A Weiß Mary Sue
Written by Sakki
Ich sehe tot Junge.
~~
Five P.M. rolled around like any other hour. Ken was bouncing a soccer ball in the basement of the shop, Yohji was smoking, and Omi was at his computer. Aya was upstairs, cleaning and closing up.
Briefly, he wondered if Manx would be pissed to find the door shut and locked.
He decided against it; those steel-tipped high-heels were fairly lethal and had left a quarter sized gash on Yohji's ribcage. He didn't want his neck to make a sudden acquaintance with those red and silver* bloodsuckers.
An hour or so later, Aya wasn't quite sure what had happened prior to his winding up pinned to the wall by seventeen small knives, so he went over his previous actions.
5:15 PM: Cleaning up the shop.
5:20 PM: Putting pots of flowers on their respective storeroom shelves.
5:30 PM: Mopping the floor of the shop.
5:45 PM: Ramming a pack of cigarettes down Yohji's throat.
5:50 PM: Looking up and down the street for any sight of Manx.
5:55 PM: Deciding that Manx had completely forgotten about them and gone to a bar or something and locked the door to the shop.
5:57 PM: Hearing someone hammering against the door of the metal cover.
5:59 PM: Seeing Manx and another girl who was glowing so brightly he couldn't look at her properly.
6:00 PM: Sitting in the basement, shielding his eyes from the new girl's incredibly bright glow.
6:01 PM: Listening to Manx introduce the new girl as 'Mary-Sue Johnson'.
6:02 PM: Looking at the girl whose glow had finally subsided.
6:15 PM: Being pinned to a wall by seventeen small knives.
Well, that hadn't worked out so well.
"See? I told you I could do it!" said an all too cheerful voice.
"Wow…"
"She's got really good aim!"
"Yeah – awesome…"
Aya could hear someone clapping beyond the rush of blood and bright, blinding lights.
"Someone get me down from here. Now."
"Aya, it's your own fault you're up there in the first place!" Omi said. Aya gave him a distasteful look.
"…Omi, you have a knife, right?"
"Yes…"
"Have you ever heard the phrase 'Sharing is caring?"
"Of course." Omi blinked. "What does that have to do with this?"
"Because," Aya said dryly, "if you care about your internal organs, you better damn well share that knife with me."
~Thirteen Minutes Earlier~
Aya managed to get a good look at the girl who was now standing on the last step of the staircase. She managed to stand in just a way that she could show off her entire body and yet stay modestly hidden at the same time.
So he looked.
She was tall, with a body slender like a willow. One hand was resting delicately on the banister and the other was holding onto a backpack strap. Her skin was white and lightly tanned as well as flawless; she had no scars, pimples, or other disturbances anywhere on her body. Her fingernails were neatly filed, manicured, and painted powder pink.
Her face was round but not too round, with only soft angles to it. Her eyes were slender and somewhat dreamy. Her eyelashes were long, black, and not clumped together at all. The sparkling sea blue of her irises stood out against her skin. Her nose was slender, and her lips were full and round, shining bright red with lipstick that had been perfectly applied. Her hair was long and blonde – no, not blonde. That wasn't good enough. It glowed like the sun itself despite the fact that they were inside and the sun was setting. It was as gold as crystallized honey hanging in a window, if not more beautiful. It had been pulled back in two pigtails by white and pink ribbons. Her neck was thin and her shoulders were delicate.
Her arms were of average length, and she had long, slender hands and fingers, perfect for holding a pen or a gun. Her legs were long, perfectly toned, and ended in a pair of perfect feet. Her hips weren't too wide and her breasts were slightly larger than normal.
She was wearing a bellyshirt that was pink. The sleeves were short, and one had slid down enough to show off her shoulder. White bra straps were visible under the near see-through material. Written across the chest area of the shirt were the words 'No Angel'. She was also wearing a pair of low rider jeans that were bedecked with little rhinestone patterns. There was a pair of white sandals on her feet that had pink rhinestones on them. Little bracelets covered her ankles and wrists, and she had two earrings in each ear. The backpack she was carrying was slightly overstuffed and tye-dyed pink and white, yet she didn't seem to be having any difficulty with its weight.**
"Hi!" she said with a smile that could have dazzled even the most evil and coldest of villains.
Aya, however, was not a villain.
"Hi," Omi said, rubbing his eyes in a daze.
"Hi!" said Ken, who was staring at her in total happiness.
"Hey~" said Yohji, who was leaning over the couch with fantasies dancing in his eyes.
Aya said nothing.
"She will be staying in the guest room as of today. You four will help make her feel at home here. Goodbye." Manx headed up the stairs.
"Shut the metal gate when you leave," Aya called after her.
"Whatever."
"Hi! I'm Mary-Sue Johnson. I'm going to be your teammate!" the girl said excitedly. "You must be Omi! I heard you're a great hacker. I bet I'm better!"
Omi gave her a confused grin.
"And you!" She whirled on Ken. "You must be the great Ken Hidaka! You're that great soccer player, right? Want to play against me someday?" She winked.
"Uh…sure!" Ken obviously hadn't heard a word she'd said. He was too busy staring at her.
"You right here! You're Yohji, right?"
"That's me."
"You shouldn't smoke, you know! It's bad for your health."
"Uh."
Finally the girl turned to Aya. "And you're Aya!"
Aya didn't say anything.
"You're a really great swordsman, I heard! And you're very diligent with the shop! I like guys like that! You even told a woman to close the gate when she ranks higher than you! You're cool!"
Aya gave her one of his traditional Looks.
"So!" Mary-Sue said, ignoring the Look. "Who wants to see me demonstrate my 'mad leet skills'?" She giggled.
"Here!" Omi pointed toward his computer. "I've got my best security system set up. See if you can break through it!"
