AN - I decided I'm going to give Etienne a larger part as well, he was not originally going to be a very large character, but because the third book's title is going to be called "A spider's web woven" and be all about relationships, adding one more character to befuddle the whole freaking thing is a welcome addition.
Thank you for the well recieved response for last chapter, I tried to bulk this one up as well so that it was a worthy read, I just want to get the middle book done in 15 chapters, so I can focus on the last one. Things are starting to change drastically from the original post of this story, so this is where I would expect old readers to start noticing.
I also finally fixed chapter 27, 28 and 29 because they were all messed up. I have no idea WHY but let me tell you that was a two hour process, recovering, trying to rewrite and so-forth. I would definately reread chapter 29 because it's had some minor additions. I appoligize to any of you who did not get to read a chapter that was missing for some time.
on a less serious note, did anyone go check out my count dude? has anyone ever noticed that Prince's - Batdance has NOTHING to do with batman other then the quotes? Does it disturb you to know that my boyfriend sounds exactly like prince when he says 'oooh yah... oooh yah... I wanna bust that body.'
Only when he's singing to the song...
REVIEW TIME
I Despise Raoul- thank you for fixing my mistake, I sometimes let my fingers type faster then my brain can think. Tell Erik those are my favourite panties and if he does not return them post haste,a disaster beyond HIS imagination willoccur.
soccernat11- only time will tell
The Psychotic One-I was so happy with both your reviews. I have tried very hard to keep my spelling mistakes down to nothing and use proper grammar, I'm finally, at 19 learning to use than instead of then when it need be. Remember, this use to be a story of 32 chapters with 35,000 words. Now it's up to 30 chapters, and 81,000 words. Three years really makes a difference. I can ASSURE you it was NEVER my intention for Danielle and Erik to get together, I can say that I was going to hint at it in a dream sequence by Erik, only to have him awake and be HORRIFIED at the dream, only because I know what it's like to have those dreams about family members, and usually they have nothing to do with sex. Plus, it would be a great set up to mess with people's heads.
Meg's a good girl, she's gonna get sturdy like her mother, you just watch, the third book is really my maximum opus. I want to screw up the characters so much that everyone feels pity for every person to some degree, and hates everyone to another. I think those are the best kinda characters.
Mini Nicka- Thanks for your support, I love how you review everytime you can.
Computerfreak101- There there dear, without claude there would be no adrienne, and without raoul there would be no danielle.
PhantomFan13- doubt it's the best after you've read Fraternite, or possibly Eternity of This, Dance and Deamons are also very very well written. Deamons and Fraternite are possibly my most favourites.
Chapter Thirty: Full of Grace
Try to forgive . . .
teach me to live . . .
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been two days since my last confession." Meg silently told the priest, as she held her rosemary.
"Only two days, my child? What could you have done that causes you to confess so soon?" he asked her bemused, the voice all too familiar.
"I've broken the eighth commandment by willingly telling a lie."
"Is this the same lie, we have discussed before, my child?" he asked her seriously.
"Yes, it is…" she closed her eyes tightly, hating herself for her devotion to her religion.
"Under the circumstances, I have told you, as long as you repent every time for this lie with the same penance I gave you years ago, you do not have to come to me." He told her, his smooth and gentle voice washing away her hate.
"It's not just that father, for I have broken the ninth commandment." She told him, knowing all too well what his reaction would be. If only it had been the lie, she wouldn't be here right now, in this uncomfortable position.
"Is it he, who you repentant for as well, years ago?" he asked her, pained.
"Yes Father, it is he, Raoul. My best friend's widow." She laughed bitterly and let her tears fall onto her rosemary.
"… It has been a long time since you have thought on him." He responded quietly.
"Father, he returned…." She explained, why she felt the need to make an excuse, she didn't know, there was no excuse for it.
"My child, do you do this act willingly?" He asked
"No, Father, it just came to me, when I saw him… he was at my mothers funeral." She told him, leaning against the wall for comfort.
"I have told you, you need not come if the act isn't a willful thing…" He explained, clearing his throat. Meg could tell this was uncomfortable for him as well.
"But, it hasn't stopped till I've seen him!" She cried.
