Author's Note: 6 chapters! Go me! Also, I'm sorry about the massive delay, but I was totally stumped on one part of this chapter. And I got plot bunnies for other fandoms. I'm so ashamed! I'm going to go hide until the end of the chapter now.

Beta thanks to Kurai and D-chan!

Warnings: I've stopped hinting around certain relationships and stated them explicitly in this chapter. No action, just angst, but no flame-y? Oh, and there is food abuse.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

6
When did we stop keeping our distance and start rejecting?
-Sohma Yuri, dog, 1960

Shigure sat on the couch, and pretended to edit the manuscript while he brooded. He'd just finished his turn with Hatori, and there were far too many uncomfortable thoughts drifting through his mind. There were also some very uncomfortable feelings drifting through his stomach; he hoped Tohru would arrive soon.

Despite his playful protests, he was quite capable of working while hungry, and, through sheer force of will, was able to drag his thoughts back to the little black marks on the pretty white paper. As the grammar improved, the story started growing darker and more bitter. Shigure acknowledged the change, and shrugged it off with the consolation that his editor had been pushing him for a serious story recently.

Shigure's stomach attempted to communicate in a non-human tongue, but the terms it used would have been inappropriate for duplication, if translation had been possible. Had Shigure understood the exact words, he probably would have seconded the emotion and been appalled by the language.

A knock at the door startled Shigure out of his work. He blinked a few times, wondering if he had gotten too caught up in it to hear Tohru and her escort approaching, but he didn't hear any voices now. He hoped that Tohru hadn't walked all this way alone, and not just because he wanted the boys there.

His relief at seeing three people on the porch had him momentarily speechless, so his stomach greeted the teenagers for him. Tohru immediately blushed and started to babble, "I'm so sorry it took so long, but I wasn't sure how many people would need to eat, and we had to get our school bags so we could do our homework here, and-"

Yuki interrupted. "Honda-san, why don't you go in? Please?" Shigure blinked and realized that while Tohru had one fairly small tray, both boys were fully loaded down.

"Yes, Tohru-kun, come in!" Shigure swept to the side, going into full dramatics mode. "My sweet angel of mercy, bringing me delicious treats in my most desperate hour of need!"

Yuki and Kyo had their hands too full to hit him, but they death glares they gave him were refreshingly normal after the day Shigure had had. He beamed at them--which made Yuki blink, and Kyo scowl--and led them into the kitchen so they could set down the packages. Tohru divested the boys of their loads, and took over the kitchen with her customary efficiency.

While she sorted everything out, Shigure folded his hands into his yukata's sleeves, and turned to the boys. "Yuki-kun, Kyo-kun, how much do you know about how the juunishi handle illness when we don't have a doctor privy to the secret?"

Yuki spoke up, "I thought we just got a doctor, and had his memories erased at the end of it."

Shigure shook his head. "No, I mean traditionally, before medicine was reliable enough to be worth that sort of risk." Yuki looked blank.

Kyo frowned. "You guys all hole up together, right?"

Kyo knew, but Yuki didn't? Shigure found it very odd that, for once, Kyo knew more of a juunishi matter than Yuki. "Not exactly. All of the cursed gather, and lend their strength to the one who is sick--not just the juunishi. All of us can do it." Shigure could see Kyo's eyes narrow and his hair begin to tuft up. "You were too young the last time we needed to do it, Kyo-kun, so don't give me that look. Yuki-kun was very ill himself. Hi-kun and 'Sa-chan were far too young then, and are still too young now unless we get desperate.

"Anyway, all it takes is physical contact for it to work. There are some theories about how different Spirits give different strength levels, and about the feelings of the people invol--Thank you, Tohru-kun." Shigure accepted a plate and some chopsticks from her.

"Shigure-san?" Tohru asked. "Is that why Yuki-kun didn't transform right after his attack that one day? Because Hatsuharu-san was carrying him, I mean?"

Shigure smiled at her. "Yes, that's exactly it. Anyway, because of that, and because it's Haa-san, we need to always keep someone with him. Right now, Aaya and I are enough, except that we'd like a break for dinner."

"It is Hatori? But I thought doctors didn't get sick!" Yuki exclaimed. Kyo glared at his rival, and Shigure wondered just what sorts of conversations he'd missed... and he glared at Yuki as well.

"Yuki-kun, please, please do not make comments like that where Haa-san might hear you. Half the time, he's insisting that he's not sick at all. Tohru-kun, your cooking is as exquisite at ever!" Shigure 'subtly' changed the topic. "Are you putting together a dish for Aaya? Excellent! Now, one of you needs to stay with Haa-san so that Aaya and I can both get some fresh air. Yuki-kun, to be honest, we shouldn't call you in unless things get bad; you get sick too easily. Kyo-kun.... There are some differences for the Cat. You have to want to help the person...." Shigure paused on the pretext of taking another bite of food.

"And?" Kyo-kun was just so suspicious of him these days. It was sad really. Shigure would just have to get sneakier about manipulating him.

