ARGH!! ::tearing out hair:: School is becoming SO FRUSTRATING!! The course load this quarter is really wearing me out, so bear with me, guys. I'm trying my hardest to update in a timely fashion, though it's proving a bit difficult...
To my reviewers: Cookie time! ::tosses out tons of cookies:: This is my first story with over a hundred reviews! I was amazed to see how many people are taking time to read it!! Made me all warm and fuzzy inside I appreciate all of them!! Thank you!
Special thanks go to my beta-reader, saphira11 Thank you!!
And, once again, to the Naru/Saku FC, you all have been so encouraging!! I HEART you guys!!
On we go!
Chapter 7: To Ski, or Not to Ski, That is the Question
"AIEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
Shikamaru woke with a start. The piercing shriek that greeted his ears made him feel as if his head were about to split wide open.
"What the—"
He shrank as far back against the pillows as he could manage without actually sinking through the mattress. Not possible, no, but preferable? Oh yes.
It is safe to say that nothing had ever frightened him more than the sight he bore witness to at present.
Nothing.
Not even his mother when she became angry with him and began waving sharp objects in his face. Not even the biggest, most horrible beasties that he'd gone up against during his career as a ninja. And he'd encountered some nasty ones, to be sure.
No, none of them came remotely close to the hellfire that radiated from the figure crouched near him, a crazed madness in her cerulean eyes.
The Grim Reaper himself would have been put to shame.
"SHIKAMARU!"
Never before had Ino's voice so resembled that of an infidel.
Shikamaru inched back a little more, sending up a silent prayer to the gods, begging them to spare his insignificant existence on earth. It was a rare thing for him to solicit divine intervention, but circumstances dictated that such an action would be his only hope of survival.
If you can hear me, whoever's up there—SAVE ME!!!
Not the most eloquent of requests, but perfectly suitable for the situation.
Ino, however, did not seem to feel that any deity had a right to sway her indignation upon discovering that certain molestations to her person had occurred while she slept, and promptly shattered Shikamaru's feeble attempts to escape with his hide.
In other words, the dark-haired Chuunin did not stand a chance against her wrath.
Most troublesome, indeed.
"What in HELL were you doing?" Ino snarled, crawling ever closer, the gleam not leaving her eyes. A chilling grin split her face, and Shikamaru cringed.
He decided it might be prudent to defend himself.
"It wasn't—I mean—this isn't—"
Not a very good defense.
In an instant, Ino's face hovered directly before his.
"Thought you could take advantage of an innocent girl, did you?" She said, and grabbed either of his wrists, her nails digging into the tender flesh. "Thought you could cop a feel without me knowing, eh?"
Such an accusation spurned Shikamaru's mouth to work.
"That's not true!" He squawked, flailing his arms—with Ino still attached, mind. The movement sent her crashing back to her previous position atop him, which only increased her fury.
"PERVERT!" She shrieked.
Crap! "Ino! I didn't mean to do that! I'm not a pervert, I swear!"
Sakura sat bolt upright when she heard a screech from the guest bedroom that only could have been produced by her best friend.
Uh-oh...that can't be good...
"Naruto!" She said, grasping his shoulders and shaking him roughly awake.
"Earthquake!" He yelped.
"Come on!" Sakura grabbed his hand and yanked him out of bed. "Something happened!"
"Huh?" Naruto managed to blurt before he was deprived the comfort of the quilts he'd been under. "Saaa-kuu-raaaa!!! I'm tired!" He whined, though she paid him no heed.
Meanwhile, in the common room, Sasuke and Lee woke at the same time when they, too, heard the commotion.
"What was that?" Sasuke muttered, rubbing at his still-swollen eyes.
"I dunno," Lee replied through a yawn. "Sounded like a banshee or something."
"Should we check it out?"
"Uh—" Lee began, but was cut off by the occupant on the remaining couch.
"AUGH!"
Gaara thrashed in his blankets, having suddenly been tossed out of a sound sleep. When his hands grasped the object he sought, he lifted the GameBoy to his face, his features troubled.
"DAMN IT! I FORGOT TO SAVE!! NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN!"
His eye twitched.
Sasuke and Lee exchanged glances. Without a sound, both boys got to their feet and quickly made their getaway, slinking down the hall towards the guest room.