"Your mother's service was today, was it not? How many times have you committed this sin?" was his inquiry.
"Father, have you not heard me? Only once… but it has been continuous, a burning sensation within since he laid his eyes upon me," she felt the hot tears fall along with her veil of innocence. She was ashamed of her desires, her love for someone that did not belong to her. There was silence from the priest on the other side of the confessional.
"I beg your pardon Father, I hadn't meant too…" she started.
"Does he know this time?" He interrupted her, she could hear the tinge of anger in his voice, the betrayal that could not be helped.
"No, I'm sure he doesn't. He still talks of Christine as though they were betrothed just yesterday. No… he'll always love her." She said, trying to convince herself more than her priest.
"Again, my child, I see no need to give you penance…" he told her, his voice once again calm. She could hear his anguish, but his absolute forgiveness.
"Father, I'm not asking you for your forgiveness, but for God's." She told him honestly.
"Meg, I'm not taking my feelings…" He began indignantly.
"Etienne!" she cried, appalled by his slip into informal conversation.
There was silence from his side, he obviously was angry with himself for the slip as well, or he just was taking a moment to regain his composer. She hated that this was how they ended up, she hated herself for not being able to love him, but she had learned from Claude one thing, to not deny her feelings, it only got worse when she did.
"Please say an act of contrition." She heard him whisper to her. Obediently she recited the words, at ease that he let her continue on with her confession.His lovely voice was void of any emotion as he told her to recite four Hail Mary's, two Nicene Creed's, and one Glory Be for penance.
"I absolve thee, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
( ' ) '
-
You understand your instructions?
Erik watched as the Vicomte place flowers on the grave adorned by the graceful marble angel. Subconsciously, he held Danielle close in his arms finding the terror within himself, that he hadn't felt since Christine had found him while giving birth.
It's amazing how things change when you have something to lose, he thought stroking the girl's curls.
Slowly, he looked down to see how she was reacting to the scene that was being performed in front of her. She was still in his arms, holding his hand as she watched the Vicomte intently. Feeling Erik's eyes on her, she looked up at him questioningly. He put a slim finger to his lips he told her to continue her silence, and they both went back to watching Raoul stand above Christine's grave.
"Meg?" Erik had asked watching apprehensively as Madame Giry continued to rock Danielle back and forth. He had briefly forgotten Madame Giry's daughter, the one that had played such a small but integral role to the story. She was Christine's only confidant, her best friend. She had been the one to find his mask when he ran from the cellars to the surface.
"Yes my daughter, surely you haven't forgotten the child..."
"No.. no, I was merely… I beg your pardon Madame, please proceed." He said sitting beside her on the divan and playing with Dani's feet. She giggled and kicked back at his hands. Erik smirked, like the deviant he was, and continued to tickle and hold the small girls feet.
"I would have come to you sooner, if it were not for that blasted husband of hers." She muttered looking at the interaction between the ghost in front of her and the child in her arms. It was obvious to her, that they belonged to each other, their love being as pure and innocent as the hair on the child's head. It wasn't a promise, or a belief; it was a fact, something absolute.
If she didn't know any better, she would of thought him a harmless, carefree father, just as dependant on the child as she was of him. Then the images of the Piangi's broken neck and Joseph's broken body, made her shudder as she worried about the future of a child that loved a murder without hesitation.
"You see, she finally ended up getting married." She said trying to reclaim his attention away from the tiny feet of Danielle.
She was not successful however, for he continued to look at the small girl in her arms. "Congratulations Madame Giry, I'm sure she has made you proud, I would of gotten them a gift if I had..."
"Oh no, it's not made me proud at all!" She said giving back to him abruptly and standing up so she had room to pace. The swift action had caught him off guard.
"Then, what did you feel?" He asked the frustrated woman in front of him as calmly as he could. She had attracted his attention and he felt compelled to pay it to her.
"I did, at first. Please understand at first, I tried to be happy for her. I was not exactly happy she was marrying someone as, how should I put it?"
"In words Madame Giry, your own preferably, no need to euphemize." Erik told her, looking softly into eyes so that she felt at ease speaking with him.
"Well Monsieur le Phantome, to be frank, I hated Claude from the moment I saw him."
