I got really bored while I was waiting to go on the Internet, and I started thinking of all the things that rhyme with Foaly. Then it hit me like a red-hot brick thrown by a mental pixie. FOALY MOALY! Hence, this weird, twisted, abusive fan fic.

Disclaimer: If I owned Artemis Fowl, I would most defiantly have a life, and I would not be writing this. I don't own The Wizard of Oz either.

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Foaly and the Adventures of Dental Work

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"What the hell are we doing here!"

"I don't know!"

Root and Holly, during an important mission, in which they were trying to fix the LEP Recon's coffee machine, found themselves in a blindingly bright room with rigid, metal furniture. As Root proceeded to turn red as fresh roses on a spring day, a certain little pixie appeared.

"CHIX! You broke the coffee machine, DIDN'T YOU!"

"Um….noooo. Surprisingly not."

"What's going on here?" While Julius and Chix were bickering over the most loved machinery in Haven, Butler had appeared with a big, cushy POOF!

"Umm….."

"None of your beet roots, MUD MAN."

"HEY! What about me? I only got ONE LINE throughout this whole thing! I WANT LINES!"

"Well, actually, you really weren't supposed to be in this story…but SOMEBODY needed to talk to Root so that I could make that funny analogy about spring roses," said a booming, disembodied voice…cough mine cough.

"Why couldn't Chix do it?" asked the newly appeared Artemis Fowl who, surprisingly, had sprouted out of Butler's stomach.

"Shut up, smartmouth!"

"Fine!"

"Okay, I want you all to argue, so I'm going to stop speaking right….now. Nope, actually…now."

"Okay, that was weird…"

"I'M BORED!"

"Shut up, Chix."

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES, OR I'LL TAKE YOU OFF DUTY WITH HOLLY!"

"Fairy dust."

"What kind of swear is that?"

"I dunno, I'm only here for comic relief, remember?"

"Oh yeah…Fowl! That was really disgusting!"

"Yeah! Coming out of Butler's stomach like that! How do you think Butler felt!"

"Actually, it felt pretty good…" Butler stated dreamily as he stared out into space, namely, the Barney in Space movie that was playing on the small TV sticking out of the ceiling. "You know…you can learn a lot from these movies…."

"Really? I never-"

"Okay, kiddies, time for DR. FOALY TIME!" Suddenly, the high-tech centaur dropped down from the ceiling.

"Dr. Foaly?"

"Yes, I am now a certified dentist!"

"Cool!"

"Heyyy…wait a sec…I-"

"YES! MWAHHAHHHAHHHAAHHA! I shall give you all…..braces. Mwahahhahhhahha!" The disembodied voice once again joined the talk.

"NO!" all in unison, even Foaly the dentist.

"I refuse to give them….braces." Duh, duh, duh.

"Why not? I paid for the online lessons! I even check your homework for you!"

"'Cause I'm rebellious, that's why!"

"MEANIE! YOU PEOPLE WON'T LET ME HAVE ANY FUN! NOW I SHALL RELEASE MY THREE PLAGUES ON YOU ALL! MWAHHAHHAHHAAAHAHHHAHA!"

"Um…I don't like plagues. Maybe-"

"SILENCE! NOW, AS THE FIRST PLAGUE, THE ATTACK OF THE HOUSE FLIES!"

"House flies?" A small fly landed on Foaly's rear end. "Oh, YEY! LOOK, LOOK! I HAVE A FRIEND! I think I'll name him Zippy."

"What kind of stupid-" The commander was interrupted by a large, sudden swarm of house flies.

"AHH!" in unison.

"HEY! These taste pretty good!"

"EWWW!" in unison, all except Bulter, of course.

"It's true!"

"MWAHHAHHHAHHHAAAHHHA! Now can you see? Now, for my second plague-"

"Foaly passes so much gas that all the flies fall dead, and the room turns GREEN!"

"CHIX!" in unison once again.

"Hey! That's a good one! MWAHHHAHHHAHHHAAHHA!"

And indeed, the flies fell dead and the room turned green.

"Yuck!"

"Oh poop. I've run out of ideas."

"YES!" all cried in unison.

"How about you turn our noses upside-down, and then you send us all home."

"Butler!" in unison.

"NOO! I'm too young to have my nose upside-side down!"

"YESS! MWAHHAHAAHHAHHA!"

Arty, Foaly, Butler, Holly, Julius, and Chix all suddenly had upside-down noses, but only Foaly and Root had left the room.

