Author's note: Yet another random chapter, but hopefully you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Yet again, no Troy partofTroy belongs to me (this isn't supposed to sound seedy), exceptfor this story.

Scene change to Agamemnon on his boat

Triopas: What's the fool doing?

Agamemnon: He's going to attack the beach of Troy from underwater!

Everyone exchanges confused looks.

Scene cuts back to Achilles and his Myrmidons, all who can't swim that well

Achilles and his men thrash helplessly in the water trying desperately to dodge arrows and swim to shore at the same time. Several underwater shots happen at this point. Jaws music plays during this.

Achilles and his men eventually make it to shore. Where some more a shot with flaming arrows.

They have a battle. The Myrmidons win. Achilles tells them to ramsack the Temple of Apollo.

Eudorus: Apollo sees everything, perhaps it is not wise to offend him.

Achilles: Believe me, he can't be offended much more if he saw what I was doing in the shower last night. Achilles decapitates statue of Apollo for some reason unknown to us. The golden head rolls down the temple stairs.

Eudorus: OW MY FOOT!

Achilles sees Hector riding towards the temple.

Achilles: Warn the men. Wait. Holds his hand out, in what Eudorus thinks is a poor attempt in at a hi-five, but participates nonetheless.

Achilles: What are you doing you dork?

Eudorus: No it's EudorUS, EudorUS, not Eudork.

Achilles: Just hand me the bloody spear.

Eudorus hands him a spear and runs inside, afraid of Achilles murdering him on impulse. Achilles just sighs and throws spear at Tecton. Tecton dies.

Hector looks amazed at the dying Tecton and thinks 'Wow, I thought that would never happen, thank Zeus, he was really starting to freak me out.'

Hector reaches temple and follows Achilles inside. 'Suprisingly' Hector and his men are attacked once stepping inside the Temple. Hector goes after Achilles, seeing the dead priests on the floor he states the obvious.

Hector: These priests weren't armed. You had no business killing the servants of Apollo.

Achilles: OK, so let me get this straight, you knew that we were going to come, obviously by sea, and you didn't tell anyone down here at the Temple, which is pretty far away from your city?

Hector looks sheepish.

Hector: Well...Yeah...I guess...

Achilles:Uh huh, and they say you command the finest army in the east?

Hector: Why won't you fight me?

Achilles ignores him and walk outside.

Achilles: Why kill you, with no one here to see you fall?

(Outside the temple)

Hector: Why did you come here?

Achilles: Why do you think? Or perhaps you haven't heard, Troy is supposed to be ass soup, lots of hot women round here, they'll still be talking about how fiercely I loved in a thousand years.

Hector: Ahhh, yeah...thanks for sharing that.

Achilles: Go home prince, drink some wine, make some sweeeeet love to your wife. Tomorrow we'll have our war.

Hector: You speak of making love as if it's a game -

Achilles: Uh, hello what do you think foreplay is.

Hector: but how many wives wait at Troy, for husbands that have long since become homosexuals.

Achilles makes a disgusted face

Achilles: You mean they really exist?Well I'm sure your brother would be able to comfort them, I hear he is rather effeminate.

Hector shakes his head, before walking away.

Eudorus: You let him go my lord

Achilles: Well...yeah, after all, I still have to shag his cousin that your going to find in the temple later and then deliver to my doorstep. And she's not going to be easily seduced if I've killed her only manly cousin. He really is built that son of a -

Eudorus looks at Achilles funny.

Eudorus: Are you sure you'd never heard of homosexuals before today?

Achilles hits Eudorus over the head.

Scene changes to beach, after the battle, Achilles is accepting congratulations from every soldier that passes, whether they offer it or not

A huge and very ugly guy walks up to Achilles.

Achilles: Hey hey hey, how's goin spray and wipe.

Ajax: What? It's Ajax

Achilles: Never mind, it's an Aussie thing, I've been spending too much time with Hector.

Ajax: Well aside from your weird jokes, I am honoured to fight with you.

Achilles: You won't be tomorrow when Hector stabs you repeatedly.

Ajax: What was that?

Achilles: Nothing.

Odysseus walks up to Achilles.

Achilles: Where the hell were you?

Odysseus: I was at the back... watching your boat sink.

Achilles: Point taken.

Achilles walks up to a huge tent, that is able to assemble without the aid of human help.

Achilles walks in and upon seeing Briseis wolf whistles loudly. Myrmidon come running in.

Achilles: Who's the babe?

Eudorus: Oh, the men found her hiding in the temple.

Achilles: Cool, shoddy first go.

Eudorus shakes head and leaves.

Achilles cuts Briseis' bindings.

Achilles: Your safer in my tent than out there, believe me, although things can get a little rough some times.

Briseis: You killed the priests.

Achilles: As if I did.

Briseis: The Sun God is going to kick your ass.

Achilles: What's he waiting for?

Briseis: The right time to strike

Achilles: Bring it on, these buns will be ready.

Face ass towards Briseis.

Achilles starts getting undressed. Briseis can't help but stare, remembering Paris is the only guy she's seen naked before, which is nothing to be proud about.

Achilles: His priests are dead and you're a captive, I think Apollo's afraid of me. After all kicking my ass could result in a broken foot. (feels ass) Damn these are tight.

Briseis stares at Achilles' ass.

Briseis: You know you have a point there... I mean Apollo fears nothing.

Achilles: Where is he then?

Briseis changes subject

Briseis: You're nothing but a killer! You know nothing about the gods!

Achilles: You haven't seen 16 summers and already I'm attracted to you, in some countries this could class as pedophilia. You must be royalty.

Briseis: I think we're getting off the subject a little here.

Achilles: What's your name?

Briseis: What's it to you?

Achilles: What's your name?

Briseis: Briseis.

Achilles: Are you afraid girl?

Briseis: So what, you pester me for my name, and then don't use it once I tell you?

Eudorus bursts in.

Eudorus: My Lord, Agamemnon wants to see you ASAP.

Achilles: Tell him to get in line.

Eudorus: But...

Achilles: Fine! (storms off)

Eudorus waves shyly to Briseis, who rolls her eyes.

Achilles comes back.

Achilles (to Briseis): You don't need to fear me, we're going to fall madly in love and have sex in every spare moment, and therefore ending your career. But hey, it could be a lot worse.

Achilles leaves Briseis smiling to herself.

Briseis (to self): That's true

Eudorus is still standing around and is obviously crushing on Briseis.

Eudorus: Excuse me I've just got something in my eye.

Eudorus leaves and loud crying is heard seconds later.

Briseis shrugs.