I would like to preface this by stating that no Gundam Characters were harmed in the making of this chapter. I would also like to state for the record that I meant to get this out a lot sooner, but I forgot about it. So anyway, enjoy. Oh, and one last thing... the veiws and opinions expressed inside this chapter do not neccessarily reflect the veiws and opinions of the author or any of its parent companies. So yaoi fans, please don't haul out your Dilandau-like flame throwers and go on a crusade. This is meant purely toungue in cheek! Enjoy!
* * *
Van: Old Woman!
Duo Maxwell: Man.
Van : Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that modest dwelling with all the scrap metal around it over there?
Duo: I'm your same age.
Van: I--huh?
Duo: I'm your same age buddy-boy, I'm not old.
Van: Well I can't just call you "man".
Duo: My names Duo Maxwell; I may run and hide but I never tell a lie.
Van: ...That's nice; and I didn't know you were called Duo Maxwell.
Duo: Perhaps you know me better as Shinigami... the God of Death. Or the Great Destroyer if midnight's past your little bed time. Besides, you didn't even bother to ask now did ya?
Van: Look I said I was sorry about the woman thing, but I saw your braid and assumed--
Duo: What I object to is that the fandom always has paint me as some kinda softy because I have this cool bad-ass looking braid going down my back.
Van: Huh? I don't follow you.
Duo: (not listening) Sure, they mention it in a fun-lovng and sometimes worshipful way but many just use it as an excuse to paint me as the feminine one in a relationship between me and Heero, of all people, in their yaoi fics.
Van: I, uh, I'm sorry to hear that?
Duo: (not listening) How am I feminine? Historically, it was considered very manly to go into battle with long hair! I'm a manly man and it's pretty obvious I like women! I've repeatedly expressed an interest in even Relena! I'm not the least bit feminine, I pilot a mecha for heavens sake!
Van: (is wondering what precisely a yaoi fic is) I guess I can understand that, sort of. I mean, well, there is Allen and people always seem to like to poke fun at him for his long hair despite the fact that he can kick my ass in a sword fight three times out of five... but that's aside of the point. Maybe if you looked a little less... girly people wouldn't write so many yaoi fics about you.
Duo: I don't object to yaoi fics in general, or even mine in specific. What I do object to is the lack of cannon.
Van: How so?
Duo: Well, I can understand that people might want to read a little more into me and Heero being trusted war comrades and such, and that's okay... but did anyone notice that I spent the better part of the last half of the series, for lack of a better term, shacked up?! I'm living with a woman and loving it! I went back to her after the series ended. Did they miss that bit?
Hilde: Duo! There's some great scraps down here! (gazes at Van appreciatively) Oh! How do you do?
Duo: (mutters) Geeze! First Trowa and now this guy...
Van: How do you do good lady? I am Van, King of Fanelia. Who lives in that dwelling over there?
Hilde: That's my house. I run a scrap-yard business out of it and I invited Duo to come and stay with me... not the other way around by the way. Some people have it in their heads that Duo owns the business, but that's just not cannon.
Duo: You're wasting your time on this one, he's probably one of those writers who writes for the series but can't remember half of the stuff that happened in it, including the fact that I saved your life.
"Van: uh.......
Duo: You want to hear what's not cannon? Us appearing in this fanfic. We have no part of the Escaflowne universe whatsoever.
Hilde: Well that's not exactly true. One of the writers, Hajime Yadate, also co-wrote the series Escaflowne with Shoji Kawamori. So there is a connection between Gundam Wing and Escaflowne besides cool mecha and men with long hair; oh, and girls with short hair like me.
Duo: I don't think that's enough of a connection to put the two of us in an Escaflowne fanfic and not rate it a cross over. If that rule of yours were true we'd have that red-head from Outlaw Star coming in here all of a sudden and probably wrecking the joint by trying to unsucessfully show up the god of death.
Hilde: (mutters) Wouldn't happen, there isn't a fandom in the world big enough to hold both of their egos.
Duo: I heard that. And since we're on the subject of writer crossovers we'd also have to make room for Juna from Shoji Kawamori's series Earth Maiden Arjuna.
Van: Yes I see...
Duo: And then there would be Fushigi Yuugi; that's written by Yuu Watase but we could count it since it shares a common voice actor--
Van: Be quiet!
Duo: Of course then we would have to invite the cast from Full Metal Panic if we were getting into voice actors.
Van: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Duo: And who died and made you king?
Van: My father did... and then my brother sort of... abdicated.
Duo: That's all well and good but how is it you got to be a main character and pilot mecha?
Van: I was sent out by my mentor Balgus...
[Angels singing]
Van: ...to slay the dragon as part of my rite to become king. I was taken to another world for a fateful meeting with the girl who would change the destiny of Gaia. She warned me of his impending attack, saving my life and then slapped me. I took the energist from the dragon I'd just brutally murdered thus signifying by divine right that I, Van Fanel, was to pilot the Escaflowne. This is how I am a major charactor and mecha pilot.
Duo: Listen. Strange women with freaky precognative powers delivering slaps whever the occasion warrants is no basis for picking out mecha pilots. Supreme mecha fighting power derives from a mandate from some cooky old scientists who look like batman villains.
Van: Your system is even weirder than mine. I don't think you have room to throw stones.
Duo: We don't have room to stow thrones either. *chuckles* And a system which perpetuates the slaying of an endangered species should be annuled. Isn't there a bill up for congress to make the Land Dragon a protected species?
