Just a little emotional one for you, may have another chapter to add later. Hope you like!

Also, 'If Only' is an original work copyrighted to me, not my original version as I couldn't find my original.

I think I'm fine, I think I've moved on but then it hits me, John's gone and he's never coming back.

There are days when I wake up and I hear him in the kitchen, I call out but no one answers, I hear the water running- John's in the shower, I get up to join him but the room is empty, the showers not even on.

I sigh and shake my head, I hear John's car pull up in the drive, I look out the window expecting to see the familiar sight of John getting out of his car after his shift, but no ones there just the milkman in his rattly old cart.

I go downstairs, pick up the mail, still lying on the hall table is a letter John wrote me a few days before he died;

'Claire,

I know I don't tell you enough, but I do truly love you. And I hope you feel the same way. Someday I'd like us to get married and have children. I want you to know how much you've changed my life, I'm a better person since I met you and it's all thanks to you.

I love you so much

John xxxxxx'

A tear fell as I read the letter, I could imagine John sat at the kitchen table writing it before folding it neatly, placing it an envelope and leaving it on the hall table for me to find when I got up.

It was a letter from the heart and I cherished it all the more now, knowing I couldn't get another letter like this.

I replaced the letter on the table and made my way into the kitchen, pinned up on the fridge was a poem John wrote after a bad shift at the office entitled 'If Only'

'If only you cared to listen

You'd know I understand

If only you cared to listen

I'll be here to hold your hand

If only you cared to listen

You'd know I'm here for you

If only you cared to listen

Together we'll see it through'

More tears fell as I read it through, picking up a milk bottle I hurled it at the wall, the pain was too bad, I just wanted my man, I needed him.

The bottle shattered and I thought about ending my life, but before I could do anything about it the phone rang, only Kerry checking up on me.

I'm fine I lie, she doesn't believe me but luckily she doesn't insist on coming over this time. I know I need to go out for some shopping but I can't face the world just yet, somebody killed my John and they might just kill me too, I'm scared, scared for myself, my dead lover and scared of the fact that I have to go back to work sometime soon.

Its only been a week and I'm still a wreck, wonder what I'll be like in a years time- if I'm still alive.