Between Heaven and Hell

Chapter 13: Essentiality
The glimmering sunray in the forest only contradicted the pain I felt in my soul. A life was lost, and something as grave as death deserves no warmth from the sun. Usually the sun shines when things are right, and there is no hurt or pain, but today the sun's rays seem like searing leeches; heated, loafing leeches that burn my body, only to make me ponder how long I might have before even I suddenly give myself like an offering to a T-Rexaur, simply because the thought of inevitable death is comforting! This heat…it makes it feel like this place really is hell. Once again, I found myself wanting to be drenched by the rain…to be engrossed in its healing glory, to be completely alleviated from everything.

I ran for some time now, and quickly passed the area where Rinoa and I parted just an hour ago, still Rinoa was nowhere in sight. Maybe she found Seifer? The thought of Seifer and Rinoa triggered some unknown source of energy within my being, and forced me to move quickly in the forest.

The ground had stiffened where the mud no longer usurped its surface with moistness; few leaves from the trees occasionally fell below and crunched beneath my feet as I ran with haste, and the shade from those leafy trees provided me with a bit of coolness between my dash. Though the rain isn't present, the trees have assumed its role in calming my heart.

I'm thankful to have the forces of nature on my side, but I get the feeling I'm intruding somehow. My heart's quickening its pace and not because of my running, something's there…I just know it. And I ran between the tall darkened trees with even more greenery…weird, it's certainly too colorful around here…

I heard someone speak…and then I slowed my pace down. A deeper voice followed a softer one, but I'm unsure of what was spoken. Quickly after catching my breath, I decided to approach the mysterious sounds from afar.

Finally I saw the figures emerge into my view, but then…those figures couldn't possibly be true. I saw up ahead of myself…was Selphie, and she was embracing that guy…Irvine. She rested her face against his body and had a smile on her face that sickened me within a matter of seconds.

"Selphie…" I whispered, only to have the ominous mist in the air absorb my words. Suddenly that peaceful yet agonizing sunlight vanished, and there was darkness…the only thing I saw were those two, embracing as if their lives depended on it. And my thoughts…those gruesome thoughts of mine, immediately returned to me…not spontaneously, no…I summoned these thoughts here: I needed them. And I recalled…

Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever had all of the blood in your body pump to your brain at an incredible speed, which causes your entire body to feel as though it will combust?

I have been hurting for so long because of what she did to me! Every single day I had to push those stupid feelings of mine aside just to be sure they wouldn't become my death. I forced myself to push on, gave myself false hope to get off of this continent…and then what? Why am I so eager to escape?

The answer is obvious…and in reality, I was the only one in denial…

Though my body trembles at the sight of those two, and I feel only pain in my heart, I surprised myself with sly grin because the answer easily rolls off my tongue…

"…I wanted you dead, Selphie."

As those irreplaceable words left my mouth, I had charged toward the embraced couple with a newfound anger I never thought a person like me could possess. As I ran, my body had been enveloped in balefulness, and it seemed as if I had withered away.

I remember attacking the male first, yes, Irvine as I recalled correctly; I wanted to cause more damage to him above all else. I despised him, and I wanted to see him suffer. He deserved it!

Why was I judged and punished for being the victim! It wasn't fair! When Selphie took the stand, no one paid attention to the fact that she slept with another man! They overlooked her because she seemed so innocent and wouldn't hurt a fly. The media, the judge, and the jury were fooled by that wicked charade she pulled on the stand. She made everyone believe her to be an angel, and I…the devil himself-

"Squall!" A violent shake followed by gusting air overtook my being.

I felt myself tumbling across the ground, and then someone was standing beside me. My vision was blurry when Selphie stooped down beside me…but something was different about her. Her short brown hair instantly stretched and was now long and black…her eyes were no longer emerald…but were now brown. Selphie's face…was now Rinoa's…

"What's wrong with that stupid idiot?" I heard Seifer yell from over yonder, it sounded as if he too had been on the ground. What happened? "I told you he couldn't be trusted, Rinoa! Didn't I!"

