"I luv fishing, don't you, Danno?" Hot Rod asked Daniel.
"I guess..."
"What's the matter, you look down?" Hot Rod asked.
"I MISS MY DAD, OKAY? IS THAT SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT? HE'S BEEN GONE FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS! DON'T YOU THINK I MISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh jeez! I-I'm sorry, I just really miss him, I didn't mean to snap at you..."
"Don't worry about it, you've always got me to talk to when you've got a problem," Hot Rod soothed. (Okay, soothed? This is starting to sound like Thomas the Tank Engine, not that I don't like Thomas the Tank Engine, it's just that this is a 12-and-up story, and I'm using 3-year-old content! Whatever!)
"Thanks, Hot Rod!" Daniel said as they shared a cosmic moment, not that they're gay, but I just had to put that down, I couldn't resist it, no, they are not gay, just best friends. They may be gay in YOUR fic, but they are just friends in mine.
"Hey, the shuttle's coming, let's watch it land!" Daniel cried.
"Dull, but I guess it couldn't hurt, I do miss Ironhide!" Hot Rod said throwing his giant fishin' pole into the giant fishin' hole.
Daniel was about to get on his hoverboard, but Hot Rod scooped him up and said, "Listen, if you're gonna ride, ride in me! I'm way cooler than that dinky hoverboard, besides, I can talk to you, that hoverboard can't!"
He transformed, but he accidentally closed the roof (?) before Daniel could fall into the seat, and he bounced off and hit his head on some rocks.
"Ooooooooppppppps! Danno! Danno! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"
When Hot Rod picked Daniel up, he had swirl eyes and was drooling.
"Oh dear! I better get you medical attention!"
Daniel recovered, just thinking of the doctor made him think of shots, which made him think of the needle in his arm or leg, which made hime think of pain!
"NO! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO TO A DOCTOR! I'M BEGGING!" Daniel cried as he put his arms around Hot Rod in fear.
"Okay, I won't. We should hurry if you want to see that imperfect shuttle land!"
"It's not an imperfect shuttle!"
"Oh? Then what is it?"
"A mediocre shuttle!"
"Oh! How imperfect, er, mediocre of me! Well, let's get a move on!"
They zoomed past Kup, which made him pretty pissed off!
"SORRY KUP!" Daniel shouted through the window.
"I'll forgive Daniel, but not Hot Rod! Oh, no! Not Hot Rod! Uh-uh! Hmm-mm! Nope! Not that turbo revin' young punk! Not until I straighten him out!" Kup grumbled.
The two pranksters reached the cliff. Daniel jumped out and ran to the telenoculars. (WAIT THAT'S NOT A WORD! OH WELL!)
"Hot Rod! There's a hole in the shuttle!"
"Now now, Daniel, there's no need for such language!" (He's referring to the "a hole" part!Oo)
"NO! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! I DID NOT MEAN ASSHOLE, I MEANT A HOLE, AS IN A GIANT OPENING IN THE SHIP!"
"Oh, well, that's no problem then! Let's just watch...WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING? THAT MEANS THAT POOR IRONHIDE AND THE OTHERS WERE KILLED! I'LL GET THOSE DECEPTIRATS!"
He started blasting at the shuttle like hell, which caused it to blow up, but of course none of the Decepticons died! "Ha, it'll take more than that to kill me, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha haha hahahahahaha cough cough cough cough cough cough cough! Then he shot at the cliff. Daniel fell down the face of the cliff!
"DANIELLLLLLLLLLL!" Hot Rod shouted and he jumped down the cliff after him. He caught Daniel but no good deed goes unpunished. Hot Rod landed head first.
"Thank you for saving me Hot Rod! Are you okay?"
"Dandy!" Hot Rod grumbled with his right leg a'twitching! He got up just as Blitzwing transformed into tank mode.
"Ha! I've got you in my sights! I will not take my eyes off of you! You're too fiestaaay!"
"I think he's gay," Daniel whispered to Hot Rod.
"You're tellin' me!" he replied.
Suddenly Kup jumped out from behind Blitzwing and ripped his gun part thingie off, then he kicked him away.