"And... it works much better if you aren't wearing your bracelet." Shigure didn't look at Kyo. He was almost sure that Kyo would make the right decisions, but if he pushed, Kyo's agreement might not indicate actual willingness. "Tohru-kun, I swear, your cooking is getting better every day. This is spectacular!" Shigure waxed poetic with his praise until Kyo interrupted him.

"I'll do it," Kyo growled. "Just, just don't go wandering off or anything, ok?"

Shigure couldn't keep his face from showing the overwhelming relief he felt. "Well, then, the sooner we get Aaya fed, the sooner you all can settle in and... Why did you all bring your homework, anyway?"

Tohru answered him. "Oh, well, you didn't really say who was sick, or how, but I thought if it was someone with a cold, I could just make some soup here--that is, if you don't mind."

Shigure blinked at Tohru a few times. It was incredible the way she always thought of others, but he also thought she knew about all the servants the main house had. He supposed it didn't matter much. Besides, her cooking was better, and it would keep her distracted from her worry, somewhat. "I don't mind at all. I can't tell if Haa-san's complaining about the food because he's not hungry, or because it's really not all that good, and Aaya's far too worried to be any good in the kitchen right now, and I should stop talking so I can get Aaya." Shigure fitted actions to words, and led Kyo down the hall.

(o)
To me, it looks like Kana-kun forgot everything, and obtained happiness for herself, leaving 'Tori-san to take on all of the pain alone!
-Ayame

A bit later, Shigure was sending Ayame out to the porch, and collecting Ayame's dinner from the kitchen. Tohru was starting the soup she'd promised, and Yuki was on the couch checking over some textbook. Shigure figured he couldn't have set things up any better if he had tried.

But Yuki was frowning a little more than his homework called for, now that Shigure thought about it, and he hadn't heard Ayame react to his little brother's presence at all. Shigure shook his head as he stepped outside; first, Yuki got annoyed because his brother paid him too much attention, now he was annoyed because his brother didn't notice him. Or was Yuki actually worried about his older brother? Ayame did look tired.... The air outside was incredibly nice after being cooped up inside all day, so Shigure left the door open a bit. Well, he'd claim it was for the fresh air if anyone mentioned it later.

Ayame sat on the edge of the porch, leaning back on his hands. He wasn't--quite--posing, Shigure decided, when Ayame's posture changed to a defeated slouch. "Here. Sit up and eat." Shigure handed the plate to Ayame, and flopped down on the edge of the porch himself. He leaned forward slowly enough that he didn't lose his balance, but far enough that the stretching in his back moved into his legs as well. "Aaya, eating works better when you put the food in your mouth instead of stabbing it."

"You aren't even looking at me, 'Gure-san." Ayame tried to pout playfully, but he just sounded... muted.

"I can hear your chopsticks hitting the plate. Tohru-kun's cooking deserves better." Shigure flirted with falling back to lie on the porch, but he'd been lying down all day. Really, he wanted to get up and pace, but that would make Ayame even more tense.

"Tohru-kun's cooking? Did Kyonkichi bring it?" Shigure glanced over to see that Ayame was attempting to eat. He would have been more reassured if Ayame had announced that as the unique and marvelous individual he clearly was, he was merely finding an eating style to reflect it--or something like that--but eating was a good first step.

"Something like that." Seeing that Aaya just wasn't ready to talk yet, Shigure applied himself to emptying his own plate. Ayame was still silent when Shigure set his plate down. Shigure was willing to wait all night, if he had to, but he was starting to get that restless need-to-do-something, need-to-fix-something feeling that made his hands flex. But this was Ayame--Aaya--and if he pushed, he would get something to placate him, rather than the truth.

Shigure settled on rolling his head back, to loosen the knots that have been building all day. He got the joints to pop a few times, but the tension was sunk too deeply into the muscles. He closed his eyes to focus on the motions, the pull of the muscles--and to make himself think about anything besides the people he so desperately wanted to make better.

Shigure felt hands on his shoulders for a moment; it was the only warning he received before Ayame expertly dug his thumbs into the knotted muscles. "You could have just asked me to massage your neck."

"I'm already asking too much from you, Aaya." Shigure responded without thinking. He was trying to puzzle out why he hadn't even noticed Ayame get up and kneel behind him.

Ayame's hands stilled for a moment. "You aren't asking anything. If anyone is asking for anything, it's 'Tori-san. But no, I'm offering this... all of this." Ayame pressed on a particularly nasty knot.

Shigure didn't answer right away, mostly to keep from making embarrassing noises. "It still seems like too much."

"'Gure-san, are you worried about me?" Ayame's laughter was far too brittle for Shigure to not worry.

He twisted and captured Aaya's hands. Their faces were painfully close, but Aaya never did anything by halves, and Shigure respected that enough to match him in intensity. This close, he could see the strain in Aaya's face. "Yes. I am."

