Chapter 16 - Emotions… Gone Wrong
Alanze's heart fluttered. Had she really imagined the words coming out of Severus' mouth – or had he just asked what she definitely thought he did?
"Wh-what?" the young girl questioned, raising a hand to her forehead. "What'd you just say?"
"I asked…" Severus started again. He tried his best to look nervous… Alanze just had to buy this bargain… "I asked… would you like to be my girlfriend?"
Alanze took a second pause to weigh down both options of the situation. Would she seem selfish if she accepted his offer… or would she seem selfish if she rejected it? How would a relationship of any kind with Severus benefit her? And most of all… how would Remus be reacting if she agreed or told him that Severus had asked?
After tense silence of quick thinking, Alanze took a deep breath and realized that Severus still had her hand linked with his. She squeezed his hand a bit reassuringly and looked up into his charcoal eyes.
"Yes."
"Yes?" Severus questioned, taken aback at first. He hadn't really thought she was going to say yes after all the arguments they'd had been through.
"What, is 'yes' bad?" Alanze questioned, apprehensively.
"No! Not at all, yes is good… yes is bloody brilliant!" Severus answered, punching the air with his freehand. He stopped, thought about his previous action and then caught himself in a smirk. "If I ever do that again, pinch me."
Alanze had to laugh. "Ever do what? Have fun? It's only human nature."
Severus rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant – I meant don't let me come out of character in such a Gryffindor-like way. I do have some dignity, you know."
Alanze laughed lightly, and then looked up at him. "Now about this girlfriend deal… is it as sterling as I hope it will be?"
Severus took his time to carefully word out his answer. Alanze wanted to know if their 'relationship' would be true…
"Of course." He lied through his teeth, "What relationship do you know is not based on trust?"
"Brilliant." Alanze giggled, and Severus noticed that she still was only fifteen, and acted quite young. He put that thought out of his mind as they both walked back towards the Great Hall.
The two separated amidst the chattering crowd of people who were already enjoying their feasts. Remus had been watching the door for a time now – he hadn't spotted Alanze sitting with her cheesy group of friends. He watched as she entered with Severus and they separated. The look on the Slytherins' face didn't please Remus much, and he pretended that he was interested in a bowl of candy corn as Alanze romped over to him.
"I've just-" the younger girl went to explain, but just as she was trying to launch into conversation, Dumbledore had set off a couple of explosions with his wand to get the attention of the students.
"I just want to make a quick announcement." The master of Hogwarts spoke, taking his time to speak in the elapsed silence. "Once again, this year the staff and I have decided to host yet again, a Ball on Christmas Eve."
There were a lot of cheers from girls about the Great Hall. Alanze, sitting squished in between Remus and Peter, squealed and bounced in her place slightly.
"There will be no theme to this year's Ball, but Dress Robes will have to be worn. Having a date is not necessarily required, but is welcome. Hogsmeade visits will be arranged accordingly so that all robes can be bought."
Dumbledore gazed around the Great Hall, looking down upon his students fondly. He smiled, then sat back down and folded his slender fingers upon each other before giving his final thoughts.
"Enjoy the rest of your feast… and also… have a good night's rest."
There was mild cheering after Dumbledore spoke. Remus looked about the rest of the table, and the Gryffindors were chattering aimlessly as they enjoyed their deserts. He was silently thinking… there was no Mackenzie this year… who would he ask to go to the Ball this time around?
"Remus?"
The young man looked up, then sighed and wiped his overflowing sandy bangs out of his eyes. His hair had been begging for a cut – it always grew several inches about two weeks before his transformation.
"Yes?" the boy questioned, now with a clear view. "What is it?"
"I wanted to finish explaining to you what happened right before the feast." Alanze's hyper voice resounded in Remus' ears. With his senses perked, her squeaky voice hurt his ears. He secretly wished that puberty would hit her and make her voice turn remotely lower into a frequency that wouldn't bother him so much.
"If it has anything to do with Snape, then I don't want to hear it." Remus grumbled bitterly, snatching a floating bat-shaped cookie out of midair.
"And why not? That's not being fair to me – I listen to you when you speak of all your worthless rants." Alanze pouted. Remus had an urge to smack the frown off of her face.
"You really need to mature and bite your tongue. Saying things off the top of your head may not always be the right thing to do amongst people." Remus told her, chewing into his cookie thoughtfully. He hadn't yet looked into her eyes, and wasn't on a track to do so.
Alanze looked flustered. She was obviously embarrassed, and she folded her arms hastily – jabbing both Remus and Peter (who was on Alanze's other side) in their ribcages.
"Ouch!"
"Well… you deserved it!" the younger girl threw her nose in the air rather heatedly. "I'm just trying to say something to you and you're just being unfair Remus. You're being unfair!"
From across the table, James and Sirius crossed their eyes at Remus, who choked back a grin as he was drinking milk. Sirius and James often made fun of Alanze and the frequent things she said that was just so… childish. Once in a while, Remus would join in, even though he knew it was the wrong thing to do. And in other occurrences, Remus would tell his friends to stop the ridicule altogether… but this didn't happen too often.
"What?" Remus sighed defeated. "What happened before the feast, Alanze?"