"Shut up Seifer! He didn't know!"

Know what? Was I supposed to know something? Can someone just tell me what happened? Finally, the sun beamed directly into my eyes and I screamed out. Rinoa covered my face with her hand, which had begun to tremble instantaneously.

"I don't care anymore! There's no way I'm taking a psychopath out of here! I'll be happy when he's rotting here by himself, Rinoa! I don't know what you saw in him, but he's only trouble!"

"Seifer!" She yelled back to him.

"TROUBLE!" He shot back. I heard Seifer's voice raise, and the heaviness of his steps approaching me. I couldn't move…I felt paralyzed on the ground. Seifer leered down at me and I closed my eyes, forcing myself to move at least one of my limbs, but nothing worked. "You Idiot!" He yelled and kicked my side hard.

I had been a prisoner to my own body; as much as I wanted to move, I couldn't; nor could I scream from the excruciating pain he caused with that kick. I gasped aloud and felt tears leaving the corners of my eyes after shutting them upon receiving the hit. "Seifer!" Rinoa yelled again, it sounded as if she stood from my side and pushed him back. "Stop!"

"The look in his eyes, Rinoa…I know madness when I see it! How did you miss that! The guy's a maniac!"

"He was lost and he called out to someone else! He didn't know it was either of us!"

"I don't care!"

"Well hitting him won't solve a thing! So why don't you take a short walk and cool off, okay?"

"…When I get back, that punk better not be here. Do you understand me?"

"Sure, now go away!" She yelled. When the pain subsided, I opened my eyes and stared into the sky, allowing the truth to settle; I was in fact a maniac. Almost three times now I've passed out and did something completely idiotic… "Squall…" Rinoa said as she stooped down beside me once again. I pretended to ignore her, hoping she'd go away, but she touched my forehead and sighed. "…Are you alright?"

I never moved my eyes to meet hers; honestly, I didn't want Rinoa's face within my view, and so I continued to stare into the sky. If Selphie just morphed into Rinoa…then could it have been Rinoa the entire time? My mind has played another trick on me enough I suppose…

"Who's Selphie?" Rinoa asked. My eyes automatically focused on her now and I groaned without replying to her. "…You kept yelling her name over and over when you attacked us just now."

If I attacked you just now, then why do you sound so calm Rinoa? I didn't ask her, but I wanted to… Besides, I already know the answer to that question anyway. I guess being in the comfort of Seifer's arms; she feels she can take on anything with his support. Why was she embracing him?

"…Squall, I'm sorry if I offended you." I can't take it…apologies mean nothing to me… What can those few words offer? Selphie mouthed the same thing to me when I was dragged out of the courtroom and chained like an animal to be sent here. So I think its quite obvious that I…-

I don't give a damn about an apology.

I was finally able to move my body slightly, and I forced myself from the ground, sitting up and resting back on my hands to gather the remainder of my strength. As soon as I can stand, I'm leaving…

"Squall…?"

I'm at the point where I really don't care about any of this, or anyone anymore… Everything I become aware of either triggers a bad nerve or lost memories from my past that I forcefully pushed from my mind. All this madness descends me deeper and deeper into hell, and I'll end up going crazy or dying by my own sickness. I said once before that I wouldn't be able to live with who or what I am…at this moment, that statement is tolerable.

Would it really matter if I told her about Selphie or not? It's not like it would help much to hang on to that pathetic memory…

I sighed and closed my eyes, "…Selphie…a woman I had been involved with for one entire year, she…" I took another deep breath and forced myself to continue, "…cheated on me with another man. I caught her in bed with him…"

"Oh Squall-" My eyes shot opened and I glared at her, she gasped and covered her mouth. I could see my reflection in each of her pupils, my face was burning red and my eyes appeared crimson. I continued to stare into her deep pools of sorrow, and never allowed my face to ease its pressure.

