His movements were smooth and precise. He had done this a thousand times. The physical action of getting a shuttle ready for launch was something that he could perform in his sleep. He had even been in this situation before, watching B'Elanna get ready for a dangerous mission. But not one like this. They were going to let themselves be assimilated to help a set of Borg drones. He and B'Elanna had never been at this place in their relationship before. He was going crazy at the thought of possibly losing her.

There were so many scenarios that kept going through his mind. Supposed they were not able to get them back. Supposed they really were assimilated and even if they did get her back, supposed he lost her completely as she became like Seven.

Deep in his heart, he knew that it wouldn't happen. Seven was a drone for too long, that's why she seemed as if she would never be fully human. Even if B'Elanna was fully assimilated for a little time she would never end up like Seven. Still, suppose she came back and her feelings for him had changed. 'What does it matter?', a small voice whispered in his ear. His wouldn't, and he would make her remember, make her fall in love with him again. He always did have enough feelings for both of them. He loved her with his whole heart, he could not understand how he was sitting here so calm about it all, and worried out of his mind at the same time.

There were other people to consider. Tuvok, though annoying in his Vulcan stoicism, was still a member of the senior staff and a friend. He owed the fact that he could be here and in love with B'Elanna to the Captain. It was a debt that could never be repaid. But his worry was focused solely on B'Elanna.

He calmed himself. If anyone could get them out of this, the Captain and the Commander could, and they would need their best pilot to ensure that the mission went according to plan and they were brought back safely. The best thing he could do right now was to focus on his work.

Nothing must go wrong.

"Watch the starboard plasma injectors," Tom spoke out loud. His voice was soft and it lacked the excitement it normally held on the eve of a dangerous battle. "They tend to run a little hot at high impulse."

"I'll keep an eye on it," B'Elanna said just as softly. She knew how hard it was for him, how worried he was, but she couldn't let the Captain go into the Borg stronghold alone, especially when engineering skills were going to be key to ensuring that this mission was a success. The Captain was going whether they agreed to it or not, and the only person who could have stopped her had given his support. B'Elanna smiled inwardly. She hoped that they would make it back in one piece and enjoy the fact that this year, the Command structure of Voyager didn't seem to break down over a mission that involved dealing with the Borg.

B'Elanna owed as much to the Captain as Tom did, and she knew that was the reason why both of them were straining right now to say good bye, to let her go off into the unknown because this was something that she had to do. At least they were going off together, and not she alone like she had insisted, on the last time she went head first into a near death experience.

"And the warp matrix is out of alignment." Tom was continuing.

"By 0.3 microns. Since when are you so meticulous?" She smiled.

"Since you volunteered for this insane mission." Her lover paused "You know..." he gave a little chuckle to the thought that was forming in his head "I could sabotage the helm. You'd never make it out the launch doors."

"Then I'd have to put you on report. You might lose that new pip of yours." That got a smile and a retort out of her.

He came over to her and whispered in her ear "It'd be a small price to pay." And he withdrew.

B'Elanna's heart spoke

I love you too Tom.

She continued her checks to ensure that she got another opportunity to say those words to him again. Over at the helm Tom did the same thing.

She clasped and unclasped her hands many times in her command chair waiting. Since when had an away mission had her so on edge?

Since the away mission involves letting yourself get assimilated and possibly drawing Voyager into a Borg civil war,

The thought came to her as an answer to her question.

"We're in visual range," Tuvok reported from his station.

With that, Kathryn knew that the moment had come. She leaned forward

"On screen," She saw their target and it looked small, but she knew that looks could be deceiving.

"Magnify." The cube was imposing at a higher magnification. She studied her prey intently.

"Torres to bridge."

"Go ahead," She replied

"The Delta Flyer is ready for launch."

"On my way,"

This was it. There wasn't any turning back, but now that the moment was right in front of her, she found that she was reluctant to leave. To leave them…..and to leave him. She didn't stop to analyze it, it flowed from how long they had been together on this fateful trip. She didn't know how to say goodbye. This mission more than the others, she was unsure about.

She looked over at her Number One "Guess I'd better be going, huh?"

He nodded, his expression was inscrutable, but in spite of the support it gave, she knew the worry it concealed. "Anything you'd like done around here while you're gone? Gravity plating recalibrated? Carpets cleaned?"

She didn't even think about it as she did it. All she knew was that she was uncertain and unsure in the decision she took and the action that she was about to take. It came to her that she might have really been depending on Chakotay to talk her out of it, and for once, be forced to play it safe. Ironic it happened at the same moment when he trusted her the most, even when she was the reckless.

She used to always rush headlong into the missions. But he had taught her to pause and to take time to appreciate, who was around her; the people who made up her life and at that instant; the people who will go into the depths of Hell for her and with her. He was the head of her crew, and with him she knew that she had built a crew, and a family that was the envy of any Starfleet Captain. She didn't want this to be the last she saw of them, the last she saw of him.

