Author's Note: Ok guys, I'm gonna have to ask you not to argue in my reviews, I'm not pointing fingers, but just for future reference, can you keep the payouts to a minimum. Thankyou.

Disclaimer: Sorry nothing in this chapter belongs to me, sorry no scotsman this time.

Scene change to people collecting dead people

Helen is still spitting on people, yelling 'bloody tourists'

Scene flicks back to the beach

Agamemnon goes to put two pennies on the eyes of his brother.

Finds he doesn't have any spare change.

Agamemnon: Oh shit, left my wallet in the tent, anyone got a couple of coins?

Some soldier hands him two pennies.

Agamemnon lights the pyre.

Scene change to Helen about to stitch Paris' wounds

Paris is crying.

Paris: You think I'm a coward.

Helen: Well dah, I haven't even started stitching you up, and you're crying.

Paris: Just because I don't like needles, F-Y-I, I nearly died today, if you were watching.

Helen: Well...you know, those walls are really high, I couldn't see over the top.

Paris sulks.

Helen: Look, you challenged a great warrior today, that took (cough) courage.

Paris: Why is everyone coughing? Is there some kind of flu going around?

Helen: Yes, my love...the flu, (mutters fondly) so naive.

Scene change back to Troy's beach, where clearly Agamemnon is pissed ... and annoyed

Agamemnon (speech is very slurred They're laughing at me in Troy! I hear their voices...their everywhere.

Agamemnon looks around and attacks the air around him.

Odyseuss and Nestor exchange worried looks.

Agamemnon: They're probably drunk with victory.

Odyseuss: Unlike us - drunk with defeat.

Agamemnon: I'm not so think as you drunk I am. They think I'll sail home at first light.

Odyseuss: Maybe we should, the sandflies are killing me.

Agamemnon: Flee? Like a whipped dog?

Odyseuss: Look the men think we came here for Menelaus' wife.

Nestor: Didn't we?

Agamemnon rolls his eyes, he's still completely off his face.

Odyseuss: We won't be needing her anymore.

Agamemnon: My brother's blood still wets the sand and you insult him.

Odyseuss: Uh...we burnt him, how could his blood still be wetting the sand?

Agamemnon: It's called being poetic, shitdip.

Nestor: If we leave now, we loose all credibility. (Looks at Agamemnon, who is attacking the air again) Not that we had any before.

Odyseuss: If we stay, we stay for the right reasons, because I am a good person. (Breaks into song). You've gotta do the right thing, it's an obligation...

Nestor raises an eyebrow.

Odyseuss: Can I help it if those community service announcement ads inspire me? (to Agamamnon). And your private battle with Achilles is tearing me up inside. (begins to cry).

Nestor (mutters)Emo

Agamemnon: Achilles is one man, one damn fine man!

Odyseuss: Hector is one damn fine man, and look at what he did to you!

Agamemnon drools.

Agamemnon: mmmmm Hector, I mean, Hector does nothing for me, where would you get that idea? (laughs nervously and unconvincingly). And anyway, Hector fights for his country, Achilles fights for no one.

Odyseuss: I don't care about the man's patriotism! I care about the fact that we can't win a single battle without him!

Nestor: He's right, every battle we've won in this whole friggin' movie has been because we had Achilles fighting.

Agamemnon: Even if I wanted to make peace with him...(sees Odyseuss pull a face)...which I do... he won't listen to me. I mean where's the respect?

Odyeuss: I'll talk to him in the morning. I don't know why, he's not a morning person, remember when you conquered Thessaly?

Nestor: He'll want the girl back.

Agamemnon: He can have her... I haven't touched her, I'd prefer to touch him.

Nestor proceeds to throw up on Agamemnon's robes.

Odyseuss: Dude, that's is seriously wacked.

Agamemnon looks sheepish.

Agamemnon: Did I say that out loud?

Odyseuss: Where is she?

Agamemnon: I gave her to the men. They needed some amusement after today.