"Heyyy, where Mister Centaur dude and Beet Root?"

"AAAHHHH! MY NOSE IS UPSIDE-DOWN! NOW ARTY WILL NEVER- oops, I mean, umm…" Everyone in the room was staring at Holly, with Artemis giving her a rather measuring look. Arty shook himself like a dog, only with a slightly more intelligent look to him.

"Ooooh, I didn't know that this was a romantic comedy!" the disembodied voice once again spoke.

"HA,HA! In your dreams, Artemis!" Chix snarled.

"What do you know, PEOPLE MAN," Arty retorted.

"Is that the best you've got, MUD BOY?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah? You wanna go? Huh, HUH?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, maybe I do, for once."

"Gentlemen, GENTLEMEN! Have you ever wondered why they call you GENTLE men?" Arty and Chix both stared at Holly stupidly. "No? BECAUSE YOU'RE GENTLE!"

"Thank you Holly, but if you would please let us gentlemen carry on, maybe then we could go and find some nice, quiet, room…."

"ARTEMIS! The nerve! Shut your arrogant, rambling mouth and listen! You-"

"WOW! I didn't know that turning noses upside-down would get results this entertaining!" the disembodied voice once again cut in. "Oh, and if I may ask, where has Arty's dear bodyguard gone off to?"

"Don't call me-"

"WHERE'S BUTLER, AND FOALY….and Root?"

"Hehe…Well currently, Foaly is at the Kentucky Derby, number 5, and Julius is in my grandmother's garden, as a gnome."

"Hey! That's pretty good…Kentucky Derby, garden gnome…ha, that's pretty funny!"

"BWAHHHAHHHHAHHHA!" Chix.

"BWAHHHAHHAHHHA!" Arty.

"giggles But where snort is giggle Butler?"

"Ohhh, the man-who-has-no-apparent-first-name…."

"Where is he?"

"Well…giggles uncontrollably…..I happen to have sent him to snort Haven LEP Recon quarters giggle wearing nothing but a rather feeble loincloth giggles uncontrollably again and bearing a large chunk of rotten cheese upon his head…he is currently rather embarrassed…"

"BWAHHHAHHHAHHHAHAHHHAA!"

"HE HE HEH EH EH EEEEEEEEH!" Holly, undoubtedly.

"MWAHHHAHHAHHHAHHHAAHHHA!"

"I could have come up with something better."

"Oh, really? Soooo, you're saying that you're smarter than me?"

"Yes."

"Fine, then I have a riddle for you."

"Go on."

"You are a zookeeper."

"Why would I want to be a zookeeper?"

"IT'S A RIDDLE! Now, a zoo has 4 Rhinos, 5 zebras, 1 kangaroo, and a giant octopus."

"That's all that's in the zoo?"

"YES, SHUT UP AND LISTEN! Two of the Rhinos fall ill, and die a horrible, painful death…"

"What did they fall ill with?"

"It doesn't matter! Then the zoo buys 3 new Rhinos, all female. All of the Rhinos are girls."

"Okay..."

"Then, 3 of the Zebras roll in tar, and become pure, Arabian-black horses. They are bought from the zoo by an Arabian horse-dealer."

"This is weird!"

"Who cares? It can be as weird as I like! The octopus grows to an ENORMUS size; it is now as big as a house, a very, very large house! And the U.S. Government buys the zoo and the octopus for military purposes. No one at your zoo loses their job. Who is the zookeeper at this weird zoo?"

"I am!"

"WRONG! I never said it was YOUR zoo that I was talking about, HA!

"Shoot! Wait, what is the meaning of life?

"There is no meaning."

"Oooh, I never thought of that. D'Arvit!"

"MWAHHHAHHHAHHH! Ouch!"

"What?"

"Been…gasp….writing too long….wince….carpel tunnel….oooh!"

"Oooh, well, you better stop writing soon."

"Yesss…must gasp stop…now…doctor, unbearably hot doctor…"

And, the evil disembodied voice stopped writing this torturous story. Arty, Holly, and Chix stared at each other for quite a long time.

"How do we get home?"

"Hmm….maybe we have to click our shoes and say 'There's no place like home' three times!" Chix and Holly stared at the young Fowl. "What?"

"Yeah…maybe…."

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A/N: Wow, I had a lot of fun writing this. It was supposed to be an oneshot thing…but if I get more reviews…..