Gaara had the urge to chuck the GameBoy against the wall, but after some serious contemplation, he came to the conclusion that it would be difficult to play if the thing was in pieces, and he really didn't want to destroy it, when all was said and done.
"You got off easy this time," he told the tiny animated Link who dashed across the screen. "I'll kill you if it happens again."
Link ignored him.
"Humph!" Gaara said, though he soon recovered from his irritation and became engrossed in the game, giggling all the while.
Before the guest room, Sakura and Naruto encountered Sasuke and Lee. Together, four ears were pressed against the door, straining to hear what was happening on the other side.
This is, more or less, what they made out:
"You are TOO a pervert!"
"No I am NOT!"
"Yes you are!"
"No I'm not!"
"I was practically NAKED, and I woke up on top of you!"
"That's because YOU are an erratic sleeper!"
"ME? It's your fault!"
"My fault? My fault? Oh, that's SO typical, Ino. Whenever something goes wrong, you automatically blame it on me!"
"I do not!"
"Yes you do! You've been doing it since we were kids!"
A pause.
"I have?"
"Yeah, you have."
Another pause.
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
A third, longer pause.
"I...why didn't you tell me before?"
"Oh, I don't know. I wanted to keep you happy, I guess, and bossing me around always makes you happy."
"That isn't true! It...doesn't...I'm sorry, Shikamaru. I really had no idea..."
The group huddled at the door leaned in closer, their breaths held.
"BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU WERE GROPING ME WHILE I SLEPT!"
Ah, so close to escape, but no cigar.
"Don't die, Link! Keep going! Run, you little bastard, run!" Gaara's voice traveled down the hall. "Go! No!! Don't stop!! GYAH!!!"
Naruto's brow furrowed. "Is Gaara playing Zelda?" He whispered in his girlfriend's ear.
"Yeah," she whispered back. "I gave him your GameBoy—AUGH!"
The door opened, and all those using it as a support tumbled forward.
"Ow!! Get off, idiot! You're heavy!" Lee grunted, trying to disentangle himself from Sasuke.
"Oh, pardon me for not being able to control gravity, thick brows!" Sasuke snapped. "Naruto! My hair!"
"OOF," was all that the blonde could reply. Sakura's landing had knocked the wind out of him.
Ino managed to back away just in time to avoid becoming a human pancake, and she observed this display with hands on hips, her face a healthy shade of red. Shikamaru, meanwhile, sat on the bed with his head in his hands, nursing a rather large, stinging welt on his cheek. He did not notice the commotion, as he was too preoccupied with both the pain and the cursing of females with every vile oath he could think of, all uttered under his breath, of course.
Were they all listening? Ino thought, her annoyance steadily rising. What wonderful friends I have...
"You...you...oh, move out of the way," she growled, wading through the mass of bodies in her path, her heavy footsteps echoing ominously. When she reached the kitchen, she began slamming cupboards open, swearing at the top of her lungs.
On the couch, Gaara looked up from his game.
Her temper could rival mine...impressive.
He looked back down at the screen.
"NOOO!"
Link died again.
More swearing on all fronts.
"Ino!" Sakura yelled, recovering enough to pick herself up and race after her friend. "Be careful in there! Don't touch anything with an edge!"
"OOF!" Naruto had the wind knocked out of him again. "Women!" he groaned.
"Ow!! Naruto! My HAIR!"
Lee snickered, and received something that was a cross between a glare and a grimace from Sasuke.
Shikamaru finally came out of his stupor and examined the scene. His eyebrows shot up.
"What are you guys doing on the floor?"
"Writing a report on carpet stitching," Sasuke deadpanned, his dark locks still trapped beneath Naruto. "What—do—you—think—?" Each word was punctuated with a tug on his hair. "We're being the morons that we are! Is that any surprise? HA!" He sat up, finally free.
"So I take it you heard everything, then?" Shikamaru inquired, not sure whether he felt like being miffed or not.
"More or less," Lee replied, getting to his feet. He grinned shrewdly. "Your little lady's in a right fix. I never expected you to be the next closet pervert among us."
