Seifer rolled around in his bed until his body hit the ground with a thud. His bed sheets were wrapped around his body like a cocoon. He struggled to gain his balance, not noticing the bed sheets were constricting his legs from movement. He placed one hand on his nightstand to help him balance. His eyes were bloodshot red from lack of sleep. His mind was crowded with too many thoughts and his stomach was pretty much empty. He had gone to eat at the cafeteria, but he had been distracted by Quistis instead of eating. He quickly kicked off his sheets and walked to his minifridge that was set up in the corner of the room. He opened it only to find beer cans and an "I.O.U" note from Cody apologizing for eating something that used to be in the refrigerator. Seifer couldn't remember what it was, but he was angered all the same.
Cody and Seifer hadn't spoken for almost twenty-four hours. God knows if he had gone to Selphie's sleepover and wrecked it. Seifer considered the fact that maybe he had been kicked out by his sister. Seifer didn't want to drink on an empty stomach, so he shut the fridge with a swift slam that made the fridge jiggle a bit. He looked out the window and saw that Garden had docked back in Balamb. He wasn't sure why it had left in the first place, but finding out was one of the last things on his mind. It looked as if it had rained, but the sun was coming out. It was only six o'clock in the morning, so Seifer figured that the weather would be fine out by the time class ended.
Seifer inched to his closet and looked at himself in a mirror that he had stuck inside. His face needed a shave and his eyes looked tired. He weakly picked out his vest and coat and changed into them. His movements were very soft and tired, very uncharacteristic of Seifer. He closed his eyes for a second after he had put his clothes on, leaning his forehead against the closet. His eyelids burned against his eyes, which were itchy from being scratched at.
He remembered very little of the conversation he had with Quistis that night on the balcony. He specifically remembered how Quistis had tried to cover up why she was wearing the small black party dress she was wearing. She said that she had gotten dressed in the dark and thought it was her usual style, but Seifer knew better. What he didn't know, though, was why she had worn the dress at all. It wasn't like she was expecting him to go to the quad. Seifer was sure she wanted to be alone with her dress, but everything else was left a mystery in his mind.
Seifer didn't really care about why she was wearing it, though. She had cheered him up just being there, even though had not mustered enough nerve within himself to tell Quistis about how Diehard had acted. He also could not tell Quistis of what happened afterwards with Diehard. Seifer scratched his head as he looked at his desk, cluttered with papers. Something was due today, but Seifer wasn't sure what. School wasn't a very prominent topic on his mind at the moment, but it was the most relevant thing in the room that Seifer could look out. He placed his papers into a pile and shut off his laptop, which was running for three days straight. The machine was very hot and Seifer feared it may not start up again, though the model was a very good one.
At around seven o'clock, Seifer headed out for the cafeteria to get some food. He decided to bypass the elevator so that he wouldn't see anyone he knew. The stairway was rarely used, and when it was it was for the usual drug dealers, late night drinkers, etc. Sometimes the Garden would employ someone to keep watch at the staircases, but they never paid much attention to anyone on them. Besides, the dealers and drinkers would then just move to another staircase that was unguarded. Garden was big enough that there was always an empty staircase somewhere. On Seifer's way down, he noticed some graffiti that was on the wall. There were three names written in elaborate spray pain (someone obviously had some time on their hands). The names read Jaquel, Rachel, and Samuel. Seifer knew of them. They were a group of people who seemed very tough, but were actually as normal as people could get. Rachel was a pretty girl, a little taller than Rinoa with frizzy black hair that sometimes had purple streaks. She wore a lot of punky-school-girl type of clothing and wore dark makeup, which looked even darker against her pale skin. Sometimes Seifer would see her around Garden and they would talk for a few minutes between classes, but nothing too intimate.
Their names weren't really Jaquel, Rachel, and Samuel, but they were generally known by those names. They were sort of like Diehard in a way, because on examinations and when speaking with teaches, Jaquel was Kyle Sraderston, Rachel was Kelly Becker, and Samuel was Kevin Lamstrom. Obviously, they had to somehow change their names so they wouldn't be known as the K.K.K.
