A/N: I have finished reading Half Blood Prince. THAT SNAPE THINGY, I am scandalised! I've always hated that old bat, and obviously HBP doesn't change my view of himAnyway, this is my first attempt at a romance story which doesn't involve Sirius, I really hope you would like it.

-- CONTAINS HBP SPOILERS --

1. After the Battle

It was a beautiful night, perhaps Mars had been shining too bright for quite some time now, but that didn't do much to mar the view. Lively stars were hung high in the sky which was rid of mist and fog, and moonlight shone through the windows of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. However, Nymphadora Tonks couldn't help noticing Bellatrix the warrior star was sparkling far too brilliantly for her liking in lieu of the Dog Star.

She gave a little sob, opened yet another bottle of Firewhisky and poured the content into a crystal goblet shakily. Her sleeve was soaked in alcohol as she was shivering so poorly that she couldn't aim. When she gave another sob, she wiped the corner of her eyes with her sleeve, which should be too acidic to the delicate eyes, but she could feel no pain.

She brought the rim of the goblet to her lips and forced down the whisky, her eyelids closed tightly. She knew perfectly she was not much of a drinker, and this was exactly what made the alcohol appear so appealing. She coughed slightly and gazed up at the sky with her blurry sight. Hiccoughing again, her head staggered for a moment before it dropped into her arms on the table.

She had been sitting with her face hidden for quite some time, unfeeling and not thinking much, when she heard footsteps down the hall, growing louder and louder. The kitchen door was opened, and a few seconds later, she could feel the new comer sitting across her. A warm hand was stroking her hair that was no longer bubblegum pink soothingly.

"Nymphadora…"

Tonks recognised the voice despite her state. "Go away, Remus," she muttered, gesturing her hand dismissively without looking up.

"What're you doing here?"

Tonks gave a derisive laugh. "Drinking." She raised her goblet as though toasting.

"I see you've drunk quite enough," said Remus. He reached out, attempting to grab the goblet away from her, but she was far too quick for him. She finished the gobletful of Firewhisky in one single gulp and collapsed on the table again, a sob escaping from her.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Just leave me alone," she mumbled.

"No," said Remus firmly, "I can't leave you alone. Not in such a state. The least I could do for you is to keep you company."

"Your presence is annoying me," said Tonks harshly. "You don't even know what I am feeling right now."

"You are depressed, you feel devastated. I understand what you're feeling, Nymphadora," said Remus softly, but only so so that he could comfort her, "because I am also feeling the same. And Harry is probably wide awake at Hogwarts, staring at the ceiling, thinking of nothing but Sirius, tear-strained. But all these wouldn't be what Sirius's hoped to see."

Tonks jerked up her head in agitation, as though hearing Sirius's name had struck her frozen nerves. "You will never know what he has or hasn't hoped to see! He's my cousin. Who are you?" she said heatedly, tears gathering at the rims of her orbits. "And you won't understand my feeling. You just won't and don't pretend you can! Nobody can!"

There was silence when Remus fixed her in an intense stare. "Then tell me what you're feeling," he said, pacifying.

Tonks met his serene eyes for a brief moment before she resorted to hiding her face behind her palms. She took a few difficult breaths, and said with self-shamefulness. "I … I feel guilty for his death."

"What –?"said Remus, his expression exceptionally blank. It took him a few seconds to overcome the shock, then he shook his head incredulously. "Nymphadora, I don't know where on earth does that guilty feeling come from. What you've got to know is that there has been nothing that you could've done to prevent this from happening. I think –"

"Not good enough, Remus," Tonks interrupted, her voice begging him not to carry on. "Stop excusing me, please."

"No, you've got to listen. You didn't bring it forth. And there's really nothing you could –"

"Stop it! Okay?" Tonks practically yelled and swept the empty bottle and goblet onto the floor. Her head deep in her own embrace on the table again, her hands reached into her hair and ended up clutching it as if she wanted to pull it out. "There's a lot more that I should have done and could have done!" Her voice ceased to a whisper again. "For God's sake, I had been the one fighting Bellatrix before he did. I should have killed her outright, or at least I should have kept duelling with her instead of lying there moaning when the curse hit me. Then Sirius wouldn't have to come to my aid and ended up behind that damn veil!"