"Well…" Alanze started, a grin coming back on her face. Remus noticed that when she smiled she had no signs of dentistry upon her teeth. She had a nice, even smile that was kind-of nice to peer into.
"Well…" the girl started again, "Severus asked me to be his girlfriend!"
At these words, James and Sirius both stopped what they were doing and surveyed Remus. Lily, on the left of James, was listening in remotely and looked over in Alanze's direction. Surprisingly, even Peter looked up. Remus turned ashen. Too many unexplainable emotions surpassed through him all at once. He was speechless… he was furious… he was jealous…
"I'd thought you'd like to know!" Alanze claimed, watching as Remus slowly rose up out of his chair. His facial expression was blank, and it made her smile fade completely. "I'd thought you'd be happy for me, Remus! Friends would be happy for friends!"
Remus didn't say a word to her as many eyes followed him as he walked down the slender aisle between the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw Tables. He stuffed his hands deep in his pockets, dejectedly, and just when everyone thought he was just going to leave the Great Hall, he took a sharp left and headed towards the Slytherin Table.
Naturally, no one really cared much to notice that the Gryffindor 7th year was walking in an unnaturally fast pace towards their table. It wasn't until Regulus, who was sitting across from Snape, warned him – but by then, it was already too late. Remus had seized Severus by the back of his robes and had hoisted him over the bench he was seated on and shoved him upright to his feet.
"I don't know what you're playing at, Snape." Remus said calmly, staring dead into his rival's eyes, "But what I do know that you're up to something."
Severus looked alarmed at first, but as he gained his footing, he pushed Remus backwards off of him. The Great Hall was silent now, as all eyes were on the two boys. Professor McGonagall was slowly getting to her feet.
"I don't know what you're talking-" Severus started, folding his arms.
"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" Remus yelled at the Slytherin. A couple first years at the Hufflepuff table gasped at his use of profanity.
"I'm quite afraid that I don't." Severus told the Gryffindor. His eyes scanned the Gryffindor Table as Alanze rose from it, and ran towards the two boys. She got in between them within a matter of seconds. Severus put his arm about her shoulders, and Remus grasped the front of his robes.
"If you even TOUCH her in a foul way, I'll make sure you regret it, Snape." Remus growled dangerously. The two young men were about the same height – and they looked eye-to-eye. If looks could kill, Severus would've been dead, burned to a crisp, and would've had his ashes sprinkled over the Lake by the expression Remus contorted on his face.
"Careful," Severus whispered slowly, "Keep your temper. We wouldn't want your hackles to be raising, now would we… wolf?"
At that moment, Alanze looked back between the two boys quite confused. What was Severus talking about? Remus knew, and understood. His face turned ashen once more, and he dropped the front of the Severus' robes and began to back away.
"I'm telling you, Snape. One wrong move and it's over for you." Remus whispered, though not with much threat. He didn't want to endanger Severus and have him tell anything about his secret.
"So I've heard." Severus teased with a sneer. "Now why don't you get out of here, and leave us normal people to our feast?"
A lot of the Slytherins cheered and clapped. A muscle clenched in Remus' jaw, but he knew he had no other choice but to leave.
"One wrong move," Remus stressed. "I'll be watching you Snape. You foul her…"
"She'll be in good hands, I swear it." The Slytherin sarcastically replied. A few catcalls were heard from some other Slytherins sitting at the table.
"I care for her." Remus said, without really meaning too. Severus' right eyebrow shot up, and Alanze made a sound as if she were going to speak. Did they hear what they thought they heard?
However, Remus dropped the subject and said no more. All eyes were on him as he left the Great Hall, hands in his pockets and his own eyes determined not to look at the crowd staring him down.
-x-
It was nearly time for bed. Alanze sighed to herself as she settled down out of the bathroom with her nightgown on. She sat at the foot of her bed, throwing old socks into her trunk and got ambushed by questions as soon as she looked up.
"What'd they say?" Dawn asked, hopping onto Alanze's bed.
"We couldn't hear – we were too far away… what happened over there?" Anna questioned, orange hair flinging about her shoulders. She had just washed her hair – Alanze recoiled at the smell of oranges. It was a scent she just couldn't stand because of its over usage by Anna.
"Why did Severus have his arm about you all lovvey like?" Beth questioned, using her wand to paint her toenails the dark blue colour of her eyes.
"And why-" Sara started, but Alanze held up her hand and interrupted them.
"What'd they said is none of your business," Alanze told them all, getting up and walking around her four-poster to her nightstand. She picked up her brush and began to attack the waves amongst her hair. She glanced at herself in her mirror and saw her dark, caramel-complexioned face shining back at her. She purpled, and then looked back down. Alanze didn't like looking into the mirror, much. She wasn't too proud of her heritage.
"And also," the girl started, "It is not of your business to know what happened while we were all over there. Severus had his arm about me… because he's my boyfriend now."
The girls cooed very annoyingly. Alanze wasn't that mature, but the girls in her dorm were beginning to annoy her with their childish antics towards the opposite sex.
"Did he kiss you yet!" Dawn crooned. Of course Dawn would be the one to ask. She, herself, had dated two boys already within the last two months of the new term.
