Title: "Things We Do"
Author: blurredoasis
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Kiba/Shika (with possible splashes of other couples)
Rating: PG-13 (for this chapter)
Warnings: Shounen ai, swearing, light description of sexual acts (i had no clue how to say this)
Summary: Kiba screwed up. Royally. To make it up to his boyfriend and prove that he does actually care, he sets up a scavenger hunt of sorts for him.
Notes: THANK YOU LJ demondreams for beta-ing this for me!
Disclaimer: Don't belong to moi.
------ seperates the beginning and end of the note
Shikamaru strolled off towards the fields, pausing mid step as a pale body wearing a white and brown uniform came into view. No. There would be no way. Kiba couldn't do that. Aside from the gods themselves and his uncle, I don't think anybody could get this guy to do anything not self centered. Even the gods would probably have to sent some lighting bolts to his ass to make him move. Surely Kiba wouldn't be able to--
"Are you going to stare at me Nara or take your note?" Neji snapped, almost storming over to the Nara man, but we all know Hyuugas just don't storm . Neji was a few feet away when Shikamaru tried a feeble smile to ease the tension. As usual, Neji took it the wrong way, nearly growling as he shoved four bound kunai into Shikamaru's hands, luckily remembering at the last minute to jab with the handles and not the tips. "Tell your lover to keep his mouth shut." Neji said in a scolding tone that reminded Shikamaru of one parent telling another how to raise their child.
"Whoa, wait, what did Kiba do now!" He asked, his mind quickly spinning through the thousand and one things Kiba had done already and what he possibility could have done to piss off the Hyuuga... although, really, anything would piss him off. He hasn't heard a fire alarm, so Kiba and Naruto hadn't accidentally burned anything recently (but Shikamaru had to admit that seeing Neji flailing around to put out his flamming sleeve because he got a little too close to Naruto's cigarette was funny).
And there hadn't been a mad dash of chuunin and jounin to contain another drunken summons incident. He couldn't defended that one at all though. They both got what they deserved for "serenading" Neji at two in the morning with a frog and a dog as accompanying backup singers. After Neji had thrown every single shoe he owned at them (which, Shikamaru heard, was an impressive number for a male), the two decided to leave him alone and go visit the next person. Sakura's mom hadn't been happy that two very drunk men were singing to her daughter and called for the police to come get them. A nice chase ensured, taking six jounin to pin each man down and throw them in jail to detox.
Tsunade-sama hadn't called him to identify a body (which he would guessed to be the bloody and bruised corpse of Kiba or Naruto after Neji got done with them). No bellows from his mom to indicated they let loose the deer... again. Last time they did that, one of the younger ones had evaded capture for a good five hours until Shikamaru found it, chewing on Neji's hair as the man mediated. Another moment he would have liked to forget. The Hyuuga's face was positively murderous when he came back to reality to see Shikamaru trying to pry off a deer's teeth as it chopped on his precious hair.
Neji cleared his throat, drawing Shikamaru's attention away from the '1001 Tricks Kiba Has Played on Konoha'.
"Does this have to do with the water balloon incident? He was really sorry bout that, he didn't know you were allergic to latex. Which must really suck, by the way. But I guess it explains why you're still a virgin. Must be an embarrassing topic--"
"I'm not sure if you should be the one talking, espectiually about embarrassing traits." Neji interrupted, his voice calmer but still with a hint of aggravation. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, slightly confused. He could actually pick a bunch of his own traits that were particular weird and that was before you factored in he was dating Kiba. "Your friend." Neji clarified, gesturing the fishnet wearing deer that was still tucked under Shikamaru's arm.