"It's a curse we're talking about, Nymphadora. You can't blame yourself for –"

"You don't understand. You haven't got the whole picture," said Tonks, still tugging her brownish hair incoherently. "Do you know the prime reason why my mother let me join the Order in the first place?" She looked up at Remus behind the tears. "It's because of Sirius … Sirius promised my mother he will ensure my safe-being … and protect me, no matter what. That's why he thought he's bound to save me. That's why he rushed to fight Bellatrix when I –"

"Sirius didn't rush to your side because of that promise," said Remus sharply, cutting her unfinished reasoning. "Even if he hadn't made that promise to your mother, he would still have fought Bellatrix. It's not in his characters to stay put when others are in danger. He would've done this to anyone before he let the enemies to advance on his friends!"

"Stop it, Remus," said Tonks in a strangled voice. "The harder you try to justify me, the more … convicted I just think I am. Just stop it."

"But all those that I've just said is the truth," said Remus, leaning forward on the table without breaking the eye contact as though to emphasise his sincerity. "I didn't just make them up to console you! You've to do yourself justice. Be fair."

"Be fair?" Tonks echoed. "The world has never been fair! I was the one duelling with Bellatrix. I should be the one falling through the veil!" She turned a sob into a hiccough, "I don't know how I could be so clumsy. If I had ducked the curse, or if –"

"That's enough!" said Remus impatiently and he sounded stern. "If you insist on putting it that way, we should all be held responsible for what happened! Take me for instance. Why didn't I warn Sirius against Kreacher though I find his behaviour odd? Why didn't I try to stop him from coming to the Ministry Headquarters with us? What was I doing when he fought Bellatrix? … Why wasn't I quick enough to fetch him before he ever fell through the veil?" His voice broke.

"There were a million possibilities of what could have been," Remus exhaled deeply, after a moment. "I know how it ended isn't the best among them. But much worst things might have happened! And either way, you should stop thinking of possibilities, because what happened had happened, there's no use grieving over something which cannot be remedied. Give it a rest!"

Tonks swallowed hard and was quiet except for her occasional sobs. "Tell me honestly, Remus," she asked again, she had the look of a lost child who needed someone to point out the directions for her. "Do you really think I am not to blame?"

"If anyone is to blame, it's Voldemort or Bellatrix," said Remus firmly, forcing a smile that only stayed a bare second.

Tonks nodded briefly.

Another silence descended upon the pair of them. Tonks had half hidden her face behind the palms again, but this time she did it to recompose herself. Deep down, she could feel the guilt was still there, and she highly doubted if she could ever get rid of it, but somehow Remus's declaration that she was not responsible for Sirius's death greatly calmed her down. And the tears stopped coming eventually.

For another long moment, Tonks sat there trying to empty her mind. Remus was right; Sirius wouldn't have wanted to see her like this. Blowing her nose on a tissue, she forced herself to straighten up in her seat. She wiped away the evaporating tears with her sleeve and looked up. Remus was still sitting across her but he was not looking at her anymore. Tonks observed his silhouette under the half moon shining in from the windows. The graying streaks in his once light-brown hair were now more pronounced than ever and he looked rather ill and exhausted in his shabby robes.

Tonks glanced at him as Remus gazed up at the sky, his countenance unreadable although she could see his eyes over-bright. Clearly Tonks wasn't the only one in the chamber that needed consolation.

"Remus," whispered Tonks, squeezing his hand slightly, she tried hard to ensure her voice was not shaky. "I'm sorry. I should've noticed you're just as depressed as I am, but I don't know what happened to me. I didn't even spare a single moment for you, instead, I just kept groaning myself."

"Don't apologise," said Remus shortly. The werewolf neither responded nor moved for a whole minute. "This kind of misery, I am used to it," he added.

Tonks looked at him difficultly, she didn't know what to say.

"Sometimes I think we were cursed from the days when we were born," Remus continued. He sat back in his chair and threw back his head, facing the ceiling, careful not to let the teardrops roll down. "All four of us were. I mean the Marauders … James was so gifted in magic, he should have been a great success if he had lived, but instead he died so young … Sirius was born into a family that he deeply loathes, he was brave enough to denounce the Blacks, but he spent 12 years in Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit. Then when things were brightening up, he …" Remus coughed, and threw his head further back.

"And there was Peter, who's always desperate to be protected. Now he is enslaved by Voldemort doing things that would probably haunt him at night… That serves him right, but still … Then there was me, a werewolf. I know I shouldn't complain. But it was cruel to be the one who survives."

Tonks clasped her hands around his more tightly. Suddenly, she felt disheartened to look at him, the glitters in his eyes reminded her he was just as vulnerable as anyone could be, yet he had to tough it out for others' sake. Throughout the whole night when Remus had been firm in freeing Tonks's guilt and misery, she should have known the depression he was feeling wouldn't be any less than hers. With Sirius gone, she still had her mother and father forever to back her up, but Remus? He had no one basically.

