Don't Let Go
Chapter Ten: You Give Me Something I Can Believe In
Sarah stepped carefully off the bus, her dark eyes scanning the sea of LL Bean backpacks and large, preppy handbags. She searched for the worn, malformed denim bag that was etched into her long term memory. An odd, unsettling disappointment slithered through her stomach when she couldn't see him, and she entered the school building with a sigh. She drifted through the bustling crowd of students. Her eyes fell briefly upon every face and her heart sped up for two brief seconds with anticipation until recognition dawned and her gaze swept elsewhere.
Canaret glided through the monotony of pastels and solids on a wave of stark black. She looked puzzled as her eyes fell upon Sarah's searching expression. "Sarah, who're you looking for?"
Sarah turned to her friend, her eyes wide and her face flushed. "Canaret!" she exclaimed, flustered. "Oh, hi."
Canaret raised a carefully painted eyebrow. "Oh, hi?" Her lips curved upwards slightly as she reconsidered her friend, whose gaze had returned to the sea of faces. "Sarah, did something good happen?"
Sarah turned back and shook her head, then paused and nodded, and finally sighed, glancing upwards with a smile. "Oh, yeah." She glanced down at her outfit worriedly. "Before I tell you, what do you think?"
Canaret blinked and looked her friend over. "Well, the white peasant top is cute, I guess. And those jeans aren't the most stylish, but they're functional. Sarah, since when do you care what you're wearing?"
Sarah glanced left and right, then leaned in close to her friend's head. "Well," she whispered, her eyes dancing,"You see-"
The bell rang, and the hallways surged with sudden energy. Sarah and Canaret were overwhelmed and redirected none too gently to their classroom. Sarah cast her friend a helpless look as they were swept into English class. They found their usual seats towards the back of the classroom and sat down, waiting for the noise to die down. Sarah cast her gaze over the heads of her fellow students, wondering just where Christian was.
Her face lit up as he dashed into the room and seated himself next to his buds in one of the front rows. He looked out of breath, grinning and trading jokes with his friends. He turned and glanced at the back of the room out the corner of his eye. His gaze caught hers, and they turned red together as they smiled goofily.
The teacher called for attention and the students quieted. Christian's gaze lingered a few seconds longer before turning to the front.
Canaret had a very, very smug look on her face when Sarah turned back. She leaned over the desk and grinned slyly. "I see," she whispered, very amused. "So that's what happened."
Sarah honestly didn't think she could turn any redder.
Well, she was proved wrong at lunch.
The two girls made their usual way to their corner of darkness in the cafeteria, their sack lunches like lifelines in the unusually pungent odors rising from the trays. They were stopped when Christian sprang up from the finely delineated center. "Sarah, over here!" He waved at her gaily, cheeks pink. It seemed that the embarrassment was wearing off gradually. He paused as his gaze fell upon the Gothic girl standing beside Sarah with a bemused expression upon her pale face. Conflicting emotions warred across the face as he considered whether he was willing to risk associating with the 'biting' girl.
Canaret shook her head with a smile and nudged Sarah with a strategically placed elbow. "Go on, then. I can eat with the others today." She grinned and nipped at the air next to Sarah's cheek. "Kiss kiss." With a smug look the girl glided away.
Christian looked immensely relieved as Sarah made her cautious way to the center. He looked completely confident; Sarah wished she shared some of that easy confidence as puzzled and antagonistic gazes fell upon her back, her front, and all the way up and down. There was a distinct sense of wrongness as she crossed the border edges of the elite circle and made her way to Christian. He either didn't notice the social tensions or was simply too arrogant to care. His eyes were for Sarah alone, and this did not go unnoticed by the female members of his fanclub.
He shoved at his friends to make room, and they squeezed to make room for Christian and this...novelty. They sat down, blushing awkwardly and grinning with silly affection. Tom stared at Sarah. "Aren't you that fantasy chick?" Christian leveled a warning gaze at Tom, who raised his hands defensively, grinning sheepishly. "Hey, man, I just wondered."
Sarah gave him an odd look. "I enjoy reading fantasies, yes." She smiled, trying to play nice with Christian's friends. Despite her outspoken hatred of the cliqueness of the high school social infrastructure, she still got a guilty, deeply buried thrill from being able to have an excuse to sit there and pretend if only for a short time that she was one of them. Plus, they were Christian's friends. If she wanted to smooth things out for Christian, she had to figure out how to sail the murky political currents sweeping through the table. "And you're Tom, one of Christian's friends. I hear you're quite the sportsman."
Tom smiled and nodded, the blank look telling Sarah more than she needed to know. She stifled a sigh and clarified,"I hear you're good at football." She exchanged smiles with Christian, and was rewarded by the warm look in his blue eyes. She blushed and averted her gaze to her sack lunch.
Tom grinned. "Thanks. And you're brilliant at writing." His brown eyes sparkled with mischief. "You know, that's one of the things he noticed first about you," he added in a stage whisper. The table erupted in giggles as he winked at her.
Christian rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up, you dumb ass." He was smiling, however, and Sarah was awash in happiness. He glanced at her sack lunch, and jumped up. "Hey, I'm going to get a drink. What would you like?"
"I want a coke," Tom requested.
"Not you, dummy," Christian grinned jokingly as he turned to Sarah. "See what I have to put up with? So what'll it be?" Sarah shrugged. "I don't really need anything-"
"Sure you do. I know..." Christian smiled devilishly as he turned to the table as though he was about to bestow some great secret truth. "Chocolate milk," he said, enunciating each syllable carefully. He grinned at Sarah. "I'll be right back."
Sarah blushed. Tom laughed. "That's about the only thing he's been able to figure out about you, mystery girl."