Her other two friends were enemies of Seifer, and he avoided them both.
As Seifer approached the cafeteria, he saw Selphie and Cody in a heated argument. Selphie's hair was pulled into two small braids that made her look genuinely different than she did on a regular basis. Seifer silently picked up some random food and went to the table and sat next to Cody.
"Hi Cody." Seifer said quickly, patting him on the back and beginning to devour his food.
"Wow, you must be hungry," Cody said, watching Seifer inhale his food, "When was the last time you ate."
"Yesterday morning." Seifer said, taking a brief pause to blurt out the words to Cody.
"Whatever man," Cody said, shrugging his shoulders, "Just don't choke."
"OH MY GOD!" Selphie exclaimed, looking at her brother in horror, "When did you get your tongue pierced?"
"Like one million years ago," Cody said, continuing to eat his food, "I thought you noticed."
"LIKE NO!" Selphie said, eating a piece of her food, "You're totally going to get an infection."
"Will not," Cody said, sipping a small milk that was supposed to be used in coffee. Selphie looked at him in annoyance.
"We used to do that when we were like three." Selphie said, eyeing the empty milk cylinder.
"Milkies rule!" Cody said, unveiling three more he had in his cafeteria tray.
"Whatever," Selphie said, turning to Seifer, "So what's your excuse?"
"For what?" Seifer asked, swallowing a large amount of food.
"Missing my sleepover!" Selphie said, her elbows on the table and her head resting on her palms.
Seifer hadn't given Selphie's sleepover much thought. In fact, he had totally forgotten about it after his incident with Diehard. Summer was on his mind, but Selphie's whole party was very unimportant to him. Given the opportunity to make out with Summer, he would have taken her to his room instead of hanging around Selphie's party games.
"It was mondo fun and you missed it!" Selphie said, jumping in her seat playfully, "But it's ok, Selphie's bound to throw another one."
"Speaking in the third person again, sis?" Cody asked, opening a jello cup.
"Selphie can do what she pleases." Selphie responded, sticking her tongue out at Cody. Seifer continued to eat his meal until it was all gone, and his plastic dish was empty.
"Wow, you must've been hungry." Selphie said, looking at Seifer in amazement, "So what's the plan for tonight."
"Plan?" Seifer asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes!" Selphie exclaimed, "A certain girl is free tonight to do something if a certain friend of hers would ask a certain friend of his to meet her at...say...seven at her dorm?"
"Huh?" Cody asked in confusion. Seifer sulked in his chair.
"Uhm," he said, moving his spork around in his plate, "Diehard and I are kind of not speaking."
"LIKE NO WAY!" Selphie exclaimed, banging the table and making a group of students at another table stare, "Did you like fight or something?"
"Sort of." Seifer said lowly.
"When did this happen?" Cody asked, stacking 'milkies' up in a pyramid. Selphie knocked it down with a scorned finger, smiling a sarcastic smile at Cody when he reacted.
"Yesterday," Seifer said, not wanting to dispense any information, "We kind of fought. We'll make up I guess." Seifer, though, was inclined to never make up with Diehard and was sure that their friendship was over. There were still the remaining feelings of attraction he felt for Diehard, which Seifer disliked immensely. It was these feelings that made Seifer bitterly hate Diehard at that time, not even wanting to speak about him.
"Wow, what did you fight about?" Selphie asked nosily. Leave it to Selphie to want all the details.
"Shut up, jerkoff," Cody said in his loud voice, "He obviously doesn't want to speak about it." Cody looked at Seifer and mouthed 'tell me later' very indiscreetly.
Selphie flashed Cody a dirty look and was about to say something when Zell came bursting into the Cafeteria area.
"You idiot," he exclaimed angrily, "Do you know how long it took me to take that stuff off?"
"What stuff?" Cody asked, looking at him in confusion.
