A/N: :O It's a CHAPTER! The last thing you'd expect in a story from me. Ehh, whatever. It's a Shorty McShrikeedink chapter, though, but i did try hard on it. I have gotten over my temporary writer's block, for now. I swear, this has got to be the longest plottless story ever...

Sawa: no it isn't... remember Grapefruit Escaped the Dentist?

Mandarb: that had a plot! ...wait, no it didn't... how the HECK did it get so long? Wtf?

Anyway, I'm much to lazy to write out a thingy to each and every person who reviewed, but I love you all, I really do. So here's all I have to say: Merry Christmas to All, and to All, a goodnight!

Saturday, November 30th
Dear Galaderwalderwitz the Second
Holly is a very strange cat. She has this thing about lying in the place that will obstruct the most human traffic, like at the portrait hole, or at the door to our dormitory. But today, she was being particularly troublesome. Holly was lying in the bathroom, just a little past the door, so you couldn't close the door.

I tried to move her. I tried pushing her with my foot, but she didn't notice. I tried lifting her up, but good lord, she's gotten fat. I couldn't even lift her – and I'm not that weak.

I resorted to slamming the door on her repeatedly, but she just started purring loudly. I glared at her, and she gave a content look, where she squints her eyes, and turns her ears around, and looked a bit like Satan.

Needless to say, I had to go to a different bathroom.

Sunday, December 1st
Dear Galaderwalderwitz the Second
I must say, the 'Happy December' party was the best party we've had yet. Everyone walked around in Santa hats or antlers – or in Peter's case, both.

Plus James was being an idiot, and that's always fun.

He was trying to get me to talk to Lily for him. It's the most coherent thing he's ever done while in her midst. Normally he just stares at her, dazed.

Eventually, he got me to go talk to her for him, but mostly because Sirius, James and Peter were all shoving me in that direction. So I had no choice, since I nearly slammed into her.

"Hullo, Lily," I greeted her.

"Hi, Remus!" She, Louise and Jenni chorused brightly. I winced.

"Well, er, you see, er, my friend over there, James," I started. We looked over, and he was gazing at Lily, mouth hanging open, drooling slightly.

"Yes, what about him?" Lily said in an irritable voice. She didn't like talking about James, or being near him, or him existing at all, really.

"Well, you see, he's got a bit of a problem-" I continued.

"What would that be? Immense stupidity?" Lily suggested with a snort.

"Probably." Jenni snickered. "But he wanted me to talk to you for him."

"Talk about what?"

"Erhm… I don't know, actually."

"Well, you've talked to me now. Run along." I shrugged and left.

"What did she say?" Sirius asked, obviously taking up his position as James' Spokesperson, because right now you could probably find a more intelligent potato.

"She said… that he was immensely stupid."

"…You'd think she'd tell us something we didn't already know."

Wednesday, December 4th
Dear Galaderwalderwitz the Second
It's very late. Everyone else is asleep. I'm sitting on the windowsill, the moonlight being my only light. Oh, my poetic soul. Well, it would be poetic, if Peter wasn't snoring so tremendously loudly. It's snowing. I have no idea why I'm not freezing my arse off, but it's actually very warm, even though the window is wide open. Freaky.

I would be joining my fellow Marauders in sleep, but that wretched hellcat is on my bed again. I tried beating her off with my potions text, but that just made her purr almost as loud as Pete's snoring. The cat is out to bloody to get me. She spends more time in our dorm annoying me then she does with Lily! Lily says that the devil-spawn loves me. Well, just wait till next full moon… I'll eat her! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (evil gasp) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (evil cough) HAHA… okay I give up.

Friday, December 6th
Dear Galaderwalder… I can't be bothered to write the rest of your name.
In the Library, doing homework, and guess who's sitting at the table next to us? The wonder twins, that's who. I have no idea why I just called them the wonder twins; they are obviously not twins, not wondrous. But I really mean Snape, Malfoy, Dumb and Dumber. Yes, I'm quite aware I just referred to four people as 'twins', but the truth is, Crabbe and Goyle don't really count as people, just like… dead fish or something.

Anyway, I have to get to my Charms homework now. Let's see if they try anything… they probably won't, seeming as James and Sirius are here, and Snape seems to be terrified of them. I should ask them what they did to him; quite useful.

Later
I swear those two (four, whatever, get over it) are out to get us. Well, we know they've been out to get us since halfway through the first week, but that's not the point. The point is that they are obviously plotting against us right now.

But then again, they could be discussing homework or something… Who knows?