"No, he hasn't." Alanze blushed, putting her brush down. "He just asked me tonight, for Rowena's sake!"
"I bet Remus wasn't too pleased." Sara coincided, nodding appreciatively. She pulled the curtains to her four-poster back and blew out the candle in the lamp on her nightstand. "That's why he went over to the Slytherin table."
"Perhaps." Alanze added softly, following Sara's example and drawing her curtains to go to bed. "Good night girls."
"G'night." Her roommates chimed, as they all climbed into bed.
Minutes passed. Alanze waited until she could hear the distinct breathing from each of her friends until shifting over towards her nightstand. She withdrew the curtain and pulled out the last drawer. She shuffled a bit of parchment to the side, and pulled out the long, silver chain of her necklace she received from Mystère.
And for a while, she just sat staring at it through the moonlight. A tear fell down her left cheek, and Alanze caught it in her hand. Was the necklace really charmed to repel Severus? Was going about with Severus' offer really the right thing to do?
After a while, Alanze put the necklace back in the dresser, and shut the drawer and locked it shut with her wand. Perhaps accepting Severus' offer was a good thing… she'd never know until she'd see how things would settle in the long run.
And maybe, it was time to realize that Mystère was just a hoax, after all. Yeah, that was it. Mystère was a hoax.
Alanze settled into bed uncomfortably, sighing and hugging her pillow. Perhaps she was better off without Mystère after all.
-x-
"You do know that avoiding her won't solve any of your problems, right?"
"Stuff it, you."
"Wow, this situation with Snape is really depressing you, isn't it?"
"Stuff it."
"Why don't you just tell Alanze how you feel?"
Remus looked up from the book he was trying to read in frustration. Sitting across from him was Lily and James on a velvet loveseat. They were in the Gryffindor Common Room. Remus had taken a knack for not leaving unless he had to, and it was making everyone worry about him.
"What'd you mean tell Alanze 'how I feel'?" Remus questioned Lily, sneering. "How I feel? HA!"
"Well," Lily started tenderly, "You obviously feel some way about the girl if you've been brooding this much."
"Lily, she's been my friend since I was nine!" Remus claimed, resting his book down on his knees and messaging his forehead with both knuckles. "We've just reacquainted our friendship and now she's girl to my enemy! She's just a friend."
"Yeah, which is why I'm sure you've been put-out ever since you thought she was dead back in third year." James input.
"That was different." Remus snapped at him, "I thought I was the reason that she died, Prongs. Would you like that type of guilt about your shoulders?"
"No, but how about the guilt of ignoring your other friends who care for you?" Sirius put in, actually draping himself over Remus' armchair from behind him. "Whether we like it or not." He added on, with a grin.
Remus smirked a bit, and then looked at all of his friends. Peter was missing, as usual, which was weird. He had grown far away from the rest of the trio and it was beginning to look kind of odd since they all had been friends since second year.
"I'm not ignoring you all, I'm just trying to study and you all keep imputing on my study time." Remus grumbled, returning to his book. Sirius eyed it strangely, and then was about to wave the textbook aside… when he noticed something.
"Why is your spell book charmed?" Sirius questioned. Remus raised a nervous eyebrow at him. "Oiy Prongs. C'mere. Look at Moony's book."
James got up from sitting with Lily and joined Sirius by hovering over Remus' other shoulder. Remus looked up at them nervously, and went to shut his book.
"Wait a minute…" James stated, reaching for a page in the text. He touched it, and felt a weird paper material instead of parchment. James got a firmer grip and pulled the page away from the rest of the book, finding the charm on the papers to come off. James surveyed it, holding it a few inches away from his face. It wasn't any type of wizarding material at all… actually; it was some type of … letter.
"Give it back!" Remus snatched the letter from James' hand just as Lily joined the taller boys who were already staring at it. Sirius scowled and ran around to the front of the chair, facing Remus.
"Oh, so you don't care for the girl… but you sit here and read all the letters she wrote to you when you both were just kids?" Sirius claimed, folding his arms.
"It's not what it seems, I just-" Remus tried to explain. His cheeks were enflamed, and he was trembling slightly, as if he were caught in a lie.
"And why… if you don't care for the girl… would you make the letters look like pages in your book? Just so you wouldn't be noticed reading all the old notes you wrote to one another?" James reasoned, smirking and raising his eyebrow at his other friend.
"And to the original equation… you obviously feel something for Alanze… why don't you just tell her?" Lily finished the third degree. Remus' head was swarming… he didn't know what to do… he was cornered with no where to go…
After a few tense seconds with his three friends peering at him, Remus closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath before speaking.
"I think I did." Remus stated, looking around at them. "When I confronted Snape, I threatened that if he fouled her in any way… then I would repay the hurt he caused her. And I also…"
"…You also?" the three questioned at the same time.
"I also… think I said that I care for her in front of them both." Remus admitted. "I don't know… I'm just so confused."
Lily smiled to James, and they grasped hands briefly. Sirius crooned a soft 'aw' and slapped Remus quite heavily on the back.
"Isn't this cute? Moony has his first… actual… first love."
Remus paled, then reddened. "First –what? Now, Sirius, I wouldn't say all of that!"