"Not bad, Grandpuff!" Hot Rod said as he ran to Kup.
"Grandpuff? Who do I look like, Duke from Thomas the Tank Engine?"
"You do kinda sound like him!" Hot Rod cracked.
"Aaah! We better get rollin', or we'll be Sir Topham Hat's traditional toast and marmalade!" Daniel cried pointing to Starscream.
"Whoa! Better get moving!" Kup cried. The two robots transformed and raced towards the city. At the city...
"Ultra Magnus! (please note that the following is gibberish, he's always hard to understand, so I just made him speak gibberish) We are at a highly critical lavo, maybe we should kock the yukilert, then hit the ruckiop, then mop the derfinsurf, then fart the ugily gugber, then operate the glubglubdub, then run the icchinmasinhufferty, then jump, kick, and hop the cobnome, juglet, and hafinstaf!" Percepter yelled as Magnus, Springer, Arcee, Blurr, and Rikshaw hurried over.
"Huh?" cried Magnus.
"We're outnumbered! We should take evasive action!" Springer translated.
"Percepter! Go find Blaster and tell him to send a transmission!"
"Send a transmission? To where?" Percepter stupidly asked, it's obvious he had a bad night's sleep!
"TO CYBERTRON! CYBERTRON!"
"Ah, a friend of yours?" Percepter said rubbing his blood-shot eyes.
Ultra Magnus walked over to the wall and banged his head against it several times in frustration, then turned around and said ever so calmly,"CYBERTRON IS OUR DAMN HOME, PERCEPTER, WHERE WE COME FROM! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU FORGET THAT? WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN ALL THESE YEARS?"
"Um, Portugal?" Percepter yawned. "PERCEPTER!" "Um, Germany?" "PER..." "Japan?" "CEP..." "America?" "TEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!"
"Where'd Springer run off too?" Percepter asked, oblivious to the fact that Ultra Magnus was forcing himself not to choke him.
Springer came running with a cup of Energon-flavored coffie. "Here Percepter, drink this!" Percepter did, and said,"I'm so sorry for bugging you Ultra Magnus! I'll go find Blaster!"
"Ar-Arcee, Sp-Springer, g-g-go and-and-and tr-tr-transform Au-Au-Au-Autobot C-C-City!" Ultra Magnus stuttered, he was shaken up from that commotion.
"Here Ultra Magnus, I heard on the Three Stooges that coffie quiets the nerves!" Springer said pouring the coffie in his mouth.
"Gee thanks! hiccup I feel swell! hiccup I feel so alive and refreshed and happy and great and happy and refreshed and swell and refreshed and refreshed and swell and happy and insane and swell and refreshed and happy and swell and happy and nuts and happy and happy and nuts and insane and happy and swell and insane and delerious and swell and delerious and happy and swell and refreshed and insane and delerious and swell and dead and alive and alive and dead and happy and swell and crazy, even!" Ultra Magnus said, sometimes TV just ain't always correct, espcially when you're taking advice from the Three Stooges. ()
"Kup, Hot Rod, and Daniel are still outside the city!" Arcee cried.
"We can't worry about them right now! Blurr! You can help me alert everyone, although you would think everyone would know what's going on, but I guess not!" Ultra Magnus called.
"Yes-sir-of-course-sir-let's-warn-'em! Decepticruds-can't-and-won't-win!" Blurr said. Let's skip right to the part when Blaster is blastin' them blasted bad guys.
"Look out and shout, oooooow!" Blaster laughed. Percepter came up through a door on the floor.
"Hey Percepter! Ya diggin' this fight as much as I am?"
"Blaster, you have to send a transmission to Optimus Prime on Moon Base Two!"
"But Prime's not on Moon Base Two!"
"WHERE IS HE?"
"Moon Base One!"
"Just send the damn transmission!" Percepter grumbled.
"Jeez, don't be so mean!" Blaster said with tears in his eyes.
"Oh! I'm sorry Blaster! I didn't mean to make you cry! There there! Don't cry Bwasty!" Perceptor said crying like a waterfall with his arms around Blaster. Jeez, this is getting silly!