"I watched her with him, in our bed…" …Truly Rinoa, you will never understand what that feels like.

She sat closer to me. Why is she getting closer? Shouldn't she move away? If not, I'll force her away from me…I don't want her near me right now or ever...

"Get back…" I said, my voice as husky as the dry air looming around us. She looked at me quizzically, but stayed where she sat. "Rinoa, get away from me, now." I ordered.

"…No." She said quietly. "I know what you're thinking Squall. You think I'm betraying you by being with Seifer, don't you? It's so obvious." I was silent, speechless…guilty. My own words have a way of returning to laugh at me…don't they?

I groaned and turned away from her eyes. "Don't look away from me, you know it's true!" She said while placing her hand on my cheek and turning my face to meet hers again. "Squall, I would never do that to you." I forced my eyes to avoid her. "Look at me, dammit!" By the tone in her voice, I knew she was upset, maybe even hurt as well. I slowly moved my eyes back to her face once again and found that she had tears rolling down her cheeks. "He just told me that he's come up with a plan and I'm confident that it will work. …I get so excited some times that I tend to embrace people without second thought. I thought you'd figure that out by now." She displayed a soft smile that somehow eased my frowning. Her hand was now gliding across my face as she continued, "…Seifer was wrong about you. He looks at people and only sees the worst in them, but I…I choose to see the best."

She moved her hand and embraced me as I sat completely still and speechless on the rough ground. I cleared my throat with a groan, and she giggled softly. "That wasn't the first time you tried to attack me, that's why I'm not as shaken up as Seifer is. Just between you and me, you scared the daylights out of him."

I couldn't help the slight smile that played upon my lips. I took pleasure in the fact that I gave Seifer something to worry about. For once, I was a pain to him. "…I was that bad, eh?" I asked quietly.

"You were terrible!" She laughed, but quickly shushed herself, "I'm sorry…I know it's not funny…" She said while looking up at me.

I shrugged my shoulders with a grin, "I don't mind." But then I realized Rinoa said it wasn't the first time I had attacked her. "…How many times have I…?"

She rested her head on me once again with a sigh, "On the plains and in the cave you punched at me, but you never actually hit me. You were mumbling something too! …And when you defeated the T-Rexaur on the plains, you whispered continually 'it wasn't me.' Were you trying to tell me something?"

I'm not sure. "I don't know." As crazy as it might sound, I probably knew what was going on… To talk while in the darkest depths of the heart, I must have had a conscience in those times of my blackouts. "Rinoa…did I say anything else?"

"Of course, you told me to shut up once, and you were screaming a lot. You kept repeating, 'I hate you' but it looked like you were talking to the T-Rexaur. …I don't know Squall; you were in the heat of battle…that's what I concluded. You swore a whole lot too…" Rinoa spoke with hints of uncertainty in her voice.

"I don't know why…but I kept feeling like I was about to explode."

"…Well, we were using those bombs. I'm thinking the heat from one of those explosions got to you."

"…No, I it wasn't external heat, I felt it inside, internally." I motioned my hand to my chest.

"…How?"

"I can't explain it…really." I moved my right hand and scratched the back of my head, "…I heard car tires too."

"Um…" She looked up at me quizzically.

"I'm not crazy, okay!" I said and she laughed while shaking her head.

"…I didn't say anything." She said with a smirk, "…A car?"

"Rinoa, please."

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry!"

"You're sorry? For what, he's the one who should be sorry." Seifer's voice roared from behind us. I sighed and rolled eyes. Rinoa laughed again and sat up to meet with Seifer.

"Seifer, he's okay now."

"You think I care?"

"Not really, but I'm letting you know anyway. I told him about the plan."

Plan? We have a plan? I don't remember—

"You little blurt mouth—"

"There's nothing you can do because he's coming with us and it's final!"

