A/N: Oh good grief. I had this all perfect and everything, started working on the next chapter - then I realized I completely missed the month of October. Actually, I only had to change three word in the document, but I accidentally deleted the whole document without doing the nifty copy + paste trick so I hardly had to do anything (because it does through major editing once uploaded on ff dot net). So I basically have to do the whole thing over again. Oh well. Turn up the Godsmack, put on a brave face, and set to work once again.

Well, I need to reply to some of the reviews before I can go on with the story, but you don't have to read this part if you don't want to, just skip to the line that means that the story starts. Anyway.

CookieJunkie: Of course, you say that, and I start imagining all sorts of weird things that I have do. Lol. I hope this chapter caters to you fantasy ;)

Headmistress Skies: Yes, Nightwish /was/ a music reference. just be glad I didn't name him 'Daft Punk' or 'Omobolasire' or something. Oo
I'll gladly join the RP site thingy, but I need the URL. If you posted it in the review... we've got a bad case of meanie site, and you need to email it to me.
Don't worry, you're not alone... I have a weird laugh too.Mine sounds like a half-strangled cat.

tweeny-weeny: I don't know if he'll be gay... hmmm... I seriously have almost nothing planned for this story. He could very well end up being gay. But either way, there will be loads of gay jokes before this story is over.

September 23rd

Dear G

Dreamt about Sirius and Professor Hart salsa dancing, then James tackled me and started suffocating me with a pillow. I woke with a start, then I realized actually couldn't breathe.

Peter was sitting on my diaphragm. Well, I say my diaphragm, but really he was sitting on my ribs, diaphragm, and stomach, because his bottom is so huge.

What I would like to say happened was that I used my super-human strength to throw him off me, beat him with a pillow until he was limp, yelled that he has the biggest bottom known to humanity, and stalked off in a dignity-at-all-times way.

But that's not what happened. Actually, I made a little wheezing sound as the last of the air was forced out of my lungs, deflated under Peter's enormous weight, and made a couple of noises that were supposed to be shouts for air. Eventually Peter got the point and got off me. I sat up and attempted to scream at him with all my strength, but just wheezed a little more, then toppled over and passed out.

Brilliant beginning of the day, eh?

Then when I woke up (for the second time) I heard Sirius yelling at Peter. "I said wake him up, not kill him!" Well, that's one person who doesn't want me dead.

After Dinner

Sirius and James have detention… something about throwing a jelly filled sock at someone… and that means that Peter has decided that I'm as good to follow around as James. He is so bloody annoying. I was sitting under a tree, by the lake, enjoying the weather while it lasts, and Peter was there too. Sitting there. Being annoying. Even though he wasn't doing anything.

Anyway, we were just sitting there, staring at the water. Suddenly, a giant tentacle surfaced. It made me jump. I didn't think Professor Hart was actually telling the truth when he said there was a giant squid in the lake.

Peter also seemed to remember that lesson, because he suddenly yelled out, "CAN YOU SALSA DANCE?"

That was the final straw.

I stood up, kicked him in the lake, and stalked off with what dignity I had left. Good grief.

September 24th

Dear Galaderwalderwitz

Nightwish brought me a letter today, from Mum and Dad. It's really boring and stupid, but it came with a small package of chocolates.

Didn't come with the morning post, though, and now that he's found out where I am, he won't go away. Good grief. As if it wasn't hard enough to do my homework without his constant screeching and pecking and pooping.

Oh well. He seems to have made friends with Lily's cat, Holly. She's awfully creepy, (the cat, not Lily) though. All she really does is lie on things that are not appropriate to be sleeping on. Like homework. Or textbooks. Or my bed. But James won't let us touch Holly when she's sleeping. (I figure it's because she's Lily's.)

"She's sooo cute!" James says. James has a warped version of 'cute.' The cat splays herself out, head on its side, with her legs up in the air, one eye is always a little open, (and rolls backwards so that all you can see is the creepy white part) and mouth open, tongue hanging out, drooling profusely. And it doesn't help that it's so skinny that you can see her ribs, and her skin is really loose and floppy. The bloody thing looks dead when it sleeps.

Lily seems refuses to believe that her cat is the living dead, though. "Oh, she's just old," Or, "Oh, she's just got the runs." Well, you know what happens when you're old and you get the runs?

You die!

I rest my case.

Later

Yummy scrumbos, chocolate.

Later (again)

I am going to carry a bagful of chocolate everywhere I go.

September 26th

Herbology

Dear Galaderwalderwitz

Professor Sprout thinks a good lesson for an icky cold rainy day like today is to tromp around the edge of the Forbidden Forest and looks for plants that have magical properties. I, on the other hand, think Professor Sprout is completely bonkers.

James, Sirius, and Me (and Peter, unfortunately) huddled together, shivering.

"I wonder why the forest is Forbidden," James asked, regarding it with interest. I groaned inwardly, feeling another midnight exploration coming on.

"Because there are all sorts of dangerous things living in there!" Peter squeaked between chattering teeth.

"Like what?"

"Like werewolves!" Peter whimpered. I was so shocked, for a minute I forgot to shiver.

Sirius didn't seem to take notice, though, because he bluntly replied, "Don't be stupid, Peter; werewolves aren't real."

"We had better get something, or Sprout will think we are slacking off." I said quickly, wanting to change the subject.

"We are slacking off." James replied thickly. Good grief.

Well, we gathered (and by 'we gathered' I defiantly mean 'we made Peter gather') some daisies to give to Professor Sprout, and spent the rest of the lesson singing 'Purple Haze' and dancing wildly.

September 28th

Dear Galaderwalderwitz

The school is buzzing with gossip. Apparently some Hufflepuff 6th year had an accident in Divination. People are saying she can 'see your secret power' now. Whatever that means. Still, I figured had better steer clear of her in case it has anything to do with the you-know-what that happens once a month.