"Thanks, Daddy!" Blaster said.
"I'm not your daddy!"Perceptor groaned Blaster looked sad again.
"I do love you, you know, all of us are one big family, even Daniel, Carly (the mother), and Spike are part of it!" Perceptor said to cheer him up.
"Thank you, I love you, too!"
"Please send the transmission, Bwasty,er Blaster," Percepter said blushing. He's not gay, and neither is Blaster, I just had to make Percepter blush!
"Blaster to Optimus Prime! Can you hear me? Hello! Anyone home? Earth to Optimus Prime! We've got a bit of a problem here! Such as, THE DECEPTICONS ARE GONNA KILL US IF YOU DON'T GET THE HELL OVER HERE!" Static! "Huh?"
The two look up to see Rumble, Frenzy, Laserbeak (Who is now more laser and less beak!), and Ravage standing on the tower's see through roof.
"Hah! I'm the only one who can defeat the Autobots!" Rumble said sneering.
"Yeah, right! I'm superior to any of you!" Laserbeak growled.
"Hey!" And the idiots began fighting against each other and fell off the tower. Perceptor and Blaster had HUGE sweat drops on the backs of their heads.
"Do you think you got through to Prime?"
"I hope so, or we're gonna look like ovens that have been blown up!" Back in the building... Springer ran toward a giant cannon thing and began pushing it. Arcee came in dragging Wheeljack,Windcharger,and Tracks.
"ARCEE! HELP ME!" Springer cried desprately. Arcee began pushing and then Blurr ran in.
"BLURR! PUSH!" Arcee called.
"Absoulotly-positivily-definatly-nobody-can-get-it-done-better-than-me-nobody-nobody-nobody!"
"JUST PUSH!" Ultra Magnus ran in and began pushing as well. Perceptor was next to help them, then Blaster.
"Keep at it guys, we're coming!" Kup called suddenly. He and Hot Rod ran in.
"Where's Daniel?" Perceptor asked.
"I thought he was right behind us!" Hot Rod groaned and was just about to go look for him when he came rushing in.
"CHARGE!" he yelled and slammed into the big cannon. Daniel pushed it so hard that he moved it all the way to the gun opening in the wall. Everyone looked at him in amasement.
"What? What are you looking at?" Daniel asked.
"You-you-you-you-you-you-you...HOW THE HELL DID YOU MOVE THAT CANNON BY YOURSELF?" Ultra Magnus cried in confusion and agitation.
"My adrenal glands are acting up today!" he replied.
"HUH?"
"Adrenal glands are parts of the human body, they release a chemical called adrenaline which is a horomone, which is a chemical, which can be different from gland to gland, which give you lots of energy, which,when you need it, is handy and boy, which I needed!"
"Too bad we don't have some of those!" Blaster stated.
Daniel ran to the ladder and climbed up to the window. "Um, guys? Yeah, there's something you might wanna see! So get the hell over here, I'm sick of being the one who spots everything!" he called.
Kup climbed up and said, "Devastator."
"We know they are devastators, but what do you guys see out there?" Hot Rod asked.
"IDIOT! WE SEE THE ROBOT NAMED DEVASTATOR, THE ROBOT NAMED DEVASTATOR!"
"Oh him! I remember now!"
"I should hope so, or there is no hope for you!" Springer joked.
"KEEP FIRING DAMNIT!" Ultra Magnus whispered.
Let's fast foward to when Optimus lands.
"Oh my God, Megatron's sooooo nasty!"
"Well, he IS evil after all!" added Hound.
"Yes he is, he sucks!" Sunstreaker said.
"No need for such language!" Gears scolded.
"Picky, picky, picky!" groaned Skyfire.
"GET 'EM!" Optimus pointed towards the battle scene. "Oh, I forgot, I'm supposed to fight him and die shortly after!"
"You DO remember the script!" Powerglide cracked. Fast foward...
"No more, Optimus! Show me mercy! PLEAZE!"
"WHATTA WIMP!" Optimus thought to himself.
