LOST IN TRANSCRIPTION

Claire walked out from behind a tree. "Greetings, I have a message from the author, since author notes are not allowed…Hello and welcome to my most awesome little awesome fanfic. At the time that I am writing this, I haven't even started writing the actually story nor have any idea what it is about. Nevertheless, I KNOW that it is awesome. LIVE WITH IT.

Yes, I am straying away from my usual Lord of the Rings fanfics and diving into the world of LOST!!! (YAY awesome show!)

And, yes, the inspiration for the title did come partly from a movie which I haven't seen. The other part came from way too many hours of studying DNA for bio midterms!

So, without further ado…"

AND CLAIRE WENT BACK BEHIND THE TREE....

CHAPTER ONE

Caution: Caffeine at Work

Charlie surveyed the island and sighed. What was to become of him? Of Claire? Of everyone else on the island? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT????? The suspense was killing him…

So, he took out his handy new heroin replacement: STARBUCKS!!!

How he got Starbucks on this random isolated island, nobody knows. But he had it. And whenever he took out his trusty Pumpkin Spice Latte, Mocha Frappuchino, or even the Special Christmas Blend, he began to wonder why he even tried heroin in the first place. Because how could anything be more amazing than Starbucks?

After his caffeine buzz from his Vanilla Crème, which, by the way, doesn't even have caffeine, he stood up, clutched his head because the blood temporarily left it when he stood up too fast, and surveyed the island once more.

Jack and Kate were arguing over who belonged to the pair of purple toe socks they found (Kate insisted that she bought them in Sydney, but Jack argued that they brought out the elegant shape of his toes).

Shannon was sleeping, muttering random French sentences and shouting "CREPES!!! CREPES!!!".

And Ethan was sitting on the beach, chomping and slurping away on the slivers of meat still left on a fish skeleton.

Wait…ETHAN?!?!?!?!?!?

Charlie exploded up the beach, whipping out a coffee stirrer (yes, while a primitive weapon it was all Charlie had on hand). "WHERE IS SHE?!?!?!?!" he shrieked, pouncing onto the man and sinking the stirrer into the sand between his arm and torso (ok, he needed a few stabbing tips from Sayid…) "WHERE IS SHE?!?!?! WHERE IS SHE?!?!?! WHERE IS SHE?!?!?!?"

Ethan calmly sat up. "I don't know," he responded coolly. He then proceeded to stand up, take the coffee stirrer in his hand, take out a hole punch, and punch "POTHEAD" on the stirrer, then handed it back to Charlie.

"Pothead?" asked Charlie, studying the piece of wood. "But it wasn't pot! It was -" But when he looked up…Ethan was gone. Charlie swore he heard whispers of "Believe…believe…" on the wind and the jingle of sleigh bells. He shrugged. Just the island playing tricks on him.

Charlie ran up to Jack. "Jack!" he shouted. "Jack! I SAW HIM! I SAW HIM! I FRIGGIN SAW ETHAN!!!"

"Are you sure?" asked Jack.

"YES!" cried Charlie.

"Positive?" asked Jack.

"YES!" cried Charlie for a second time.

"I need you to be completely sure…" insisted Jack being his level-headed self.

"YES!!! YES!!! YEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!"

Jack paused. "Charlie…I want you to take these sedatives…"

"NO!!! I DON'T NEED ANY FRIGGIN SEDATIVES!!! I'VE GOT CAFFEINE!!!" And Charlie stomped off.

Yes, caffeine was a man's best friend, Charlie decided. Better not tell Vincent, though.

Speaking of Vincent, the dog jogged up to Charlie and sniffed his Peppermint Espresso. "NO!" Charlie screamed. "MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!"

Regardless, Vincent jumped up on Charlie, knocking him over, and grabbed the caffeine-infused beverage in his jaws. Charlie sniffled as he watched the dog leaping into the distance, then started sobbing. Coffee was his friend…

Suddenly, he saw it. Something in the distance. It looked like…a large coffee cup? It couldn't be. But was it? As soon as he refocused his eyes…it was gone.

He strided off in what he believed to be the correct direction.

But before he could find what he was looking for, he was stopped.

Charlie's jaw dropped.

Claire walked out from behind the tree again. "Yes, I know it's stupid. Yes, I knows it's bad. Yes, I know it's not funny. But leave me a review and tell me exactly what you think!

Yes, as you can tell…I LOVE CHARLIE!!!

Tata for now…I'll write more if I have the time…and you all want me to!"

Then BACK BEHIND THE TREE SHE WENT…