sumeragi sui
Warnings: Er, the tiniest hint of shounen-ai. That's it, save for something that if I mention I'd spoil it, but it's something almost perfectly clean/innocent anyway, so it doesn't really matter anyway. :3
Disclaimers: Sadly, Tokyo Babylon belongs to CLAMP, not me. But, a girl can wish can't she? An excerpt from "Signals Over The Air" by Thursday is... well, copyright Thursday.
Notes: Yes, finally another chapter! Work has been boggling down on me lately, but I almost finished my Subaru costume for RECCA Con this Saturday just need the hat, gloves, and shoes, and cut my hair! so I decided to give myself a break for once and let myself finally get the thoughts I've been piling up in my brain over the weeks I haven't written anything for this story, anyway. I actually lost a lot more sleep than I regained over the period where I wasn't writing for this thing, although I said I would start another chapter once I finished my homework/regained sleep... hehe, none of that happened.
Anyway, this is the one story I am most enthused about writing, and although at times I feel like a disgruntled mangaka with a deadline who just writes down whatever to fulfill that deadline except my deadlines are entirely nonexistent, but I always force myself to write so I can keep on updating at a constant rate. This will probably be a longer chapter, or at least that's what I'm aiming for, anyway.
Right now my brain feels like mush and that's always a good state to be in before writing. snark
Anyway... enjoy, if you can!
is there any true meaning in "life"...
if there is always death lurking right afterwards?
"But, okaasan... why can't I play outside like everyone else?" a four-year-old Kakyou asked inquisitively to his only parent, his mother. He looked sadly out the window at the other children his age playing catch, while he was stuck inside and constantly sleeping for no apparent reason.
Kakyou's mother sighed and stroked his hair softly. His powers haven't fully developed yet... but once they do, he'll never be able to return to reality... fated to live the life of a dreamseer... she thought, slightly depressed. "Because, Kakyou-kun... you have a gift... something others don't have. You should learn to cherish that gift in the future... even if it makes you sad, if it makes you cry." She paused, kissing his cheek gently and reassuringly. "Will you promise me that, Kakyou?"
Kakyou looked faintly confused, but nodded and smiled cheerfully. "Of course! Whatever you say, okaasan!"
"Kakyou... can you hear me?"
Yes...
"It is I, the yumemi Hinoto, the 'dreaming princess' under the Diet Building."
I know.
"Oh... yes... of course... after all... we both know...
They wanted me to deliver you a message..."
They wanted to tell me that my mother had died, right...?
I already knew. Just as you know I knew.
"But they still want you to stay alive... you're still vital to them..."
He smiled. Of course...
Smiling downcast and reminiscently, Kakyou remembered the first time he realized he really did love Hokuto...
It was a bleak, rainy day. Coincidentally, it was only a few days after Hokuto had asked if he loved her. The air was frigid and cold, and there was a trace of loneliness, even in the cool wind. Even the atmosphere in his dreams was dark and gloomy, and he could hear the pitter-patter of the raindrops coming down hard on the fragile panels of his usual dreamscape; a traditional Japanese house. It only lacked two things; actual people, smiling and laughing, which would never happen, and, for that day, Hokuto.
He waited. Waited until what it seemed like the end of eternity, except, in reality, it was only a few minutes.
Waiting was one of the few things that had never really suited him. He could have glimpsed into the "future" for the reason why Hokuto wasn't there that evening, except this wasn't about the "future" anymore. It was about the present, and seeing things about Hokuto-- especially if they were depressing-- made him more unhappy than if he didn't.
And for some reason, he started to feel sick without Hokuto. Like a hole in his heart, and it seemed to grow larger with each passing minute. He clutched his chest, struggling almost to breathe. His own brain wasn't allowing him to breathe. He fought against himself, attempting to breathe, to live. But what exactly was the point of living if Hokuto wasn't there?
The following day, however, he didn't ask Hokuto once why she had not visited him. Smiling sadly to himself, he reasoned that if Hokuto had something truly important to do, he shouldn't pry. He knew Hokuto to be the kind of girl who wasn't so cruel as to purposely overlook their daily dates. Only something truly significant would make her miss sleeping, after all.
Still, he realized once he'd had trouble breathing that he would live, and die, for Hokuto, his Hokuto-chan...
where do we go... from here?
