Author's Note: Am semi proud of this scene, and watch out, the scotsman could be back in the next scenes. Let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: Don't own much, why would this be any different.

Scene change to the beach Achilles is readying the boat to sail home

The Myrmidons draw straws to see who is to tell Achilles about the death of his cousin.

Eudorus: Achilles (timidly).

(Eudorus got the short straw).

Achilles: You've been fighting.

Eudorus: (sweaty, dirty, smelling of BO, and all around covered in blood, looks pleased with himself) How could you tell?

Achilles: Don't waste my time. You've violated me!

Briseis pokes her head out of the boat.

Briseis: You called?

Achilles and Eudorus in unison: Not you.

Briseis: So there's someone else is there? (huffy).

Achilles: No!

Eudorus looks sheepish, scuffs his feet and looks at the ground.

Briseis goes below the deck and out of site.

Eudorus: There was a mistake my lord.

Achilles: A mistake, I ordered the Myrmidons to stand down, you led them into battle? Let's get one thing straight, Eudorus. I am the master, and such you must call me master. (Eudorus pulls disgusted face).

Eudorus: Do I have to?

Achilles: Yes, I am always right, because I'm a professional and horny assassin.

Eudorus: Uh... relevance factor is zero.

Achilles: I know.

Eudorus: And I didn't lead them. (mumbling and looking at his shoes).

Achilles: Well then who the hell did?

Eudorus: We thought you did.

Achilles looks around desperately.

Achilles: Where's Patroclus?

Eudorus: We thought it was you, (adds dejectedly) master. We... He wore your armour. Your shield, your grieves, your helmet, even your underwear.

Achilles pulls face.

Achilles: Which ones?

Eudorus: The red lacy g-string.

Achilles: Dammit, those aremy favourite!

Eudorus: I know ... master. Patroclus is dead.

Achilles: You're lying.

Eudorus: Is this a face that would lie to you.

Red horns appear on Eudorus' head.

Eudorus: If I could have saved him ...

Achilles: (covers ears) Liar liar pants on fire!

Eudorus: He fought well, master. With great courage. But Hector came after him.

Achilles: Oh no you don't, don't shift the blame, this was your fault.

Eudorus: But...

Achilles looks sternly at him and folds his arms.

Achilles: Uh bup bup, the master is always right.

Eudorus: I saw him fall.

Achilles: I'll give you fall.

Achilles grabs Eudorus by the hair and forces him 2 his knees and goes to slit his throat, before Briseis jumps off the boat and her dress flies up around her neck.

Achilles: Damn.

Briseis: Don't.

Achilles tries to strangle her.

Briseis: That's it I'm reporting you to the Troy police for domestic violence.

Achilles: (to Eudorus) Dead?

Eudorus: Hector cut his throat.

Achilles lets go of Eudorus, then changes his mind and goes back to cut his throat to relieve some stress. But Eudorus is already running for the boat.

Eudorus: In the boat men. In the boat.

All the Myrmidons jump in the boat. And they row at break neck speed, as if an engine had been installed. The boat tears off into the horizon.

Achilles: Oh no you don't.

Achilles jumps in a boat and rows twice as fast as the Myrmidons are. Achilles highjacks the Myrmidons boat and grabs Eudorus by the ear and forces the Myrmidons to row back to shore.