He would of chuckled and asked her if that wasn't how she felt towards everyone she met, however he could tell in her stature she had a reason to.
"That incorrigible little bastard! He charmed his way into her life and ruined it. I knew right from the first time we met he was going to be trouble. No it wasn't his status, who am I to judge on such a thing? Meg nor I are indeed high society, yet I had a feeling." Her angry rant slowed and her cheeks flushed.
"I beg your pardon, I shouldn't say such things in front of the child." She whispered.
"Although I admit, I have never heard you speak in such fashion, I cannot condemn you. After all, we both know there are many things worse than speaking open-mindedly? Do we not?" He asked. Danielle took this opportunity to snatch the mask away from his face leaving him naked in front of his guest.
"Damn it, Danielle." He muttered frustrated as he tried to gently take his mask out of the small hands of the giggling child in his lap.
"Mask! Erik!" she cried giggling.
He looked towards Madame Giry who had turned away from the sight of his face. Whether she did it to make him feel more comfortable or to spare herself the horror, he did not know.
"Monsieur le Phantome, this is your home, do not feel obligated to wear that in my presence." She said calmly turning to face him. Her eyes showed no fear, no great horror that his face would reflect. She was either excellent at keeping her stomach down or she was being sincere.
"I wear it because it is apart of me." He stated numbly, "We all wear masks Madame Giry, I just choose to wear mine externally. Please continue." He told her, fastening it into place. He made a mental not he would have to start using soft leather straps to keep it on, just as his mother had. He had gotten so used to the spirit glue the opera kept, but Danielle's insistence at removing the object was making it hard for him to see otherwise.
"Yes, well. At first I thought he might prove me wrong, he was always fawning over her and being so wonderful to her. It wasn't until I saw her after rehearsal one day." She said, slipping into the memory, and sitting in the chair across him.
"She was taking off her ballet shoes and the shoulder of her dress fell, revealing a nasty bruise, I did not say a thing, merely looked upon the mark, horrified. As I told you before, I know that life style all to well." She said, closing her eyes to keep the tears from falling.
Erik's heart went out to her, for he knew of her struggle and how her husband himself had once beaten her. Percival had been an alcoholic who drunk himself into a blind stupor one night and walked in front of a carriage. She had once opened up to him when they had casually met in box five that she was thankful everyday Meg was a baby when he died.
He felt the back of his neck begin to burn in the familiar manner it did when he was upset. His fingers began to tingle and he realized he had the urge to break something, anything whether it was a neck or a vase. He would of most likely, if it weren't for Danielle still being in his arms.
"I sense you have not finished Madame, please carry on." He said icily through his teeth.
"Right, yes. After that day I would pay attention closer to her, and how she hid her scars. Scarves over her neck, large bracelets sometimes donned her wrists. Finally it got so bad that she would let her hair down and in front of her face. For the first time in twenty years I felt helpless, utterly out of control. I could not approach her, I could not save her, I had not even been able to save myself when it was happening to me." She said finally relenting her strict and stubborn façade to allow her tears to fall.
Erik got up and put Danielle in her arms, he was afraid of the strong desire in him to hurt something, and he didn't want Danielle near him. It was not because he feared hurting her however, but he worried he would frighten her.
Slowly he walked over to the fire that was cackling loudly. He clenched and unclenched his fists, remembering that he had always had a soft spot for the blonde haired, bubbly young woman who was the complete opposite of her mother.
To hear all of this now was creating an itch he could not scratch, a tingling sensation he had hidden for what seemed to be years. He knew that he had controlled it longer before, however, could his willpower hold up under this assault?
"Finally she came to me today, in my arms I received her, and in my arms she wept. 'I am pregnant maman,' she had whispered, 'and I do not want to live'. She knew I had known all along, I saw it when she looked up at me with pleading eyes. "I was a fool, I told him about the baby, thinking he'd stop. He'd be happy to have a child, and that maybe I could teach him to love again over the nine months of peace. Instead, what do I have to show, two black eyes and a broken ankle. ' My heart skipped a beat at those words, to know that she had broken free of her chains instead of waiting until they are broken for her by death. Like my chains that I never spoke to her of, her fathers abuse. It was then I realized why she still had come to me. 'I fear my child will grow up being called a bastard, I do not want for it to be ridiculed and treated poorly because I could no longer live like that,' She had said to me."