"See if I care, just fill him in and let's go----

Put him in and let's go!

What the? What was that? Who said that? Put him in and let's go? "…Damn!" I yelled in aggravation, Seifer and Rinoa stopped their conversation and had probably stared at me; I felt their eyes against my back.

I stood from the ground slowly and turned around to see them, sure enough, they were staring at me. Pushing away my sudden thoughts, I glared at Seifer, "You think I'll go along with any plan of yours? I'm only here to stay with Rinoa, and that's all."

"…What's the matter? Selphie wasn't enough for you?"

"…What?" I asked, slighting approaching him.

Seifer chuckled and folded his arms, "…You heard me. Judging by what you said while 'attempting' to injure me, I'd say she was the love of your life." He mocked my voice with a teasing finish, "Oh Selphie how could you? How could you sleep with Irvine? How could you do this to me? …I wanted you dead."

"Damn you!" I yelled and ran toward him, tackling him to the ground. I held my hands on his throat and choked him with a violent shake.

"Wait!" He chucked between my shakes.

"Squall!" Rinoa cried from beside us. No, I hadn't blanked out again; I knew exactly what I was doing. Choking this bastard was something I personally didn't mind. "Squall!"

Veins were beginning to pop out of his head and he was turning beet red, and then finally, when I felt satisfied that he had learned his lesson, I released him with a violent slam against the ground. Without moving from over him, I glared. He held his throat and returned the glare to me. "What's the matter Seifer? You didn't expect that, did you?" I teased.

"…I was right…you are a crazy bastard." He said, still holding onto his throat. "They probably called off the plan because of you."

"What are you talking about?"

"…Odine."

Odine? What plan? What's he talking about? "What about Odine?" I asked, rising from over him.

Seifer smiled, "…Even if you weren't there, you probably thought about doing it."

…I don't understand. "…What are you saying?" I looked down at him as he shifted his weight to his elbow.

"I mean, its reason enough. You can't hold your inner feelings so well, and so…you go around attacking people because they make you mad."

"Quit talking in riddles! What the hell are you trying to say!"

"…Fine…" He sighed and sat up as I moved back from him, "…Caraway had been visiting me for some time when I was locked away. He always updated me on his new plans and intentions… I could've cared less about his new agenda, but I only paid close attention to his scheme against Odine." Seifer smirked and looked at the ground, "Odine was the type of guy to push others around because he had a stinky life."

I guess I agree with that, I mean, I did meet him in the bar. He was probably drinking away his sorrows too. Seifer continued, "Anyway, Caraway's goons found out that Odine took an interest in the Timber Maniacs magazine. Somehow, he would be able to ask a journalist to become a detective and take notes about the behaviors of people around the world. He would use the journalist to do his dirty work so that he could exploit criminals in their illegal trading and such…pretty sneaky stuff, right?"

"I'll say." I agreed.

"Well…he had arranged a meeting with the head honcho over at Timber Maniacs." Easy, that's my dad you're talking about. "And sometime later, the two of them met. Actually, they met up the morning of the day Odine was later murdered."

"Seifer, did my father know something about his death?" Rinoa said, walking slowly to the nuisance on the ground.

"I'm getting there, sweetheart." He said with a grin, and I gritted my teeth fiercely. I shook it off and took a deep breath. Seifer faced me with a grin again, "Sorry, did I offend—"

"Get back on subject!" I ordered.

"Sheesh." He fanned his hand at me with a wide grin, "Listen up, Odine hardly ever left his office so as he was visiting in Timber, a plan had been devised to take him down. Now I don't know much about the plan or what happened, but I can tell you it was obviously successful."

"How can that be possible?" I questioned allowed, rubbing the back of my head to ease my mind. I was there, wasn't I; I had slammed his head against that sidewalk. I killed Odine, didn't I?

"…To tell you the truth, I really don't know any more. Caraway told me that Rinoa and I would be avenged, should we not escape the continent alive."

