Decisions Reconsidered

By Steph

Author's Note: This is my first chapter to Decisions Reconsidered. There are many more to come (I have most of them done already), and now is just the process of posting them on here. I am going to try to update this atleast every other day. Please post your comments, therefore I can continue this story knowing that it is going in the right direction. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gone with the Wind.

Chapter 1

Every morning Scarlett would wake up and say to herself,

"What do I do? Where do I go from here?"

Without Rhett by her side she felt so blind as to how to live her life. It was like he was supporting her every step of the way when they were together, but now that he was gone, she couldn't stand up on her own two feet.

The independent, young girl that had inhabited Tara so long ago had left, and a mature, confused and utterly depressed woman had taken her place. It had been two months since that day…the day that Scarlett would remember each and every moment of her life. The thought of Rhett not wanting her anymore brought a pain to her heart. This pain was not one that could be wiped away in a matter of time…but rather one that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

My dear, I don't give a damn…

He doesn't care. He had made that clear the night he walked out. He said he would come back every once in a while…was he truly going to keep that promise? Or had he just lied so he could get out of the house sooner?

Scarlett got into bed, knowing that this night would not be any different than the other nights that preceded the day he had left. It was almost a routine now…she would plump up her pillow, lie down, stare at the ceiling, and think about what was to become of her. She thought about Rhett. Did he ever think about her? Does he still love her although he said he hadn't? As she thought of these things, she would silently cry herself to sleep, knowing she had to have strength to keep up a good guard so the children wouldn't know she was so weak and so upset all of the time.

This night, however, as Scarlett lay on her pillow and stare at the ceiling, her thoughts were different. They were still of Rhett, of course, but somehow they were different. She began thinking of the times before her marriage. Oh how happy they were before they were married! He was always with her, in the toughest of times. And then, when they married. How wonderful the honeymoon had been! Suddenly Scarlett drifted off to sleep, drenched in wonderful thoughts of how happy life was before.

Rhett was back in Charleston for two more weeks. He decided after that he would go home and visit the children. He was also curious as to see how Scarlett was handling everything. His mother decided to have him stay for a while so he could clear his head. These last two months had been much harder than he had thought they would be. Scarlett had been in his thoughts from the time he walked out of the front door from the Peachtree house, to the present.

What could possibly be keeping me from enjoying myself? I'm home, no one holding me down. She's not here to hurt me anymore…yet why is the pain greater now than when I was with her in Atlanta?

Rhett tried not to let this bother him, but the thought kept popping into his head. He was sitting alone at the table eating breakfast, when his mother came and pulled up the chair right next to him.

"Rhett, it's time we had a talk."

This startled Rhett. She had a concerned look on her face, which surprised him because she rarely let her feelings show. She was usually the one person who's face he could never read any emotions from.

"What's on your mind, mother?"

"As you know, I'm not one to pry into your business. But Rhett, I see your pain every time I see you. Every time I look in your eyes, all I see is sadness. What is bothering you?"

Rhett pushed away his plate and put his hand on top of hers.

"Of all the times I've spoken with you, I have never lied to you. And I am not going to start to do so now… it's Scarlett. She never loved me as much as I had loved her, yet when she finally told me she loved me, I had nothing left. It shocked me so much to hear those words come out of her mouth. I tried to read her eyes to make sure she was telling the truth, and my God I've never seen someone so serious in my life. I thought I could leave her, make her feel the pain I've felt all these years…but I still feel her. It's like I can't completely get rid of her. I look back and the reason I left was so she could feel pain, but now that I have had time to think, pain is the thing I least want to cause. I want to rid her of her pain, yet I don't want to risk the hurt and torment that she had made me suffer all of those years. I admit I had lied to her when I said I didn't love her anymore, but how am I to live with her knowing that any day she could change her mind and say it was just a faze. That she just loved me as she had "loved" Ashley Wilkes and it has faded. That, mother, is the reason I am so upset. That's the reason I can't sleep at night, because although she may think she's in love with me now, it could only be a matter of days before she changes her mind again."

"Rhett, do you not see that you are probably inflicting as much pain on her now as she had given you in the days before you left? I am sorry to sound so forward Rhett, but I can't bare to see you so depressed each day. If I understand correctly, she has realized she doesn't love Ashley Wilkes anymore. Isn't that what had kept her from loving you the way you love her? Well he is out of her heart now, Rhett. You have a perfect shot to shower her with your love, and if you make it clear to her that your love is real, and you show her what real love is, that she will then know if HER love is real. Think about it Rhett… you can make things right again…just think about it…."

With this Rhett's mother walked away with glistening eyes, leaving Rhett alone to think.

When I go back in two weeks, am I really ready to risk everything for this woman? Will she take my heart and break it into even more pieces? Or will she take her love for me, assuming she truly loves me, and mend my heart while I help mend hers, and start a new life together? Will she take advantage of me again? Do I still love her as much as I had the day I spotted her at Twelve Oaks?

Out of all the questions that popped into his head, he only knew the answer to that last one. And the answer…as much as he didn't want to admit it…was yes.