Megatron reached for a gun when Hot Rod grabbed onto Megatron and yelled, "Don't you dare!"
"Out of the damn way Hot Rod!" Optimus shouted. Side note: Hot Rod should have shot Megatron from a distance, or he should have shot the gun away from him! Didn't the original scipt writer think of that! Jeez!
"Ooh! Thank you for volunteering to be my shield, Hot Rod! Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!" Megatron giggled like Dorothy the Dinosaur.
"Damn! He's choking me! Gah! Watch out Optimus! He's gonna" BANG BANG BANGBANGBANG... "...shoot...you..."
"Fall Optimus! Fall! Fall! Fall! Fall! Pleaze? Fall! Fall! Pretty pleaze? Fall! Fall! Fall! Fall! With Energon on top? FallfallfallfallfallfallfallFallFAllFALlFALL!" Megatron yelled. "Pleaze fall...uh...uh...uh...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Megatron cried like a baby. Optimus fell! "Oh goody oh goody!" Megatron said throwing Hot Rod away.
Just as Megatron was about to shoot Optimus, he slammed him in the face and Megatron fell down a really deep chasm.
Starscream kicked him and said,"I'm the new leader because Meggs is deads! (not a mistake, done on purpose, ya know, the deads thing)"
"Megatron, you are in bad condition!"
"Soundwave!"
"Yez?"
"My life is not complete without you in it! I love you more than anyone else other than myself!"
"Okay, Honey-Bunny!"
"Excuse me!"
"Okay, as you command, Honey-Bunny!" Soundwave said as he carried him in his arms and looked at him with shiny eyes, he must be gay!
"Yeah! BOOYA!" Optimus said, then he fell.
"Optimus! Forgive me!" Hot Rod sighed.
"Alright, as long as you marry me!" Optimus said.
"Uuuuuhhhh... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Hot Rod screamed running away.
"I was just joking!" Optimus called to him. In the medical room or whatever...
"This ain't good!" Springer groaned.
"Duh!" said Hound.
"Percepter, how is he?" Ultra Magnus asked.
"I see...hmmmm...AHA!"
"AHA WHAT?" everyone else cried.
"It looks like he just might, yes it's a possibilty, oh my, he'll definatly do it!"
"He'll live?" Daniel cried.
"No, he's a gonner," Percepter said.
Everyone face vaulted except Daniel, who began screaming and crying like a leaking irrigation pipe!
"There there Danno," Springer said patting his back, " It's not your fault Percepter is a big meanie!" he said glaring at Percepter angrily.
"Oh! I'm sorry Daniel! I didn't mean to make you cry! There there! Don't cry, Danny!" Percepter said hugging him very hard.
"I...FORGIVE...YOU! GASP!" Daniel told him between trying to breathe.
"Um, Percepter?" Kup started.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeesss?"
"I think "Danny" is going to choke if you don't stop!" Kup finished.
"Oops! Sorry Danny-I mean-Danno-I mean Daniel !"
"Okay...I'll be fine! Gasp! Gasp!"
"Guys! A little attention over here! I'm dying for God's sakes!" Optimus called.
"Ahem! Now I shall pass down the Matrix of Leadership," he said picking it up. "And the new leader is...Ahem!"
"Oh yeah!" said Blaster, and he transformed and began playing a drumroll.
"And the new leader is...Daniel!"
"Oh no! No way! I'm just a kid! Not a leader guy thingy! Plus, if I did want to be leader, how would I get that thing in my chest without surgery? Give it to Springer or Arcee or Percepter or Hot Rod or Kup or Blaster or Ultra Magnus or Hound or Sunstreaker or Skyfire or Gears or Huffer or Powerglide or Wheeljack or..."
"Wheeljack's dead," said Springer .
"Or Windcharger or..."
"Windcharger's dead," said Springer .
"Or Tracks or...
" Tracks is dead," said Springer
"Or Brawn or..."
"Brawn's dead," said Springer.
"Or Mirage or..."
"Mirage's dead," said Springer.
"Or Prowl or..."
"Prowl's dead," said Springer.
"Or Wratchet or..."
