*fidgets* But the pressure to meet all your expectations...Gah!! As much as I thrive off the lovely reviews that trickle in, the knowledge that I have to earn it creates an adrenaline rush like nothing else (then again, I'm not a sports person, and I get carsick so rollercoasters don't do it for me...well, an adrenaline rush is an adrenaline rush.) God forbid I get writer's block...no death threats so far, and I'd like to keep it that way. ^_^
So, submitted for your approval, I give you...
Don't Let Go
Chapter Five: Will You Forgive Me If I Feel This Way?
Sarah stared at the spot previously occupied by the Goblin King. Hysterical laughter bubbled up within her, and she kept a fierce lid on it. Most of the school rumors about her whispered that she was mentally unstable and adding fuel to that particular fire was not something she needed. The Goblin King was going to help her?
Help her right off a cliff, perhaps. Just in case Christian was around to save her.
Or maybe help her to some paralyzing drink before she went swimming. Just in case Christian was around to resuscitate her.
She trembled and wrapped her arms tightly around her, trying to squeeze the conflicting joy from her body. She had no right to feel flattered that the Goblin King still had some interest in her activities, however twisted his interest was. To know that she had an effect on someone that powerful...
Sarah slapped herself lightly on the cheeks. "C'mon, girl," she muttered to herself,"Grow up!" That sort of childish satisfaction was precisely why she had such a big mess to sort out psychologically.
The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch break. Sarah lurched to her feet, not enjoying the way her left eyelid was twitching. Great. I've developed a tic from all the stress. She rubbed at the eye as she made her way to class, trying to get it to stop. She stopped at a water fountain and bent to take a drink, closing her eyes to relax the muscles.
"Dude, do you like her?" Sarah overheard.
"I'm not really sure." Sarah froze into place as she heard Christian's voice, that voice which was distinctive only because she'd memorized each note his words rose and fell upon, tucked into the secret corners of her heart. Christian cast about for words as he and his buddy walked past, not noticing the figure bent stiffly over the fountain."I mean, I don't know her well enough to know, you know?"
"Shit, man, I don't think anyone knows her all that well. C'mon, man, tell me. You like her, don't you?"
"Oh, shut up," Christian said laughingly, and their voices faded as they headed further down the hallway, the students parting to give the two room to maneuver in.
Sarah stood up numbly, her heart pounding and her head awash in heat. Christian liked somebody? Could that girl possibly- be her?
Just thinking about it proved it positively ludicrous. She shook her head and smiled ruefully at her stupidity. Just because he'd been interested once, didn't mean he was still interested. And a boy like Christian had plenty of options. He didn't have to be stuck with some alien who somehow wound up in this school, floating through as though on a UFO. Sarah let out a chuckle, and blushed at the odd looks she got from passing students. Hell, she even stared up at the sky all the time. They probably all thought she was awaiting the mothership or something!
Her smile softened into dreamy wistfulness. No, she wasn't awaiting some mothership at all. She just wanted...something. Something more than classes and books and stories. She could say that she wanted a fairy tale of her own, but she'd already done that.
The last bell rang and Sarah reluctantly headed down the hallway to her next class.
At the end of the day Sarah decided to walk home to clear her thoughts. It wasn't too far a walk, and she needed some fresh air, free of the taint of hope and betrayal.
"Sarah!" Christian called, and she turned mutely to face him, her face stiff enough that the bewilderment she felt didn't show at all. He faltered, but jogged into place beside her. He looked down the street, then glanced briefly at her and the ground, in swift succession. "Mind if I walk with you?" He asked, his voice slurring on the clear notes Sarah was used to hearing.
She shrugged stiffly and started walking. He hesitated, and matched her pace, his hands gripping the straps of his backpack like lifelines. The heavy, tense air hung between them in a swirling cloud of confusion and innocence. Sarah wracked her mind frantically for something to say, something to break the silence. Something light and airy, perhaps, with a hint of mischief. She could do that. Yes, she could. "Why are you walking with me?" she asked flatly, and strangled the urge to pound her head into the telephone pole.