"MAKE UP!" Zell said angrily. Seifer had just noticed the redness to Zell's face that obviously came from rubbing.
"You should have used make up remover after you've gotten the drag queen out of your system," Cody said in seriousness.
"There's make up remover?" Zell asked with wide eyes.
"Yep, Zelly." Selphie replied with an ear-to-ear grin.
Everyone seemed to have plans in Balamb for the weekend. Zell was going to go see his parents, Rinoa and Squall had planned some romantic event that made Seifer gag just thinking about it, and Diehard had finally saved up enough money and found enough parts to upgrade his weapon. That left Selphie, Seifer, and Cody alone in the Garden practically.
"Hey, guys!" Selphie said, arriving back from her dorm in a pink top and capris jeans.
"Like the look." Seifer said, grinning at Cody who looked at his sister in horror.
"You're not allowed to look hot!" Cody said, erasing the fear from his face and smiling playfully at his sister, "I'm just kidding, you look great."
"I'd say the same..." Selphie said, picking at one of the sleeves on Cody's large shirt. Cody was into wearing shirts that were too big for him, maybe to make himself appear to be bigger. He was a very wiry guy, and he needed all the illusions he could prepare.
"Hey, last time I compliment you!" Cody shouted defensively, slapping at Selphie's hand. Selphie shrugged and laughed to herself.
"So, want to go hang out?" Selphie asked, looking at Seifer, "There's not much to do around here."
Seifer wondered what Quistis had planned to do for that weekend. He was almost sure that grading tests and papers was her weekend's fate, though he wished in his mind that maybe something better was in store for her.
"Uhm, sure," Seifer said, coughing into his fist, "I got nothing better to do."
"You're serious?" Selphie asked, excitedly, "You would like never go hang out with me before!" Selphie, for the first time in Seifer's experience, looked at him with intrigued eyes. She looked very smart rather than her silly self usually looked. She always came off as cute and sort of naïve when she would be around a crowd, but now it was virtually just he and she. Cody didn't much count because, as siblings, Cody and Selphie acted as they would normally act around each other. In other words, they didn't need to impress anyone.
Selphie put a hand on her hip and raised her eyebrow very skeptically.
"I can't believe this." Selphie said, looking into Seifer's eyes, "Maybe you aren't as cold as I may have thought you were." Seifer could help but feel gratified by this comment, smiling a big grin.
"Well, believe it, girlie." Seifer said, looking down at his shuffling feet. Selphie laughed, closing her eyes and looking away in embarrassment.
"Can we go now?" Cody said in annoying voice.
Once Seifer, Cody, and Selphie left Garden and reached Balamb, it was mid-afternoon. The sun was just barely starting to return its descent back under the earth's surface for anther day, but many people were out and about.
"I should have brought a coat." Selphie said, shuddering at a soft breeze.
"It's not so bad out." Cody said, stretching out his arms.
"Speak for yourself," Selphie yelled back, "Hey there's a shop! Lets go in! I bet they have heaters!"
"It's barely autumn and you're already freezing?" Seifer asked, raising an eyebrow. Selphie ran into a store called "Balamb Beauty Gift Shoppe" without answering.
"What's her prizoblem?" Cody asked.
"Prizoblem?" Seifer asked, almost in disbelief, "What's with thie –izzle act, Codes?"
"Just was trying something new, that's all," Cody said, walking at a healthy pace with Seifer, "It's time to start things new, things over. That's what Autumn is for. People say that New Year's is for that, but that's for getting drunk."
"You're quite the intellectual one, aren't you?" Seifer said fondly, placing his hands in his pockets, "Is this sudden burst of logic another one of your changes?"
"I've always been smart," Cody said to Seifer, looking him in the eyes, "You've just yet to notice my genius."
"Not sure I want to." Seifer laughed. He looked back at his friend. His brown hair, now that his cap was off, shown blonde against the sun. Cody smiled Seifer one of his toothy smiles.
"Come on, Selphie's probably already charged the store to her credit card."