Shikamaru chuckled nervously, hoping this didn't give the Hyuuga a flashback to the deer and his hair. If he was lucky, Neji would only go for the deer and leave him alone. If not, he was screwed. Well, he could runaway while Neji was murdering the poor stuffed deer, but that required running. He had done enough walking today for the rest of the month--
"Read." Neji's interrupted the teacher's thoughts with a gesture towards the letter. Shikamaru eyed him carefully, figuring Neji was the type of man who wanted you to see the hit coming and wouldn't attack him while his attention was focused on the letter. Oh what are you up to Kiba? Weird nicknames, sticking me with weapons, getting Mr. Icy to hand out love letters... you are trying to kill me, aren't you?
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Shika-chan ("No, I take that back. I'm going to kill you.")
The third reason I love you is you are damn sexy. There isn't anybody else that gets me so hot and horny, dripping wet with anticipation of getting my greedy little hands all over that pale skin. It doesn't matter the place, the situation, or what we're wearing, I nearly crumble. I never told you this, but every time we fuck I have to fight cuming the second I touch you. As I write this... ah, well, you get the point, eh? Sorry if the note is a little sticky (Shikamaru sighed at this, gripping the note a little looser and closer to the edges to avoid getting any of... Kiba on him). I have a list at home of places we should fuck at... I'm thinking one of those places should be the highest point in Konoha. Wouldn't it be awesome, fucking up there, showing off our pale asses to all of Konoha? What better way to show our love to the world?
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"What better way to get Tsunade-sama's wrath on our skinny asses then to deface the Hokage monument with our fluids?" Shikamaru mumbled. He had thought he was quiet enough that Neji wouldn't hear him, but a raised eyebrow in his direction proved he had been wrong. Neji grumbled something about 'idiots sticking together' and 'no wonder Naruto was good friends with Kiba' as he stalked away in the Brooding Angsty HyuugaTM (B.A.H.) way.
The Academy teacher turned back to the note reading it again. He was half tempted to finish the job that Kiba's careful words had started but back in his mind he was still a little angry with the Inuzuka, so jerking off to his words would be like jerking off to him and he didn't want to give in just yet.
The highest point in Konoha is the Hokage monument, that's obvious. But why the heck would he want to have sex up there? Knowing him, he would probably have a bunch of fireworks go off just as we're doing it so every head in Konoha turns to the noise and see us up there.
He sighed, wondering if this exercise was Kiba's twisted way to finalize a continuous disagreement they had about Shikamaru's inability to do anything that required work and wasn't life threatening. I have to walk up there? All. Those. Stairs. Nearly 2000 of them. There better be something spectacular for all of this. Like a foot massage. Now that sounds nice. His shoulders slouched, with his hands tucked in his pant pockets. The toy deer was still wedged between his arm and side and he could almost swear he heard it snicker. "Shut up." He mumbled, not fully realizing the deer couldn't talk and the voice must have come from somewhere else. But his mind was too preoccupied with the stairs, as he grudgingly started for the monument.
Behind one of the trees, Kiba snickered, pleased with the events unfolding. He would have liked Shikamaru to have some fun, but in all honesty he knew the note was tame, like a kitten compared to the lion of a note he had coming up soon. Not the next one unfortunately, so he would have to wait to get a glimpse, but the prospect was enough to send him giggling. Akamaru, at his feet, sighed, wondering what he had done in a past life to be born as Kiba's dog. Heck, there were a lot of people with canine familiars, he could have been with any of them. They would be less perverted, less of an exhibitionist, more brains, and the list could go on. But nooooo, he got Inuzuka Kiba.
Kiba bent down, not noticing his dog's far off look, and scooped him up into his arms. "Come on boy! We have to go check on the next note since the one delivering it is someone else who might try to weasel away. And you know what? Since we're running by our house, we'll stop in and get some dinner for you. Just because I'm waiting to eat with Shikamaru doesn't mean you have to too."
Aw, heck, Akamaru figured he could have done much worse. After all, if he had been stuck with someone like Chouji who thought BBQ'd Akamarus belonged on a restaurant menu, he probably wouldn't haven't seen his first year of life.
TBC...