Sirius paused, then burst into laughter. "You called me by my first name!"
James had to smirk. They all hadn't remembered the last time they called each other by their first names.
"Do you love her, Remus?" the dark-red haired girl questioned her friend.
Remus paused, then started. The subject frightened him; he didn't know what to think and how to answer, mainly because he didn't know what he truly felt in the first place. He broke out of the circle, and began to rush (with his book) out of the common room. He couldn't take it – something had to be done…
"Did we do the right thing?" James questioned, taking Lily under his arm. She hugged him about his chest, resting her head against him.
"I think so." Lily answered quietly, watching the portrait hole close.
"I do too." Sirius almost whispered, as the portrait finally closed with a resounding 'snap!'.
-x-
He didn't know where to find her – he didn't even know what he was feeling. Something was wrong… he couldn't face her like this. He stopped running and paused on a nearby windowsill. He placed the book by his feet and gripped the edge of the window, bent in two trying to catch his breath. Sweat dribbled down his forehead and off the tips of his hair… and he didn't want to admit it… but he thought in the confusion he had ended up shedding some tears.
Remus had to stop and think to himself. What time was it? He thought it was a bit past dinner… had people left the Great Hall yet?
Taking no chances, Remus took a change in direction and headed towards the Ravenclaw common room. He spotted the Suit of Armor in front of the passageway, and knocked like all hell.
A prefect came to the secret entrance, and goggled at the older Gryffindor weirdly.
"May I speak to Alanze?" Remus asked hurriedly.
"Who, what, sorry, Gryffindor?" the sixth-year boy questioned, wrinkling his nose.
"Alanze, Alanze Daniels!" Remus shouted, beginning to get frustrated again. "She's a fifth year, about yay high-" he raised his hand to indicate how tall Alanze was, "-with glasses and dark, thick, wavy hair and dark green eyes!"
The prefect looked affronted still that Remus had came to call at his common room. "I have no idea who you are talking about."
"Well either you're going to get an idea, or I'm going to knock your teeth in and then go find her in your House myself." The Gryffindor growled, actually rolling his sleeves back. "I'm on a mission."
"What issues do you have with her?" the Ravenclaw snorted, looking ready for a skirmish. "I cannot allow you to enter a common room that is not your own. I am a Prefect!"
"And you're going to be a Prefect with half a brain if you don't budge up in a second!" threatened Remus.
"Move Cain, it's alright," said a soft voice behind the Prefect, "I'm right here. I heard him yelling, and he's come to visit me."
Alanze was in her night robe, arms folded and she was staring at Remus with a rather unexplained softness in her eyes. Remus met her eye contact, and neither one of them broke glances as Alanze joined Remus carefully in the hallway and Cain closed the entrance.
"I'll break the silence." Alanze sighed, grasping her arms by the elbows and holding them closer to her body. "Why do you act like this?"
"Because I'm stupid and I don't know what to think anymore." Remus explained, "But don't let my stupidity end our friendship again. I…"
"…You…what?" Alanze pressed on, all the while not looking away from Remus' light eyes.
"I don't want to lose you." Remus added softly, breaking their eye contact and staring now at the marble of the hallway floor. "You're true to me, and I want you to be happy… so be it if the path you choose is with Severus Snape."
Alanze smiled, and dropped her arms. She walked softly over to Remus and embraced him in a hug that he gingerly returned with stiff arms. He wasn't that great of a deal taller than her, but the top of her head barely reached his chin. He could smell some scent of shampoo on her… it seemed like she had ran out of the shower just to come talk to him.
"Thank you." Alanze sighed deeply. "Looks like we've both matured a great deal over a little amount of time, eh?"
Remus smirked. "Actually, I think that is true."
"I know it is. And Remus…?"
"Yeah?"
"May I get back to my shower? It's kind of chilled out in the hallway." Alanze asked, a weird smile on her face.
Remus released her from their hug. "Oh! Of course!"
Alanze laughed, as did Remus. He squeezed her hand one final time before parting.
"G'night." He bid his oldest friend.
"Until tomorrow." Alanze bid him back, with a smile. "And thanks for coming to talk to me. I never want to lose you, Remus."
Remus was at the end of the hallway when he heard Alanze's last comment. He turned about, expecting to see her watching him walk off, but she had re-entered the Ravenclaw common room.
She never meant to lose him.
Remus nodded to himself as he began his journey back to the Gryffindor Common Room. He made a pact to himself that she wouldn't lose him.
No matter what.
-x-
Nearly one week away from the upcoming dance, it was the day of the last Quidditch Match before the Holidays (Hufflepuff vs. Slytherin) and also the corresponding day of the last Hogsmeade visit. Remus had been watching the game, but once Slytherin had a lead of over fifty points, he walked out of the stands and began on a journey back towards the school.
Remus spotted Alanze on a bench outside the castle. She had her back towards the jeering stands, and he crept up behind her. She shrieked when Remus sprung upon her unsuspectingly.
"Remus!" the younger girl scolded, the book she was writing in toppling out of her hand. With reflexes faster than hers, Remus snatched it before it hit the ground and handed it back to her.
"Hallo." The Gryffindor teased. "Why aren't you at the game? Surely, Snape would have wanted you to go and support Slytherin with him." He asked incredulously.
