Just wanna say thanx to sammi for doing a stella job betaing this...
ABYSS 2
I can feel it. It moves through me, whistles through my hair, whispers in my ear. My body is on fire, the tingling feeling as the air whips over my skin is welcomed, the exhilaration appreciated. Nothing can compare to this feeling. This is what I crave: the freedom, the power. Nothing is as invigorating as pushing my baby to her limits as I feel her powerful hum between my legs, as she expertly adjusts to my moves. Nothing feels like this.
Scratch that: Fear does. Only, the chills through my spine are unwelcome and the rapid pulse is unappreciated.
Halfway to Vertes' I felt it, the pang. It lasted for all of three seconds before it was gone, but in its duration I lost the capacity to breathe, to function as a whole. Ignoring it, I slowed my speed, dismissing it as a side effect from the Jace and Vertes fiasco earlier. After all it's not everyday you attempt to outsmart Lucifer while trying to save a pregnant sister who could easily turn on you at any second. No, even X-5's can feel stress. Then I felt it, the hairs on my neck rising, the bitter taste of anticipation burning the back of my throat as my body automatically tries to protect itself. A quick scan of my surroundings tells me nothing. All is as it should be. I know it could easily not be the case. They raised me better than that; taught me to look for the creatures that cry by night, and the evils that lay pestilence at noonday. A quarter through my next scan it takes over. The pang has returned. Only this time I feel I've been stabbed. The ability to draw breath once again evades me as I struggle to control my baby. Swerving off the road, I narrowly miss getting hit by a truck, skidding to a stop on the dirt; the weight of my bike crushes my left leg. The pain in my leg does nothing to dull the sting in my chest. Six minutes have passed and I have still not taken in a breath. My limits have been surpassed and I feel the world start to loose focus… what's happening to me?
As quickly as it came, it subsides. The tightening in my chest disappears; the only tell tale sign- my gasping as I try to regain my breath. In my haze of confusion, pain and disorientation, my only lucid thought is of the saviour of the downtrodden, my saviour- Logan. I can't explain it. It's an ache, a burning desire. All I know is that at this moment I have an overwhelming need to see him, to hear his voice. Coupled with my desire is the fear. Fear that I may never have that again. Fear that those cerulean blue eyes will never again spark with amusement as their owner laughs at my inability to distinguish between a tomato and a bell pepper.Or darken with that unknown emotion as said owner tells me to be careful. The fear is real, and I don't know where it is coming from.
A thought strikes me. I had always contemplated it, but in every scenario it was because of me. It was because of my reckless carelessness, and it usually involved Manticore in some way shape or form. Never once did I think it would be otherwise, that it might actually be of his own volition.
Standing up, I straddle my baby. Revving her, I know time is against me. Reason expresses caution, warns me of the consequences of an error, but my heart explains the devastation of the truth. Ways of the heart determine the path of reason, and now all my being has one purpose, one objective: keep Logan safe. The pain in my leg where my bike crushed it is now a dull ache in the recesses of my mind. If I am unsuccessful in meeting my objective, far greater pain will ensue. I hope I'm wrong, but in 21yrs my instincts have never failed me.
She protests beneath me. I've never pushed her so hard before, getting to Logan is far more important right now. If this all ends well I have to treat her to a can of motor oil. I remember the storm in his eyes, saw the raging waters and the rumbling thunder in his mood… but I ignored it. Believed him when he said "I'll be fine…"
I thought he was telling me the truth. He had acquiesced to the fact that he wasn't fine at the moment… more than he's ever admitted to in the months I've know him. This should have sent up flags, but… it's Logan; he always pulls through…right? In my heart I knew this time was different, I was allowed to see the despair for a moment, allowed to offer some comfort before the walls came back up. It's one thing to lose you legs once, and have to go through the pain and the feelings of betrayal by your own body, but twice…
Reaching Foggle Towers, short work is made of securing my bike before I race for the elevator. Although I would rather run up the stairs, I know even with my abilities, provided there are no interruptions, I could never make it up the 40 flights of stairs before the lift. Don't do this Logan.
The fear is crushing me. "Emotions are weakness" Lydecker screams at me; "Phoney sentimentality will only get you killed" Zach taunts. Shutting out the voices, I'm out of the elevator and quietly slipping into the apartment before the doors have a chance to open fully. Hidden behind a screen I quietly watch him; see the despair in his eyes, note the despondence in his posture. He looks at the pistol as a drowning man would regard his life-preserver. I watch him check the empty clip and I start to move. As he reaches into the bottom drawer, my hand closes on his shoulder. He doesn't jump; he just freezes momentarily before continuing with what he was doing.
I don't know what to say to him; don't know if I should say anything. It would be so much easier to just knock him out and take away all the guns. But I understand the futility of such an act; there's more than a million ways to die. Logan's a resourcefully stubborn man who knows how to get what he wants. It's losing it that's the problem…
Even if I wrap him up with bubble-wrap and watch his every move, I know he'll find a way to get past me; all it would take is for me to let my guard down for a second. No, I can't not say anything. I need to fight this, we need to fight this.
"Don't." My own voice rings harsh in my ears, but I don't know what to do. I'm on the edge of desperation, and loosing it now is not a luxury I can afford. It would only serve to push him over the edge and straight into the abyss.
"Don't what, Max?" the look he gives me is one of carefully schooled innocence. One that I have seen millions of times, one that lesser mortals have fallen for; one, that I will never fall for.
Anger flares through my body, licking at my insides before I muster enough control to stamp it down. Does he take me for a fool? Does he think I'm so incompetent that I wouldn't realise what he is contemplating?
"Don't do it Logan," My voice is softer, the anger has abated, leaving behind only the pain and hurt. "Please…" now I'm just begging him. Urging him to understand that there are people out there who love him. …one of whom is standing right before him.
His reply is harsh, his voice raspy as he challenges me, "What is it to you?
I look him in the eyes, and am startled at the abject self-loathing that confronts me. What isn't it to me? I've told him how much he means to me before. He knows I look to him as my refuge, as my rock of ages. He helped me work through my fears; took care of me when the seizures threatened to drag me under; showed me the heart beneath the Manticore shield; He gave me a soul. I look at him in astonishment. How can he not recognize how much he means to me, how can he sit there and think he has nothing left to live for when a by-product of his altruism stands before him?
"Everything," I whisper. "It means everything." There is defiance in my stance and conviction in my voice as it becomes clearer. I'll make him understand, he has to…
0000000000000000000000
Toblerone: the abyss thing is meant to represent death, so logan's standing on the edge of the abyss because he's about to die... or at least contemplating it. The rescue me thing is just related slightly to something i heard about pepople that attempt suicide. that they actually want to be saved and rescued... so thats were max comes in... u know like the proverbial avenging angel, slaying his demons... blah blah woof woof...
aiight... review to make me smile...finally finished my exams ... nowi just have to wait till august to see if my life will continue or if it will begin to spontaneuosly combust...