Chapter Twenty One: I Can't Resist Your Sweet, Sweet Smile
"Sarah, walk you home?" Christian asked as he trotted across the courtyard, a happy smile on his face.
She smiled at him. "All right." The afternoon sun streamed molten gold onto the pavement, melting the edges of shadows and creating the dark shapes all at once. Their sneakers treaded softly on the pavement, feet curving into the porous concrete with every step of the way. The air was heavy with languid warmth and hummed with the small, cluttered sounds of suburban life.
It was such a happy afternoon, Sarah couldn't stand it. "Christian, we need to talk."
He glanced at her serious face and his good cheer faltered. "Sarah, them's fighting words," he said, trying to make light of it.
She sighed. "Look, I need to talk to you, all right?" She smiled gently.
He balked. "Why?"
"Not here, Christian. C'mon, let's sit on the swings at the playground." She took his hand and tugged him after her. He allowed himself to be led to the playground.
The jungle gym was occupied by three girls shrieking as they chased each other over the metal bars in some strange rendition of tag. A mother read a book as her son rode a tricycle around in front of her. The swings hung empty in the wind and dying light, swaying slightly. Sarah dumped her bag at one of the supporting poles and sat down, gripping the chains loosely. Christian dropped his bag in the mulch covered surface as well, and sat down in the swing beside her.
Sarah kicked back and started swinging, loving the way the wind felt as she swooped towards the ground. She smiled and glanced at Christian, who watched her with an amused expression on his face. Her cheeks tinted pink. "I haven't been on a swing in ages. I'd forgotten how...liberating it feels." She brought herself to a rocky halt and kicked at the mulch, digging the tips of her sneakers into the brown chips.
He had that look of awe on his face again, Sarah noticed with a sigh. "You're amazing," he said.
"So you tell me." She averted her eyes and stared at the mulch. "Christian, if I ask you a question, will you answer me honestly?"
"Well, that certainly doesn't sound good," he commented, sitting back in the swing. He reached his arms straight up and gripped the chains high above his head. He shrugged. "All right. Sure."
"Why do you like me?"
Christian stared at her. "What, are you kidding?"
She pushed back and forth, rocking the swing into a mild motion. "You said you'd answer me."
"Because you're wonderful," he said finally. "You're funny, goofy, serious and strange. You have a thousand different smiles, one for every possible occasion." He opened and shut his mouth and looked up at the sky helplessly. "I don't know. You're like a dream come true, a fairy princess from all the stories that I got read as a kid."
"Are you my prince, then?"
"Heck no." Christian grinned. "I'm your knight in shining armor."
Sarah gazed at him quietly. Just stop, Christian, stop before you dig yourself too deep a hole to ever climb out of.
He continued, staring off into the distance. "I don't know, Sarah. You're like some... magical being," he declared,"-who occasionally deigns to interact with us mere mortals."
"So I remind you of Lucky and Cinderella?"
He grinned. "Yeah, I guess you do. But you're more regal than that."
Sarah shook her head and sighed. "I thought so." She avoided his gaze. "Christian, I have a couple of things to say to you. And please, hear me out.
"One: I like you. I really, really do. But the funny thing is, you don't really like me." She held up a hand. "Let me finish. You have this idealized girl in your mind which I apparently come close to, but you stop at the resemblance." She sighed and shrugged. "From day one you stopped trying to see the girl behind of the layers of visions you've got layered over me, and you just seem to keep adding more images of me that, really, I'm not. I'm not a fairy princess, I'm not Lucite Ball. I am not some goddess to be worshipped nor am I some queen to be revered. But you don't seem to want to see Sarah, the girl." She smiled sadly at him and then glanced away. "As flattering as the worship is, I can't take much more of it."
She took a deep, shuddering breath, and he opened his mouth to object. "I'm not done, yet, Christian." She swallowed as her eyes glistened in the fading light. "Second: As much as I like you, I've been dating you under false pretenses. I'm still in love with someone who will no longer give me a second look. I screwed up with him majorly, and I think I wound up using you as a security blanket." She dropped her head. "I don't think it's fair to either of us to continue dating."
Christian's jaw dropped. After a few attempts, he worked up a smile. "You're kidding, right, Sarah? Did Tom or one of those other idiots put you up to this?" His eyes narrowed. "Did the girls make you say this?"
Sarah shook her head and gripped the chains of the swing tightly. "Christian..."
"That's bullshit, Sarah!" He jumped up. "You brought me here to break up with me? Who the hell is this guy that has you wrapped around his finger?"
She studied him sadly. "That bothers you, doesn't it, that some person has power over me."
He snarled. "You're above that, Sarah!"
"No I'm not, Christian." She furiously wiped away the tears that had spilled over, and she took two shallow breaths. "I told him once he had no power over me, but it was a lie. He's always had power over me. Ever since I met him, he's always been at the edge of my consciousness, gnawing at me from the inside out." She looked sharply up at him. "Do you think I want to hurt you?" she demanded. "I was going to try to forget him, if you'd really liked me." She dropped her head against the chain. "But you don't," she whispered. "You like what you think I represent."
"That's not true!" he protested. "I think you're wonderful the way you are-"
"You don't even want to see what I am!" she retorted sharply. "Every time I do something slightly bizarre you chalk it up to my 'strange wonderfulness,' instead of just accepting it as a part of me. You believe the government and the aliens are in on some conspiracy. You're plenty weird; you just don't look for it. You look for all the weirdness in life in me!" She laughed hysterically as a thought popped into her head and out her mouth. "I'm exhausted from living up to your expectations, Christian!"
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A/N: *wide eyes* Did I write this?