This is my first real story ever. I wrote some when I was little, but those were crap…probably when I look back in five years this will be crap too. I wrote this at 3:00 in the morning so it probably sucks….I need a beta or something. This is probably going to be a four or five parter…maybe more, it depends on how it is going. I'm sick of all the Jess goes after Rory stories, and tries to redeem himself so this is going to be different. I also have been a Jess/Rory fan, but I like Logan and he might show up here later.

Summary: Rory goes to New York to find herself and to get someone out of her head once and for all. After Season 5. Lit.

Rory walked into her home, the home she hadn't been in for almost three weeks. Sickness filled her, she couldn't stand the turn her relationship with her mother had changed. Once best friends, now unwelcome relations.

"Mom…..Mom….MOM." No answer. It was 7:30 on a Thursday, no way was she working. Maybe she was out with Luke. She decided just to write it down, plus that would be easier anyways.

Sorry I missed you. Your probably out with Luke or something. I heard about your engagement and I am really happy for you. (You should have been there to see Grandma's reaction…it was great) Luke sent me a letter, isn't that sweet? he actually asked me if it was ok if he married you. Tell him, he would be an awesome Step-Dad and I give my full blessing. I love you guys and you two deserve happiness I'm so excited for you and Luke's new lives to start.

God, I wish we could talk. I'm not mad anymore, I know and respect how you feel. I just need some time to figure out some things. Logan and I are taking a break for awhile. It isn't his fault, I really care for him, but I can't be around him. I lost myself this year, and while he isn't really to blame and I actually have liked the things he has brought out in me….I just can't look at him or talk to him about my problems. He just isn't that kind of guy and I can't see myself being with him for the rest of my life. But who knows maybe Logan is right for me….I just have to collect my thoughts and process everything that has happened in my love life. I mean think about it I've had three guys in my life and all of them care about me and as soon as one ends I just start another one. I never let myself process what is going on. I mean, I break up with Dean the next day I'm dating Jess…then Jess tells me he loves me and wants me to go with him and I sleep with Dean…and Dean breaks up with me at Grandma's and then boom a week later I'm sleeping with Logan. I haven't really processed anything and I have to figure out the type of person I want in my life. The three guys I have been with have been complete and total polar opposites. But maybe that is to let me try everything so that I will know when I find the right guy for me. Who knows.

Space is what I really need and I have to find myself somewhere. Lately I've been trying to build my self-confidence again, and I was thinking about all the people who rose up from criticism….I mean if some measly little writer for the New York Times said that Humphrey Bogart "left something to be desired and he was nothing special" then what do people know anyways. If Yale accepts my reapplication I probably will go back, but I can't go to the Fall Semester, since it is too late, and I've also applied to NYU, just on the safe side and a couple other places.

I'm moving out of the pool house and I'm moving to New York. Got a job in a bookstore, it is amazing the jobs you can find on Grandma set me up with an apartment, and I should be making enough to pay for the apartment and food, hopefully, I can even save a little. I'm not quite all the way back, but I'm getting there. Call me…when's the wedding?

Love,

Rory

Rory snuck out the back door crawled into her light blue car and drove towards New York City. Not knowing what the future might hold, but knowing that something had been missing in her life, something she knew she could find in New York.

xxxxxxx

Lorelai was sitting upstairs watching her daughter who she hadn't heard from in three weeks writing furiously away. She couldn't bring herself to actually speak up and announce she was there. Instead she waited until she went out the kitchen door to take a peek at what Rory had just written. She sounded good like she was starting over, a new Rory that seemed to be on the right track. She'd call her in the morning.

xxxxxxx

Thoughts raced through her head while she unpacked her new apartment. Why now? Why did she have to think about him now? She hadn't really thought about Jess for six months, I mean she did think about him, how she could have handled the situation better. But she was thinking about him a lot know. Maybe it was being in New York or maybe it was just the fact that she needed to talk to someone that she cared about. She needed to vent, but she couldn't talk to her mom, Luke, Lane was on her tour, Logan is out of the picture, and Paris…well she's Paris. She needed a friend. But how on earth did she find him in such a huge city. It isn't like she could just look in the fifteen volume phonebook that weighed 200 pounds. Maybe he was still hanging out in Washington Park. She should call Luke...or maybe Liz. Liz would know and she wouldn't have to deal with Luke telling her to come home. It was getting late...she'd call in the morning.