Abyss3
I feel my head perk up when she whispers. I'm not quite sure what she said, but… when she repeats herself, a feeling I can only describe as shock moves through me. A part of me wants to believe her, wants to feel the warmth that should come from such a statement, but I know her. I've seen her moves, watched her work her magic on the mighty, seen great men succumb to her whims at the flick of an eyelash, and a cock of those perfectly formed hips.
I will not fall for it.
"I don't need your pity Max. Let me have my way, let me take the noble way out."
"This is not a game, Logan. You can't undo your mistakes." Her voice is angry; loud; she's almost shouting. Why?
"Do you think I don't know that?" the bitterness in my tone is sharp. She's burst the dams. I can't control it anymore "Do you think it's easy waking up every morning knowing that half of you doesn't work, knowing that you're only half a person? Max, in my dreams I'm a full man; I walk about, I play ball. But then I wake up and I have to face this reality. You don't know what I'm going through, so don't stand there and try to preach to me about some idealistic reality. It's a fucking dragon just standing there waiting to devour me whole. You haven't got a clue"
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"You think my life is perfect. You think I don't have problems." It's more of a statement than a question.
"You're genetically engineered perfection, even on my best day I could never compare to you, much less now. Yes Max, I think you have it easy."
"Get off your high horse, Logan, and stop trying to be a fucking martyr. I have never had it easy, and I never will. I spent the first ten years of my life in hell, where 'playtime' consisted of practicing different ways of killing a man with just my bare hands. After escaping, I spent the next twelve years looking behind me, constantly waiting for the demons to drag me back to that cage, kill me, or do something worse. This is not a pissing contest, I'm not gonna list the different ways you have it easier than I do while you try to come up with counter arguments. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, the world screwed you over. Yes, you lost your legs. But at least be thankful you're alive. That's more than can be said for a lot people. If the universe wanted you dead, you'd have been gone long before now."
"Leave me alone, Max. I'm a full grown man, very much capable of making my own decisions. I know what I have to do, and I'm going to do it." I can't help but scoff. "With the way you're going on, someone might actually be fooled into thinking you really cared."
Something changes in her. The anger shifts, and in its place is something akin to defeat… or maybe acquiescence.
"That's because I do, damnit. I care. I care too much and that's what scares me. That's what bothers me the most. I've felt fear before, when I was trapped under water, the night of the escape, during the seizures. But with you, it's different. I can't explain it. You gave me a life. Before you, I was living on the edge of the world, not really participating, just observing. Then you came along and turned me out. Fucked up my existence, pushed me into the hustle and bustle of a normal life, forced me to open up my heart… You can't make me show you my heart and then drive a dagger through it. It's not fair. I swear to you Logan, if you put a bullet in your head, you might as well put one through mine as well, 'cos I sure as hell ain't gonna continue after you're gone."
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There's moisture in her eyes, emotions are strung out, electricity crackling in the air. He knows what he's hearing, but self doubt is stopping him from actually believing her. She is wearing her heart on her sleeve, giving her self up to him; she knows that after this… There's no going back.
Eye's unsure and voice tentative, he asks, "What are you saying?"
In this moment, everything will change; they both know it. It's just a question of which direction the balance will sway: for better or for worse?
She gives a defeated sigh and he's at a loss of what to think. "I… I'm…I'm saying…" she draws in a breath and looks him point blank. "I'm saying I love you, Logan. I've already told you it's not about the chair, it's never been. Don't get me wrong, I'd love for you to get back on feet, but only for the reason that it'd make you happy. I'd still love you if you were a quadriplegic and hooked up to a fucking respirator. Physical perfection is obsolete… it's what's inside that counts." Her eyes are bright and her face is flushed.
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She looks at me, waiting for my reaction. I don't know how to react. Yes, this is what I've always wanted to hear, dreamed of hearing many times. But confronted with the reality, I don't know what to think. I feel stunned. Is it really possible for embodiment of excellence that is Max, to willingly want to be associated with the epitome of imperfection that is I?
I can't say anything; all I can do is just sit and stare. I know she's telling the truth; the defiance in her stance says it all. She's daring me to disbelieve, a part of me wonders what she'd do if I didn't… As dark orbs stare down on me, her heart on her sleeve, all I can do is open my arms; inviting her into my embrace.
She accepts.
As I hold her close to me, overcome with emotion, all I can do is call her name.
"Max."
It's an "I'm sorry," an "I love you," a "please forgive me" and so much more. As the sun beings to rise over the broken Seattle, all I can do is hope for a new beginning; one with Max.
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She cuddles up to him, breathing him in, confirming his existence, justifying her own. The totality she feels is indescribable; in his arms she is finally free; finally safe. They still have a long way to go… but now they have a beginning.
There are no words to say, no words to convey this feeling inside I have for you. Deep in my heart, safe from the guards of intellect and reason, I'm at a loss to express my feelings. Deep in my heart, thinking I had a hold, but with feelings this strong, I'm no master of my emotions…
The End.
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you guys have to thannk sammy for having this chapter up... cos i had just about given up with it. thanx a bunch sammy.
i have some good news... the next installment of "i'll be your rock... if you let me" is on the way. Sammy and i are just brain storming to see where the story can go. cos althought the main aim is sugary goodness, we do need a plot. the next chapter is already written, just going through the betaing stage.
you guys havea choice- short next chapter, but i'll try regular updates. or. long next chapter, but i may have exausted myself in the process. either way, i have not given up on the story. as long as the word "Completed" does not appear in the summary, then you know all you have to do is constantly nag me, and i'll update it. thats waht Maria656 did...
any way, drop a review to make sistah smile. it does so much for the muse (and the ego)... you can't begin to imagine it.