"He knows I can't understand the concept of Quidditch. I am only a Half-Blood raised pure Muggle, is all." Alanze responded, smirking a bit. Her face was pale, flushed, and frostbitten, and her skin was a slight dark cream. She looked pretty with her face upright towards the bright winter sky. Remus, however, was not going to tell her that.
"Ready for Hogsmeade?" he asked her instead, trying to get off the subject.
"Not quite. I was just writing in my journal something I was wanting to discuss with you." Alanze told him, stuffing her book back into her bag. She stretched her gloved fingers and looked over in the direction of Remus, who was indeed looking quite handsome in the winter too.
"Oh?" Remus questioned, folding his left leg over his right. It was a position he often took when he was preparing to listen to something being told to him. "Explain."
"It's about this dream I've been having." Alanze told him, trying to explain her story. "I've been having this same dream for… two months now. I tried researching why it's a constant repeat of just this one dream… but I found nothing in the library."
Remus paused, going to rub the stubble on his chin. When was the last time he had shaved? It hadn't been in a while…
"What was in this dream?"
"I'm alone in a dark room, somewhere, and I hear a voice. It's the voice of a man… and as soon as I hear him calling I feel as though I have to follow the sound of him speaking. I walk around in the dark, all through crazy labyrinths and passageways… just trying to find the speaker that is calling me. I come to a dead end… there's a large wooden door with a shiny brass handle. Then, I reach my hand out to open the room where I still hear the voice, and that's when I usually wake up and find I had been sleepwalking." Alanze elaborated.
"Sleepwalking?" Remus questioned, still stroking his chin. It was a nasty habit he had when he was usually thinking really deeply about something. "Where do you usually end up?"
"Somewhere in the dungeons." Alanze said carelessly, with the air of one talking about their favorite color. "Usually near the… Slytherin… Common… Room…" she drawled a few moments later, blinking and pausing to think.
"Have you told Snape about these dreams?" Remus questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Or has he mentioned any type of spells to you that would've caused you sleepwalking? Have you consumed any type of food he's given to you?"
"No, no and no, Dr. Lupin." Alanze replied sarcastically, pausing to look over at her friend. "You're the first person I've told."
At this information, Remus smiled. He felt like going over to Severus and taunting, 'Ha, look you ruddy bastard! She's your girlfriend and she comes to me and tells me her thoughts and secrets before she tells them to you!'.
"Looks like the game is letting out." Alanze broke Remus' silent cheering. She got to her feet, and hoisted her bag to her shoulder. "I'm going to find Severus so we can head to Hogsmeade. I'll talk to you later, alright?"
"Okay," Remus said, watching her scurry towards the raucous Slytherin crowd that was emerging from the field. He assumed that Slytherin won, and not wanting to hear their joy, he headed back towards the Entrance Hall to have his name checked off so he could get a head start into Hogsmeade.
-x-
Slytherin had won! 180 to 30 over Hufflepuff!
Severus punched the air and clapped hands with a nearby 7th year as the Slytherins headed back towards the main building. A victory for Slytherin was always great! Severus' mood was top-notch… until he saw a person in a Ravenclaw scarf approach him. His mood deflated a little as he joined a congregation of people waiting to have Filch checked their names off and allow them into the village.
"Hello!" the girl greeted him, throwing her arms about his chest and hugging him. "Happy victory for Slytherin!"
At her acknowledgement of his team, he smiled a bit and tolerated her being there. He gave the caretaker his name and actually waited until her name was checked so he could walk into the village with her.
Severus had been avoiding her for the past few days. He didn't feel like speaking to her, much. She was beginning to give him a migraine. Altogether, Alanze was a good young girl, but it was not the reason Severus was bracing himself to tell her he wanted to break up their budding 'relationship' together.
"There's something I wanted to tell you." Severus started, staring at the train station nearby. He had to keep his eyes somewhere, and not directly on her as they walked.
"Odd, because I have to ask you something." Alanze responded, pausing to smile over at him. He was acting weird…
And Severus knew why he had to try and break things off with her. He had been sleeping less… less sleep was better than what he had to face while he slept. He was having odd dreams, himself… and sometimes found himself wandering about the dungeons searching blindly for Alanze. He didn't know why, but whatever caused his night walking had to stop… and the only way for the dreams to end, Severus thought, was to rid himself finally of Alanze.
"You first." Severus offered, rolling his eyes.
"Well… I know that we're a 'couple' but I still think it would be proper to ask… if you would like to go to the Christmas dance with me." Alanze questioned, going to grope for Severus' hand. He wretched it out of her grip, and kept both hands jammed in his cloak pockets.
"No, Alanze, I just want to break up." Severus stated point-blank. He was determined not to look at her. She paused in walking, and was hassled aside by some older Slytherins who were walking behind them. The expression on her face was torn, and even though he had his eyes straight ahead… Severus stopped walking and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.
"What makes you say this?" Alanze questioned, "You look like you've been lacking sleep… you didn't mean what you said."
Severus took a deep breath, trying to back up his claim. He turned and saw the tears just waiting to rush from her eyes. He couldn't bring himself to turn her down.