"Woah, woah, woah!" Shikamaru burst out. "How many times do I have to tell you people? I am not a pervert! It's her! What was I supposed to do? She—" He stopped mid sentence. "What do you mean, my little lady? She's not my anything!"
Inside he panicked.
Did Lee find the letter?? He must have! And he read it! I know he did! Why else would he have said something like that?
The other three boys exchanged significant looks.
"Aw, Lee was just joking around, that's all," Naruto said, nodding matter-of-factly. "Since you and Ino shared the bed, and...yeah."
Smooth...real smooth, idiot.
"Oh!" Lee caught on. "I wasn't implying that you like her! I mean, why would I have reason to think something like that?"
I should've kept my mouth shut...
Sasuke did not voice an opinion, because he was using most of his effort to keep a straight face, and any other motions would have cracked the mask.
Whether he was too distraught to use common sense or some other factor unknown, Shikamaru began to calm a bit then. Now, if he had been in his right mind, he would have suspected a plot, but so many things had happened in so short a time that his brain seemingly shut down.
"Yeah, that's right," he said. "There's no reason for you to think that I like her! Because I don't." He crossed his arms over his chest. "She's loud, and she's bossy, and she's really demanding, and she'd make my life miserable!"
Go ahead and think that, pal, if it'll make you feel better. But you and I both know that you're lying. The letter is proof. You meant every word on that page, Nara Shikamaru.
The dry voice had reappeared.
Shut up! He told it. I don't need to hear this now!
You're going to have to face facts eventually. Why evade them?
Those inner voices can be so pesky sometimes...
Look, would you just go away? I never should have written that blasted letter...and I still don't know where it went!
I wouldn't worry about that presently. Your friends are going to become suspicious if you continue staring off into space while conversing with voices in your head. In some circles, such behavior hints at insanity.
You started this, not me! Oh...
Shikamaru realized his folly, and cursed. Naruto, Sasuke, and Lee all froze. They'd been whispering to each other and pointing before their friend came out of his stupor, and the conversation stopped abruptly.
"I give up," the dark haired Chuunin stated, and flopped back against the mattress, sighing heavily.
The voice did not speak again, though Shikamaru could have sworn he heard it snicker.
Ino managed to get the coffee maker going without doing any damage to herself or others, and of that feat, she was quite proud. Her nerves were frayed after this morning's events, to say the very least. When Sakura entered the kitchen, she found her best friend seated at the table, the fingers of one hand tapping moodily against the wooden surface.
"Ino? Are you okay?" She asked, taking a seat next to her.
"Oh, I'm just super," the blonde replied sarcastically. "I was being fondled in my sleep, but there are no problems here!"
Sakura winced, but then raised her eyebrows. Her friend had the tendency to blow things out of proportion when she was agitated. "Are you sure? I mean, what happened, exactly?"
"Am I sure? Of course I'm sure!" Ino snapped. "I woke up and I was on top of him, scantily clad, I might add, and his arms were around me! I—"
"That's the thing, Ino. All those little quirks, like the way you flip your ponytail without knowing it when you walk, or the way you jump to conclusions before you know the full story, or how you sneeze when you get overexcited..."
For whatever reason, that particular part of Shikamaru's letter came to her, and she stopped short.
"Ino? What's wrong?"
"Huh?"
"You had a strange look on your face."
"I did?"
"Yeah." Sakura glanced over at the coffee. "I think it's ready," she pointed out, and went to the cupboard, removing two mugs. As an afterthought, she reached up and grabbed one more. "Come over here and have some coffee, Gaara," she beckoned.
"Eh?" Gaara lifted his eyes from the GameBoy.
"Come here," Sakura repeated.
Oh bother...if I don't do what she says, she'll keep pestering me...I hate it when she pesters...
With great reluctance, Gaara set the GameBoy down on the couch and shuffled into the kitchen, plopping unceremoniously into a chair across from Ino. A steaming mug was set before him.
As much as he hated to admit it, Gaara did like coffee. Very much, in fact. The incredible burst of energy that accompanied the stuff usually was enough to keep him happy for hours on end, and he believed that he would need the energy today, of all days.
He'd been told the night before that the gang would be heading to a ski resort near the mountain house the next morning to spend the day hitting the slopes.