"Kakyou-kun--!" Hokuto greeted cheerfully, immersing Kakyou in a tight embrace. Behind her was a shy-looking boy who looked identical to Hokuto, and a mysterious-looking older man with glasses and a veterinarian coat on. He smiled at Kakyou, but, if Kakyou wasn't mistaken, he saw an unfamiliar flash of a glare and animosity from the man, although it disappeared as soon as it had surfaced.
"KAKYOU! I hope you don't mind me bringing along my brother and best friend today!" she said, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
Kakyou smiled sheepishly and bowed. "I take it that this is your twin Subaru... and...?" He glanced at the man questioningly, but Hokuto smiled and pointed (rather rudely, he might add, although it didn't seem to matter to her) to her friend, who bowed also.
"This is Sakurazuka Sei-chan! Seishirou." She nodded, introducing the two and playfully forcing them to shake hands. Kakyou's face reddened to a slight pink at Hokuto's informal actions, as she chirped, "Sei-chan! This is Kuzuki Kakyou-kun!" She paused, looking thoughtful with her finger on her cheek and her head tilted slightly to one side. "I'm sure once you get to know him, Sei-chan, you'll absolutely love him!"
Seishirou smiled politely and nodded cheerfully. "Yes, Hokuto-chan, I'm sure that I will become very good friends with Kakyou-san." Unheard by anyone except Kakyou, he added ominously, "Very good friends indeed..."
Grinning apologetically at Hokuto, Seishirou put an arm around Kakyou's shoulders, much to his surprise, and announced, "Hokuto-chan, I'm going to borrow Kakyou for a moment so we can get better acquainted with each other, okay?" Hokuto nodded, hugging her brother, who blushed at his own sister's touch. He's not exactly a touchy-feely person, is he? Kakyou mused curiously, entertained by Hokuto's antics while being whisked away at the same time by his new acquaintance.
Once out of Hokuto and Subaru's sight, Seishirou smiled evilly and hissed in Kakyou's ear, "You know, don't you?" As he said this, his fingers found themselves to Kakyou's neck. "You know what happens next... you know what will happen to the boy..." Suddenly, he tightened his loose grip on Kakyou's neck and smiled darkly. "And you won't tell anybody, will you?" he continued in a silky voice. Caught off guard, Kakyou choked and sputtered, managing to mumble frantically, "N-- no, I w-won't--!" Seishirou smiled again in his corrupt way and began to release his grasp on Kakyou. "Good," he said softly. Kakyou looked uncomfortable and massaged his neck, while Seishirou continued in a low whisper, "Otherwise your precious Hokuto-chan..." He made an elaborate stabbing gesture, and smiled. Slowly, he began to lead Kakyou back to the other two, arm still around shoulders.
It makes no difference, Kakyou thought bitterly. She's going to die anyway...
Once he saw Hokuto again, he grinned nonchalantly and pretended nothing had happened. He sighed, relieved that what had happened was over, and allowed Hokuto to give him a hug. "See? Sei-chan's not that bad, right? At least, I hope so!" Hokuto whispered in his ear while they hugged, quite carefree. Kakyou blushed slightly and nodded, trying to reassure her.
"Yeah, he's not too bad..." Kakyou replied in a rather disoriented way, trailing off and watching Seishirou tease Subaru from a moderate distance.
I wonder... do assassins really have a right to live, like everybody else?
"So, your brother's really quite shy, isn't he?" Kakyou commented, observing Subaru blush an almost unsettling dark red as Seishirou jokingly held him. "So different from you," he added, laughing. Hokuto giggled, looking truly happy at seeing Subaru spending time with Seishirou.
"Yeah, he is... but I just want him to be happy... he'd give up his life, even for a stranger if they were in danger or something..." She hesitated for a moment, and then frowned, in thought. "Is it really so dangerous to have such a pure soul? I wonder..." She gave an apologetic smile and giggled. "Ohohohoho! But, I don't like thinking about such serious things anymore. They're so-- "
She broke off, astonished as Kakyou whimsically kissed her on the lips. After a brief moment, still in shock, Hokuto managed to stammer, "Wha--! Waiii! Kakyou-kun!" She grinned and unexpectedly squealed in delight. "WAIII, you really are adorable! My adorable Kakyou-kun!" She hugged him, and he turned crimson. After a few moments, she asked curiously in a cheerful voice, "Well, why exactly did you do that? Kakyou-kun doesn't usually do things so abrupt and surprisingly..." she thought out loud, looking at Kakyou and smiling.
Kakyou blushed deeper, and muttered simply, "Er..."
Hokuto pouted, raising her index finger with a scolding yet teasing glare, seeming to want to reprimand him for such a short, useless answer.
