By Your Side.
"Death."
Sumeragi Sui.
Warnings: SPOILERS UP UNTIL TOKYO BABYLON 7. And maybe X/16 while we're at it.
Disclaimers: CLAMP owns the lovely TB girls and boys, they're just on lease for me. And excerpts of TB/7 and X/16 in story format. The lullaby was my creation, rather random too (could you tell?).
Notes: This is the end. There is an epilogue. It's been over a year since I promised the end of this fic, I know. It's been my longest, it's been my baby, and I'll certainly miss it (after I'm done with the epilogue). I almost forgot my own storyline and such. I had a first draft of this last chapter, which is lost on my old computer and I'm too lazy to get it.
At first I was going to finish this without Hokuto and Kakyou meeting again, but as I was nearing the end I realized it made the whole chapter almost rather pointless. Then again, their meeting wasn't too exciting anyway. Ah well.
Please note that this is probably the last fics I'll ever publish again on I have also edited all past works/chapters of this slightly. They are now to be found at pyreflies.nu/yoru , along with any other future stories. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, I'm not going to finish writing, fanfiction or original, it's just that I don't think FFN is the right place for me. I've never felt too at home here.
Haha, this is starting to sound angstier than the story itself! Anyway, I've just been in a writing mood lately, so yeah. I never had side stories, either. Well, maybe they weren't necessary, for a fic with two main characters.
I hope you all enjoy. And my last words are...
HOKUTO/KAKYOU FOREVER.
Hehe.
(Well, maybe not last. There IS an epilogue, after all. But it will be so painfully short it'll barely count. So, yeah. I really hope the last chapter is not complete crap.)
Death.
What is death?
The end of everything,
The beginning of everything,
The end of nothing.
I'll see you again someday.
Hokuto-chan?
Drip.
A faucet was leaking, somewhere, far, far in the distance.
Far, far, far...
Ho... ku...
"Subaru..."
Sumeragi Hokuto was crying, almost uncharacteristic for her cheery disposition. Her twin, the brother that looked almost identical to her, was almost... worse than dead. Maybe she couldn't understand it as well as the other onmyouji did, maybe she couldn't save him the way the other onmyouji could--
But she had her own ways. There may not be so many ways for her to save her brother but her own, and that was the sacrifice she had to make. She knew Subaru; as kind as he was, he was also stubborn. And he'd never had his heart broken-- broken, not only his heart but his whole self, shattered into a million tiny jagged pieces, dangerous if you stepped on them barefoot-- before this.
"Please... come back."
The smile that shone on her face was one of sadness, desperation for her brother to return from Within, to return from the chambers of torture he had crafted for himself, so as to break himself further.
She would find the man that did this to Subaru-- made Subaru feel, made Subaru break, as he was only the most fragile of porcelain dolls, anyway; Hokuto was made of plush, unbreakable without brute force-- and do the only thing she was able to do to save her twin.
She was not a fully skilled onmyouji. She had not been born as Clan Head. She only had this, her trite little spell that she would use, because she trusted him, the Sakurazukamori, never... never, ever to invoke it. She trusted him, even after all he had done to Subaru. After all, she still liked him. She would never forgive him for what he did, but she still considered him her friend.
This was Hokuto's logic.
When it came to her brother, it almost hadn't even occurred to her to think of Kakyou. Maybe that was how she was selfish; putting her blood, her mirror image first. Or maybe she had already suspected... He knew, didn't he? That was what he foresaw, from the first day that they met?
He understood why she had to do it, either way. She was sure of it.
"Hokuto-chan...
What's your Wish?"
She didn't answer. Questions like this, she never answered. Though she loved Kakyou, really she did, he may never understand the simple fact that, in her world, her brother always came first.
Always.
There was only time for one last visit.
It was to be brief, and it was not going to explain anything.
But then again, he had already known what was going to happen.
"Hi."
Kakyou smiled weakly at the girl standing in the doorway of the elegant, old-fashioned house of his dreamscape, and returned the greeting. "Hi."
"I hope all goes well for you."
It seemed all too awkward, too weird for her to say something like this. She wasn't going to tell him what she was going to do; he was never going to ask.
But he was able to muster a real grin this time, and managed to say, "Yeah, I hope it goes well for you too. Good luck."
"Good luck? For what, Kakyou-chan?"
That was what she would have said.
But it didn't matter anymore; there would soon be no more, and an infinite number of "would have" would follow.
"Thanks."
The silence seemed all too pregnant, too tense for both of them. The air was filled with thought goodbyes and emotions that were to never be voiced again.
"You're welcome."
"I'm going to go..." Hokuto trailed off absentmindedly.
Kakyou muttered something under his breath.
I love you.
She didn't notice. "Did you say something, Kakyou?" she asked, merely out of politeness rather than true curiosity.
"Bye."
And that was it.
"Is it going to happen, now?"