"Remus … I am sorry … I forgot …"

"You don't have to worry about me," said Remus in a voice hoarser than what he had wished. He squeezed her hands back appreciatively before withdrawing his. "15 years ago I lost everyone I cherished overnight. Deaths and betrayal. It had been a difficult time but I survived. There's nothing that I can't live through now. I have to fulfil what Sirius hasn't got the chance to and I guess I have to look after Harry."

Tonks opened her mouth to respond, but Remus was quick to cut her short. Inhaling deeply, it looked apparent that he wanted the depressing conversation to go no further. "You've to go home, Nymphadora. It's already three in the morning."

"I can't," she said weakly, more to herself than to anyone, and looked away. The dread of breaking the tragic news to her own mother was just too much. "I am not ready to face my mother. Not yet. That's why I come here."

"Andromeda has talked to me," he said, "She already knows, and she's worried about you."

"My mother knows?"

Remus nodded somberly, "It's all over the radio. And she agrees that nobody but Bellatrix should be responsible for it." He exhaled deeply; he could still remember Andromeda's shock when he told her it's her own sister who brought about Sirius's death. "Go home, Nymphadora. You won't want to add to your mother's misery. She's already got enough going on in her mind."

Tonks was quiet for a moment before she nodded, but the gesture brought a severe headache to her; the Firewhisky was finally at its full effect. "Damn the alcohol," she murmured under her breaths, slapping her hand to her forehead.

Remus looked up in alert. "Are you alright?"

"Just a bit dizzy." She grabbed the edge of the wooden table tightly and stood up, still faltering. Remus rushed over to her side and helped steady her. "I don't think you can Apparate in such a state. I will escort you back," he offered kindly.

Tonks nodded. Remus grabbed one of her arms with one hand and her shoulder with another. "So off we go."

Side by side, they walked out of 12 Grimmauld Place into the bath of moonlight. Both of them felt much less laden once they were outside. Remus seemed perfectly undisturbed by having to hold Tonks near him, in fact he looked grateful for any excuse to postpone going back to his cave of a home. But Tonks was having real trouble struggling within herself with Remus hugging her shoulders so protectively.

More to divert her own attention than anything, Tonks looked up at the sky again. The once most brilliant star was fading, appearing inconspicuous all of a sudden. She couldn't help thinking perhaps there was something that Sirius really wanted to do but had never got the chance to, and she wondered if there was, what it would be.

With her guilt of indirectly causing Sirius's death ceasing, Tonks now realised she should learn a thing or two from the tragedy. Life was just too short to delay whatever the heart desired to do just because of some stupid fears and reservations. Look at Sirius, one moment he was still alive, battling, more energetic than ever, and next moment, he fell through the veil, dead. And it was exactly Sirius who told her to go for it when she confessed her feelings just a few days ago.

In complete muteness, Tonks and Remus arrived at the doorsteps to her parents' house. She could feel Remus's grip loosen a bit, possibly expecting her to take out the keys. She clenched her fists unconsciously, battling internally whether to confess or not.

"Remus," she began in an uncharacteristic tone that sounded foreign to herself, her stomach tightening into knots. "There's something I've wanted to tell you for a while now…"

She took a nervous peek at Remus, their eyes met fully for a split second, but he instantaneously looked away.

"Go in," said Remus, running his hand all over his face distractedly. "You need a nice long rest."

Perhaps her affection for him hadn't been as secretive as she thought after all. Maybe she should have taken that as a sign of rejection, but she just couldn't push it to the back of her mind.

"I –"

Remus interrupted her by holding up a hand, looking sideward with fatigue. "Next time, Nymphadora. It has been a really long night."

Tonks nodded, maybe it wasn't a great time to make a confession. But she remained staring at the side of his face, though not remotely unapproachable, his talkative feature seemed to have left him. And he had turned distant all of a sudden. She was under the impression that he was intentionally trying to stop her saying whatever she wanted to.

"Goodnight, Remus," she managed to say as she opened the door with the keys.

"'Night," said Remus, and closed the door for her as though he wanted her to disappear from his view immediately.

Tonks stood staring at the back of the door. She tried to laugh it off, she really did. But to her horror, she found the tears that had disappeared were rushing back.

A/N:Like it? Hate it? Either way, PLEASE REVIEWWWW! Criticism or not, I welcome any honest comment!