"Ok!" Mary-Sue dropped her bag on the couch and pranced over to the computer. She sat down, looked at the screen, put on a serious face, and started typing.
Ten seconds later, she stopped, turned to Omi, and smiled brightly.
"All done!"
"What?!"
"I said I'm all done!"
"But you…that's not…I can't…" Omi stared at her, then at the computer screen.
"I was always really great with computers! I was skipped up into high school when I was about ten, and then they put me in college when I was twelve!" She giggled. "I was a little genius. So, anybody else got a challenge for me?"
"Yes," Aya said, glowering at her. "How good are you with knives?"
"I could pin you to the wall!"
"Oh really."
Aya found himself suddenly pinned to the wall by seventeen small knives.
~Current Time~
Omi cut the knives away from Aya's clothes, since they were made from wood and refused to come out of the wall.
"See? I threw them so hard they melted the plaster!"
"Wonderful," Aya muttered. "I have to go now."
"Go where?"
"Grocery store."
"But they're all closed."
"Not here."
"Oh, I studied Japan! I went to a college in California – that's where I was born, by the way! – and studied everything I could about Japan. Besides, I walked by one earlier."
"Gas station, then."
"I'll go with!"
"No. I can do this myself."
"But I - "
Aya gave her another one of his Looks, only this time it was ten times as powerful. She met his gaze firmly and they had a temporary staring contest.
After two minutes, Aya turned and went upstairs.
"Wait for me, Aya-kun!"
Aya's entire frame stopped moving, and he felt the pulse in his forehead throb twice.
"No. And do not call me Aya-kun."
"Oh, don't be such a meany-poo!" Mary-Sue giggled and bounced over to the stairs. "I'm coming with you! I want to see the neighborhood."
"No."
This time, everybody in the room flinched. Aya's voice had been low and laced with frozen arsenic. Mary-Sue stopped dead in her tracks and looked at him with something akin to shock and terror. He looked right back at her with something akin to hate and irritation.
"…You know, you're right. I think I'll stay here and show Ken some soccer moves."
"But I already know how to play soccer."
"Yeah, but I bet I'm better!"
Aya glared at the back of her perfect head before going up the stairs and out the back door. While normally making someone run away in fear of him would make him feel better, it hadn't done anything but increase his bad mood this time.
At least the gas station was only a few blocks away.
When he got there, he bought a bottle of water, went outside, sat down on a bench and started drinking. Damn the gas station for not selling at least cheap rice sake.
"Well, well. Never thought I'd see you here."
Aya froze. He knew that voice – low, smooth, and with a slight tinge of European accent to it.
"I see you're just out for a drink. Mind if I join you?"
"Please don't," Aya said, finding his voice. "My mood is bad enough as it is."
"Mine is just as bad." Crawford sat down next to Aya and glanced at the younger man through his bangs. "And I believe it's for the same reason."
"What would you know?" Aya shot back.
"I know," said Crawford, now watching the cars drive by, "that an American girl has joined Weiss." After a moment of hesitation, he added, "I also know that it's not wise to try and drown yourself in a 24 ounce bottle of water."
"Fuck you," Aya growled, but since he'd been talking around the water bottle, it sounded more like 'Fruugh goo'.
Crawford calmly reached out and pulled the water bottle out of Aya's hands. Aya glowered at him and swallowed the water in his mouth.
"So why are you here, Schwarz bastard?"
"You can call me Crawford, since I believe we'll be allies for awhile now."
"Fuck you. We're not allies. We - "
"Never have been, never will be, and you'll cut your heart out with a dull butter knife before you are," Crawford finished for him. "I know. You've said it before. Unfortunately, this girl is something of a witch."
"A witch?"
"Nymph, siren, seductress, whatever."
"A whore, then."
"That works."
Aya snorted. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"
"Too crude."
"Arrogant bastard."
"Child."
"Fuck you."
"That makes three times you've said that. The point is, she's already seduced your teammates and is beginning to seduce mine."
"Yeah right," Aya said, glaring at the gasoline-stained ground. "Omi's too damn naïve to be seduced by anyone, Ken doesn't know what love is, and Yohji's a whore as it is."
"Then explain to me why all three of them were gazing at her with stars in their eyes earlier?"
Aya's head shot up.
"How would you know?"
"I have my ways."
"Stop being so damn cryptic! You were spying."
"No, actually, I wasn't. But Schuldich was."
Of course.
"Why was he spying?"
"To get a good look at the girl he claimed was the only thing that could 'tame his wild heart'."
Aya stared at Crawford for a moment.
Crawford glanced at him.
Then Aya lowered his face into his hands.
"I found it funny, too," the American said in response to Aya's shaking shoulders. "As it is, we need to figure out a plan to get rid of her before she gets our teams to fall in love with her and follow her every command. Because once they're under her hand, we'll fall."
Aya took a deep breath and sat up again, glaring in Crawford's general direction.
"How could any of your teammates fall in love with her? Look at them. Schuldich could pull off the manwhore stunt any day, Nagi's way too young and traumatized, and Farfarello is basically incapable of any emotion besides anger."
"She has a mysterious way of getting men under her thumb, I'll admit. And we have to get rid of her before she completely takes them over."
"Shall we use a sniper rifle?" Aya asked cynically.
"Wouldn't work." Crawford looked at a coffee shop down the street. "Shall we go somewhere else to discuss further plans?"
"Only if you're paying."
~~~
So. Hate it? Love it? Wish it would spontaneously combust? Either way imma keep writing it. AHAHAHAHAHAHA. HA. Ha. ha. ._.
* - Ironically, those are my school colors.
** - Notice that the words 'slender' and 'perfect' were used multiple times in order to show how wonderful she is.