Tortured, talking to himself-- it was only a matter of days, weeks, maybe a month. Her brother was Within, a place even dreamseers could not hope to enter, a place of wonder and hope and-- no, that wasn't right-- death and sorrow and pain and hurt and hatred, hatred for... who? He felt a sickened chuckle reach his throat. He was being selfish, crafting hatred out of nonexistent air, so that he could find some way to relate to her, to him, to everyone... but he was stuck here.
It would be bleak and lonely without her. It would... be worse than death. Perhaps he'd go Within too, after what was foreseen happened. Yet there was no reason to go Within; he was living within a Within of himself, the Within of all of the cursed dreamseers...
She would never visit him again. Not now, not ever, not even if she found the will to sleep after her long days of search. No last words of any true substance, except for the "I'll see you soon, I guess?" of their meeting before last.
"I guess."
What was Kakyou's wish? Maybe it was that she didn't have to die. That the man named Sakurazuka Seishirou never even existed, never had to ruin everything for everyone, destroy Hokuto's brother, cause Hokuto's death...
Hokuto had always remained silent when Kakyou posed his curious questions; "What's your wish?"
But within himself, he had already found the answer, an answer he had foreseen even the first day... the first day he had met a charming, cute girl who wasn't just "anyone"...
...far, far away.
...to.
In his mind, he played a little game with himself.
In the game, he had never foreseen anything the first day he had meet Hokuto. He had never had to meet Hokuto's twin brother or her friend, he had never had to been threatened by the man to not reveal the future.
The only remaining piece of the game that was yet to be relinquished, eliminated, was the memory of Hokuto at all. That would stay. He would keep her there forever, even if he would break...
In the game, he pretended he didn't know what would happen.
It was the game of denial, after all.
"I can't see her."
Talking to himself again.
"But... why?
She's not here."
He didn't know why she was not there.
Otherwise, he'd be cheating in the game.
"The twin she spoke of so many times...
Did something happen?
To keep her awake?"
He had never known much about her twin, anyway. She didn't talk too much of him.
He was good at this game.
At this point, images began to flood into his mind.
A man and a girl were standing in front of a sakura tree, petals falling gracefully in a whirlwind of emotion-- or lack thereof-- pretty petals, white stained with blood... how peculiar, a man with eyes of different colors and a girl donning an odd arrangement of clothes.
"You broke our promise."
The man seemed feignedly curious and asked conversationally, "Oh? I don't know what you mean."
"Didn't I tell you before?
...Don't take Subaru away from me."
The girl's face was full of unreadable emotions, emotions the man had never admitted to experiencing. He replied plainly, "But Subaru's in his room right now."
A flash of sadness crossed her features, the same features that the person who this man damaged bore.
"You took his heart away, and it won't come back." The man simply looked bemused as she continued fiercely. "So I will cast a spell on you. Because you are the Sakurazukamori, any prey that you have marked will die. But... I'll never let you kill Subaru! I'll never let you kill him!"
The man smiled. A mocking smile, the same smile he'd donned as he informed Subaru of the bet he had forgotten. The same smile on his face when Subaru broke. That wicked smile.
"With your strength, you can't kill me. And a Sakurazukamori will always exist."
The girl looked determined. "I know..." She paused for the slightest moment. "But I have spells that only I can use, because I know the Sakurazukamori's real identity."
"So hurry, and kill me!"
Kakyou became suddenly fearful, the most horrible feeling sticking in his chest, hope and crushed hope-- for after all, the future was foreordained, nothing could stop it... he closed his eyes... maybe then, it would never have happened.
If he hadn't seen it, maybe it would never have happened.
If he had just closed his eyes...
Refused to see it...
Maybe he could have changed her fate...
The man raised his arm, hand ready to strike.
Kakyou knew what was going to happen.
In the real world...
He stood up.
He paid no attention to the rest of the real world... only insistent on reaching Hokuto, perhaps saving her, it was impossible, yet--
He began to run, his breath fast and body inexperienced to even walking, traces of telltale tears in his eyes, faster, faster, had to reach her before it was too late...
He barely even noticed the men required to guard him, sunglasses and black coats, who had began to run after him as well, caught up, a gun, a few bullets...
They hit his arm, and then his back-- it just would not do to have their valuable weapon in the "outside" world, able to give information to others-- red spotted and marked his traditional clothes, what was he to do now, he couldn't even hear anything anymore, could only see Hokuto, see her...
With unmatched speed, the man's hand stabbed the girl's chest as she clutched the fabric of his suit to prevent herself from falling, to delay her death a few more moments, to tell him of the spell.
Blood spilled violently out of the girl's body from her chest and back. The man's hand, delicate fingers, was disgustingly bloodied dark red.
"Subaru will be very sad because of your death," he said simply, as if the aftermath of killing someone had room for pleasant, polite conversation. His eyes possessed an almost sadistic gleam.
The girl's breaths were short and forced. "Yes, I know... but, I... hope he can live on... it's very stubborn of me, I know... My death will make Subaru feel that he would rather be dead. But even so, even if this is selfish of me... All I want... All I wish for, is for you... and Subaru... to live."
