AN - I'm back much faster this time around with a new chapter. I think it's because I really want to get to the whole 'children now adults' phase. Some might know what I'm talking about some might not. I have had some awesome ideas for my A/A, A/D, D/D relationships. only time will tell.

Tracy Davis - I'm honored by your compliment, thank you very much for feeling that way.

KeiraLee - I'm still afraid of bunnies to this day from the beast of the glen. It's one of my favourite movies. Claude's a little freaky already? Oh honey, you don't know the half of it.

Rikku Ree- I'm glad I brought you some Raoul understandage, we all need a touch of that, don't you think? Don't you worry, you'll understand eventually who the other D and A's are. The other D and A was mentioned, but I still haven't gotten to Adrienne yet.

Chapter Eighteen: The Finale Decision

Floating, falling,
sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me
savor each sensation

Erik looked at the violin case sitting in the corner of his small cabin. No longer a dark black, the case had been covered in dust that had collected over the year. He sighed wearily. What was to happen now? He did not know how to feel about the previous night nor the parting he left Christine with today.

What is wrong with you? He thought bitterly to himself. For a year now you have wanted to kiss her, hold her, and tell her how much you loved her, at the very least when you depart. Why can you not bring yourself to tell her the truth? She knows it in her heart, as much as you know she feels the same way. He picked up his tea and brought it to his lips. He could still see the shock on her face when she saw him, still smell the crisp scent of citrus on her hair, still felt her stir beside him in her sleep as he whispered sweet nothings in her ear while she slumbered. He had never been able to do anything of that sort, but last night he couldn't help himself, as she lay there innocent and sweet.

God! He thought violently, if there is one out there, why do you mock me so!

He slammed the small teacup down on the table and watched the scolding tea spill everywhere from his carelessness. The hot beverage was almost soothing to his hand as he tried to tame the frustration that was boiling inside him. For almost a year now he had been quiet, calm and above all, he had controlled his temper. Nothing was too much to ask for Christine, if she asked him to go the end of the earth for her, he would. So, if controlling the rage that caused him to kill without flinching was all she had to do, so she was safe from his presence, he managed to do so quite well.

He looked back at the violin sitting there, tempting him. He felt his fingers twitch and he opened and closed his fist in revulsion. The itch and tingle that filled his hands didn't feel different whether he was yearning to touch a bow, or whether he desired to end a life. And there it was, waiting and calling to him, knowing he was itching to play something to expel all the energy he had left over from Christine's visit. That was what she was, a luminous orb of beautiful innocent energy, like light. Whenever she was around him, she charged his weary soul with the electricity he needed, and he was able to go on, she made him survive.

Slowly he walked over to the forgotten instrument that was calling out to his hands, to his soul and mind. His hands burned with desire as he opened the case carefully. It had been almost a year since he had done anything musically, other than sing to himself when he was lonesome. Sometimes he caught himself composing in the depths of his mind, but when he went to play the piece resonating within, he had no instrument to release the daemon.

But now, now things were different, he could play, he could play all he wanted, for Christine knew he was alive, and would not come looking for the haunting melodies to fill her void. She would know it was only her Erik up in the forest thinking of her and only her, as he played melodies from the opera's she starred in or they practiced together. He would do this, if only to remember her voice, her sweet airy uplifting aria's she would perform. He would do it so he could remember her smile when she knew he was pleased, and the innocent modesty she possessed, never truly knowing how wonderful she was.

Taking the bow in his hand and picking up the instrument in the other, he was just about to strum a chord when he heard a frightful smash of glass in the distance.

( ' ) '
-

In all your fantasies,
you always knew
that man and mystery . . .

. . . were both in you . . .

Christine lay in bed thinking of how only last night she had been in his arms. They were still strong and powerful, like his voice, and they had had a way of making her feel like the most important person on the face of the earth just by how they held her, how they made her feel so safe.

How he made her feel safe.

There had to be something she could do to stop her thoughts from drifting to Erik. Raoul, she knew, Raoul was suppose to be home today, oddly he took longer than expected. She was surprised that she did not notice this fact until now, as though she could completely care less. She didn't though, did she? She loved Raoul... but no longer was she in love with him. Oh yes at one point she had, she had loved him up until the day she could no longer recognize him, the days that had followed Danielle's birth.

The day she found out in her heart that Erik was alive.

It was when you realized that Erik was alive; that you knew you loved him more. Face it; you're not as selfless and sweet as they all make you out to be. You were using Raoul; he's second best and in your heart, always will be.

That's so unfair! Raoul is amazing; he's sweet and tender, caring and wonderful…

Yes but face it, those things don't matter to you as much as your dark Erik. You've tried, you've pretended, and you're a very good actress Christine, but that's all it is, an act. You could fool everyone but yourself, though that didn't stop you from trying. Aren't you tired of pretending? Hasn't it gone on long enough? You're not doing Raoul any favors by staying and playing the doting wife. He deserves more.

Don't you mean I deserve more?

That too, but be honest with yourself. He may think that you are a gift from god, but he will learn with time that there are much more graceful, beautiful, sweet and talented women out there. Ones more suited to be the Vicomtess; you were suited to be an actress. A diva. An angel.

But won't I get jealous at the thought of Raoul with another?

Sure you will, but that is they way that the earth turns, who would you rather be in the arms of another, Erik, or Raoul?

That was it then that was all she needed to know. She may be Raoul's wife, but she was Erik's angel, his savoir, and most of all, his will. Sure, at first it was flattering to think that he could not live without her, then it was terrifying, which is why she was so sure she ran to Raoul. She knew that he could take care of himself, and he could take care of her. Raoul was such a safe choice. He loved her, but he didn't expect her to be able to heal all past evils and transgressions like Erik had. It took having Danielle for Christine to know she could take on what Erik needed her to. She could be his lover, his wife and support him, but most of all, she learned that his desire for her to heal him was not just something he needed of her, but something she needed within herself. With Raoul she begun to feel useless, she thought she had wanted to be taken care of, without worrying about taking care of anyone else. She had not realized how wrong she had been.

Tomorrow when Raoul got home they would have a long discussion. A discussion about their marriage, and their soon to be divorce. For some reason, although she knew the dire consequences of divorce, it put her at ease. Scandal would be whispered among the social society no less, but it already had with just marrying him.

They would all cry "whore!" "Wanton!" "Filthy pauper!" but she had heard it all before, it couldn't get worse. They had already begun to call Dani a bastard and vile girl, and she was merely an infant! It would be hard, but she knew that it would be for the best. Raoul would be heartbroken, but no one would put the blame on him, they would see him as the victim. She would even stretch the truth a little and recount all her infidelities against him with her paramour. None were true, but it would speed up the process. She would not live a lie any longer; she would spend the rest of her days with Erik. Surely there would be problems with the welfare of their daughter, but she never planned on taking her completely away from him.

It was then she heard a fierce crash downstairs that shocked her terribly and the screams of Charlotte.