Gaara had never been skiing before, but he had the terrible feeling that it was not an activity he would enjoy. He'd tried various means of persuading his companions that skiing did not suit his interests, even going so far as to promise any number of painful deaths upon them, but he'd been overturned. Since the years after the War, and the sealing of the Tanuki that resided within him, those around the former Sand-nin had grown accustomed to his mannerisms, and nothing he said or did came as much of a surprise anymore. Granted, he could still strike fear in the hearts of his enemies, and his friends, if provoked. However, against some people—more specifically, Sakura and her entourage—his efforts were useless.
Therefore, he would be going skiing, whether he liked it or not.
Gaara took a sip of the coffee, resigned to his fate. Sort of.
I still don't get why Naruto dragged me along in the first place. It's not like I'm going help at all...this whole business is ridiculously unfair...
"Do you like it?" Sakura asked, handing Ino a mug and seating herself again.
"It's coffee," Gaara muttered.
"Well, I'm glad to see that someone's cheerful!"
"Are you trying to be funny? I'm being forced, against my will, to wear sticks on my feet and slide down a hill on them. A hill covered in snow, and I'm supposed to be excited?"
The pink-haired girl snorted. "They aren't sticks Gaara, they're skis. And I think you'll end up having a much better time than you expect."
"And Naruto will defer the title of Hokage to the Uchiha whelp," he shot back.
While the two argued with each other, Ino tried to rationalize with herself.
Maybe...maybe I did jump to conclusions. I mean...I have known Shika since we were little, and he's just not the type of person to do stuff like that. He's so old fashioned when it comes to girls...
He really is a sweetheart...
She recalled all the times that he had been around to comfort her when she needed someone to lean on, all the words of encouragement that he'd whispered in her ear, all the instances when he held her and allowed her to cry into his shirt...
He never complained, never rebuked her for being weak, never told her to leave him be.
He was always there
Always.
"Bah. I think she needs to tell the guy she loves him already, so we can end this happy experiment." Gaara said, jerking Ino out of her thoughts. "This denial crap makes me want to barf."
Sakura nearly lost her coffee from laughing. She clapped a hand to her mouth.
Ino stared.
Apparently, the conversation had taken a slight detour since her mind began wandering.
"Are you talking about me?"
"Who else would we be talking about? Are there any other girls in this madhouse?" Gaara said bluntly. "And if you believe for a second that you aren't obvious, you're wrong."
Ino had no reply for that, and Sakura decided to intervene.
"Go easy on her!" She chortled. "It's not like you've ever been in love before!"
It's not like you've ever been in love before...
"In...love?" Ino said dumbly. "I'm not in love! Where are you coming up with this stuff?" She waved her hand and focused on her coffee, quite aware of the redness in her cheeks.
Oh lord...how...when...
Gaara rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, whatever. I really don't care, anyway. And I don't want to be in love, thanks. Girls are too confusing. All those nutty mood swings..." He shuddered, picturing his sister Temari around her 'time of the month.' Having to deal with that for the rest of his life did not sound appealing in the slightest.
Sakura made an indelicate noise, and shot the redhead a smirk. "Your mood swings could rival any of ours, Prince Charming."
"Should I apologize to him?" Ino asked suddenly. Two sets of eyes turned to her. "I mean...I was kind of harsh and everything..."
Sakura hid a smile behind her hand. "That might be a very good idea, Ino. Why don't you tell him now? I'd hate for you two to be mad at each other while we're skiing."
The blonde stood up. "I think I will," she said, and headed back down the hall, passing Naruto, Sasuke, and Lee as she went, prudently ignoring the whispering that followed their appearance.
When she reached the bedroom, she found Shikamaru lying on the bed where she left him, his eyes glazed over and the welt—left from her hand—still nice and red. She winced just looking at it.
"Um...Shika?" She sat on the edge of the mattress, and his head moved to the side.
"What now?" He groaned. "You're not going to smack me again, are you?"
"No!" She snapped, but then recovered her temper. "No," she repeated in a softer tone. "I actually wanted to...well...I'm sorry, Shika." Her hand reached out to brush over his cheek, and she winced again. "That looks terrible."
