Seeing You Broken

Disclaimer: Don't own them, wish I did. Real close to owning the next two Harry Dresden audio books though. Oh yeah, another 18 hours of listening to James Marsters talk. There's my happy place.

Summary: I always wondered how Spike got out of the alley in 'Dead Things'. Then I wondered how he and Buffy went from her beating the crap out of him to the flirting and smiling at her birthday party the next week. This is my version in my little world where Xander is much nicer.

Reviews: Yes, please. It's really the only reason I keep writing, I'm seriously addicted to the warm fuzzies I get from reviews. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!

A/N: I want to give WayWard Childe kudos and a week's worth of o-pos for his unceasing support of my ramblings and for putting up with my never-ending insanity. Not to mention my whining.

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Xander hated being up so early. As far as he was concerned there was never a good reason to leave his warm bed and Anya's loving arms. But he'd told his foreman that he'd be on site early to receive a load of lumber and Anya would never forgive him if he passed up an opportunity to earn a little extra money. Normally he liked having his work site so close to the apartment but leaving home while it was still dark out gave him the wiggins. He passed by the police station with a shudder and heard something in the alley. He stopped and listened. Nothing. Then… there, a scrape, just barely loud enough to be heard. The brunette Scooby berated himself for his foolishness even after he took his first steps into the alley. His dark chocolate eyes swept the dimly lit passage looking for the source of the noise. He hoped vainly that it was just a stray animal but senses that had been honed since high school were screaming at him that there was something wrong. A bundle of black next to a brick wall caught his attention. Xander approached cautiously, picking up a broken piece of board on the way. A movement and a flash of platinum startled the human. Spike?

Xander inched closer to the vampire. He couldn't be sure but it looked as if the chipped pain in the ass was trying to blend in with the wall. Xander watched as Spike pulled his knees defensively up to his chest. The blank expression on the blond's face spooked Xander. There was massive swelling and the bruising covering the lean features looked painful. One eye was closed completely and the other one was rapidly doing the same.

Xander whistled softly before pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. "Hey, Chuck, I'm not gonna be able to meet that delivery truck. A friend of mine's had an accident. Can you cover for me?" He waited a beat. "Thanks man, I owe you one." He pocketed the small phone and settled back on his heels to survey the damaged vampire.

"Gee, Spike, what are we going to do with you now? Who did you piss off? Damn, man, you're trashed." Xander said softly. The sliver of blue peering out of the swelling never flickered.

"Okay then, it's almost dawn. Let's get you home." Xander reached out a hand to haul the vampire up. An almost imperceptible flinch stunned the brunette. "Spike, you can't stay here, the sun will be up soon. Come on." He reached for the blond again, this time meeting no resistance when he pulled the smaller man to his feet.

Fifteen minutes later…

They made it into the crypt with just seconds to spare. Xander eased the injured vampire into his battered easy chair and moved over to the refrigerator for some blood. He was troubled to see that it was empty. "Spike? You're out of blood. Can you hang on until I can get to the butcher's?" There was no answer.

Xander let the door to the ancient refrigerator swing closed. He walked back over to the chair, squatting down.

"Spike?" There was still no answer. The human took a closer look thinking the vampire had passed out. The sliver of sapphire that peeked out of the swelling was dull and expressionless. "Let's see the damage then."

He carefully pulled on the sleeve of the ever-present duster. He cautiously eased the slight body out of the old leather. He pulled the slender torso forward and inched the black shirt up and off. Spike never reacted. He let the male Scooby examine the damage without the protest Xander fully expected. Something was off about the injuries, Xander mused. Gentle probing revealed a couple of broken ribs but other than the bruising, they seemed to be the worst of it. The brunette rocked back on his heels, perplexed. He'd never seen the usually hyperactive vampire so still. Raking his dark brown gaze over the damage, he gasped when his eyes caught sight of the slender artistic hands. They were unmarked. Spike hadn't fought back, hadn't defended himself.

The implications of those unblemished hands spun in Xander's mind. "Spike? You were mugged by humans, right?" The uncertain question popped out hopefully, the alternative was simply too horrible of contemplate. He gulped as he scanned the damage again. "No, of course not. I know you. It would be damn the migraine and full fight ahead before you'd let any humans do that to you. That only leaves one explanation and, man, I sooo don't wanna think that."

Spike huddled in on himself as he listened to Xander go into his normal denial mode. Moving for the first time, he wrapped his arms defensively around his bare torso. His movements drew the brunette's attention. Of course the whelp wouldn't want to believe his precious slayer would be so vicious as to pound on a vampire who was only trying to do her a favor.

"You don't… have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never… be your girl!"

Buffy's words echoed in the defeated vampire's head. Repeating as they pounded through his mind. 'You are dead inside!' He'd never felt dead before but he did now. 'You can't feel anything real!' He had been able to feel. More so that any other vampire he'd ever met. He wasn't sure why, he just did. He felt something shatter in his chest and everything released in one tear trailing down his swollen face. With it all the anomalous feelings drained out, leaving him empty. In over one hundred years Spike had never given up. He'd survived Angelus, caring for Drusilla, the Nazis and the chip. He'd even survived watching the woman he loved more than anything falling to her death. For the first time since becoming a vampire Spike couldn't think of a single reason to continue. 'There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside!' His last thought as her words echoed in the empty space he used to occupy was simply that for once she was right. His mind became as empty as his heart as he…just…gave…up.

tbc