"Wratchet's dead," said Springer.
"Or Ironhide or..."
"Ironhide's dead," said Springer.
"Sniff Sniff Is there any kindness in the world! Why did they have to die? WHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY? WAAAAAAAAH!"
"Answer number one!" a voice called. Everyone turned around, except Prime, he's lying down, so he can't turn too well. "I'm not dead!"
"IT'S IRONHIDE! HE'S ALIVE!" cried Daniel. He ran at Ironhide, jumped up to hug him, and knocked him over!
"Yow! You've really gotten a lot stronger since I last saw ya, Danno!" Ironhide said with small swirl eyes. "Answer number two!" he said putting Daniel on his shoulder, "The others are dead, but if we all work together, maybe we can revive 'em! Number three! I'm not worthy of the Matrix, I think it should go to Ultra Magnus. Number four! No, there is no kindness in the world! Number five! They had to die because Megatron's a bastard!"
"Alright, it goes to...That guinea pig outside!"
Everyone fell over, cause I mean, a rodent as the leader?
"This isn't very funny!" groaned Ironhide with a bludging anger mark on his head. Actually, yes, it is.
"How 'bout Grimlock?" asked Hound. Everyone looked at him as though he had ten heads. "What? You're looking at me as though I have ten heads!"
"And it goes tooooooooooooooooooooo... Ultra Magnus!"
"But Prime, I'm not worthy of it, give it to Daniel!"
"I SAID I DON'T WANT IT!" Daniel yelled.
"Come here Daniel!" said Prime.
Daniel jumped off Ironhide and ran out the door screaming,"NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"I think you scared him, Prime!" Arcee said.
"I'll go get him!" said Sunstreaker.
He zoomed off and two minutes later he came dragging Daniel into the door. He was screaming ," NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" with tears pouring out of his eyes.
"I don't think Daniel wants to be the leader!" observed Prime, which made everyone sweat drop, they thought it was apparent that Daniel didn't want to be leader, guess not! "Very well! It will go to Ultra Magnus!"
"Okay, but I still think Daniel should get it!"
"Say that again and I'll eat you!" Hot Rod said, "If Daniel doesn't want to be the leader, he's not going to be the leader!"
"Thanks, Hot Rod, but you don't have to say you're gonna eat him, he's my friend, too!"
"If you want Daniel to have it, Ultra Magnus, I'll give it to him!"
Daniel ran out the door again, and Sunstreaker ran after him again, but this time he came back without him. "I couldn't find him, he probably committed suicide!" Sunstreaker pondered.
"Uh-huh." Huffer groaned.
"Well, I guess we should find Danno!" Springer said.
"HELLO? I'M ABOUT TO DIE AND DROP THE MATRIX AND BREAK IT INTO A BAZILLION PIECES! SO DOES ANYONE WANT IT OR NOT?"
"Okay okay, I'll take it!" Ultra Magnus sighed. Optimus died and dropped it. Hot Rod caught it, it got all flashy and stuff, and then he gave it to Ultra Magnus.
He popped it into his chest and said, "AUTOBOTS! TRANSFORM, ROLLOUT, AND...!"
"One more thing!" Optimus said coming back to life for a brief second.
"Yes!" everyone asked.
"Till all are one! I'll see ya in the Matrix!" Then he died.
"Autobots! Transform, rollout, and...!" Ultra Magnus started.
"Oh yeah!" said Prime coming back to life AGAIN! "Don't forget, bring me back a cup of Energon coffie to take to the after life!" And he died AGAIN!
"Autobots! Transform, rollout and!" Ultra Magnus began to say but he turned around to make sure Optimus didn't come back again, he didn't, although you could see his body jerk back down to the bed from a sitting position.
"And let's go find Danny Boy!"
"WAAAAAAAAAH!" came from Blaster.
"What's wrong?" sighed Ironhide.
"That's such a sad song! "Oh Danny Boy" it's called, I'll play it on the way!" They listened when they were searching, and when it was over, everyone began crying. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" everyone cried, which caused them to crash into trees, but no one was hurt...too much, but Ultra Magnus has a splitting headache now.