Sarah raised her head shyly and glanced at the other girls. "So, um, how're you all doing?"
A sophomore girl flipped her shiny, dyed hair over her shoulder. "Well, I just had the best time yesterday. I went to the mall and got these great bargains." She gave Sarah a deliberately bored once-over, as though Sarah would disappear from the world within a day and was therefore unworthy of remembering. "I know exactly where to go for the best clothes." Unlike some people, was the underlying comment.
Sarah resisted the urge to growl. She turned to another girl, struggling to smile pleasantly. "So what's new with you?"
"Well," the younger girl said as she leaned in conspiratorially, her perfectly painted face beaming with confident youth,"I hear that Jason's about ready to kill himself." She nodded knowingly at the rather large section of the cafeteria dedicated to those who excelled in mathematics and sciences. Sarah felt sick as the girl continued,"And I know for a fact that Bobbie is sleeping with her physics teacher. Apparently they're in love," the girl wrinkled her nose scornfully as her voice filled with laughter. "Can you imagine? Love!" The girl smiled wickedly. "So, how far have you gotten with Christian?"
Sarah flushed angrily. "I don't think that's any of your business," she said civilly, ignoring the gnashing of her molars.
"Oh, please," the girl dismissed Sarah's comment with a wave of the hand. "Like you're not thinking about it." She gave Sarah a scornful once-over. "You're not going to get anywhere with that outfit." She brightened. "I heard that Danielle tried this new thing with Matthew over spring break..."
Sarah was fairly certain that the girl would never shut up. Bewildered, she turned to Tom beseechingly, only to find him stuffing his face with his food. She glanced around the table, and felt very much alone. She stood up and excused herself to the ladies room. She splashed water on her face and looked at her weary face in the mirror. With a sigh she closed herself in a bathroom stall and sat down on top of the toilet cover, trying to regain her strength.
She heard the door open and some girls walked in.
"I don't see what Christian sees in her." Sarah recognized that voice as belonging to the girl who'd been so dismissive of Sarah.
"I know. All right, she's got that whole insane-outcast mystique going, but that can't last." That would be the gossip.
"I think he's actually serious about her, can you believe that?" A third girl said, and gagged.
"Did you see those gaa-gaa looks they were giving each other? I haven't seen so much sickening sweetness since I took my sister trick-or-treating on Halloween!"
"Well, one thing's for certain: she doesn't even have the decency to dress right!"
"I know. I just about died of embarrassment when she walked up to the table. Even if she is purely a whim of the male mind, she should present herself acceptably. I mean, that hideous shirt! And those pants! When was the last time she went shopping, the eighties?"
The three girls burst into laughter.
Sarah's blood boiled even as her stomach twisted with nausea. She stood up and opened the door, stepping out into the bathroom. She glared at the girls, who glanced at her giddily.
"Oh, hi, Sarah," the haughty sophomore said, the look in her eyes telling Sarah that they'd known she was here, and that the glove was thrown.
Hurt, Sarah whirled out of the bathroom. She ran past Christian, startling him. He ran after her as she exited the cafeteria. "Sarah?" He called after her questioningly. He caught up with her and stood a careful distance from her. "Are you all right?"
Sarah turned around, avoiding his eyes. Her hands rubbed her arms as she frowned and sighed. "How can you be around all those people and still be you?" she asked quietly, shifting her gaze to meet his. "How?" she whispered.
Christian tossed the chocolate milk carton around in his hands. He stilled and sighed, catching the carton. "They got to you already?" The pain in her face was answer enough, and he closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, and glanced away. "I know they can be cruel-"
Sarah had to laugh at that, and shook her head at his puzzled look. "Nothing. Go on."
"They're cruel because they're afraid of getting hurt. As they get older, they become more secure, and they lose that...edge. You can understand, can't you?" He looked at Sarah pleadingly, and she knew he was far from willing to choose her over his stable social circle. If he could incorporate her into his life, he would be the happiest person there was. But if it came down to choosing...Sarah didn't want to take that chance. Not when this joy was so fresh and young.
Besides, she understood their cruelty perfectly.
She shook her head and tried to smile. "It's all right. Really. But...I don't think I'm up to sitting with them again." She held up a hand, silently asking that he let her finish. "They seem to think that I'm temporary, a fluke, and that I'll quietly disappear from their nice, ordered lives very soon. Until we're more stable, I don't think their attitude will change." She gazed at him, quiet determination in her eyes. "I don't intend to give up without a fight, but I also know to pick my fights."
Christian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm really, really sorry about this, Sarah. I didn't mean-"
"Hey, it's okay." Sarah shrugged. "I should have been better prepared." She thought of the outfit the Goblin King had picked out for her, the outfit that was currently buried in her closet, and wondered how much a difference that would have made. "But I was expecting this to happen." She smiled for real this time. "All good things must be fought for in this world."
Christian blinked, then blushed, scratching his head. "Um, right." He stared at the milk carton in his hand and held it out to her. "Here. I guess I've already shaken it up for you."
Sarah smiled and accepted the small gift.
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A/N: *wipes forehead* whew! Long chapter this time. *grins* Aren't you all glad? Let me just say, though, this was the single most difficult chapter to write yet. I remember high school as cruel (though not as bad as the hell that was middle school), but I also don't remember much...subtlety in its cruelty. Jareth's cruelty is more refined; I couldn't decide if I wanted the girls to be crudely mean or have a refined sense of cruelty. I settled for something in between: The girls are trying to be both subtle and obvious. I'm not sure how well this works...I really need feedback on this chapter. *smiles* But, we also have C/S fluff here. And he's not perfect. I'm happy. ^_^