Between Heaven and Hell

Chapter 8: The Hopeful

She looked over her shoulder as if hiding from someone, and then turned back to me, whispering with a smile, "There's a way out of here, and I've got a map to prove it…"

"…Are you serious?" I asked while sitting up from my seat.

"Yeah, but we've got to get out of here quickly." Before I knew it, Rinoa had grabbed my hand and pulled me from the ground. "There's no time to explain, just follow me."

"…Okay." I said as she released my hand, and in less than a few seconds later…

"RINOA!" We heard Seifer yell from somewhere behind us in the forest. Rinoa ran faster in front of me, and I couldn't help but find myself smiling as I ran behind her. Whatever Rinoa's crazy idea is…I'll stand by her all the way.

"It's nothing fancy…really." She said as she handed me a hand-drawn map of our humble home; this lowlife dump…the forest. "The only problem is that there aren't too many detailed designs on the map, so we have to take guesses at what these objects are supposed to be. The artist only drew the four shorelines and made bushy areas for trees; however, there's that dotted line marked about south of where we are now. …Do you see how it trails into the mountains?" She said, tracing the pencil imprinted marks on the paper with her finger.

"Almost like a pathway into a cave…"

"Exactly!" Rinoa exclaimed while tapping the map once.

We had run far away from Seifer just a few moments ago, and made great distance too; but without a climbable tree around, we have no clue as to where we are in this jungle. Sure Rinoa said that the cave is south of us, but she made the most reasonable guess she could think of, I suppose.

She smiled and stepped back from me as I continued to study the drawing. The map had outlined the entire continent, but we both had a difficult time trying to figure which side was which. It's only natural that I'm a little suspicious about this map; Truth be told, I'm suspicious about everything! How am I supposed to trust anyone or anything else when I can't even trust myself? "What do you think?" Rinoa asked with a childish grin.

"…You want to check it out?" I asked, handing the map back to her.

"…Yeah. I know something's there…I can feel it."

At the moment she said those words, I sighed. Things just aren't the same for me as they were before. There are a lot of things I would like I find out, but most of all, I need to know who I am. What drove me to commit murder? I need to get back to that point in my life…I need to know why I would strike out at some man for no apparent reason, especially a man I had known only for a few hours.

Rinoa walked closer to me after tucking the map into her pocket, and stared into my eyes. I had gone into a daze…at least that's what it felt like. I really don't know what's going on anymore; nor do I know what to do.

"Squall? Are you still thinking about what happened earlier?"

As pathetic as it is Rinoa, yes, I am. "…Somewhat." I said, in hopes of avoiding too much detail. I think it would be better if I took sometime alone…who knows what I could do to her or anyone else, if I continue in this state of mind.

I turned my attention to the rough layers of thick mud on the ground that surrounded us.

Rinoa lowered her head to catch my attention from the ground and said, "…I know it's not a good feeling. I know that everywhere we go, we'll always be reminded of our faults. We're so guilty that we…deserve banishment here, but…we learn from our mistakes, Squall."

"I understand that, I really do, but I can't forgive myself…I don't think I'll be able to live on being as I am."

"…Tell me what happened to you. Everything."

What happened to me? Even I don't know that much. Yes, Odine had screamed while in my presence, but I don't remember what was happening at that exact moment. "I…can't remember."

"Well if you can't remember it, don't worry about it. It's going to be frustrating, but if it's really important, everything will eventually come back to you."

I rubbed the back of my head and sighed, "…Maybe you're right." I better agree with her, otherwise, we'll stay here all day talking about my past.

She smiled and looked at the sky, the orange sky; how thankful we were for that orange sky. It indicated we had survived another day, but it was also a warning…alerting us of the night. Who knows what danger lurks in the darkness? "…Well then, I guess I should tinker with these pouches and powders just to get you acquainted with them. Come on Squall, I want to show you something."

I appreciate the fact that she's trying to keep my mind off my troubles, but maybe I really should think about my life for a moment. …On the other hand, dwelling in the past won't change anything that's happening now…it may even make things worse, but I still want to know. "…Show me what?"

"The damage we could do with these powders." She smirked and plopped down on the ground. Rinoa had taken the entire bag from Seifer's stash. I suddenly realized that was why the guy sounded so angry when he called out to her. That's also why she looked a bit scared when he screamed her name aloud.

Maybe it's not a bad idea to have a look at what she has for me. Why not? I can always ponder my thoughts later…

I smiled and looked at her as she carefully took out each of the items she had been carrying in the bag that we found already in the hole. Rinoa looked up at me when she realized I had been staring, and smiled a little, "What is it?"

"…Nothing, I'm just trying to figure out what you're about to do with those things."