Erik listened as she stifled a sob and Danielle began to whimper threatening everyone in the room that she was about to cry. He slowly closed his eyes in an attempt to shut out the hate that had welled in his heart while he imagined Christine.
"I always loved you Erik, I always will... Thank you for loving me Erik... I am honored and proud to be the one loved by you. Remember that, remember what I have said... remember... everything..." he heard her voice whisper in his memory.
He kept that locked away in his heart every time he felt as though his world was to collapse. He would remember her strength in those final moments and use it as his strength to carry on, to be the man she had seen within him.
He turned his face away from the fire and gradually walked towards Madame Giry who was trying to calm the fussy Danielle in her lap.
"Here, let me take her for you." He said picking up his little angel and began to softly sing to her until she was asleep in his arms. Without a word he left the den and placed the sleeping child within her bassinet.
Swiftly he returned to the den area where a defeated Madame Giry awaited him.
"Your wonderful with her Erik, she truly loves you."
"You would think as much wouldn't you? Please continue on about Megan."
"That is really all Erik, I told her to leave everything to me, and rushed out of the apartment. I walked for a good long hour before realizing there was only one person in this world who could help, who would care enough too." She said wiping the tears from her eyes and trying to maintain her crisp disguise.
"I do not know what to say, where do you think he went?" Erik asked knowing what Madame Giry was asking for.
"It was a surprise, he even left. When Meg woke up, he was gone. Neither of us have any idea where he would have gone too." She said coolly, completely back to how she had been when she had greeted him.
"Are you sure you want this? If I find him, and the deed is done, there is no turning back Madame Giry. I am certainly damned for eternity; I have already made peace with my demons. Are you sure that you want to get involved in something that is against your religion? You and Meg are such devote Catholics." He asked her.
She sat there for a long moment, both waiting in silence for an answer to such a difficult question. He stood over her, listening to the cacophony of silence that invaded his home, such a sound he hated.
"I think it is time for me to head back now Monsieur le Phantome," She finally said.
"Alright, I shall get your cloak Madame." He responded getting it and holding it out for her as she trailed behind.
Gently he placed it on her shoulders and followed her out the door of the home. The ride across the lake was as deafening silent as the awkward pause in the house. Erik focused on rowing as quickly as he could across the lake so he could get back to Danielle.
"What do I tell her?" She finally asked him when he had finished helping her out of the boat and pulled away from the shore.
"Tell her, tell her to tell everyone she is a widow."
( ' ) '
-
Masquerade!
Run and hide -
but a face will
still pursue you!
As Meg exited the church in haste, she could feel Etienne running behind her, running after her, always running towards her, always trying to catch her.
"When will he learn he will be better off if he just lets me go?" Meg wondered.
As she reached the large wooden doors of the cathedral and through them open, she felt his hand on her shoulder and he whirl her around. The Paris air filled her lungs, it's humidity thick, but it had not rained yet. Etienne stared into her soul with his dark brown eyes, his brow furrowed in woe, as he wrapped his arms around the young Madame Verrau dit Giry. She buried her head into the warmth of his shoulder, feeling nothing more than the safety of Etienne's strong arms.
"I am sorry I wasn't there for your mother's service, I had other business to attend too." Etienne whispered into the folds of her hair.
Meg woke from her daze of warmth, "She would have understood, she was one to keep a strict schedule." She told him, pulling out of the embrace. Etienne looked hesitant to let her go, leaving his arms resting on her shoulders.
"Etienne they will see." Meg begged.
"Let them see, I do not answer to their biased view of appropriateness, I only answer to god." He told her indignantly.
"But I don't, I answer to them just as I do you." She explained, taking his hands in hers and gently removing them from her.