"I-- uh... I..."
Smiling contently, Hokuto nodded, looking rather curious. "Remember what I said last time? I-- "
"Yes?" Hokuto answered expectantly, grinning in anticipation.
Kakyou reddened again, and muttered softly, "...daisuki."
I like you...
Eyes widening to an almost unrealistic size, Hokuto, for the first time in what seemed like centuries, began to blush. "K-Kakyou-kun..." Face burning and red, she muttered, looking slightly away towards the ground, "Well... you know what my feelings are towards you... r-right...?" Kakyou nodded, managing to smile.
"So, I guess that means... er..." Kakyou mumbled hesitantly.
Hokuto raised her head abruptly and piped up, "I know! Let's get married!" She grinned. Kakyou laughed, blushing. Leave it to Hokuto to break a serious, sentimental moment with an unrealistic suggestion. However, Hokuto grinned and smiled shyly to herself. "But it does make me... sort of happy to know that, Kakyou-kun..." Her face flushed.
Unexpectedly again, Kakyou kissed her one last time, and smiled nostalgically. "I think it's time for you to wake up..." He glanced at Hokuto's watch. Her face fell slightly, and she pouted.
"It won't matter if I miss school just once, will it?" she suggested suddenly. Kakyou grinned.
Smiling, he replied, "Hokuto-chan, your education should matter more than-- er, sleeping." Hokuto hugged him again and pecked his cheek gently, ending up licking his ear accidentally. She blushed, and Kakyou reddened too, so they mumbled good-byes to each other, and Hokuto ran to rejoin Subaru and Seishirou, a faint telltale scarlet still remaining on her face.
this is what you see
when you look in my direction
this is how it feels
calling out what no one even hears
when you say my name
want to split it from your lips
hot like whispers in the rain
want to stop it in your lungs
and collect all of your blood
is this how it feels when
you don't even fit into your own skin
and it's getting tighter
everyday and i'm getting smaller
if i keep holding my breath
i'm going to disappear
if I keep holding my breath
all of this will fade away
if you keep driving we'll be lying in the rain...
"Hokuto-san, you can't go with Subaru-san on his trip..."
"But why, Obaasan? Why not? I'm older than Subaru, and I'm a Sumeragi too...!" Hokuto wailed, looking at her grandmother pleadingly and holding her hands in a begging pose. Her grandmother sighed and patted her shoulder lightly, turning away to collect a stack of papers that had fell to the floor.
"But the fact still stays the same that you are not the head of the Sumeragi, and therefore you have limited powers and it would be useless to try to further them." She left Hokuto in the room, miserable and lonely.
Hokuto began to cry. "S-Subaru is my brother... I want to be able to protect him from anyone... if I can't look after him because I have no powers, then who will...?" She sobbed to herself, weakly wiping away her tears. Sniffing loudly, more tears swelled up in her eyes and fell on the cold ground. "Just because I don't have powers... does that mean I can never be truly a Sumeragi...? And Subaru does... so he won't be able to have much fun when he's little, like I can... it's not fair, that he can't play with his friends and I can..."
Weeping, she walked slowly to her grandmother's library and attempted to reach a book on the top shelf. Stacking thick books on top of each other to climb up to the top, she retrieved the book. Even if I don't have powers now... I will... I will, for Subaru... she thought fiercely, clutching her book.
From a distance, someone could have made out the faded letters on the cover. Onmyoujitsu: The Secret Arts of the Sumeragi Clan.
Is there someone out there you want to protect?
Who are you?"
The girl staring back at her in the mirror smiled.
I am... you, Hokuto.
"... How is this possible...?"
There is another one who looks like you, but he does not reside in a piece of glass, he is real. Is he the one you wish to protect?
Hokuto nodded weakly, and walked slowly up to her slender mirror and hugged the image in it. "Yes," she answered, whispering softly.
Returning from another date with Kakyou-kun, Hokuto grinned to herself, biting her lip in contentment. She gradually journeyed to her room and stood in front of her mirror, smiling. Mirror... I have another person I want to protect. I would protect him with my life... my soul...
"Kakyou...?"
Hokuto smiled. "Yes..."
Ending Notes: Well, I certainly can't dub that "short and sweet", eh? I had a lot on my mind, so ... yeah. Hope you enjoyed it, and after writing a long chapter like this it actually wasn't that long... but, meh... I'm very busy lately! I'm probably not going to write another chapter until after half a month or something... we'll see.