She laughed and pointed to the three pouches, which had been removed and placed onto the ground. Rinoa began to explain, "…Powders are made from certain types of ammunition, and each powder has a different effect. These three—" She pointed to the three pouches, and opened them one bag at a time. "…are different kinds: light orange, beige, and coal black powder, in other words, fire, smoke, and mist…"

She stared into the bag and gave a soft sigh, "…My dad and I…we would make all sorts of homemade bombs that were really effective against our enemies. After a while, we gained a reputation from it, and we hardly ever had to use any means of offense because our reputation preceded us. I was happy it was that way…sometimes."

She stared off for a moment, but shook her head and continued, "Anyway… the Fire powder produces a lot of fire that instantly burns your enemy to the bone. The Smoke powder leaves behind a smoke screen so strong; it could choke your enemies to death and allow you to escape. And last but not least, there's Mist…the Big One…this leaves a dark mist that basically works like an acid in the air. …I have yet to use this one."

She's…quite the arsonist, isn't she? "…Rinoa, how long have you been working with these?"

"…Since I was fifteen." Fifteen? So young… "I hadn't actually blown anything up, but I was learning about the basics. There are hundreds of other powders out there…so it's only natural that I had learned what effects each would have if mixed and matched together. It was like home school."

"…Did you ever go to regular school?"

"No, I was home schooled of course. My dad couldn't afford to let me out of the house so much because people wanted his money. He feared I may have been kidnapped on the basis of ransom, so to avoid all the confusion, he hired a tutor that came to our house, and there…I was taught just like a regular student." She picked up the pack of cigarettes and smiled, "…That bag wasn't meant for Seifer; those were things my father left for me…it's too obvious."

What? I hope she's not saying she knew this would happen, "…What do you mean?"

She smiled and picked up a tiny broken branch from the ground, "…My dad probably requested these items to be placed in here. Think about it? Would he really want me to get addicted to these?" She asked while shaking the pack of cigarettes.

Well… it could be exactly what Seifer said: calms his nerves.

I saw Rinoa take the stick and pull a single cigarette into her hands. She placed the tip of the stick onto the end of the cigarette, and pushed it through. Surprisingly, the entire center of the cigarette pushed out as a soft sponge and fell onto the ground. Rinoa smiled and closed the tip of the cig by squeezing the edges together. "…Cigarette wrappings are excellent for holding powders, and they also make great bombs. By filling the empty cigarette wrapping with any powder and securely closing the ends, anyone can make their own personal firecracker." She said with a smile.

I watched as she carefully poured just a little of the Fire powder into the cigarette. "Why so little?" I asked curiously.

"Trust me…you don't need a whole lot of this stuff for it to work properly." She said while focusing again on the cigarette and powder.

"I see."

She stopped and looked at me, "I can't believe my dad knows Seifer well… You'd think he would mention the guy to me since we are in the same business."

"Maybe he didn't tell you about him for your own safety?" He probably didn't want Seifer around her…

"Squall…" She laughed and picked up the finished cigarette bomb, then motioned it to my face, "Smoke?"

"No thanks. I…uh…don't want my lungs to get blown to pieces."

She laughed again and placed them into her pocket. I'm glad to hear her laughter again. Even if we are in this mess together, at least we've had our share of laughs. Suddenly, she stopped laughing and frowned.

"Squall…do you think we'll be home free once we find that place on the map?"

"…To tell you the truth, I don't want to think about it. I'd just rather wait and see…" Actually, I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm so tired of being disappointed.

"I understand." She said softly and took a deep breath.

…I wonder if she's scared?

After Rinoa made about seven more of the cigarette bombs, she called it a day and saved the rest of the powder in case of an emergency.

It was dark now, and we both decided to stay where we were. It seemed like the T-Rexaurs would never come. Because of this, we took advantage of the peacefulness whilst it lasted, who knew how long we had before those things would go out looking for another meal. Still…I wonder just how many T-Rexaurs are on this continent.

"…Squall?" I heard Rinoa speak as she sat with her eyes closed on the ground beside me. We sat underneath a wide tree that was not climbable, unfortunately, but it gave good shade during the day, and a shield of comfort at night.

"What is it?" I asked, turning my head to face her.

She sighed and opened her eyes. "…Never mind."

What did she have in mind to ask me? "…Rinoa?"

"It's okay."

This time I sighed and faced forward again, staring into the face of darkness. It was silent tonight, not even a single bird remained awake. I sat up thinking if this were good or bad. According to Fujin, dead silence isn't the greatest sign in the world. …Fujin…I wonder how she is? Wonder if she's found Zell and Rajin yet… What ever happened to those two anyway? Did they…?

"I'm sleepy…" Rinoa said softly. When I faced her again, I could tell she was yawning. "…Squall…" She said while wiping her eyes.