His eyes clouded over in understanding, and she bemused on how she may not have been able to love him, but she did adore his eyes. It was a curse to read them so well, to know that Etienne would have been happier if he had never met her. Why had he loved her so? She had no idea; she had been nothing special, except for a broken ballerina. He had loved her after she had been beaten and left pregnant by her husband. Even then, after his generosity and careful devotion, she could not give the man what he wanted. She had always claimed it was because she was still married to her first husband, and that they would be committing bigamy. Etienne had tried and tried until she finally told him that it would never happen, even if they found Claude dead, she would never marry another, that she would always love another. She did not see him again until she found him, serving god. He always told her that it was what he wanted, that he had found the light, and that he was content with the love that filled his heart for god.
But his eyes told her differently.
"He is back." He stated, not really expecting an answer.
"It doesn't matter Etienne, nothing will ever come from it."
( ' ) '
-
Give me the strength
to try . . .
"I told Meg of how I came back for you and Danielle. How I had a lead on your murderers. I will find who ever did this Christine. I will not rest until justice has been served in the name of our daughter and yourself." He whispered.
Slowly he closed his eyes, so that he could not let the tears fall. After all these years he still felt weak at the knees near this grave, but he knew that he needed to be strong.
"I stopped drinking, I know you would be proud. I realized that it was not going to bring her back, or you for that matter. I realized that you didn't leave me purposely either. I apologize for feeling that; I know you didn't die to spite me. I loved you so much Christine, I would of given you the world if you so desired. I don't think you really wanted the world though, I fear you wanted the moon; the moon and the night." He finished and leaned in to graze his fingers along her name.
"You left so quickly Christine," his voice cracking, tears streaming down his face. A sobbed caused his body to shudder and he looked down at his feet before looking back at the name he was talking to. "Yet I fear I lost you long before. That is why I still ache so badly. That is why I cannot get passed this feeling of being utterly lost."
"I don't know if Meg comes to visit, did you know she has a son? He is beautiful Christine, simply astounding. I plan on seeing more of him. I have decided I hope to be apart of his life as a male confidant, a male figure of some sort. Whether he needs a funny uncle, a doting father, a benefactor, I want to be there for him. I want to do something that I know you would do. Something at least you can be proud of me for." He said straightening, finding the resolve within himself to carry on.
"I suppose I shall visit more often now that I am back in Paris. I believe you know that Philippe will soon be with you as well, another reason why I have returned to Paris. Soon I will no longer be the Vicomte de Chagny, and instead the Comte himself. Imagine that? Even without you I have created a scandal for myself, I presume it was fate that I did." Slowly he rose from his kneeled position and kissed the angel above.
"Christine, I love you." He finished and walked away into the night.
( ' ) '
-
Sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed,
somehow you would
be here . . .
Erik finally released the breath he was holding. When did the Vicomte get back? How long was he going to stay? What was to become of him? All these questions and more were running through Erik's mind when he remembered Danielle in front of him.
"Dani?" He softly whispered to her, as he realized all her body weight was leaning into him.
"Hmm?" She said sleepily while he picked her up into his arms. She was asleep, he realized, which was not a complete surprise for it was past her bedtime. If the Vicomte had not been there then they would have been home by now.
"Papa I'm cold." She whispered sleepily.
"I know little angel, I will get us home." He said quietly in her ear as he continued to think.
What was going to happen, he did not know. Although he was certainly glad that Danielle fell asleep when she did, for now he didn't have to go through the painstaking process of explaining that the man they had watched was her true father. That technically she belonged with Raoul, and not in his arms right now.
Thoughtfully he looked down at the precious gift in his arms. What would he do if she asked him that? What could he possibly say? There had been a time when she said that she chose him as her Papa. However one day that might change, maybe one day she will want her papa to be someone else, and surely then the pain would kill him. The pain of loosing her would destroy what remaining love he had left, and he would be forever void. She was the only reason he continued his struggle of life.
What had he been thinking? One day she might even ask why there is a tomb behind her mothers with her name as well on it. What would he tell her of that? Why had he not thought of these things years ago, so that he had time to prepare? Why had he not thought of these things while Madame Giry was still around to give him friendly advice?
Even if he had not killed in years, that did not mean that he was pardoned of all his past crimes. In fact, he did not even know if he would of been capable of killing Audric if he found him. However, none of that meant that if Danielle found out she would continue to love him.
As they existed the Cemetery gates he knew one thing for sure, as much as he still loved her, he would never visit Christine's grave again.