"I didn't mean it, Alanze, I was beyond myself." Severus lied through his teeth once again. "I do want to attend the ball with you and I don't want to break up. I just do need to get to sleep."
Alanze wiped her face, and hugged Severus about the middle again. They began to walk to Hogsmeade again, and Severus couldn't believe what just happened.
Was not breaking things off the right thing to do?
Severus shut his eyes for a brief second, and flashes of his dream appeared inside his eyelids. His eyes flew open, and he reminded himself to get more ingredients for Pepperup Potions in Hogsmeade.
He wouldn't sleep if it were the last thing he'd do. He just couldn't.
Not unless he wanted to hurt her.
-x-
The music pulsed as Remus sat and watched happy couples and friends danced in clumps on the area Dumbledore arranged the band to play on. He had originally been sitting at a table with Lily, James, and Sirius and his Ariana… until they had parted their separate ways and left him as the fifth wheel. Peter had not agreed to go to the dance. Remus sighed, shifting his gaze back to his glass full of Butterbeer. Why had he agreed to come in the first place?
Remus looked up, and could almost feel heat rising about his face and neck. He spotted Alanze dancing with a very sullen Severus. He seemed rather stiff and not wanting to move at all… and stood with a darkened expression as he surveyed the rest of the dancing teens about him.
The dance broke off, and many of the teens clapped. Severus spoke quickly to Alanze, and then rushed off into the shadows. The younger girl looked putout for a second, but then her eyes grazed unnaturally right into Remus'. She took a breath and headed towards his vacant table. Remus lowered his eyes and took another swig of Butterbeer as he waited for her arrival.
"You haven't danced all night."
"I know."
"Are you planning to?"
"Not really."
"Do you have to be so dodgy? It looks like you're plotting to…"
Remus smirked, despite himself. He stretched his upper torso and peered at Alanze in the candlelight. She was wearing dark-blue robes with a golden trim… Remus thought it looked as if she was making an ode to Ravenclaw. He smirked, wondering what Snape's reaction was to the first time he saw Alanze in her outfit.
"Plotting to…?" Remus nudged her on. "Have a seat. Go on."
"No, I want you to dance with me. C'mon." Alanze extended her hand out towards him. Her skin glowed in the faint light, and Remus thought she looked pretty. He took her hand.
"Alright."
Alanze led him onto the floor and spontaneously the band strung a slow-moving song. Remus cursed to himself as he bit his lower lip nervously. He had never been to a dance before.
"Oh." Alanze murmured, glowing a bit herself. "I forgot you didn't know how to dance. Erm… the best news I can give you mate is to follow the crowd."
'Crowd? What crowd… we have to be the only two up here!' Remus thought to himself, thinking and scanning for a couple. He spotted Lily and James on the other side of the hall and made mental notes on how they were dancing. Alanze didn't expect him to dance like that, did she?
Apparently, she did. Alanze slowly raised her arms so that they were reaching around what they could of Remus' neck. She rested her head on his shoulder, and Remus instinctively wrapped his arms about her waist. It was nice… just holding her there and for a while – it didn't even matter that they weren't swaying to the music.
"I like this." Remus voiced, without actually meaning to.
"Right." Alanze agreed, "A simple dance between friends."
"Yeah," Remus agreed, disheartening sigh crossing over him. "Between friends."
There was awkward silence between the friends for minutes. Not being able to stand things any longer, Remus pulled away from their embrace and grasped Alanze by the elbow. She looked startled, and looked up at him very questioningly.
"C'mon. Let's go outside… this is getting pretty awkward. Let's go for a walk instead." Remus reasoned, smirking a bit.
"Oh… well, in that case… I guess so. Why not?" Alanze agreed, allowing herself to be dragged outside. It was still quite cold, but since Alanze was wearing robes this year instead of a dress she could bear it. Remus looked about, surveying if there were any more people outside with them. When he saw none, he began to walk quite briskly onto the grounds.
"You're heading towards the maze." Alanze spoke aloud. She followed Remus nonetheless. "You're going to get us lost!"
Remus smirked at her, and said nothing. His face grew serious as he began to navigate them about the maze. Alanze was watching him carefully, occasionally looking at the scenery or the fairy lights put inside the maze. Ten minutes later, Alanze got a bad sense of déjà vu as they undoubtedly ended up in the center of the maze. They both paused as they surveyed the square in the center, and Alanze looked up at Remus with a mixture of fear, panic, and curiosity in her eyes.
"How… did you know where the center of the maze was?" she whispered, swallowing a lump in her throat. Her hand flew up to message her neck. 'No' she thought to herself, 'It just could not be…'
Remus glanced at her, and then headed towards the bench. He sat down and turned himself towards the fountain. Alanze noticed he was wearing dark blue dress robes too. Remus ran a nervous hand through his hair before wetting his lips to speak.
"You know, I guess I did get my wish." Remus spoke to her with a soft smile. He was avoiding her eyes.
Alanze's hand fell limply as her heart pounded faster. "Wait…" she murmured softly. "What… wish?"
"I did get to spend time with you. That was my wish… it was all I wanted. And I guess, in a way… I received it. I didn't lose you as a friend." Remus told her.
And then it clicked… and Alanze wanted to faint.
