i gotta say, i hatt warped ratings... i dont even understand them. its was so much easier when it was just plain old pg-13 and so on... oh well...
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I just gotta stay thanx to my beta sammi... she had this sorted in less than 24hrs... thanx, you da best.
Standing on the edge of the abyss… Rescue me….
Summary: Slight Spin-off of Female Trouble…
I can feel it all around me, the darkness. It's suffocating, inescapable. I tried to fight it at first, tried to resist the temptation to let it enclose me in nothingness, swallowing me whole. I tried to resist the blissful numbness it enticed me with; I tried to fight. I can't win. It fights back, makes me question the reasons I'm fighting, asks me why I shouldn't give up. And now I realise… I have no reason to fight.
I sit here, trying to come up with reasons. I sit here, drawing blanks. I mean, what can I say?
Eyes Only? – They'll do fine without me, heck they'll do better than fine. It seems for every creep I take out two more seem more than willing to take his place. I'm fighting for a downtrodden that doesn't even want my help.
Family? – I have no family. The ones that don't already think I'm dead wish I was. At least this way I won't be such an embarrassment. I know I'll be doing them a favour.
Friends? – Not many left since the accident. The few that are left can't see past the chair. I'll be helping them out, stopping the awkwardness.
Bling? – Maybe he'll be upset for a while. But in the long run, I know he'll understand. I know he'll thank me. I can't keep burdening him like this. He says he's my bodyguard; so was Peter. Look how he ended up. Eventually, he'll understand why I can't keep burdening him down. He needs more clients, he's a physiotherapist not my maid. Gone are the days when hovering was just as simple as taking a walk. I can't do that anymore.
And then there's Max. I doubt she'd even notice. Maybe when she gets hungry enough she'll turn around and wonder where her meal ticket went. Maybe she'll be chagrined that there's nobody to feed her pasta tricolore at 3 in the morning. Maybe. But she'll bounce back. I know she will; she was made that way. Genetically engineered perfection; how can she not move on…
I'm looking at the pistol in my hands. It's lead weight, soothing and reassuring. This is my ticket to the darkness. Opening the clip, I find it empty. As my hand locks on my refills in my bottom drawer, I feel a hand on my shoulder. Startled, I freeze, but recognition soon dawns on me. Max. Why is she here, shouldn't she be at Vertes'? Calmly, I place the clips on the table without bothering to turn around.
"Don't." Her voice rings loud and hard in the stillness of the apartment.
Facing her, I school me face into one of innocent confusion. I am aware of her suspicion. She knows what I'm going to do. I shouldn't be surprised, she's always proved herself more perceptive than most. Never could hide much from her. "Don't What, Max?"
Barely controlled anger flashes in her eyes before it is rapidly concealed. She's not the only perceptive one, you know. But… why is she angry?
"Don't do it, Logan." Her voice sounds different from before; softer. "Please…" it's almost as if she's begging me. If I didn't know any better, I would think she actually cared. I could almost force myself to contemplate the notion that she might actually love me.
"What is it to you?" My voice is harsh, raspy. I'm tired of this conversation already. I have a job to do, and I plan on doing it.
The silence that meets me speaks louder than any words could. After all, how easy is it to look someone in the eye and honestly tell them they mean nothing to you? But the look in her eyes contrasts the words in the silence. Maybe she does care. If she does, then I know she'll understand. Am I asking too much? Is it being greedy to want the noble way out? Is it so hard for other people to understand…?
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Aiight… this is how it works: if you like it and think it's got potential, holla at me, and I'll make it a regular story with longer chapters. It's only short cos there's a possibility that you guys wont like it much.
But I do have some good news: thanks to quite a few of you guys for your hints on my other story's. they'll definitely be back in business. But you're gonna have to wait for about 2 weeks… I've got 3 killer A-Level exams, and if I fail them, then I'm pretty much fucked. But once their done, its all gone… just me my pen and you…! Right you know the drill: Review to make a sistah smile…