The store was unusually cozy, even though the outside looked like it would be a simple wooden-cottage-like store (the ones that usually go out of business in a year or two because of their high prices). Seifer had to duck before entering the doorway because he was too tall.
"I guess that limits their customers." Cody said, laughing at Seifer, "Good thing me and the Slephster don't have to do that! Slephster was a pet name he had adopted for his sister when they were children. The inside joke was that when Cody was a baby he could never say 'Selphie' and all he could get out was 'Slephie'."
Selphie was looking at a smooth seashell necklace in the corner of the store, trying it on her neck to see if it would fit.
"Looks like they have some cool stuff here," Cody said to Seifer, "Let's check it out."
Seifer grunted, thinking Cody sounded like one of the Hardy Boys. "Let's check it out!" Seifer mocked.
"Hey, next time you get excluded." Cody said, not turning around. He was looking at a strange green clock that looked like it had been melted. "I wonder if this works."
Seifer's fingers grazed the decorative items that were set up on tables that were probably used as end tables and night stands in their past. Each one was covered with a small table cloth that was embroidered with many different intricate patterns. If one were to stare at it, the patterns would be imprinted on his eye when they shut their eyelids. While browsing, Seifer came across a small pink heart necklace that caught his eye. He picked up the box and saw that there was a little story and poem inside:
"This was a shell left behind by the lover of a woman who was killed during a large scale war. He professed his love that no matter how many beautiful woman passed by his eye, he would never love any of them, for he professed to continue to mourn his dead love for the rest of his existence.
Perfect one,
Lovely one,
In the world, never one so fair,
Made me feel the way
She makes me feel."
Seifer thought about if he should get it for Summer, maybe to make up for the two times that he had ditched her. Then again, when he thought of it, something of such depth might make a girl like her nervous. She didn't exactly seem like the kind who appreciated something deep and emotional. Seifer moved on, looking at the other merchandise the store offered. He saw out of the corner of his eye that Selphie had moved on to something else that looked like a small photo album, but the cover looked like someone had made it in their own home.
There were many interesting things in the store, such as birds crafted out of crystal, music boxes that played magnificent symphonies, and other small expressions of love. Seifer wished he had someone to give a gift like the ones he saw to. He thought about if he and Rinoa were still together. Maybe he could have given something like that to her. He imagined them being together, but quickly made the image go away. His relationship with Rinoa is one he didn't like to dwell on.
"Seifer, we're going!" Selphie exclaimed, standing near the exit with Cody.
"Ok," Seifer called back, "I'll be right there." Just as Seifer was about to leave, he approached the paying counter with a small music box in hand.
"How much for this one?"
Just as Seifer left the store, he saw Selphie and Cody speaking with Diehard, who was wielding his new weapon. The weapon had been duplicated into two separate knumchuks, each one having a smaller spiked ball. They seemed to be the same stainless steel ball with the diamond spikes on the surface. The knumchuks holding the balls were gilded in gold and had tassels at their end.
"...and now I've got two of them!" Seifer overheard Diehard explain, can't help but thinking he sounded like Crocodile Dundee, "Don't anyone mess with me with these babies."
Selphie saw Seifer standing a distance from the store's entrance and a greater distance from them, and motioned for him to come near them.
"Look who I found!" Selphie said, presenting Diehard like Vanna White would be presenting the next letter in Wheel of Fortune. She had obviously forgotten about what Seifer said about their "fight."
"Hi Mason." Seifer greeted shyly. He had refused to call him Diehard anymore since the incident had occurred in his dorm.
"Mason?" Cody asked, "This is Diehard. Who the fuck is Mason?"
"I'm Mason," Diehard said just as shyly as Seifer had spoken, "Diehard's not my real name."
"Oh." Cody said quietly, looking down at his scuffed sneakers.
"Anyways, I was thinking maybe that we could go for some night boating or something tonight. You game?" Selphie asked enthusiastically.