"Hey, Springer?" he asked.
"Yes?"
"Gimme a motrin (my trademark, please don't take it), please."
"Okay."
"There's Danno! He's in that tree!" Hot Rod cried.
"NOOOO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO IT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Daniel screamed climbing higher up.
"Um, Daniel? Yeah, Ultra Magnus accepted the Matrix, so you can come down, he's the leader!" Blaster called.
"How do I know you ain't just tryin' to lure me down there so you can pop that Matrix thing in my chest! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed climbing higher.
"Danno, please come down! We are really worried about you! I'm begging!" Hot Rod cried.
"...okay..." Daniel said but he didn't move.
"WHAT'S WRONG?"
"I'm too scared!" Daniel called down.
"UGH! HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET HIM DOWN?" Hot Rod growled in upsetness and angerness and many other nessnessess.
"I'll get him!" said Slingshot, and he flew up and got Daniel down.
"Gee, thanks Slingshot!" Daniel said.
"No problem, what'er friends for?" he replied.
"Harrrrrumph! You should have just left him in the tree, he is such a burden!" Rikshaw snapped, we finally get to hear mister shit-head flap his stupid lips. Tears weld up in Daniel's eyes.
"RIKSHAW! APOLOGIZE THIS INSTANT!" Ultra Magnus fumed in angerness and othernessnessess.
"Why should I? He's nothing but a human, totally inferior to us, I wish they never came into existance! They suck! They make me sick when they look at me with big eyes with more than one color, that fluffy, straight, curly, or wavy soft stuff that's one their heads, and girls espcially with those big boobs on them! And not only that, but this kid is almost as dumb as his father, if humans had to exist, I wish his dad had never found a mate!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY FATHER! WITHOUT MY FATHER, MY FAMILY AND I WOULD BE LIVING IN THE STREETS WITH NO FOOD, NO MONEY, NO WATER, NO NOTHING! WE'D LIVE AS BEGGARS, BEGGING FOR FOOD! BECAUSE OF DAD, WE LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, WE HAVE ALL THE FOOD, WATER, AND EVERYTHING ELSE WE NEED, SO JUST KEEP YOU BIG, FAT, GOD DAMN MOUTH SHUT ABOUT MY DAD!" Daniel screamed with hot tears streaming down his face.
"RIKSHAW! I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!" Hot Rod, Ironhide, Springer, Percepter, Huffer, Blaster, Kup, Arcee, and everyone else yelled except Ultra Magnus who just told him, "I'm so damn sorry I ever met you, I wish your creator (me) never created you, I'm only speaking to you ever again because being the leader I'm forced to talk to all my team mates about stratagies, or I'd never talk to you, either."
Rikshaw looked like he didn't give a shit, but inside, he felt bad about what he had said to Daniel, very bad, he felt very guilty about saying that to him. 'He's not that bad' Rikshaw thought, 'He's actually sweet, I wish I never said that about him and his father, I feel like a real shit now, but I doubt he would ever forgive me... Bah! what am I saying, er, thinking? He's a human, I hate humans! I can't believe I forgot! I'm sooo absentminded!'
"Welp, we better get going, Daniel, please come with us, we need as much help as we can get, even though I doubt you know much about repairing dead robots and fixing up a super computer that's really a robot named Metroplex!" Springer added.
"Actually the odds of him being able to help us are quite lavove! He appears flop and oput and..." Percepter started but he saw Kup is sleeping, Ultra Magnus is close to sleeping, and Springer and everyone else are grimacing.
"Great!-Let's-go-hurry-hurry-hurry-!Run-run-run-fix-fix-fix-and-bring-friends-back-to-life-and-fast-too!" Blurr zoomed,er,said.
"Move out!" Ultra Magnus.
"No, you mean roll out!" Hot Rod said.
"Huh?"
"You're supposed to say roll out, not move out!"
"Aww shut up! Roll out!"
When they got back to the base, Daniel began working on the dead Autobots along with Percepter and Beachcomber. After about an hour of expirimenting, Wratchet began stirring, then his eyes opened and he said," What happened? Were am I?"
