Author's Note: WHOO final chappy, it's finished.Wow, what a journey it has been. Please R&R, give me your final thoughts on my story. :D Oh and Banshee Queen will understand the hidden meaning behind the assaultee's line.
Disclaimer: See previous disclaimers.
Scene change to a celebration in Troy, soldiers tugging at ropes attached to the wooden horse
Paris: Look at them, you'd think their prince had died.
Helen goes to reach for his hand, but grabs something else, Paris closes his eyes, enjoying the moment.
Helen: You're their prince now, (coughs 'screw me') make your brother proud.
Paris and Helen screw, again.
Scene change to Trojan rider, discoveres that Greeks are still here, gets shot, dies.
Scene change to Troy at night.
Greeks spill out of Trojan horse.
Lots of pillage and murder.
Lots of scene changes.
More pillage and murder, complete chaos.
Achilles looking for Briseis.
Briseis looking for Achilles.
Paris boning Helen again.
Agamemnon liking the sound of his own voice.
Agamemnon: I promised you brother, burn it all, die Trojan scum (demonic voice).
Andromache opens door and interupts Paris and Helen screwing.
Andromache: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY!
Paris: Go away, we're having sex!
Andromache: We have to run.
Paris: Ah, hello, kinda busy.
Helen: (to Andromache) Where?
Paris: What do you mean where? I'm right on top of you.
Andromache: I'll show you.
Paris: Uh bup bup, you're not showing her anything, I'm first.
Helen and Andromache roll their eyes.
Helen gets ot of bed and takes the sheet.
Helen: Come with us my love.
Paris: Well I have to now, you've taken my favourite bedsheet.
Random scene changes.
Scene change to Andromache leading a herd of Trojans.
Kids: Are we there yet?
Andromache: It's a long walk.
Smartass: No shit!
They stop at door number 2.
Andromache goes to open it.
Andromache: Cmon chewing gum.
Andromache opens door. A packet of chewing gum lies on the floor of a tunnel.
Andromache imitates Lleighton Hewitt (Cmon).
Paris: I stay.
Helen: No.
Paris: My father will never abandon the city, I can't leave him.
Helen: Your father is like 100 already, he can't have that much time left anyway.
Paris skims a look over the refugees.
Paris: (points to boy supporting an old man) What is your name?
Boy: Anus.
Paris gives him a strange look.
Paris: Do you know how to use a sword.
Anus: I'm better than you, not that that's any great achievement.
Paris hands over sword of Troy dejectedly.
Paris: Now get lost and go find a new home, oh and if you don't protect every one of these refugees I'm gonna kick your ass.
Anus sniggers, thinking not if I kick yours first.
Andromache touches Paris' arm.
Andromache: You know Paris, your anger is turning me on.
Helen bitch slaps Andromache.
Andromache: Briseis wasn't in her room.
Helen: You and me outside now.
Paris: Oh fine, leave it up to me to find our missing cousin.
Helen: (dragging Andromache outside) Well you're the one who always had your tongue halfway down her throat.
Andromache pulls free and runs away.
Helen: I'm staying with you.
Paris shoves her hard into the door.
Paris: Go.
Helen: Don't leave me, please don't leave me.
Paris: How could you love me if I ran now?
Helen: Didn't stop you when you were fighting Menelaus.
Paris: Fine, if that's the way you feel.
Paris storms off.
Scene change to Briseis running down a corridor.
Sounds of dying people.
Briseis: Paris. Andromache.
Scene change to Achilles.
Achilles: Briseis! Briseis!
Achilles threatens various people.
Achilles: Briseis, where is she? Where is she!
Assualtee: I don't know... please, (voice goes high pitched) my sister had a baby and I took it over after she passed away and the baby lost all its legs and arms and now its just a stump but I take care of it with my wife and... and its growing and its fairly happy... and its difficult because I'm working a second shift at the factory to put food on the table but all the love that I see in that little guy's face it makes it worth it in the end. True story.
Achilles kills the assaultee just to shut him up.
Scene change to Agamemnon ranting
Agamemnon: No one escapes, no one mwahahahahaha.
Scene change to Glaucus and his men, the last line of defense
Glaucus: You men are soldiers. Leading you has been an honour.
Smartass: Hector lead us most of the way.
Glaucus: The boatman is waiting for us, I say let him wait a little longer.
Scotsman: Aye!
Soldiers: Aye!
Battle Scene
Greeks smash statues of the gods.
Priam: (as conspicuous as possible) Have you no honour! No resepct for the Gods?
Priam gets knifed, dies.
Agamemnon stands over him.
Agamemnon: I wanted you alive old king. I wanted you to watch your city burn and then I'd anal rape you.
Priam: Dying suddenly doesn't seem so bad. And are you blind! My city is burning!
Agamemnon: Screw you.
Priam: Too late
Priam drops dead.
Scene change - exactly same scene that was before.
Achilles: (running in slow motion and tossing his hair around) Briseis! Briseis!
Briseis kneels before a statue praying in the middle of a battle.
Agamemnon: Too late for prayer priestess.
Agamemnon grabs her by the hair and yanks her to her feet.
Agamemnon: You should learn to stand for a king.
Briseis: (smartassy) Really? I thought it was customary to kneel before one.
Agamemnon: Hmmm, white robes gone, Achilles screwed you after all then, not that that surprises me. He screws everything in a ten meter radius.
Agamemnon: I almost lost this war because of your little romance. I want to taste what you tasted.
Scene change to Achilles running around in circles.
Scene change back to Agamemnon and Briseis.
Agamemnon: He'll be my slave in Mycenae. A Greek soldier scrubbing my body, and at night... (licks lips).
Agamemnon tears Briseis' dress in an attempt to make Achilles extra jealous.
Briseis stabs Agamemnon.
Everyone in unison: WOW! That was unexpected.
Bodyguard goes to stab Briseis.
Achilles stabs bodyguard.
Paris gets ready to shoot Achilles.
Achilles: Come with me.
Briseis somehow, while watching Achilles, sees Paris about to shoot.
Achilles: Come. I'll protect you.
Paris goes to shoot.
Briseis: NO!
Achilles: Jeez a simple 'I'll be right' would have been enough.
Paris shoots Achilles in the heel.
Achilles looks at his heel with an arrow sticking through it.
Achilles: Well I'm in a bit of a pickle then.
Briseis runs to Paris and beats him up.
Briseis: Paris stop! stop!
Paris: I'm not the one scratching your eyes out.
Paris shoots three more arrows into Achilles.
Briseis: Stop!
Paris: I was aiming for you, you know.
Briseis continues to beat Paris up.
Achilles goes to stab Paris.
Briseis: No more. No more killing. No more.
Achilles: No more.
Achilles looks at shell necklace around Briseis' neck.
Achilles: My mother made this necklace. You stole it. THEIF!
Achilles: Meh, you have to get out.
Briseis: Shh.
Achilles: Get out
Pash scene.
Briseis: There's no way out.
Achilles: Where there's a will there's a way.
Paris tries to lift Briseis to her feet but she chucks a tanty and rolls around on the ground.
Achilles: Briseis. I chose this night... but you will see the sun again. I want you to live. Live.
More kissing.
Achilles: Paris on the other hand.
Achilles stabs Paris.
Achilles and Briseis join in evil and macabre laughter as Paris falls to the ground.
Achilles dies.
Briseis discovers that she has a talent for neckrophylia.
Troy burns.
Briseis escapes.
Achilles gets burnt.
The sky is blue.
THE END!
Extra Disclaimer: I also do not own the one line said by the 'Assaultee', this line belongs to whoever wrote Shark Tale.