The man seemed genuinely surprised at this. "Why would you want me to live? I've hurt Subaru, and I'm killing you."
She closed her eyes. "That's true, yet... I still don't want you to die." She gripped his arm and opened her eyes to smile, pain showing in her face. "Even if you are a murderer, I still like you a lot. The only one who can kill you is Subaru, and the only one who can kill Subaru is you..."
"I have used my last strength for this spell... If you ever try to kill Subaru... the same way you have used to kill me... it will reflect onto yourself..."
He held her head daintily. "You have sacrificed your life for this spell... but why are you telling me what it will do?"
She took his hand and smiled with effort. "If I didn't tell you, it would be meaningless. There's no need for this spell to ever be used... I'm trusting you... one last time."
"I'm not a man that deserves your trust."
She smiled tenderly and looked at him. "I know.
But you are special to Subaru... so I want to be able to... hope for you... do not forget..."
She put her hand up to his face softly and smiled one last time. "Even if you have sins that cannot be forgiven, you are still allowed to love... Seishirou..."
He looked surprised for a moment, and then smiled, a kinder smile than the last, as if he was touched-- or capable of being touched. The girl began to fall backwards, and as her body began to merge with the sakura, she muttered, "Su... ba... ru..."
A sad, almost depressed-looking building stood amongst dying trees.
In one of the building's rooms, there was a bed. A man slept there, his beautiful, long hair swept and spread out over the sheets. A beeping noise of a machine interrupted the otherwise silent feelings in the room.
"It's one of those politician people. We should leave him alone."
"But he looks like he's sleeping... is he sick? In a coma?"
"All he does is sleep. Let's not bother him, we're not supposed to be in here anyway. We need to go back to cleaning."
"...Alright..."
They never noticed the tears in his eyes.
ANNEX / SECRET
"Kakyou-chan, do you ever get rest?"
Kakyou was surprised at this question; after all, the only thing he could do was sleep. "Of course. I'm sleeping right now, aren't I? That's how I've been able to see you?"
The girl shook her head and laughed. "No, no, that's not what I mean." She looked thoughtful, the same way she did when she had first pondered the best location for their first date. "I mean... when you're not talking to me, or seeing dreams of the future, you know... do you ever have a 'normal' dream? Do you ever get 'real' rest?"
Confused, he shrugged. "I... don't know what you're asking, Hokuto-chan..."
She smiled at him lovingly. "You're so adorable, Kakyou-chan. Even though you see dreams of the future, and you are so... old, hehe"-- she giggled sheepishly-- "you don't seem you've really experienced real life!"
He tried to understand her, and seemed to try to remember something from his childhood. "Now that you talk about it, I think I remember dreaming when I was a child. Real dreams, I suppose. But that was... so long ago, I barely remember. Probably when I was seven or eight..."
She seemed pleased, and also remembered that her own brother's powers began to truly develop at around the same age. Even so, her face began to look troubled. "But, you probably miss it, don't you..." she murmured to herself. "I know!" Kakyou blushed; whenever she got one of her "ingenious" ideas, it usually ended up with him becoming utterly embarrassed. "You can try to have a real dream, right now! I'll try to get you to really sleep... not like this, but so you can have a 'real' dream!"
"But... how is that possible?"
She laughed, oh, what a wonderful laugh, it always made him smile no matter how hard he resisted-- "Ohohohohohoho! But nothing's impossible, Kakyou dear! Anything's possible!" She grinned. "I can sing you a lullaby."
"A... lullaby?"
She nodded happily. "Yeah! Just close your eyes, Kakyou-chan, and leave the rest to me!"
Kakyou closed his eyes obediently, slightly apprehensive but at the same time excited-- he hadn't really dreamed in years, perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea after all...
She began to sing. Her voice was more beautiful than when she had sung Hamasaki Ayumi karaoke; this time, she really put her soul into her voice-- she wanted to sing the most beautiful song, only for Kakyou.
And so she sang, with a voice that almost moved Kakyou to tears, the most wonderful feeling, love, this was happiness, if he had not met her he would not have known what to do to regain any sense of life...
The voice of an angel. His angel.
When I was a little girl, my mother told me
I could be, whatever I wished to be
I could do, whatever I wished to do
I could see, whatever I wished to see
So I wished to be a beautiful girl
To be someone sensible and fun
To also be cute and courteous
And considerate of everyone
So I wished to do a million things
To do something nobody else had before
To do something to save the world
To do something meaningful
So I wished to see anything wonderful
To see what nobody else had seen before
To see nature and love and happiness
But most of all, to see my true love
So I became a beautiful girl
And I did a million things
But I never "saw" my true love
Because I am still seeing him.
And when he finally fell "asleep", finally rest, his dream could only be completely full of her.
annex.secret /end
When I woke up from the shock of my sister's death...
I gave up my dream for him.
Afterwards, a girl told me these words;
"Maybe all the people who do bad things are just...
lonely."
"BY YOUR SIDE" - TOKYO BABYLON, KAKYOU/HOKUTO. 20042005.
- THE END. -