When we were leaving the library, I got spotted. It was really weird. She pointed at me (from across the library) and shouted, "AND THAT ONE!" I froze. The 6th year ran over, and I noticed her eyes were all hazy and glazed over. She promptly continued yelling.

"THAT ONE IS A DREAM SEER!" He finger was an inch away from my face now. Very creepy, actually.

"No I'm not." I said.

"Go ahead, Remmie. Tell us whatever you dreamed last." Sirius said calmly. I felt a blush crawling across my face. I don't like being the centre of attention, and all eyes were defiantly on me.

"Err… I had a dream I was riding a flying motorcycle," I scratched my head, trying to remember. "And it was really loud. It got louder, and louder… then I woke up, and it turn out it was just Peter snoring." Everyone laughed, really hard. Except the weird person pointing at me, and me.

Later

Nightwish and his partner in crime (aka Holly) have been terrorizing the innocent again. There are suspicious bits of goo everywhere. Wait, that might have been James and Sirius…

You just never know, these days.

September 30th

Dear G

All aloney, on my owney.

It's Saturday. Normally that would mean something interesting would happen, but it's still early, and I can't say the other are exactly 'morning people.' Every time you try to wake them up, you risk being cursed six ways from yesterday. So now I am sitting on the windowsill. It's very nippy noodles out side, but I daren't shut the window. It would ruin the poetic-ness of the moment.

Grey skies, grey clouds, grey jimjams.

Yes, my jimjams are grey. It's better that James' – his have pink hearts on them.

Sigh.

Alone, all aloney,

on my owney.

Well, I don't have to worry about ruining the poetic-ness of the moment anymore, as Nightwish just flew by and pooed on my head.

Sigh.

I really wish he would just go back to the Owlry, or wherever it was he came from. Not a day goes by without finding some lovely gift in my bag – whether it be a bit of meat, a patch of fur, or a pellet. Or Nightwish himself, which was really a surprise, when I discovered him in the middle of Potions. Talk about embarrassing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my hair.

Later

Bloody hell. I had once again managed to get myself dragged into one of James and Sirius's attempts to get a detention. Only this time, instead of staying safe inside the detention-giving walls of Hogwarts, they've decided to go tramp through the Forbidden Forest.

"I could be doing something useful right now," I complained as we sauntered across the grounds.

"Like what?" James snorted. "You already did all your homework."

"And Pete's homework." Sirius added. I sulked.

"Still… I could be… embroidering toilet roll holders or something." But James and Sirius ignored my pleas and headed on their (and my, unfortunately) journey towards certain death. If I hadn't been so fearful for my life, I would have wondered why none of the teachers saw us. Especially the big hairy bloke who lives in the hut. We walked right by it… the hut, not the hairy bloke.

And suddenly, the ground began to tremble as the great lard that is Peter Pettigrew lumbered towards us. (Okay, not really… but he does run quite loudly.)

"JAMES! SIRIUS! REMUS! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" He shouted at us, as he stopped to catch his breath. He had better take a break; that incredibly round shape of his is can't be used to so much physical activity.

Am I being harsh?

No. I am being accurate.

"Bloody hell, Peter!" Sirius said, sounding muffled, as James strode off to help his one-man fan club. Eventually, they made their way to where Sirius and I were waiting for them/standing impatiently. "What in the name of Remmie's pink panties and matching bra set are you being so bloody loud for?"

I am so very offended.

And I showed it, by promptly smacking Sirius upside the head. I am forever miffed.

But Sirius seemed to miss that, because then he went on to say, "Oh, was I not supposed to say anything about that?" I kicked him in the shin very hard, and stalked back up to the castle.

And so I have prevented my life being eaten by angry centaurs and giant spiders (or whatever it is that hides in that freaky forest) for now.

But I still have not gotten back at Sirius. A smack to the head and a kick in the shin still do not compare to the emotional damage he has caused me. He does not seem to understand that I am not just some person you can make fun of and get away with it, though he will when I leap out from behind the door when they return wearing the false beard I have found while rummaging through Sirius's things. Tee hee.

October 1st

Evening ish type time

Dear Galaderwalderwitz

Down in the common room, there is a birthday party or something going on. Possibly a 'Happy October' party.

Anyway, I am choosing to exclude myself from the festivities, as James's brain would fall out as soon as he saw Lily, Sirius would be getting drunk on Butterbeer, (don't ask me how... I guess he just doesn't hold alcohol well) and that would leave me to hang out with my dear chums, Peter, Holly, and Nightwish.

Unfortunately, I do not feel like being drooled or pooed on tonight (and all three of them do it) so I am going to turn in early. Catch up on the sleep I've missed from previous night out marauding about with my fellow Marauders.

Midnight… or later…

No chance of that. I was sleeping soundly when Sirius burst into the room singing, (shouting more, actually)

"Sex Bum, Sex BUM, I'm a Sex Bum!" I am afraid for his dwindling sanity. And mostly just afraid OF him at the moment, which is why I have barricaded myself in the bathroom. It's very pingy pongoes in here, but if I wasn't in here, I would have to have barricaded myself in the closet, and I can think of at least twenty jokes about me being in the closet.

So, Sirius is drunk, James's brain fell out, Peter never had a brain to begin with, and I am hiding in the bathroom. Sigh. Sleepless night spotted ahead.

November 2nd

Breakfast

Dear Galaderwalderwitz

Sirius is very irritable today, so I have decided to find someone else to hang around today.

Bed

Dear G

Lily and her friends took me under their wing today. Oh the laughs and japes we have had, and this afternoon I found myself learning to tap-dance. Tomorrow, the excitement builds; they might teach me how to fold scarves.