She watched him out the corner of her eyes, saw the expressions wrestle as they toppled one over the other on his face. Finally he sighed and gathered his thoughts. "Well, I was wondering if you could, y'know, help me with school." He flashed her a smile.
Oh.
That fleeting, small speck of hope that had risen in her heart choked, hovered, and dropped to her feet. All right, so he wants school work help. Why else would someone go to the quiet and strange Sarah? How is that unusual? Well, Sarah, salvage the situation! Say something witty, charming; hell, say something nice for once! "Why would you need my help? You're smart enough in all your classes." Okay, so that was maybe the most roundabout compliment, but maybe it counted?
Judging by the way his mouth opened and shut as though he were a fish gasping for air as he flopped about on the dry dock, he probably didn't take it as a compliment.
"Well," he said, struggling, his eyes darting everywhere but her stoic, frozen face. "Okay, I'm doing pretty well in most of my classes," he admitted. "But I've heard your stuff in English, and you're definitely good at that. So I was wondering if you'd be willing to proofread one of my papers. You know, the assignment for next week." He glanced at her briefly, gauging her reaction, of which of course there wasn't a visible one. He smiled teasingly. "Maybe you could even liven it up. You're pretty...creative," he said after pausing to search for the right words.
Sarah's heart had shifted into high-gear pounding when he said he'd noticed her skills in class. Her excitement had admittedly plummeted a bit when he asked if she could proofread a piece, but hey, it was still testimony to his opinion to her skills, right? And that good opinion might spread to her other qualities. And then he'd smiled at her! She started smiling back, almost relaxing enough to loosen her frozen muscles.
But then that last comment shot a chilling arrow through her soul, and she stumbled mentally. She was creative? Why not just say he thought she was insane, or maybe fifty one cards short of a full deck? Liven it up my ass! He was probably mocking her. Her heart plummeted and she suddenly discovered that it was getting difficult to breathe. "I see," she said stiffly.
Christian shrugged uncomfortably and glanced away. "I mean, if you're busy, you don't have to," he said in an odd voice. "But, if you get the chance, could you read it over for me?"
Sarah stared at him openly. "Do you have it with you?" she asked, a single eyebrow shooting up. To be able to touch something that belonged to him, to feel a connection, no matter how tenuous and temporary; if she ignored the fact that she was being used, most likely for entertainment value, she could almost say she was happy.
Was he blushing? "Um, no. I'll get it to you tomorrow. Is that okay?"
She shrugged. "Yeah, sure." She wanted to sing with joy. She had a legitimate excuse to talk to him! Legitimate excuse to see him, to let the vision of his smile sink into her memory without fear of being caught watching.
He grinned widely. "Great!"
They continued walking. Was he going to walk her all the way home? Sarah panicked. If she came home with a boy, Karen was bound to make a fuss and invite him in, and tell all sorts of embarrassing tales. Besides, didn't he live on the other side of town? "Aren't you done? Shouldn't you go home now?"
....That was probably not the most tactful way to put it. She stared at the heavens exasperatedly, swallowing her frustrated howl. Too late, she realized that Christian would misinterpret her actions.
His grin faltered. "Um, right." He stopped, and waved a hand uncertainly at her. "Right then. I'll be going. See you tomorrow!"
Sarah watched as he fled, and when he was a good distance away she smacked her palm into her face and dragged it down. She tugged at her lips, wondering why they refused to cooperate with the thoughts in her brain. She sighed and headed home, wondering how long it would be before Christian completely gave up on her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: *swallows nervously again* This gets harder and harder to write. *whimpers* I have the ending all thought out, heck, I even have a theme song for the end (y'know, just like the end credits of a movie go by to a song.). I'm just having difficulty connecting points A and B. It's not going to be a straight line, it's more going to resemble a sine curve.
And you know I'm frazzled when I start making mathematical metaphors. I HATE math. Ick ick ick.
Anyway, this chapter wasn't as...lyrical as the others, perhaps, but I'm hoping the awkwardness of Christian and Sarah more than make up for it.