The Celestial Tiger's Notes: Ok, before you read this, I have a disclaimer to make, aside from the fact that I don't own the characters, yadda, yadda, yadda. What I really wanted to say was this: I wrote this story over a year ago, when I hadn't seen very much of Yu Yu Hakusho. It's a bit old and perhaps a bit misguided in some points but it has facets that I really like so I decided to go ahead and post it.

If you want a more comprehensive introspection on Kurama, I have started a longer (and more informed) story on him entitled, "The Lessons of Humanity." It'll cover his childhood, along with all of his struggles and the war between his human and demon spirits. You might say that this story was a springboard for that one.

Duality

It had been a somewhat harrying day at school for Kurama. Someone spilled a cola on his homework before he could hand it in, his backpack had come loose at the seams, dropping his books and papers in the hall, and there seemed to be more than the usual abundance of girls trying to flirt with him. He weathered it all with remarkable patience and an occasional frustrated but resigned sigh.

The last class of the day found him in Calculus. It was dreadfully simple for him but and he found himself looking forward to the final bell so that he could go home. It was funny, really...here he was, technically thousands of years old and sitting in the middle of a human math class irritated by the day's silly little disappointments and longing to escape class and go to his human home and his human mother. 'You've become quite mundane, Kurama,' he thought amusedly to himself with a small smile.

Suddenly, he was aware that he was being watched. He glanced up and over to find two girls staring straight at him. When they realized that he was looking at them, they both smiled their most flirtatious smiles. Kurama sighed inwardly. The girls were always flirting with him. He was of course always polite, but he had no interest in any of them. After all, he was an ancient demon on the interior…what did he really have in common with a teenage human girl?

One of the girls winked at him while the other blew him a kiss. Kurama smiled uncomfortably and rubbed the back of his head, returning all too gratefully to his notes. The girls exchanged delighted grins and stared at him for a few more moments before also returning to taking notes.

What Kurama didn't realize was that his quiet, intelligent and often shy manner was what drew girls to him like a magnet. He was a bookworm type, brilliant without being a nerd…he dressed well, carried himself with almost unnatural grace, and gave off the impression of possessing a silent strength complimented with integrity and kindness. He was seemingly the perfect man, and every girl in the school knew that he wasn't already taken.

Another element that made him irresistible was his mystery. Nobody really seemed to know anything much about him and he never volunteered information. He was a very personal guy, very much internal and though always pleasant, not openly sociable. Kurama preferred it this way. He preferred not to have to try and explain his peculiar ways to people. Yes, he did have a human life…a mother and a home and even a couple of human hobbies…but that was where the normalcy ended.

Though his form was human, he did not feel as if he were a part of humanity. Yes, there were people that knew who and what he was and still accepted him as a friend, but when he observed them he felt separated. They were teenagers…and despite everything that they'd been through, their mindset and scope were still so young. Though his human body was physically in its mid-teens, he had centuries of burdens that weighed on his heart and soul, making him so vastly different from anyone else.

There weren't many people with whom he shared much in common. Hiei was really the only one of his friends that held any similarity to him, but Hiei was hardly the type to "pal around" with. Besides that, Hiei was rarely accessible. Usually the only times they even saw him were when they all gathered together to fight as a team. Hiei had a strong sense of honor and loyalty to that team, and beneath his hard and haughty exterior some part of him considered his teammates to be friends, but he was the solitary type. Picking fun at everyone else seemed to be the only behavior Hiei engaged in that gave away his feelings of camaraderie.

But even Hiei was not really like Kurama. Kurama was older, his personality different. His case was also unique and very complicated. He lived day by day with a divided sense of self. His demon spirit often warred with the part of him that was human, especially after Youko Kurama had been unleashed in the Dark Tournament…multiple times. Each time he transformed, a little more of who he once was stayed with him, making him feel even more detached from his human life. Upon reflecting on all of this, Kurama's occasional feelings of loneliness culminated to the sensation of total aloneness.

Kurama sighed silently, staring at his book but not really seeing it. 'Why do I feel this way? I am not alone. Perhaps no one truly understands me, but I have people who care about me…shouldn't that be enough? And do I really want people to understand me…the details of my past…the darkness that still shadows my soul? But even aside from all of that, how can they know who I am if I don't even really know that myself? Am I Youko Kurama…or Shuuichi Minamono?'

Shuuichi...his human name...the name his human mother called him. A name belonging to a son who, in the past, had caused her so much grief. Kurama frowned almost imperceptibly as he thought about how rough raising him had been on his poor mother. He was never by any means a normal child. Growing up as a human, he never could let anyone in. Not that he'd wanted to. It had taken so many years to get a reign on his feelings of superiority and disdain for humanity. He possessed such intelligence and potent wisdom of the mind, but he had greatly lacked wisdom of the heart.

Even his own mother didn't understand him and for years he had hurt her deeply by the way he'd acted. She had attributed his behavior to the fact that he was a prodigy and had done the best she could to remain understanding and loving. But he drained her emotionally, never appreciating all of her sacrifices and the love that she spent on him without return.

But her diligence finally made an impression on a once cold demon. He marveled more and more at her…her unwillingness to give up on him…her unconditional concern and love. In time, she caused him to question his opinion of the human spirit. And in his evaluation, he found that some humans possessed an inner strength rivaling if not surpassing that of any demon.

After that, it took his mother's willingness to sacrifice herself for him to change his demeanor forever. She had willingly taken injuries meant for him, deep cuts from shattered dishes that forever scarred her. But she would have taken thousands more to spare him, and he had finally realized on that day what unconditional love meant.

Kurama had always been quick to internalize a lesson and take to heart any wisdom he obtained from a situation but this was perhaps the fastest adaptation he had ever made. It was as if something within him finally melted. His cold aloofness was replaced with quiet sadness and his disdain was replaced with compassion. And being in a human body, he found that he took more readily to these emotions.

As a demon he was a legend, and as a human he was a prodigy, and yet these accomplishments had suddenly seemed so empty. He realized that the most important thing in his life was her...his mother. He owed her so much, and he determined to repay her for her kindness and her sacrifices. When she fell ill, which he was certain he was responsible for, he was willing to give his very life for her...a human. But he had been spared, as had she, thanks to Yusuke.

That was true friendship, what Yusuke had done...and he had barely known him at the time. He had true friends...brothers-in-arms...comrades. And he had a mother who still loved him despite everything that had happened. There was no reason to feel alone and among these people, he had a place.

Kurama smiled softly now, blinking as mathematical theorems and calculations came back into focus. Then he realized that students were packing up their books and notes in anticipation of the bell. He gladly did the same and when the bell rang, he visited his locker quickly before heading out of the building to go home. As he stepped out into the sunshine, he took a cleansing breath and smiled as if refreshed. 'This is my home...this place...this time...and I am happy with that...unless Youko is needed, I am Shuuichi.'

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