1Disclaimer: I only dream. They belong to Tatsunoko Productions.
I love these rare times when we can actually relax on our way to a mission. It's beautiful out here on the water, nothing to worry about for the time being. The guys have scattered around the ferry, each to their own preferred activities. Joe's flirting, Ryu and Jin are feeding the birds on one of the upper decks and Ken disappeared almost before I finished parking the bike. Most likely off thinking too much for his own good somewhere, if I know him. He hasn't seemed like himself today, and I'm a little worried about him. I can't help but wonder what's on his mind.I head up to the top deck, my favorite place on any ferry ride, where the wind is strongest. Strong enough to take my worries away for a while. And sometimes strong enough that I almost feel as if I could fly from there, even without my wings.
As I go out onto the deck, I can see Ken standing at the rail and I need to stop for a minute to try to slow my heart rate. He's facing into the wind, and his hair's flying around his face. I nearly giggle as the sight reminds me of the conversation he and Hakase had the other day; Hakase was pestering him about getting a haircut again. I find it a welcome touch of normalcy to our insane lives, to hear the great Gatchaman be told he needs a haircut, just like any other teenager getting pestered by his father. It always makes me smile. But truthfully, what gets to me most is to see him like he is now, relaxing for a change.
I finally move forward and join him at the rail, and have to smile at the look on his face. He looks at peace for once, and that's been an all too rare expression on his face these days. I do feel a little hurt inside at the thought; usually he will talk to me when something's on his mind, but these days it feels like he's slammed a door shut between us, one I have no idea how to open again. But he glances over at me out of the corner of his eye as I lean on the rail and I feel that door crack a tiny bit-he smiles at me, that smile I love so much. I smile back and turn to enjoy the breeze. Tense or not, our usual communication is still there. Ken knows that he can talk to me when he needs to. As I turn back towards the water, I can see a strange expression cross his face momentarily and I have to resist the urge to ask what's wrong. I wish he'd open up to me, but I also know better than to push him, or he'll lock up like a clam, retreating behind that Gatchaman mask of his. I force myself to remain relaxed, I don't want him to see me worry. The Eagle has this thing about not wanting anyone to worry about him, but too damn bad, because I worry anyways. I love him. But I can't say either thing so I just watch the gulls fight over bits of what I suspect is my little brother's sandwich and keep an eye on the man I love out of the corner of my eye. If he decides to tell me what's on his mind, I'll be waiting.
There's a brush against my leg and I look down to see a little boy bouncing up and down, trying to see the gulls. He's a short little guy so I step back and let him hang on the rail. Ken looks at him, a bit startled. He really must have been lost in thought there. I wonder what about.
The little boy tugs on my shirt trying to tell me something I can't quite hear over the wind, so I kneel down to listen, shivering a bit. The wind's just picked up. In a classic child's rapid change of subject, the little boy stops talking about the gulls and is now showing me a new toy dog his father had bought him, but he's upset that he can't manage to make a leash for him. He pulls a couple of pipe cleaners from his pockets which are an easy solution to the leash problem. It only takes a few moments and now the leash is in place, one end looped over his finger. Man, this kid is adorable, he reminds me a lot of Jinpei when he was younger. I get a big grin from him and then he's running off to find his dad. I glance up and catch an odd look on Ken's face before it slides back to friendly neutral and he offers a hand to help me up. I'd give a lot to know what's going through his mind right now, but he just helps me to my feet and nods to the kid's father, who was standing nearby.
I know I probably have a stupid grin on my face, but it's hard to avoid. I love kids...if I didn't, Jinpei would never have lived to see twelve years old. I'll admit, I do want a few of my own someday, but for the moment that dream's pretty far out of reach. One reason being, obviously, the war. I can't exactly settle down until it's over. Not to mention that the only guy I'd even want to have kids with is not only my Commander for the time being, but also seems to be totally oblivious to the fact that I've been in love with him for years. Stubborn male. He's so focused on his duty. I love him for that, even if he does drive me crazy at times.
Speaking of said Eagle, he's looking rather tense again. I give him a curious glance but he just sends me that quick, 'don't worry' grin and turns to look out at the water. Damn him!
The little one's back now, he wants to see the gulls again. His father's nearby too, arms already full with a little girl, as cute as her brother. My, my, Ken still manages to surprise me sometimes, even after all these years. He just picked the little guy up so that he can see over the rail. I don't think he realizes just how good he is with children, even though we're not around them all that much. He always has been. The boy's talking to us both now and I have to move closer to them to hear over the wind, and try to control the blush I can feel coming on. I can just imagine how we must look right now and I can feel the wish forming in my heart before squashing it down again. The boy squirms and Ken lets him down. I can't help but watch as he runs back to his father and I wonder if I'll ever be able to have a couple of those little monsters of my own. I wish that Galactor would just give up and get out of our lives. I do feel somewhat selfish in wishing for that but it can't be helped. I want the chance for a family of my own with the man I love. Just have to hope that he wants that too. And that we're both alive to see it.
I jump as Ken suddenly lays a gentle hand on my shoulder, bringing me out of my thoughts. Those blue eyes of his seem like they're trying to see straight through me as he asks if I'm ok. Give him a quick smile and assure him I'm fine. No way can I tell him what I was just thinking. I don't think he totally believes me but he doesn't push the issue and I'm grateful for it. As soon as we dock, he'll be distracted by the mission and hopefully will forget all about this little conversation. Maybe someday I can tell him how much I care about him but not now.
The boat's pulling up to the dock now so I push away from the rail to head back down to the car deck. All of a sudden, the boat jolts under my feet and I feel my balance going...kuso this is going to hurt. Wait...Ken's caught me, an arm around my waist and this time I can't stop the blush from forming. Thankfully he doesn't seem to notice, he's too busy keeping us both on our feet and glaring towards the bridge. I get my footing back but almost regret it, because that means he takes his arm from around me. Damn. He's still got it at my back though, making sure I don't fall again, I guess, as we head back down to the car deck. I have to hide a smile behind my hair as we board my bike. I always enjoy having Ken ride tandem with me. No matter what the circumstances, it's always reassuring to have his arms around me when we ride, even if he doesn't feel the same.
The others have rejoined us and the boat's unloading. Time to be the Swan again. But you know what? Even Swans wish sometimes.