Shikamaru had not been expecting such a reaction, though his features remained blank. Ino did not need to know that the tenderness he glimpsed in her eyes made his heart pound, or his breath catch in his throat. Such trifles would only complicate the delicate situation even further.
"Yeah," he said, a hint of a smile playing across his mouth. "It feels worse."
Ino's brow furrowed. "Do you want me to get some ice?"
"Nah. I'll survive, I'm sure."
"Positive?"
"Mm-hm."
"Okay..." she conceded reluctantly, though her hand still lingered near his skin. "It was my fault, wasn't it?" She whispered.
"Well...you...rolled around a lot, and...I didn't want to wake you, so..." he shrugged.
Ino bit her lip. "Oh..." I feel like a first rate idiot...
"Don't worry about it," Shikamaru told her. "It's in the past, right?"
Surprised, she grinned. "Right."
Their eyes locked together.
Closer...
Closer...
"Come on guys! Get ready! We're leaving soon!" Naruto poked his head through the doorway. "Hurry up!"
Ino hastily jumped off the bed and began gathering her clothes.
Shikamaru sighed.
So much for that...
Gaara grumbled the entire time on the way to the ski resort, cursing everyone and everything. Soon, he would be standing at the top of a very high hill, overlooking his doom.
He was afraid of heights.
No one knew, of course, and he planned on keeping it that way. However, such a task would most likely prove to be quite difficult to execute while actually on the hill, but he was determined to retain some of his dignity, at least.
The assistants at the resort sized all of them for skis, except Sakura and Naruto, who had their own, and left the group in a small room to put them on. Lee and Sasuke, at one point, began smacking their skis together like swords until Sakura intervened, earning herself a sound whack on the arm in the process. Naruto, enraged, entered the fray, while Shikamaru and Ino stood at opposite ends of the room and attempted to strap their skis to their boots, both too preoccupied to notice their surroundings.
Good, Gaara thought, now I don't have to worry about humiliating myself...
The skis completely baffled him.
There were straps and buckles and catches all over the place, and he had no idea what to do with them.
Okay, so, my foot goes...here...
He placed one booted foot on the ski. So far, so good.
And...then...this thing? What the hell is it? And why are there so many of them?
He randomly began crossing straps and buckling them, hoping that he wasn't making any mistakes. By the time he finished, he moved back to examine his work.
It didn't look right.
At all.
Damn it! I need redo it, I guess. What a pain...
A few minutes later, he ended up on his rump, cursing. The ski had slipped out from underneath him, sending him flying.
Of course, the hubbub in the middle of the room died down at that moment, and everyone saw his folly.
I'm going to kill every last one of them, so help me...
The chuckles had not stopped when they moved out to the slopes, Gaara's skis firmly in place, thanks to Sakura. She had arranged for an instructor to meet them, since most of her friends had never been skiing before, and she felt it would be a good idea to have someone around to teach proper positioning and motions.
"Hey guys!" A young man with a tuft of unruly brown hair and a bright yellow ski-suit waved. "My name's Thumper, and we're gonna have a great time, today!"
Thumper? Gaara thought, his jaw going slack.
This guy's a quack, thought Sasuke.
Wonderful, Shikamaru thought. An instructor named Thumper. How exciting.
"Now, listen up! In order to go faster, you need to arrange your skis like—" he placed his skis parallel to each other. "French fries! See? And, to go slower," the skis made a 'V' shape, "Pizza! Get it? Faster, French fries, slower, pizza! Remember, never do a French fry when you should do a pizza, or you won't have fun! And that's not good, because the object is to have fun!"
Aren't pizza and French fries food? Naruto thought, confused.
Oh lord...we're all going to die... Lee told himself.
Interesting way of explaining it, Sakura noted with a raised eyebrow.
"Are we ready?" Thumper asked excitedly.
His weary pupils trailed along behind him as he led them toward the lifts. Gaara's palms began to sweat just looking at them.
I can do this! I'm not a coward, and some stupid hill is not going to get the best of me!
He squeezed onto the lift next to Sakura and Naruto, his teeth chattering. Lee and Sasuke took the next one, and Ino and Shikamaru the last. Thumper chatted animatedly back at them from the front.
Gaara continued to give himself a mental pep talk as the lift rose higher and higher, willing himself not to look down.