Hilde: Save the Land Dragon! *holds up protest sign*
Duo: Come see the violence inherent in the system!! Dragon Killer! Poacher!
Van: Stupid pilot. It's a wonder he didn't self-destruct by accident.
Duo: Save the Land Dragon!
Van: *rides off*
* * *
Van: Old Woman!
Duo Maxwell: Man.
Van : Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that modest dwelling with all the scrap metal around it over there?
Duo: I'm your same age.
Van: I--huh?
Duo: I'm your same age buddy-boy, I'm not old.
Van: Well I can't just call you "man".
Duo: My names Duo Maxwell; I may run and hide but I never tell a lie.
Van: ...That's nice; and I didn't know you were called Duo Maxwell.
Duo: Perhaps you know me better as Shinigami... the God of Death. Or the Great Destroyer if midnight's past your little bed time. Besides, you didn't even bother to ask now did ya?
Van: Look I said I was sorry about the woman thing, but I saw your braid and assumed--
Duo: What I object to is that the fandom always has paint me as some kinda softy because I have this cool bad-ass looking braid going down my back.
Van: Huh? I don't follow you.
Duo: (not listening) Sure, they mention it in a fun-lovng and sometimes worshipful way but many just use it as an excuse to paint me as the feminine one in a relationship between me and Heero, of all people, in their yaoi fics.
Van: I, uh, I'm sorry to hear that?
Duo: (not listening) How am I feminine? Historically, it was considered very manly to go into battle with long hair! I'm a manly man and it's pretty obvious I like women! I've repeatedly expressed an interest in even Relena! I'm not the least bit feminine, I pilot a mecha for heavens sake!
Van: (is wondering what precisely a yaoi fic is) I guess I can understand that, sort of. I mean, well, there is Allen and people always seem to like to poke fun at him for his long hair despite the fact that he can kick my ass in a sword fight three times out of five... but that's aside of the point. Maybe if you looked a little less... girly people wouldn't write so many yaoi fics about you.
Duo: I don't object to yaoi fics in general, or even mine in specific. What I do object to is the lack of cannon.
Van: How so?
Duo: Well, I can understand that people might want to read a little more into me and Heero being trusted war comrades and such, and that's okay... but did anyone notice that I spent the better part of the last half of the series, for lack of a better term, shacked up?! I'm living with a woman and loving it! I went back to her after the series ended. Did they miss that bit?
Hilde: Duo! There's some great scraps down here! (gazes at Van appreciatively) Oh! How do you do?
Duo: (mutters) Geeze! First Trowa and now this guy...
Van: How do you do good lady? I am Van, King of Fanelia. Who lives in that dwelling over there?
Hilde: That's my house. I run a scrap-yard business out of it and I invited Duo to come and stay with me... not the other way around by the way. Some people have it in their heads that Duo owns the business, but that's just not cannon.
Duo: You're wasting your time on this one, he's probably one of those writers who writes for the series but can't remember half of the stuff that happened in it, including the fact that I saved your life.
"Van: uh.......
Duo: You want to hear what's not cannon? Us appearing in this fanfic. We have no part of the Escaflowne universe whatsoever.
Hilde: Well that's not exactly true. One of the writers, Hajime Yadate, also co-wrote the series Escaflowne with Shoji Kawamori. So there is a connection between Gundam Wing and Escaflowne besides cool mecha and men with long hair; oh, and girls with short hair like me.
Duo: I don't think that's enough of a connection to put the two of us in an Escaflowne fanfic and not rate it a cross over. If that rule of yours were true we'd have that red-head from Outlaw Star coming in here all of a sudden and probably wrecking the joint by trying to unsucessfully show up the god of death.
Hilde: (mutters) Wouldn't happen, there isn't a fandom in the world big enough to hold both of their egos.
Duo: I heard that. And since we're on the subject of writer crossovers we'd also have to make room for Juna from Shoji Kawamori's series Earth Maiden Arjuna.
Van: Yes I see...
Duo: And then there would be Fushigi Yuugi; that's written by Yuu Watase but we could count it since it shares a common voice actor--
Van: Be quiet!
Duo: Of course then we would have to invite the cast from Full Metal Panic if we were getting into voice actors.
Van: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Duo: And who died and made you king?
Van: My father did... and then my brother sort of... abdicated.
Duo: That's all well and good but how is it you got to be a main character and pilot mecha?
Van: I was sent out by my mentor Balgus...
[Angels singing]
Van: ...to slay the dragon as part of my rite to become king. I was taken to another world for a fateful meeting with the girl who would change the destiny of Gaia. She warned me of his impending attack, saving my life and then slapped me. I took the energist from the dragon I'd just brutally murdered thus signifying by divine right that I, Van Fanel, was to pilot the Escaflowne. This is how I am a major charactor and mecha pilot.
Duo: Listen. Strange women with freaky precognative powers delivering slaps whever the occasion warrants is no basis for picking out mecha pilots. Supreme mecha fighting power derives from a mandate from some cooky old scientists who look like batman villains.
Van: Your system is even weirder than mine. I don't think you have room to throw stones.
Duo: We don't have room to stow thrones either. *chuckles* And a system which perpetuates the slaying of an endangered species should be annuled. Isn't there a bill up for congress to make the Land Dragon a protected species?
Hilde: Save the Land Dragon! *holds up protest sign*
Duo: Come see the violence inherent in the system!! Dragon Killer! Poacher!
Van: Stupid pilot. It's a wonder he didn't self-destruct by accident.
Duo: Save the Land Dragon!
Van: *rides off*