She held out her hand. Chakotay took it. They had done this action many times, but not quite like this. This time it was done before in support of what was going to occur, instead of after contemplating consequences. She had his support as always. Even when she thought he had withheld it in the past, she realized that it was during those times that she was being supported by him the most.

"Surprise me," she said.

They stood together. Her best friend…..and more.

Soulcatcher, you have always held my soul.

The thought leapt out from her and it embraced him through her look. They stood like that for a moment.

It was enough.

"You have the bridge," Kathryn said softly. He nodded and then she let his hand go and turned to leave. Her steps were sure and her demeanor, determined. She felt more secure in her mission now, in its outcome whether it be success or failure. She nodded at Tuvok who began to follow her and just before she left, she took one last sweeping look of the bridge to ensure all was in order. Her last glance was on him from the Security station to the Turbolift. He neither sat, nor shifted his gaze from her until the doors closed. All was in order.

Kathryn didn't even think about what she had just done on the Bridge. Her mind was consumed with the mission ahead of her.

So was Chakotay's, but it didn't stop him from taking a moment to realize what had just happened, and holding up her soul to the ancient ones for protection. Then his mind began to be focused on what he had to do, to play his part in ensuring just that.

The first phase of the attack seemed to be go off without a hitch. It just took a little longer than expected. But they had done it. The away team had been assimilated and yet they were not part of the Collective thanks to the neural suppressant that the Doctor had come up with. He hoped that the advantage that this gave them would be enough.

They had fallen back and made repairs. Voyager was now ready for round two. All they had to do was wait for the signal.

After ensuring that everything was OK on the bridge, he went to check on Seven of Nine. He was sure when the collective realized what they had done, Voyager was going to need help soon after, and badly. At the time, the only people who could do that would be the drones from Unimatrix Zero.

Seven seemed apprehensive and it was not like her. But he didn't care right now. She had be focused, as they all were, on getting the away team back and on completing the mission. Personal feelings could not get in the way now. There would be plenty of time for that after, whatever the outcome. Now was time for professionalism and a little of that Borg efficiency that she was always so proud of. Others had learned to do it, and now so must she. All their lives depended on it. By the time he left, Chakotay knew that he had imparted that fact to her.

When he was finished in Astrometrics, he went back to the bridge. Once there, he took a deep breath and entered the Ready Room.

There were two things that Chakotay never did when he exercised Command in the Captain's absence. He never sat in her chair. He had his permanent station on the bridge, so there was really no need to do so. And he never used her ready room. He either used his consul on the bridge or his office. But he wanted to be alone right now to double check key systems and his office was too far away. The ready room was the only option left.

Kathryn was still there. Even when she left the ship, she never did. And nowhere was she more present as the Captain, than in her Ready Room. He sank in her chair behind the desk and switched on her computer. He was going to get her back to where she belonged.

He was deeply engrossed in system checks when Tom walked in. Chakotay barely looked up from his computer. He had an idea what was coming. Tom was never one to wait, and he knew that this waiting, with B'Elanna in so much danger was almost too much for him. What Tom didn't realize was that it was almost too much for Chakotay also. But over the years, he had leaned to deal with it. That was one of the lessons that had to be learnt in command. The mission came first and the mission involved waiting, sometimes with your heart in hand. You had to learn how to deal with it constructively or else you would never make it as a Commanding Officer.

"Busy?" Tom said by greeting. Chakotay was making clear by his actions that he was, but he knew that he had to give at least a token acknowledgement of his job as First Officer, even though right at that moment he was effectively the Captain.

"What's on your mind?"

"The away team." What else? "The plan was to give them two hours. It's been 2½."

"The Doctor's keeping an eye on them. We'll give it a little more time." He did not want to have this conversation, so he kept on working through it. Tom didn't realize it, but the worry that Chakotay had been so successful holding at bay was coming to the forefront and it was imperative for all their sakes that didn't happen, because Chakotay knew that if he acted on unchecked emotion he would jeopardize the mission.

Still he had sympathy for what the Lieutenant was going through. He spoke again but allowed his features to soften this time. "Unfortunately, not everything goes according to plan."

Tom would not let it go. He sat down in one of the chairs in front of the Captain's desk and made his pitch. "You know, it occurs to me that, with you in command and Tuvok off the ship that makes me acting first officer--technically speaking."

Chakotay sighed, he knew what was coming with that statement. "What's your point?"

"Well, it's my duty to give you an opinion and in my opinion I think we should pull them out now before it's too late."

"I appreciate your diligence...But I've made my decision. We wait."

Was that his voice that uttered the previous statement? It didn't seem like it. He thought that that statement should have been uttered by a female voice, and in fact in the past he knew that it had been.

Tom shook his head impatiently, "How long? A day? A week?"

Was it Tom's voice that uttered that statement? Chakotay knew that he had used some of those same tones and the same inflections at various times in the past…..to the Captain.