Remus was Mystère. Why didn't she realize that all the signs pointed to him in the first place! How could she have been so STUPID? Alanze ran a nervous hand through her dark curls, and before she lost her balance and toppled over… she had no choice but to join Remus on the small bench nearby the fountain.
Remus clicked his tongue amusingly, still not looking at Alanze.
"What's wrong?" he questioned softly, "You're very clever. I'm surprised you didn't even suspect me in the slightest for being Mystère."
"You know, it is kind of ironic." Alanze replied after a while, "Yet… it makes perfect sense."
"What do you mean?" asked Remus.
"I wished to spend more time with you." Alanze blurted, covering her eyes with her face. Why did she have to show emotion now? Why? WHY!
"Who… me… Mystère?" Remus questioned, now turning to look at her.
"No… you. Remus John Lupin."
Remus smiled at her. He gently cupped her left cheek with his left hand and turned her head towards him. She would not meet his eyes.
"Alanze tell me something." Remus questioned, sighing. "What… how… do you feel about Severus?"
Alanze paused. It wasn't a subject she treaded on often, even in her private thoughts and journals. Now was a time for confessions. She bit her lip, closed her eyes, and sighed before responding.
"I think I just agreed to have Severus happy." Alanze told him so quietly that Remus had to strain to listen. "I didn't want to deny him happiness when he came to me for it."
Remus clucked his tongue insignificantly, and titled Alanze's face towards him. She opened her eyes and gently stared into his.
"If that's the case, just break it off with him." Remus told her point-blank.
"Why?" the girl asked defensively, without even noticing she had.
"Because I wanted to know… I…"
"Spit it out, Remus."
"I want to know… if you want to be with me." Remus told her truthfully.
Alanze started to tremble. Before she could restrain herself, she blurted out: "No!"
"Have you kissed Snape?" the young man then asked, "Is that the reason why you don't want to be with me?"
"No… you're the only one I've ever kissed." Alanze sniffled, "When you were Mystère and when I was nine."
"Maybe I can persuade you to return back to me." Remus whispered. "Please, let me show you…"
Remus pressed his lips tenderly on Alanze's. Alanze couldn't bear the emotions and the pressure of Remus kissing her. The two conflicts were mingling with each other… and she kissed him back. The hormones were intensifying… Remus held Alanze close to him with his hands on her mid-back, as she pulled Remus towards her by the front of his robes.
Alanze couldn't handle the stress any longer. She broke apart their kiss, and leapt up and away from the bench and Remus. She didn't know what was going on… she was very naïve and had no idea over any control for emotions like this.
"I can't… it just seems wrong." Alanze told Remus, now in tears.
"Why?" Remus questioned sadly, running nervous hands throughout his hair.
"I also started to date Severus because I wanted to rid you out of my mind, Remus!" Alanze screamed at him, with a mixed look of hatred and affection on her face. "I have always loved you!"
"Always… loved me?" Remus questioned back, head swarming now. "Alanze, wait a second-"
"No! You wait! I've had enough of waiting for you!" the younger girl screamed back at him. "I have always loved you! And… and… since I thought you had no feelings for me, then I should just move on! But now…"
Alanze took a dramatic pause.
"But now… I think I know how you feel! And I'm really confused on this situation and my situation with Severus! You've only made things worse, Remus!"
Remus hopped to his feet. He couldn't believe his ears. He made things worse?
"I know I've made mistakes, Alanze! I was young… and not ready to deal with any of this nonsense about love! I never even knew how you truly felt!"
"How could you NOT know?" Alanze screamed back, "I loved you since we were children, Remus! I ADORED YOU… Remus, you WERE my life!"
Remus gaped at her soundlessly, as if he were a fish out of water. He couldn't bring himself to word his thoughts. There were too many to express at the one time.
"And then you SHUNTED me out of what I thought was a golden friendship when you found out that the annoying little love-sick fool would soon be attending the same school as you!"
"I-" Remus tried to interrupt, "-I-"
"NO! This is not your time to talk! You've had years to do your talking and now it's my turn!" Alanze screamed back at him. "You say you weren't ready to deal with all the nonsense about love… how do you think I feel? I'm TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU, Remus, and I've been dealing with these feelings since I was NINE! And most men wonder why women don't tell how they really feel… because you're all complicated DOLTS!"
Remus felt himself reddening. "You could've come out and said it to me, Alanze! I would have accepted it and understood!"
"You aren't accepting it now!" Alanze reasoned back. "Look at yourself, you're making me cheat on my boyfriend because you suddenly want what you cannot have!"
"Don't put it like that," Remus growled. "It's not on those terms at all, and you know it, Alanze."
"Then what terms are they, Remus?" the younger girl snapped, "Let me know, because I've been dying to find out since I was a child!"
"I have more problems to deal with than what you'd think of a normal teenager, Alanze!" Remus screamed back, "Wizarding or not!"
"More problems?" Alanze questioned back, distraught. "Problems you had to keep from your first best friend, but told your new ones… perhaps!"
The blood drained from Remus' face, and he gaped at Alanze wide-eyed. "What're you on about?"
"I know what you are, Remus. I was never stupid!" Alanze marveled, "You said I was clever yourself!"
