I would like to apologize for this chapter. Right before I started it, I read 'Windfallen' (Cassesprit!). On a sadness scale of one to ten it probably ranks around100. Two, I realized that this is my first fic. This excuse justifies the excessive melodrama and general angst floating around. Along those lines, I'd like to apologize for the use of words and phrases like "agony", "turmoil", "misery", "inner pain", "mental anguish", "I just want to end my pointless existence", etc, etc.

Also, this chapter is quite short. It's not the end, though….another chapter after this and I'll be done XD.

Oh, and this chapter has been beta'd by the lovely liz. Everyone say hi. And then go to our joint account 'lizren' and read our deathnote fic.

Integra got through the next day by pretending everything was a dream.

If there had not been the constant pain of her neck and leg wounds, it might have worked.

She knew, at some point, that she had to replace the seals on Alucard; that she had to confront him and what had happened, but she liked to think that it could wait another day.

She liked to think he hadn't brutally murdered her mother, either, but some things just couldn't be helped.

And now she was slumped in her swivelly chair at her desk, playing with a bit of string. The gray, worn appearance of the string suggested that she had been doing this for a while, and her blank stare at nothing in particular somehow managed to give the impression that she was intent on her work.

Walter stepped into the room and saw that she was still playing with the string. "Are you going to fray that string to dust, Integra?" he asked gently.

Integra looked up sharply, snapping out of her daydream at the unwelcome sound of his voice, and put the string down. "No," she sighed slowly, stretching her arms and slumping back in her chair. "Is everything all right?" she inquired.

Walter nodded. "Seras Victoria has regained consciousness," he reported, smiling. "The…incident yesterday knocked her out, but she seems fine now."

"That's good," Integra said hollowly. "Where's Quincy?" she asked.

"I have lost track of him, but I'm sure he's in the basement somewhere," Walter said carefully. Actually, Quincy had been assigned to stand guard outside of Alucard's cell, and was probably amusing himself with the thought that Alucard was once again locked away.

Integra did not comment on Walter's vague answer or the lengthy silence that followed. She yawned, and weariness briefly flickered across her face before she stood up. "I'm going to go visit Alucard," she said assertively, and Walter wasn't sure if he was relieved or worried about this sudden decision.

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asked politely, already knowing the answer.

"No," said Integra firmly. "I should go by myself the first time."

"Of course," Walter agreed, but in his heart he was anxious. He hadn't been down to see Alucard—he did not know what the vampire was like at the moment, or if he was even conscious. He hoped, for Integra's sake, that Alucard did not do anything too atrocious. In his unbound state, the only thing Walter knew for a fact was that Alucard's vampire side would be his primary nature and mindset. He doubted Integra would find him any more sociable than he had been yesterday, but he was comforted by the fact that Quincy would be there to intervene if Alucard tried to hurt her again.

Walter watched her leave her office and fervently wished he could do something to cheer her up, like maybe fix the situation they were in.

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As Integra neared the dungeons she felt the last of her resolve fading away. She actually wasn't sure if she had had any resolve to begin with, or if the pretense of determination and confidence she had shown Walter had somehow deceived her as well.

She turned the corner and felt something in her, like a bubble, expand, making her breathing irregular and her steps shaky; an immense feeling of…oh, what was the word…trepidation. How could approaching Alucard suddenly feel this way?

Because now he isn't human and you have seen the monster beneath the guise of the man, a nasty voice in her mind pointed out. But he had never been human in her eyes, she argued, at least not at first. Then she realized that she had considered him human, or at least not a monster, and finally she had to rest her forehead against the cold stone wall to ease her mental anguish.

For the second time that day a voice interrupted her thoughts, only this wasn't Walter's concerned voice, it was Alucard's, deep and sibilant, full of hate, saying, "Get out of my sight."

Her eyes flew open and she looked down the hall, where she saw Quincy. The order had been directed at Quincy, not her. And Quincy was obediently leaving; he was coming towards her.

"Ah, Hellsing," he said in greeting, impudently dropping her title. "Here to see Alucard, then?" he inquired pointlessly, for why else would she be here? "He's in that cell," he told her, pointing Integra in the right direction. He allowed himself to laugh a little, but it came out more maniacally than he intended and made Integra turn around.

"Why do you laugh?" she asked, devoid of any tangible emotion.

"See if you love him now," he said cryptically, and laughed again.

He disappeared before Integra could question him, but she found she didn't really care either way. He was gone, she was here, Alucard was behind a door.

Carefully, cautiously, she reached out and grabbed hold of the door, gripping it so tightly that she could feel the sharp metal edges parting her skin, and before she completely lost her mind she yanked it open, unsure of what she would face.

She faced Alucard, of course, and he was bound and shackled to the wall across from her. Her gaze went from his face to the assortment of bugs and rodents that littered the ground at his feet. She watched as he extended a finger and it lengthened into a shadowy point, which he drove into a rat. His face was impassive and content at the same time, and she felt sick inside.

"Alucard," she finally uttered, and he looked up, acknowledging her presence for the first time. "Old habits die hard, I see," she said, indicating the pile of creatures he had systematically impaled for amusement. A surge of pride at the control she managed to keep over her shaky voice renewed her confidence. Thank god for the little things in life, like control.

She felt a twinge of pain and saw that where she had gripped the door handle with her hand it was now cut and bleeding. He followed her gaze and licked his lips at the sight of blood. He tried to move closer, drawn to her pain, but the shackles on him went taught and he gave up, slumping back against the wall and impaling another rat that had unwisely crept in through a crack in the wall.

"Heh," Alucard breathed derisively, and he looked up from his sordid pastime, his eyes meeting hers. "I suppose they do, Hellsing," he answered, and it took Integra a moment to remember what he was replying to.

She expelled the breath she had been holding and matched his gaze hesitantly. His red eyes were the same, they looked unchanged, but there was something different about them. Then his words permeated her brain and she wondered why he called her 'Hellsing', he'd never addressed her that way before. "You are a Hellsing, aren't you? You smell like one, at least," he continued, and she suddenly realized his eyes seemed different because he looked at her without recognition in his gaze.

Control, one of the little things in life, snapped and shattered and she let herself fall to the floor, pretending that she hadn't heard his last words.

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Well, I think I did justice to the chapter title. But I promise the next chapter will be better, because that is my ninja way. And now I have to go, I'm late for cello. Reviews are love! Goodbye!