"Sure! Night boating sounds fun! Just as long as we bring a flashlight." Cody blurted out. Diehard nodded shyly.
"Sure." Seifer said, making his voice louder as not to seem intimidated by Diehard.
"Cool, I'll go make the reservations," Selphie said, "Cody, I need your fake I.D."
"Fine." Cody said begrudgingly. Diehard laughed to himself, but Seifer wasn't laughing.
Seifer and Diehard were left alone, facing each other and saying nothing. Seifer wanted to talk to Diehard, but at the same time he wanted to back off. He couldn't think of a word to say to him that could justify anything or make anything better. He still saw Diehard in an attractive light, which bothered Seifer immensely. He wished that he would think of his as he used to, but he feared there was no reverting back after what he and Diehard had experienced. It was like when a person doesn't consider another as anything more than what he appears to be, until something that person does makes him appear different. For example, if a student became a killer, people would from then on consider him crazy. They may not have considered him crazy before the incident, but the label after the incident sticks tight.
"Look," Diehard finally said, after a long, awkward pause, "I don't know what I did that was so wrong."
"You don't know?" Seifer asked angrily, "We're supposed to be friends, brother's even! And you try to hit on me, and make me feel obligated to...to do things with you?"
"What's so wrong with it, Seifer?" Diehard asked, getting close to Seifer's face and whispering so no one would hear them, "Why can't I feel this way?"
"Because it's wrong." Seifer said listlessly, "We can't be this close. We're too good of friends. I love you, as a brother." Seifer placed his hands on Diehard's shoulders.
"And," Seifer continued, looking down at his feet as he tried to think of the right words to say, "And I just don't want to lose that." Diehard looked at the ground, disappointed. Seifer continued to speak.
"I need your friendship. It's helped me through all I've been going through," Seifer said, looking at Diehard in the eyes, "To give that up to try some impossible relationship..."
"Why is it so impossible?" Diehard asked angrily, "Are you just afraid or do you seriously think it wouldn't work out?"
"Afraid?" Seifer asked, backing up from Diehard, "Why would I be afraid?"
"Because of what others would say," Diehard argued, "Now you can't even call me Diehard because people might think you're being sweet with me."
"That's not why." Seifer argued.
"Yes it is." Diehard said angrily. He turned around and took a few steps forward before turning back around. He scratched his head out of frustration.
"Do you know how much it hurt me when you called me 'Mason'?" Diehard asked. Seifer was silent. "It made it clear you don't want to be my brother anymore. That you can't accept how I feel. Well, I feel this way." Diehard added an inflection by touching his chest with his pointer finger when he spoke.
"I can't help how I feel about you," Diehard said, facing Seifer, "If you can't accept me for who I am, I guess maybe we shouldn't be brothers anymore. Maybe not even friends."
"Diehard," Seifer begged, letting his body slouch, "Stop making yourself sound like a television show."
"Maybe there's a little of it in me," Diehard sighed, looking back down at his feet, "But I do want you to know that I love you."
Seifer shuddered at Diehard's statement. He looked at his friend with soft eyes. Diehard looked back up at Seifer. He walked closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Seifer felt the different between the Diehard's gloved palms and his bare fingers.
"I love you more than you can imagine." Diehard repeated, "As a brother, but also as a lover. I want to love you, and I will wait until you can love me."
Seifer nodded, silent. He was waiting for Diehard to offer him a hug, but Diehard did nothing. He stepped away from Seifer, looking at him with his green eyes sad. Just as Seifer was about to say something to defend himself against Diehard's eyes, Selphie returned with Cody, grinning from ear to ear.
"We got a boat!" Selphie said excitedly.
"A huge ass boat!" Cody added with the same excitement.
"The I.D. worked!" Selphie exclaimed. The group then noticed a crowd of people were watching them. All four SeeDs looked in different directions, embarrassed and uncomfortable.
"Maybe turn the voice down a little bit next time." Diehard said, using his fingers to show "small."
"Can do." Selphie said, her face beet red.