One thing I have noticed, though, is that Snape keeps looking over at me.

So, either they are talking about me, or Snape's gay.

It could happen.

But, on the other hand, why would he fancy me?

No, they are definitely plotting something.

And it's not how to win my affections.

Ooh! I'm all paranoid now!

Later
Upon finishing homework, we quickly retracted to our dormitory to discuss the possibility of Snape swinging both ways.

We had come to the conclusion that Malfoy, at least, is gay, and has multiple boyfriends, ("I mean, all Crabbe and Goyle do is grunt. He certainly not with them for the conversation," James pointed out) and that he has a crush on little Snapey, and that's why they stick around each other so much, when we suddenly noticed James went all slack-jawed and stupid.

We all looked up to see Lily and her insane groupies, Jenni and Louise, making their way, skipping and giggling over to us.

Why do they giggle so much, really? They might look half-human if they stopped giggling, but no, they try to distort their faces as much as possible. Jenni in particular. One of her eyes gets really small, and the otherone widens and kind of rolls back into her head, and she hunches over, and twisted her hands together. She looks like Egor.

So, by the time they got over, everyone was shuddering and doing their best not to look at Jenni, except James.

"Hiya Remus!" Lily said, and poked me in the arm with a wink.

"Hullo, Lily."

"Whatcha doing, Remus?" Poke.

"Homework."

"What kind of homework, Remus?" Poke poke.

"Charms."

"Say, Remus?" Poke.

"Yes, Lily?"

"Where are the kitchens, Remus?" Poke poke.

"Don't tell them, Rem!" Sirius said, giving Jenni the evil eye as she began to froth at the mouth. It was easy enough to not tell her; I didn't even know, in truth.

"I don't know."

"Come on, Remus!" Poke.

"I don't know!"

"Where are the kitchens, Remus?" Poke poke.

"I don't know!"

Suddenly, Sirius jumped up and ran at them, causing them to shriek and scatter. James seemed to snap out of his daze to glare at Sirius. "What did you do that for?"

"They were poking Rem!" Peter whined. I must remember to thank him for that. Maybe I should buy him some chocolates. Then, hopefully, he will become too large for the floor to support him, and will fall down into the dungeons, and we will never have to see him again, except when we are passing him on the way to potions.

"So? It was LILY!"

"…His eye was beginning to twitch." Sirius put in, and he and Peter nodded wisely. Not that it actually looked wise. They looked like those bobble-head dogs that people put on their dashboards. Bobble-head dogs in frocks. Not that they were wearing frocks, but the foolish robes those sadists we call Professors make us wear looked enough like them, comparatively.

That's right. I said foolish. MWAR. GET OVER IT.

Sunday, December 8th
Dear Wotsit
James 'found' a diviniation book in the ballroom, meaning of course that he nicked it from Malfoy's bag, proceeded to douse the rest of his books in red in, and skipped off, cackling manically and clicking his heels.

We were having a flick through it because, well, there's no denying that Divination is both hilariously ridiculous and ridiculously hilarious (there's a difference…Sort of).

So, as we were looking through it we found this astronomy… or is it astrology…?

Whatever, it was this horoscope-ey type thing. I forget how it works but the point is it gave us clues to our destiny. Sirius says they're just a list of characteristics and stuff like that, but of course, I know better. I mean, what kind of characteristic is 'drive'?

Anyway, my destiny includes the following words:

ENTERPRISE

DRIVE

DOMINATION

That's all I can remember anyway, I'm too lazy to look it up again. So, naturally, my destiny is this:

To DRIVE the starship ENTERPRISE in order to achieve world DOMINATION.

It's a foolproof plan really. Except I can't really figure out how it works… But, hey, a guy with a spaceship has got to be pretty intimidating. I'll have conquered the world in no time.

Muahahahahahaha!

Thursday, December 12th
Dear G II
Woot woot, full moon tonight, nothing actually interesting. Unfortunately, that has been the epitome of interesting that has been my week. Perhaps something interesting will happen tomorrow.

Friday, December 13th
Dear G II
In a boredom – induced state, Sirius and I made up a dance we like to call, "The Dead Fish."

I guess I was wrong about my prediction of interesting stuff. That's it; I'm never taking Divination, ever.

I'll drop it and take Modern Wizard Fashion or whatever there is to take instead. Well, some seventh year I was talking to told me there was 'Modern Wizard Fashion' as an option. But then, he also told me that he was taking Sexual Behavior of Magical Creatures as well, so you never know. He could just be on drugs.