"As long as it takes to complete the mission."

"This mission isn't worth their lives."

No it wasn't. But it was what Kathryn was counting on him to support her through. It was what B'Elanna and Tuvok volunteered to help her with. And the reason why they were doing what they were right now, was worth a lot in its own right. To honor them, they would do everything that was necessary to ensure the mission was a success and that included waiting with their heart in their hands. With that realization, Chakotay calmed down a little more.

"You've made your point." Dismissed was not necessary, Tom got the point and he got up to leave. He did however fire off a parting shot.

"Apparently not." That got to Chakotay. What did Tom think he was? Unfeeling? His two best friends were on that cube as drones, of course it affected him. But that was not for Tom to know, for all their sakes, his emotions must be kept in check.

"Lieutenant." Chakotay stood as Tom turned around at the sound of his voice. Chakotay kept his Command mask firmly in place as he spoke.

"A first officer could get in a lot of trouble for talking to his Captain that way."

"I've learned from the best."

Maybe. But he hadn't learned the discipline that came from years of experience of making the same mistakes as he was making now. He didn't have the experience of serving with Chakotay and knowing what kind of Captain he was and earning his trust as First Officer, as surely as Chakotay would have had to as Captain. They were acting in Command, in effect they were walking a mile shoes that had been stretched to fit specific feet….. feet that were not their own.

"I appreciate your concerns Tom, but I need your support on this." Something that Kathryn had finally learned to say in her own way because of his doing. Something that Chakotay knew was the surest way to determine if trust was there between command officers and if they could build on it.

"Aye, sir." Tom's voice told him that the trust was there and that it was shaky, but it was a start.

But with Tom leaving the Ready Room, Chakotay found that he could not continue working, but surprisingly enough, he found that his mind was not only wandering to the away team and what they must be going through on the cube, but to the Captain, his best friend and……more. His thoughts also fell on B'Elanna, arguably the second person on the ship that he was closest to. He found himself running through all of the challenges that they had faced together, all of the good times and the bad that they had shared. He didn't want to know the hell Tom was going through, worrying about his significant other being on the mission that she was on now. It was one of the reasons why Tom could not be left in charge of Voyager if they ever found themselves in a situation like this again.

His mind also wandered his second year aboard Voyager when he fell for Kathryn, when he developed feelings for her and after they came back from New Earth and they chose not to pursue those feelings. He thought of the instances when they danced around what they were feeling for each other, never admitting it directly, each knowing what it would call from the other if they did develop a relationship on board. He remembered the time when Kathryn propositioned him and how he had turned her down based on a promise that he had made, and knowing who she was. He had always hated that particular unwritten protocol when he was in Starfleet; the one about fraternization between command officers especially between the Captain and the First Officer. He thought it was just another example of Starfleet trying to run their officers' lives. But then he never had to consider serving with the woman he loved, or even ordering his wife to her death to ensure the safety of his crew, because he never met a woman whom he could let himself love with his whole heart and nor one that he could have entrusted his whole soul to ……until now.

If he had any doubts of how much trouble fraternization could cause, he only had to remember Seska and who she turned out to be, and what happened between them long before he found out who she really was. Maybe Kathryn was absolutely right never to encourage him. He looked down at his hands, the hands that had held hers, had touched her in times of joy and sorrow, the hands that had done so much to make this journey more bearable for her and he felt her last touch, the one that she gave before leaving the bridge. It was in the Ready Room that it hit him fully, exactly what she had done in the presence of others. They had always been so careful because of the rumors that were sure to circulate if they were ever caught in any positions that could be deemed compromising. Her touch communicated to him exactly how nervous she was about the mission.

He had given her his support as he always had and right now, it was killing him. He too wanted to pull them out, but he knew that he had to be true to her and give her the chance to complete the mission. They could lose their lives going in after them, it wouldn't make sense to make that great sacrifice and accomplish nothing. The mission must be a success, and he had faith in Kathryn more than he had in himself. If anyone could complete the mission it would be her. And with B'Elanna and Tuvok at her side, she could not fail.

Chakotay sighed deeply as he realized that he was standing at the upper deck of the ready room with his hands behind his back staring at the stars as they streaked by. It was a position that he had often found the Captain in many times in the past. He appreciated how lonely this stance was and that's why he had always come in to offer support to Kathryn when she was like this. Still he knew from this experience and from others he had before he came on Voyager, that no one really understood or could take away completely the burden that fell squarely on the Captain's shoulders. There was always a piece of it that the captain had to carry alone. That's what the First Officer was for, to ensure that the remaining piece was as light as possible, and not to add to it unless it was absolutely necessary.

He hoped that one day Tom would learn and understand that important difference.

Everything was in readiness, now all he needed to do was wait, and there was a bridge full of worried officers doing their job to the best of their ability needing to see him doing the same. Putting on his command face, he exited the Ready Room on to the bridge and took his chair.