Integra's eyes flew open and she sat up abruptly, readjusting to her surroundings. She was in….her office? She must have fallen asleep at her desk again. And...where was Alucard? He must have left after Pip gave her the report.
She frowned. Something had woken her up.
"Come…"She twitched. That was unmistakably Alucard's voice…in her mind. "Where are you?" she asked quietly to the empty room, gritting her teeth. Whenever he talked to her telepathically it always made her feel slightly sick afterwards.
"In the library," he answered promptly.
With a sigh she got up and dusted herself off. "I'll be there momentarily," she replied.
-
"Alucard?" Integra asked questioningly, stepping into the library to where he was standing by the open window. A breeze ruffled through his hair, raising it up and making it seem almost alive. He turned to her, and for a brief moment his eyes almost seemed to glow.
"Look at the moon," he said quietly, in a tone Integra had never heard before. She walked over to him and obediently gazed out the window at the orange-red full moon above them.
"A killing moon," he murmured, and a small, sinister smile played on his lips.
Integra almost instinctively edged back, but steeled her muscles to stay put.
"I remember another moon like this, once," he continued lazily, looking down at her briefly before returning his gaze to the moon. "Remember?"
Integra frowned. When…?
"When you were smaller," he said, answering her unspoken thought.
"Oh," Integra breathed, remembering despite the vagueness of his response. "That was when…"
Alucard's smile grew. "I was walking with you in the back garden at night…."
"…and a squirrel ran across the wall…" Integra continued hesitantly.
"And what happened next, Integra? Do you remember that?"
She frowned. "You reached out and caught it," she answered, "and then you…"
Her eyes widened with the memory. "You…"
"I did what, Integra?" Alucard whispered softly, watching her reaction carefully. "What did I do?"
"You crushed its skull," Integra said with difficulty, trembling. "Why are you bringing this up again, Alu—"
"The moon reminded me, Integra, that is all," Alucard cut in smoothly. "I'll continue from here. You then asked why I killed…things. Humans. Vampires. If you recall, I did not answer you then."
Integra nodded in agreement, wondering where this was heading, and still unnerved from the memory.
"Are you ready for my answer, now, Integra?" Alucard asked her, his voice devoid of emotion.
She looked up at him sharply, her eyes asking him why he was doing this. Red eyes met her blue ones and regarded her with the deadly patience of those who were far older than she.
"In a sentence: Because I enjoy it," he breathed, and her eyes narrowed.
"Don't tell me you've never had that feeling when you have complete control over someone else's life….you have it over me, Integra"—she flinched—"You enjoy it. Almost nothing can compare to that indescribable feeling of power that courses through you when you know you can snuff out life at your whim. When you fire a bullet, doesn't it fill you with satisfaction when it hits its mark, when the bullet rips through flesh and bone? Or when you give in to your darker side and tear your way through hordes of people and feel their lives drain away? No, you don't feel that—yet, but I do. I enjoy killing when I know that I have the ultimate advantage over my opponents, and that advantage is that I don't care about anything except that I take pleasure in the fight and in the killing. To think that through sheer strength I can rip them apart like a rag doll and then devour them is a euphoria that I live for. Can you imagine that power, Integra? Can you taste it on the tip of your tongue?"
He stepped forward and kissed her forcefully on the mouth, touching her tongue with his. When his hand curved around the back of her neck, she stiffened. "Do you realize that without these shields of the Hellsing family I could snap your neck like a twig?" He murmured into her ear, teasingly biting her earlobe.
Integra shuddered and struggled to get free of his grasp. "Oh yes," Alucard continued, "I also love fear. The way one can feel it slowly fill a room is almost intoxicating. Right now, Integra, your heartbeat has quickened and your breathing is irregular, no matter how hard you fight to control your natural reactions to my presence. And that's the thing about you, Integra, that draws me to you and keeps me by your side: You fight your physical shortcomings. And yet, you still insist on hanging on to them. When I offer you perfection, you shy away."
Integra's eyes widened as she felt his teeth trail down to the side of her neck and press into her skin. "Alucard…" she whispered in a mixture of horror and warning.
He relented and took his teeth away from her neck, pressing his face into her shoulder. "I…ache…for you, Integra," she heard him murmur in what should have been a muffled voice, but instead it carried and echoed in the room and in her mind. His arms folded around her tense frame, and despite herself, Integra involuntarily relaxed into his embrace. "I have always imagined that we are like two parts of a puzzle," he purred, "that fit together perfectly. We are the ying-yang in human form."
She felt his teeth return to her neck and his tongue begin to familiarize itself with her skin.
Integra stirred and licked her lips. "But you are not human," she whispered.
"No," Alucard agreed seriously, lifting his head up, "And now that you have seen the monster behind the semblance of a man, I wonder if you can still look at me and say you love me."
Integra twisted in his arms so that they faced each other. "You say I fight my physical shortcomings, and that is true," she said. "But I have learned to not fight my emotions, or the love that I have for you."