Now I get it… "…I'll watch over you." I said to her.

She had faced me slowly and I saw her smile lazily as she leaned on my arm and closed her eyes. "Thank you." She whispered.

I smiled and nodded my head to her, then sat up so she could find a comfortable position. Rinoa moved her head to my chest and folded her arms to create warmth in the cool night. Still she shivered, and so I moved my arm around her to supply her with extra protection from the chilliness in the air.

"…I'm sorry about this, really I am." Rinoa whispered into my chest. I felt the warmness of her breath vibrate against mybody as she spoke.

"…Don't be. Just try to get some sleep."

"Okay…" She said softly into the winds that had enveloped us now. The trees whistled as the leaves blew all around. I never realized how alive this forest became…even at night.

I looked down at the person sleeping practically in my lap, and I smiled. Rinoa… Ever since my first day here she's been with me. To say that she was here for a longer time than most of us on this continent, she can admit when she's afraid or needs protection. Seifer wants us all to believe he can handle himself on his on, and he wants Rinoa to think she has to stay with him, no matter what, but…I disagree.

I wouldn't want her to stay with him…he's insane. But who am I to call someone else crazy? …How does a murderer forget about the murder he commits? Is it possible to just…forget? …Am I really…?

My smile was gone.

It doesn't make any sense, though. I've never been this way when growing up. Sure, I may have thrown a couple of fits during my entire life, but never have I blanked out and lashed out at someone else.

Now that I think about it, I guess that bartender was right…I can only hold so little…and it'll take just enough to make me lose control. I had held in so much when growing up. So what if…it took just one more thing to make me shatter?

I took a deep breath and shook my head.

I shouldn't even be around you, Rinoa. If I lost control of myself and killed a man, who says it won't happen again?

I feel my heart pick up its pace and I'm getting warmer by the second.

I stared at Rinoa's ponytail and sighed, "…Why do you trust me?" I quietly asked her. Though I knew she was asleep, I wished she had answered me.

Rinoa shivered again and murmured against my chest, "…Daddy."

…What the hell?

- - - - - - -

A loud clanking sound and feet running passed had snapped me out of my sleep. Sleep? I wasn't supposed to fall asleep! I looked down and saw Rinoa still in her deep slumber. Again, she was tired, but I knew something was approaching us.

I looked around first before awaking her and listened carefully to the noises. Then the sound of a body falling onto the ground caught my attention, as it was farther away than before.

"Aah! Frickin Hell!" A voice yelled out and Rinoa jumped up out of her sleep, looking at me with fear in her eyes.

I motioned my head toward the direction of the voice, and she followed my eyes to see what it was that had disturbed her sleep. Rinoa sighed in relief.

We both know of only one person to say that…

Author's Speedway: (Irony for how long it took me to update, lol)

Sorry for the long wait! For some strange reason, I couldn't log on at all Monday and Tuesday. But then I realized, neither could anyone else! lol (However, every now and then this happens to me anyway, and when it does…I get a little upset and make it out to be a big deal...when I already know what to expect. Hehehe)

Thanks to: (Warning: I talk too much...) :P lol

(And I'm happy that everyone loves Seifer, lol. He's a true nut case! …And Squall…hehe)

Yae-lol, Don't let him hear you say you can take him on! You don't know what he'll do! Seifer will be the best in everything he can possibly be, even if that means learning to sew, lol.

Skyedream-Not to worry, the weekend is my friend! lol I work on my stories during the week, but I have the entire weekend off. So, you don't have to worry! Thanks for your concern. Oh yeah, guess who's at the door…(in the story!) And yeah, I got up and gave myself some fresh air just like you said, and I feel much better. : ) lol (hey, with that break, I spent quality time with my family, but you know...it rained...so I spent the rest of my days awaiting this site to open shop again, lol)

Lady-Rinoa- Hey there, thanks for taking the time to read what you could, lol. I know, Seifer is one of my favs from FF8…his role in almost every one of my stories is always the lunatic, lol. (That's bad, I know!) Oh yeah…this story is the prime example of an AU, I'm just glad its not weird enough for people to ignore. lol. Any by the way, I hope you're going to update your own story soon.

Alright, I apologize if this chapter is too short or stupid, but the other chapter will follow very soon. It seems I've gotten a longer vacation due to our passed login trouble…so as you read this; I'm probably massacring the buttons on my keyboard to make up for the break! lol (Seriously, I'm working on it...)

Thanks again,

StardustRay

And people, please review me! (holy crap, i've turned into a begger...)

:lowers head in shame: (I guess its inevitable.) yeah, I need to hear from you guys, so speak up! ...please? lol

BTW-I'm probably the first to discover we can log in again, lol. Yay! (Geez, I am so goofy...)