She gave herself a small laugh.
"I know you're a werewolf, Remus."
Remus' jaw dropped. He towered over Alanze, but for the moment the shorter girl had the upper hand.
"How… how long have you known?" Remus asked, voice wavering.
"A few months after you moved into Mainland." Alanze reported, avoiding his eyes. "I wondered why you were suddenly sick at least once every month… and I put one plus one together. I kept your secret so secret… you didn't even know I knew."
Remus paused, and shifted the weight in his legs uncomfortably. Then something clicked, and he understood.
"The lunarscope… last Christmas… why hadn't I realized that you known my secret when you sent that to me?" he calculated softly.
"I don't know." Alanze retorted, "But it's still beyond the point. After all of these years, you were afraid of me because I had deep feelings for you and because I was different."
"No, that wasn't why."
"Then what was your reason? Was I too short? Too ugly? Too dark? Too much of a so-called 'Muggle' for your liking? WHAT was your reason, Remus?"
"None of those, I like you the way you are." Remus answered quietly.
"You mean the way I am NOW. The way I was then was probably somewhat equivalent to the description of an ogre, am I correct? Maybe that's the reason why you didn't fancy me!" Alanze was still screaming, tears flowing down her face.
Remus felt himself flinching. He didn't like to see her yelling, and crying too.
"No."
"No what? You have to be more specific… there had to be a bigger reason for why you kept ignoring me, Remus."
Remus was getting angry. He didn't like being cornered.
"And that was the reason why you ran to Severus Snape as a shelter!"
Alanze's jaw dropped this time. "Don't you DARE bring Severus into this argument."
"And why not? Have I hit a soft spot? Have you tried to fall in love with Severus Snape to make me jealous?" Remus questioned her, gripping her by the elbow menacingly.
Alanze flinched under his grip. "So what if I did?" she admitted, her cheeks reddening more than they had ever had before. "I accomplished what I originally wanted by being friends with Severus!"
"And what was this secret scheme?" Remus asked.
"Ouch," Alanze murmured softly, before answering the question. "It was to get your attention. I knew you both hated each other – and I knew that… the only way to get revenge was to make you jealous with your enemy."
"That's stupid." Remus laughed harshly, releasing her elbow. "Imagine the danger you could've caused for yourself. Does Snape know about this plan? Don't get yourself caught."
"I've already been caught – I just confessed the whole matter to you." Alanze murmured. "It's just a matter of time that he finds out, is all."
Remus chortled darkly, looking up and over at her with a few tears falling down his face. "And imagine how normal our lives would be if we both were just Muggles."
"Not very funny, Remus." Alanze told him, avoiding his eyesight. "It was worse when I knew you were a wizard and that I would be growing up more different than you than I originally would have been."
"I'm sorry." Remus told her, sincerely. "I know that's what you've been waiting to hear. I'm sorry, and if I could change the past without risks… I would. I'm sorry for all the heartache I've caused you."
"I've heard sorry too many times before." The girl replied, "Sorry doesn't fit the bill any longer."
"What'd you want to hear from me then!" Remus questioned, frustrated now. "I don't know what to tell you!"
"Then don't tell me anything." Alanze hissed, before turning away from him. "Actions speak louder than words, anyway."
And that was all she said, before leaving a very emotionally torn Remus in the center of the Christmas maze.
-x-
Alanze reached the dance as it was ending. She spotted Severus surveying the crowd and undoubtedly looking for her. He hurried over to her, and immediately cupped her face lightly in his hands.
"You've been crying?" he questioned, "What happened? What's wrong?"
"I-" Alanze went to explain, racking her brain for a quick solution. She couldn't stand for ANYTHING to spark up between her and Remus as of now. She didn't even know if their friendship would even last beyond that last argument. Another tear streaked down the side of her face. Severus rubbed it aside with his thumb, looking down on his girlfriend. Their two skin colours were a deep contrast; Severus' cream-toned skin on Alanze's coffee-with-milk coloured skin. Severus liked the two tones, but he had never admitted this to Alanze.
"You?" he urged her.
"I just want to go back to my common room." Alanze told Severus. "I'll tell you what happened later… but as for now… I just want to go to bed."
"Alright." Severus agreed, hoisting Alanze off her feet. "I'll carry you, okay?"
Alanze didn't protest as Severus carried Alanze to the fourth floor and towards the Ravenclaw Common Room. He placed her down carefully in front of the wheezing suit of armor, and she said the password.
"Armadillo Bile."
The armor jumped aside, and the wall behind him shimmered and became a rectangular doorway. Alanze looked back at Severus.
What would she say to him?
It had to be something spontaneous… something rash… something to get back at Remus…
"Thank you." Alanze told him, pulling him down to her level and kissing him on the lips.
Severus looked outrageously shocked. It was the first time he had even kissed Alanze through their odd friendship. Alanze looked up at him with firm eyes, her mind set on what she was about to say next.
"Good night, Severus." She murmured, "I love you."
And then she walked into the Ravenclaw Common Room. The armor sprang back into his place, and chortled lightly at the expression on Severus' face. For a while, he didn't move. He was rooted to the spot, not believing what he had heard.
She LOVED him?