Ino and Shikamaru exchanged a few meaningless phrases, doing all they could to avoid thinking about the near-kiss that had almost occurred not too long before.
Sasuke and Lee made faces at each other while tossing insults back and forth.
Naruto and Sakura played footsie and pretended to listen to Thumper at the same time, causing the lift to sway ever so slightly. Gaara's face drained of all its color.
Calm...just stay calm...it's almost over...
Needless to say, by the time the lift came to a stop, he scrambled off of it as fast as he could manage. If he hadn't been surrounded by people, he would have kissed the ground, though by some miraculous show of willpower, he kept the urge in check.
"All right guys!" Thumper clapped his gloved hands together. "Have fun! And remember: Pizza, French fries! Pizza, French fries, got it?"
Nods.
"See ya at the bottom!" He said, and took off.
Sakura grinned. "Well, besides making me hungry, that joker wasn't much help. Look, just watch me and Naruto when we go, okay? I taught him how to ski myself, so I'm sure the rest of you will catch on quick." She winked at her boyfriend, who stuck his tongue out at her.
"Race you to the bottom!"
"You're on!"
But Naruto was already on his way down.
"CHEATER!" Sakura shrieked, and set off after him.
Those remaining at the top watched them go, amazed at the speed in which they coasted over the snow. Ino sucked in a breath. She was feeling particularly daring today—and she also wanted, for whatever reason, to show off in front of Shikamaru—so, after taking one last look, she stuck her poles into the ground and pushed forward.
After a few seconds of attempting to gain control of her skis, Ino got the hang of it, and let out a whoop.
"YEAH!!"
Sasuke, Lee, Shikamaru, and Gaara stared at her retreating form, before looking at each other.
"She just made us look like a bunch of idiots," Shikamaru observed, scratching at the back of his neck. Though that's exactly what we are...
"Yeah!" Lee agreed. "We're supposed to be the fearless manly men!"
"We can do this," Sasuke rallied. "I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Ino's doing fine! And that moron Naruto, too!"
Gaara did not have anything to add. He did not trust himself to speak.
I'm gonna break my neck, and then I'll be paralyzed for the rest of my life, and then I'll find some way to kill everyone...
Screw it.
"Let's get this over with."
Taking deep breaths, the four moved to the edge of the hill.
"Are we ready?" Sasuke asked.
A chorused, "Yes."
"All right! Go!"
From the start, Gaara was a lost cause. He lost his poles within the first few moments, and then one of his skis came off of his boot and sailed along before him. At that point, he gave up trying to appear calm.
"HOLY MOTHER!! I'M GONNA DIE!!"
Shikamaru had been taking his time, and was a bit ahead of Sasuke and Lee, but he sped up when he heard Gaara's screech.
Not a very smart move.
He lost control, and began to plummet, fast catching up to the redhead.
"AUGH!!!"
Sasuke and Lee, in their haste to become saviors, somehow ended up locking their skis together, which resulted in some frantic attempts to free themselves while maintaining control at the same time.
Again, not a very smart move.
"INCOMING!" Sasuke bellowed as he and Lee advanced upon Shikamaru.
By then, it was too late, and a domino effect ensued.
Sasuke and Lee smacked into Shikamaru, who then smacked into Gaara...
And they all went tumbling down.
But not before catching some spectacular airtime when they rocketed over a snowdrift, of course.
At the bottom, Ino, Sakura, and Naruto gaped as the four boys landed face first in a pile of snow, a massive jumble of arms and legs and skis.
"Well, they obviously forgot to pizza," Thumper stated, clomping over to the scene and shaking his head. "See? And they didn't have fun, either!"
As if to punctuate that statement, Gaara's renegade ski appeared out of nowhere and landed square on the former Sand-nin's head.
"Definitely not," Naruto said gravely.
Wow...that chapter took forever to write...sheesh!
Thumper, as well as the terms 'Pizza' and 'French fries,' belong to none other than the wonderful Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of South Park, and I do not claim them in any way ::grins::
Next up...Defend those snow forts, warriors!!! Will Shika and Ino finally kiss? Will the letter turn up in someone else's hands? Will Gaara ever escape the torment?? Stay tuned!!