"You're back in the land of the living, that's where!" Beachcomber said.
"I was dead?"
"Yes, unless you were just yukoping and putting on a klicler and..." The kid, Wratchet and Beachcomber were already working on Prowl...sweat drop on Percepter...
"Oh well!" Percepter said as he went over to work. After six hours the others were back ,too.
"Shouldn't we try this on Prime?" Daniel asked.
"Without the Matrix, the only thing that could bring him back is a Quintesson!" Percepter replied. "A wha...?" They're not supposed to know what a Quintesson is yet, so that's why it's funny.
"Forget it! We're just happy you guys are back!"
And for the humor inpaired, this is a giant joke! Don't take the sad parts seriously! Although you should think about how your family and how they do everything they do to help you grow up healthy and educated. Without your family, you'd be on the street begging for food and money and trying to find a job, you wouldn't have any toys or games or friends or anything! People would shun you and make fun of you! You need to be greatful for your family, or in one fell swoop, you could be living in hell for the rest of your life, begging, sleeping in the cold nights with no shelter from snow or rain, and have everyone shun you and rub shit in your face as if you're nothing except an obstacle to get past in the street! Think about this, and you'll know what I mean.
"Everyone! I need you to lighten the damn load or were gonna crash!" Astrotrain called.
"Let's toss out all the weak guys!" said the strong guys.
"No, let's toss out all the strong guys!" said the weak guys.
"The strong guys have it! Let's get the weak guys outta here before I barf!" Starscream yelled. They threw all the weak guys out.
"Soundwave, I love you..." Megatron said throwing him a black rose.
"Honey-Bunny..." sighed Soundwave with tears in his eyes. Megatron floated out of sight.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Soundwave cried, but no one heard him, for he is sooooo lame, he always has a monotone voice, it never gets higher or lower, always the same, lame monotone.
"Now that Meggs is deads (once again on purpose), I'm the leader!" Starscream.
"Hold it, I wanna be the leader!" said Devastator.
"No! Me leader!" shouted Menacor.
"No, me leader!" Bruticus said with tears in his eyes and his diaper not having the best of smells.
"Idiots inferior! Soundwave superior!" Soundwave said holding the black rose in his trembleing hands as the petals slowly fell.
"Soundwave, pleaze let me be the leader PLEAZE!" Starscream begged.
"...You said please spelled p-l-e-a-Z-e, so you're just dump enough to be the leader!" Soundwave told him while his sad tears filled Astrotrain. We see the idiot-cons floating in space, Megatron looks quite relaxed.
"Ah, there's nothing like dying floating in space on to some giant floating ball thing with horns and...what the hell is that giant floating ball thing with horns, anyway?" Megatron said, asked, and stated.
"I AM UNICRON, AND I HAVE SUMMONED YOU HERE!" Unicron (that was hard to figure out) announced.
"Nobody summons me, Megatron!" Megatron (funnily enough) said.
"Wanna bet? I'll give you five bucks if you're right, and you'll give me your life if you're wrong!" Unicron said rubbing his horns like a miser rubs his hands when he's about to cheat someone.
"That's such a fair bet that I think I'll go puke in the toilet when the movie's over!" Megatron said with a chartruce (a yucky, green color) colored face.
"Shut up, I want you to destroy somethin', the Autobot Matrix of Membership!"
"Actually, it's called the Autobot Matrix of Leadership," Megatron corrected.
"Whatever! Destroy it or I'll suck you and eat you and cuddle you at night!" Unicron said with an evil look in his eyes.
"NO! NOT THE CUDDLE! I'LL DO IT! I'LL DO IT AS LONG AS YOU GIVE ME AND MY TROOPS NEW ARMOR!"
"Very well, I suppose you'd just get ripped to shreds in your current condition anyways." He turned them into Galvatron, Scourge, Sweeps, Cyclonus, and his ever infamous "armada".
"There! Am I creative or am I creative!" Unicron said proudly admiring his work. "You look so cute (yeah right, cute, just like a mad dog that's about to bite you!) I could just eat you up!" Unicron said with hungry eyes.
