In my life, I love you more
Harry had been walking aimlessly around the castle. Now he was sitting on the marble staircase, looking at students who were coming in through the main doors and going to the Great Hall. Lunch would be starting soon. He wasn't feeling hungry, so he conjured a cloak and a scarf, and walked outside.
It was the first days of December, and the air was crisp. He started walking towards the direction of the lake. It was the exact opposite of the stream of students. By the time he got to the lake, there was only one person left. He smiled at the warm feeling that settled in his stomach as he walked silently towards Draco.
Harry felt like going behind Draco and wrapping his arms around the slytherin. He was feeling so lonely right now. But instead he just came to a stop a few feet away from the blonde, and looked at the lone figure.
Draco was standing on the bank, just staring over the frozen lake. It had snowed and everything was freshly white. There was something eerie about the scene.
Just then Draco looked over his shoulder like he had felt someone staring at him, and the spell was broken. He saw Harry, but glanced quickly around before smiling at the gryffindor.
"What's up?" Draco asked.
"Nothing" Harry shrugged and sat on a fallen trunk of wood, facing the lake.
Draco just raised an eyebrow at him, annoyed, and Harry quickly went to correct himself. "I fought with Ron and Hermione" he admitted.
Draco waited for Harry to go on.
"They want to be there with me, in the end" Harry said reluctantly. "Well, that's not completely true. They don't know about the prophecy, so they don't know it would be the end. They just want to be there for me."
Draco faced the lake again, and neither of the boys spoke for a while. Harry was looking at Draco's back. He observed the slytherin's cloak billowing and his blond hair dancing in the wind.
"I still have nightmares about Cedric" he talked aloud. "About when he died... His lifeless eyes, staring at me..."
Draco slowly turned around to face Harry with a dark expression. Now Harry couldn't stop talking.
"But when I wake up," he said, "I thank everything there is to thank, that it wasn't Ron. It could have been Ron. Usually it was Ron" he went on, shaking his head slightly.
Draco still didn't say anything and Harry was feeling cold. But it didn't stop him from talking.
"Cedric wanted me to take the Cup alone, but I told him we should do it together. And then he was murdered because he was 'the spare'."
Harry was lost in memories, feeling decidedly too lonely and too cold. Draco finally came to sit beside him on the trunk.
"The same altruistic side of you that made you share your victory with Diggory in the first place, is making you sad now that he's dead" Draco said stoically. "Had you been a bit more selfish, you wouldn't have shared the Cup, but then on the other hand, you wouldn't really be caring that he died."
Draco had the habit of sometimes being a bit brutal, but Harry understood what he meant.
"Isn't life just grand, sometimes, blowing raspberries at your face?" Draco muttered, while looking at the sky.
Harry just nodded silently and neither of them spoke for a while.
"You seemed to like your friends a lot, once upon a time" Draco went on. "I think you'd regret it if you lost them."
Harry nodded his head again. "It just seems like so much hassle right now. You know, keeping them happy. And I still don't want to discuss the prophecy with them."
Harry immediately regretted saying it aloud when he heard Draco sigh heavily beside him. He shouldn't talk so much about the prophecy. He knew that Draco didn't want to hear it.
"You're going to be so bummed if you actually don't die" Harry heard Draco say.
"Excuse me?" he said, looking at the slytherin incredulously.
"I mean, you're really counting on dying" Draco went on, not looking at Harry. "I think you might end up with an identity crisis if you don't."
Now Draco was being too brutal. "That's really harsh, even coming from you" Harry whispered viciously. "I want to live, believe me."
Draco looked at Harry, annoyed by the gryffindor's taunt. "So live!" he exclaimed. "If you want to live, then do it."
"I hear what you are saying" Harry admitted tiredly. "It's just really hard. I've been feeling so... apathetic lately. The prophecy is really getting me down."
And yes, he had said the p-word again. Draco ran a hand through his hair, sighing again.
"I can't believe you're building your whole life on that bloody prophecy" Draco muttered before looking at Harry again. "I mean seriously. It says you and the Dark Lord can't both live while the other survives. But what do you know, it seems to me you're both living and surviving."
Harry just looked at him pointedly. He didn't have to say aloud that it was only for the moment.
"Yeah yeah…" Draco muttered and looked at the sky again. "You know, most prophecies are self-fulfilling. You both think you have to face off in order to survive, so you play cat and mouse until one of you dies. And then, just like magic, the prophecy is fulfilled. It's miraculous really" Draco said sarcastically, and Harry smiled a bit.
"Prophecies, divination, looking into one's future" Draco said, shaking his head. "I mean come on, Harry. Just look at professor Trelawney. What a bloody hoax."
Draco noticed that Harry was looking at the lake and trying to suppress a laughter that was threatening to come out.
"What?" Draco asked frowning.
Harry glanced at him, still smiling. "I don't know if I should be telling you this" he admitted coyly.
Draco narrowed his eyes. "Why?" he asked.
"You'll be biting my head off, that's why" Harry replied.
"Spit it out" Draco demanded.
"The prophecy was made by professor Trelawney" Harry said and burst out laughing.
Draco was speechless. Harry got himself under control and went to assure Draco. "But it was a serious prophecy, that time" he said.
"Yeah, I'm sure" Draco just said darkly.
Harry sobered quickly. "I have seen her do it once" he explained. "It's not bogus. She can channel... something. Some kind of universal truth. And, at least that one time, she was right."
Draco kept silent, looking at the lake again. Harry just looked at his profile, not knowing what to do or say. He felt stupid and something of an excess.
Suddenly Draco got up and moved to crouch in front of Harry's sitting form.
"So you're going to die, which sucks of course" he said roughly. "But hey, that's the way it goes, right? None of us gets to live forever. We just have to make the most of the time we have."
Harry smiled a bit. He didn't feel so lonely anymore. "Carpe diem?" he said, shaking his head. "That's so cliché. Who honestly seizes every fucking day and opportunity."
Draco didn't say anything, but wasn't fazed by Harry's aggressiveness.
"Do you?" Harry went on. "I mean if you want something, you go after it, every time?"
"I try" Draco replied. "Yes" he corrected himself after a moment of thinking.
Harry looked carefully at Draco's face. "So is one to conclude that if you're not after something, you don't want it?" he asked.
Draco frowned a bit. "If I want something, really really want it, I definitely go after it" he said carefully. "Every time. But sometimes it's not as simple as going for it and grabbing it. Sometimes if you move too soon, you might blow it."
Harry just looked at him pensively. "What?" Draco demanded.
Harry shrugged. "I guess that's just really foreign to me" he said. "Staying so composed and being able to do strategies. Ignoring your basic instincts to just lunge at it" the gryffindor added and blushed slightly.
"That's what you do?" Draco said with a small smile.
"No" Harry said. "I put it off until it's almost too late."
Draco snorted. "And that's the Gryffindor way to go about it?" he teased gently.
"We're only human" Harry replied easily. "Besides, I get 'round to it eventually..."
Draco moved forward until he was on his knees in the snow. He took off his snowy gloves and put his hands on the side of Harry's face, rubbing the cold cheeks with his warmed hands.
"And I'm glad you did" he said seriously after a moment of silence.
Harry smiled and dropped to his knees as well. He wrapped his arms around the slytherin and Draco brought their lips together for a long and gentle kiss.
Title of the chapter from In my life by The Beatles
Carpe diem is Latin for 'Seize the day' (Or like in the movie Dead Poets Society by Peter Weir: Gather ye rosebuds while ye may – R. Herrick ;))