Aaya... deflated, and sat back on the edge of the porch without pulling away from Shigure. This time, he made no attempts to hide his feelings. "If I can't hide it from you, how can I hide it from myself? It's ripping me up. I keep waiting for him to wake up, for the fever to break, and he'll pull away from me again. I know, I know I should be happy that he wants me near him right now, but he doesn't really. He just wants the juunishi, the contact, and he doesn't really care who it is. I don't even think 'Tori-san can tell who is with him now. And it rips me up to think about just how quickly he let go of me for Kyonkichi--that nickname fits too well now, I think. I feel like I left a piece of me in that room when I came out here. Isn't that crazy? I'm jealous of the Cat, because he's in there with 'Tori-san, when I should be the one in there, waiting to get my heart broken again."

Shigure sat by his cousin, and rubbed small circles in his back, silently letting Ayame know that he was there, and listening. "I hate Kana for what she did to him. I thought I hated her when she made him happy. I thought I hated her when he started spending his time with her, and not with me. Because he noticed her, and I've wanted him to notice me for years. Did you know that Akito knew about her then? He's always known how I feel--I never could hide it. He called me to him, and all but ordered me to seduce 'Tori-san away from her. I wanted to do it. I was ready to try, but then I saw the smile on his face when he looked at her. And I realized that I just couldn't hate her for making him smile like that.

"I hate her for leaving him. I hate her for failing him when he needed her most. I hate her because now 'Tori-san pulls away from me to cling to his own pain. I hate her because he's given up on being happy. I hate her because he's pulled away from everyone, and he just gave up on being happy for himself. He insists that watching out for everyone else is enough, but that's just a way for him to get too tired to remember he hurts. And as soon as his body recovers, he's going to pull away from me again. I could bear it if he was going to be happy, but he isn't, can't be when he's hurting himself so badly. I can't even offer, offer what you can, because it would mean too much to me, and I can't be casual about it, not like with you, it, it would mean something that, that-" It would mean something that Ayame had never, ever dared put into words. Ayame stopped with a small hiccupping sob; he was breathing harshly, though his voice had never really risen to his normal impassioned volume. Shigure was impressed that Aaya had enough control to not risk waking Hatori.

He pulled out a handkerchief, and gently wiped away Aaya's tears. He hadn't known that Ayame had been asked to break up Hatori and Kana, but Ayame would have decided to try so impulsively, and then just as abruptly changed his mind that it made sense for him to never mention it. And he was amazed that Aaya didn't care at all about Kyo's removing the beads, but Aaya had always had a unique way of looking at the world. "Better?"

"Not really, but I don't feel like I'm choking on my thoughts anymore." Which was an improvement, even if Ayame wasn't at something like "good" or even "okay."

Shigure couldn't bring himself to offer any comforting lies--or try to, since he normally just put his foot in is mouth, so he changed the topic. "I called Ri'chan. He'll come by tomorrow to help out, unless Haa-san is better by then."

"That sounded awfully doubtful," Ayame pointed out with a weak smile.

"But tonight, it'll just be us two. I figure we ought to just both stay with him, y'know, like that time in high school, but not." Shigure leered, and mentally crossed his fingers.

"Ah yes, we will warm him with the flames of passion that forever leap between us!" Ayame's smile was genuine this time, even if his eyes were red from crying.

"Yosh!" Shigure couldn't help returning the smile.

(o)
A/N: Ayame's quote is from Chapter 26 of the Tokyo-pop translation. Also, Aaya said that "Kyonkichi" was too appropriate because it means "Lucky Kyo." I just happen to hate how that looks/sounds in English.

Can anyone suggest some ways to do scene breaks that don't involve the horizontal rule? I hate how they look, but most of the tricks I know get deleted by... this website... that shall apparently remain nameless.

Aura Black Chan: Starts feeling better soon? But we're still on Day 1! I haven't gotten to work my evil ways on him yet!

GirlWaterShaman: Thank you!

the-kaiba-heir: Um, another long delay. Sorry! Pweese forgive me!

TapTap520: Yay! I made sense! You have no idea how happy that makes me after the day I had at work. :) Yuki is going to get rather ignored for about... oh dear, 7 or so chapters now, but I will come back to him and make some of that make sense! Honest!

Tairi: I'm glad you like Kyo! Especially since he's taking over the fic at the moment... And thank you for saying the characters all seem, well, in character. I've been stressing about a few of them.

Therhoda: Sorry for the angst? But when they angst, we get to cuddle them, right? It's like a prime directive or something.

MsCongeniality: Thank you! And thank for letting me know that it's staying interesting to people who aren't me on the second time around. I should probably be embarrassed by how easily I lose track of time on rereading my own stuff. And I'm glad you like the quotes; they've become the most challenging part of the fic.

Elizabeth: Hey! Give me back my Kyo! I need him for some of the later chapters! ...Oh dear, now I have to make sure something big happens! ;)

Yukako: Thank you!

And one more huge note to all of you. November is National Novel Writing Month. I'm participating. Right now, I'm trying to get some pre-writing done for it. In November, I have to get my word count before I can work on this. So, updates will be slow, but I am not in any way abandoning this fic. I have a very rough draft of the next 6 chapters, and there is no way I'm going to just let them languish on my harddrive. So please, forgive the slowness.