"I don't get it. He was there…struggling in my grasp…I…" I turned away from Seifer and Rinoa and left them behind.

I could hear Seifer laughing and yelling, "I said it before and I'll say it again, you're lucky you were drunk! People can't forget something like murder, it's just impossible!"

But I haven't forgotten…I remember everything… He was screaming but then…

I stopped in my tracks and stared at the ground, trying to relive my past…the murder I committed. I was there…I know it…

"Squall." I heard Rinoa speak from behind me. She placed both of her hands on my shoulders and leaned closely against me. "Maybe you've misjudged yourself all along. You could be innocent after all."

Me? Innocent?

I stood there a moment, contemplating the meaning of innocence.

Throughout these few days I've discovered more about myself than I never imagined. …Jealousy, hatred, and pain all played back and forth within my mind. Those emotions caused me havoc and chaos, and forced me to black out continuously. I came here believing that I was innocent, yet I learned that I possess the mind of a killer…

I am fully convinced that I've taken a life, and will probably do so in the future, thanks to Seifer…

What if Caraway really had Odine killed? Wouldn't I be innocent then?

But maybe it was meant for me to be here… My life was going down the drain anyway, what difference would it make anyhow? I ought to become dinner for one of the T-Rexaurs right this minute.

And even if I was innocent, would use is it to me now? I've been judged; I'm here for crying out loud!

The murder…I was drunk at the time it happened, and I had expressed physically what I felt in my heart. I took Odine's life…easily…all while being under the influence---

Anything can happen when you're not feeling like your normal self.

…Is that so? …Is there really hope for me? Speaking of hope…I completely forgot about Fujin…

"Rinoa…?"

"…Yeah?" She answered, still behind me.

"Fujin…she…"

"…No…"

I sighed and lowered my head as Rinoa dug her fingers into my shoulders. She cried against my back, "Fujin."

"Rin…" I placed my hands on hers and turned around to face her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I held her closely. "I'm sorry."

She continued to cry and had squeezed her arms around me, "I can't believe it…no…until I see her body, I won't believe it."

I led Rinoa back to where Raijin sat with her, but the only thing that remained was the shape of Fujin's body in the dirt. It seemed as though she had been picked up by no other than Raijin.

"Where did she go?" I asked allowed, and Rinoa looked at me worriedly. We both looked around, but saw no sign of Fujin or Raijin. "I don't get it. They were right here when I left his area earlier."

"You don't think Raijin's run into trouble, do you?"

"…I don't know…I hope not."

"Yo! Thought I told you to leave!" Raijin yelled as I felt my arms being grabbed behind my back.

"Hey!" Rinoa yelled and went to push him away from me, but he kicked her to the ground. "Aaaagh!"

"Rinoa! What are you doing, Raijin?" I shouted trying to free myself from his grasp.

"This place doesn't need any creeps like you." He spat into the back of my neck."

"Let go of me!" As much as I tried to fight him off, he kept his grip tighter. Rinoa pointed at Raijin and gasped aloud, when I suddenly heard a snap. Raijin's hold on me suddenly released and I heard that familiar laugh.

"…To say you two have slain T-Rexaurs…I'm disappointed that you let that guy pick on you." Seifer…need I say anymore?

Raijin, is he dead I wonder? Where has this guy been for all those days? He suddenly appears from nowhere and attacks us like we're longtime rivals… Just what exactly happened to Fujin's body?

"Well now…don't worry your little eyes Rinoa, he's only asleep. I'll need everyone if I want this plan to work properly." Oh, Raijin's okay… I sighed.

Rinoa put her hand down finally, but began to tremble on the ground, crying out, "Fujin died!"

"Wha-Fujin?" Seifer uttered.

Rinoa nodded to him as I turned to face him now. He turned his back to us and knelt down on the ground. For a moment, we heard a slight struggle of words from Seifer, but then he groaned and stood from the ground, "May she rest in peace." He mumbled to himself, but I clearly made out his words.