"Uh, okay gang, time to go get the rest of the troops! Now let's hurry up before he gets any more ideas!" Galvatron said climbing into a ship that appeared from nowhere.
"WARP SPEED!" Cyclonus called. ZOOM...
"Darn it!" Unicron grumbled. On moon base one...
"Where'd that come from?" Jazz asked as Unicron appeared on the horizon.
"Who the hell cares, I'm more worried about where it's goin'!" Cliffjumper replied.
"Jazz to Earth, come in Earth, we got a situation up here!" Back on Earth everyone was cleanin' up da mess when...
"Roger me, wilcoe me, anythang! Hello hello Earth, anyone home, HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO? YOU HEAR ME OR WHAT? sigh Somebody pickup...PICKUP!"
"I'm picking up a faint signal!" Blaster said and transformed. Ultra Magnus listened. The theme song from Ranma 1/2 began playing.
"Blaster!" Ultra Magnus started.
"Oops, wrong channel!" Blaster said.
"Earth, we got a pretty wierd situation, a giganticinormous (there's no such word!) floating ball thing with horns and...what the hell is that floating ball thing with horns anyway, is flying our way!"
"I'm not flying, I'm floating, I'm floating!" Unicron said as he ate Moonbase One.
"Jazz, Cliffjumper, Warpath, Omega Supreme!" Ultra Magnus cried in despair.
"Um, Ultra Magnus? Yeah, Omega Supreme is with his girl friend Omaggy Supremea!" Blaster said.
"How do YOU know?" Ultra Magnus asked suspiciously.
"You know I like to eavesdrop on you guys sometimes, or didn't you know that?"
"We do now, what have you heard?" Prowl asked suspiciously.
"Well, I heard that Arcee--!"
"You...are soooo dead!" Arcee growled cutting him off and she began chasing him around. At some Decepticon base kind of thing...
"I, Starscream, am now leader of the, of the, of the...what are we again?"
"We're damn Decepticons, you frickin' idiot!" Asstrotrain (spelled wrong on purpose, heh heh) yelled.
"Oh, thanks! Ahem! I, Starscream, am now the leader of the We're Damn Decepticons You Frickin' Idiot, that's a tongue twister of a name, isn't it?"
"YOU IDIOT! I MEANT WE ARE DECPETICONS, DECEPTICONS!"
"Oh sorry! I, Starscream, am now the leader of the Decepticons Decepticons!"
"Never mind!" "Bad comedy Starscream, you thought you could be leader, over my alive body! I! I-I mean, over my dead body, that's it, dead body!"
"Meggs? Is dat you? You look different, did you get a pedicure?" Starscream asked.
"Well, since I was reformated, my finger nails do look much better, but I can't say the same for my toe nails, but that's probably because I don't have toe nails or toes for that matter! Anyway, here's the answer to your question!" And he blasted Starscream into itsie bitsie pieces.
"Ah! What'd he say his name was?" Rumble asked.
"He didn't," Frenzy replied.
"Ahem! My name is...!" Galvatron started when Starscream regained his form for a minute and said,"I just wanted to let you know that I'll come back to haunt you in the episode, "Starscream's Ghost! I'll see ya then!" Then he fell apart again.
"Uhhhh...Ahem! My name is...!" when Starscream came back AGAIN and said,"I forgot, I'll be showing up in Beast Wars as well! HA HAAA!" Then he fall apart again.
"Ahem! My name is!" Galvatron started when he looked over to make sure Starscream didn't come back again, he didn't, but you could see his particulates fall down again.
"GALVATRON!" Galvatron (oooh, toughie) screamed at the top of his lung parts.
"OOOOOOHHH! Galvatron industries will give you what you need! Whether it's cleaning your nose or getting you water, we'll be great, donncha knows! We shall do what ever you please! Even if it's cutting off your nose and coating it with cheese! Coating iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit...WITH CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" he sang.
Silence... "I am the new leader! Yeah, BOOYA!"
"All hail Nutcasetron! Yea!" everyone cried. End of part one.