I looked back at Rinoa and saw her crying into her hands, and I sighed taking a knee before her. I placed my hand on her back trying to ease her mourning, and she quickly embraced me while continuing to cry.

I could see Seifer looking at us, but glaring at me. He snorted, "Forget about Fujin, there's nothing we can do. Time's running out now so listen up!"

Obviously he had tried to cover up his sadness with anger, but I pretended to take interest in his words, "Rinoa do you want to live! Stop that useless crying!"

It hurt to admit, but I agreed with him… I needed to hear his plan to escape more than mourn. I've already said my goodbyes to Fujin; I don't want to go through again. The plan…

It's essential that I get out of here alive…that we get out here alive. In my case, the seat I had occupied in the vessel wasn't in fact my seat, but Caraway's seat instead…

I felt my eyes glare as if I had seen Caraway walking passed us in the flesh. If I am innocent, then that bastard will pay the price… It's my life or his…

I squeezed his daughter in my arms and kissed her forehead tenderly. When we escape, I'll have to handle a few things on my own… Now if Seifer would hurry up and spit out the plans, maybe we could get somewhere…

Author's Base: (I'm on strict probation, I can't exceed 5ft from my computer, lol)
Hello, hello! I'm really shocked about that last chapter, I thought you all would hate me for that one! I'm so glad! (Although…a certain death produced more than a few sad faces…I'm sorry about that. I liked her too!) However, tension rises on this chapter now…

Anyway, I'm trying to wrap it up, but so many things keep popping up and I don't want to leave anything out! So, you guys better hope it's not as long as Clash of the Gardens, lol, I'm just kidding! It won't be long, but yeah…there are more than two following after this chapter!

Hey, let me know if it was okay, bad, good, great, excellent! (P.S. Keep the cookies coming, please! lol…and uh…anyone notice Squall's gradual change in thinking?)

-Thank you-

Orestes-Thanks, I'm glad you love the story! Yeah, this and few of the other stories I'm writing all take a unique element from FF8 ( in this case, its that completely exotic forest north of Esthar, the T-Rexaurs, and of course the weird sides of these characters, lol, all which help birth this story!) I'm working really hard on it, and I'm glad it's paying off! And I'm sorry that it's going to be short…:(

Lady-Rinoa- I know! She shouldn't have died! Oh, Squall and Rinoa almost had a fall out, but never fear…they're all right for now! (Hey, sure you can finish your story; so don't let anyone stop you! You really have a good plot, just keep writing and think nothing of what others might say against you, okay? Besides, if someone did say something that seemed a bit harsh, they probably didn't mean it to sound that way. Anyway, just have fun and release your imagination:))

Yuleen-Fujin will always be in our hearts. Hey, hey, more cookies! Yeah! lol I hope you liked this chapter. I had a weird time putting this one together…and I mean, really weird! I hope it wasn't too confusing either…(My brain hurts…) Oh yeah, Seifer's so annoying! –grins- it's not the end of the story yet….

Jen- Hah, sickening, isn't it? Guess what, the Queen T-Rex will eat them if she can't find anything else and is really hungry at the moment! That's terrible! lol. Hey, don't cry, I'm sorry about Fujin…seriously! But…Please don't glare at me, I'll hide in fear and never return! lol

Ayato-Yeah! I didn't know what to expect….I just hope this one was good too. I'd hate to let anyone and everyone down, hopefully I haven't!

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read! I really appreciate it! And feedback, feedback, I need it somehow. lol

Well everyone, if this chapter is confusing…or just plain chaotic, I'm really sorry. So flame me if you will… :P hehe

Wow, this commentary thing just keeps getting longer and longer. I talk an awful lot, don't I? lol Anyway, the update will follow sometime! Hopefully not too long a wait, though. So, I'll be on my way now, and thanks again!

StardustRay