Disclaimer: The people, place and situations surrounding the story are not
mine.
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.
A/N: Okay...soo this took me forever, and I lied, no one else finds out this chapter, I changed my idea, so hopefully next chapter...
Chapter 3: Headaches
Remus sat nervously in Dumbledore's office, not only did the Headmaster somehow know his whereabouts this morning, Albus had also been subjected to Remus' behavior last weekend. Remus still felt embarrassed about that. He was over sensitive and became dramatic when he was mourning. Remus rubbed his head, he still felt groggy but he had snatched a headache potion from Severus' medicine cabinets that morning.
Dumbledore looked up from his papers and smiled sympathetically, "How are you Remus, my boy?"
Remus bit back a retort, " Fine."
Dumbledore's smile faded, "Don't worry about offending me, I know what it's like to loose someone close, no one expects you to be cheery at a time like this, me least of all."
Remus could feel tears welling up yet again. The hollow painful feeling within him had gone ignored with the surprise this morning but it had returned, an ever present part of Remus' lonely life.
Remus blinked back his tears, to save himself more embarrassment, " I know, but I hate to worry people and be such a problem." Remus gave Dumbledore a shy half smile.
Dumbledore sighed, Remus had returned to his 'polite act'. "You know you never are." Remus gave him sheepish smile. "But I can't convince you, can I?" Remus looked down and Dumbledore sighed audibly. After several minutes of silence he continued. "So Severus told you of my invitation?" Dumbledore watched closely for the reaction, and was rewarded by a blush creeping over Remus' cheeks.
"Um...yes...he um, did," Remus looked everywhere but Dumbledore's knowing eyes.
Dumbledore chuckled, "So you will be staying then?"
Remus looked up in surprise, " Why would I stay?" he asked defensively.
Dmubledore raised an eyebrow, " Why for Harry's sake, unless there's some other reason?"
Remus blushed harder, " Right, Harry, I mean, no, no other reason."
Dumbledore smiled again, "I believe it will help him to have you around, Harry I mean."
Remus scowled a little, this was not funny anymore. As if he could forget the fact he'd slept with Severus Snape, greasy git extraordinaire, and his dead best friend's enemy. He didn't need Dumbledore and his innuendos, but he couldn't very well tell off the respected leader of the Order. He gave Dumbledore a half-hearted smile to mask his thoughts.
Dumbledore continued unperturbed, "Poor boy, you both need to spend some time together, it'll help you both."
Remus and Dumbledore continued to discuss Harry and other facts of the world, but neither brought up Remus' actions of the weekend before.
******
Severus' roved around his office. It was immaculate. Severus prided himself in his organization; his potion ingredients were perfectly arranged by name, color and purpose. He tried to keep his Hogwarts life consistent and constant to counteract the spontaneity of his spy and Deatheater life. Lupin had screwed it up, now he had to reevaluate himself. It was only a drunken one-night stand he tried to convince himself.
He had a free period so he left his office to go to his rooms and shower, he still smelt of brandy and Lupin's musty scent. It was driving him crazy.
He stood in the shower, after a whole bar of soap he still felt unclean. He'd slept with a werewolf, not any werewolf, REMUS J. LUPIN! A marauder, Black and Potter's little dog, the same beast that had tried to kill him in fifth year. UGH!
He finally finished and sat in his living room, reading. For some reason he felt the need to read up on werewolves. He scanned the pages searching for further reasons to hate Lupin. He came across a section on mating habits.
"Werewolves mate for life," Severus read aloud. His eyes went wide; he dropped the book and leapt from his seat and out the door. He raced down the halls, the students in the halls stared in disbelief, the bat wasn't gliding. Snape was running, he was frantic mouths dropped open in shock.
He burst into the library gaining a glare from Ms. Pince, which he completely ignored. He flew to the section on dark creature. He pulled the most reliable resource on werewolves from the shelf, the very book that he'd gotten most of the information for the Wolfsbane potion from. He quickly flipped to the section on mating, he knew his other text wouldn't be wrong and he knew in his mind it was the truth but he searched with a glimmer of hope that wasn't there. He stared at the page, his eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped to the floor.
****
Dumbledore chuckled as Remus finished another one of his famous Marauders stories, "It's always better when told in first person."
Remus smiled, "We caused a lot of trouble didn't we?"
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "And much amusement I assure you."
Remus thought back to his days, and suddenly to the prank that had solidified Severus' hate for him, he frowned, "And pain." He said quietly.
Dumbledore remained silent.
Remus looked up and broke into a strained smile, "Anyway, I should leave you to your work, it was nice to talk to you, as always Albus."
"It was a pleasure." The Headmaster replied.
Remus stood to leave, but stopped, "Oh, I forgot to ask about rooms."
Dumbledore looked confused for a moment, "Oh? I was unaware you needed one; I thought you found yourself some suitable lodgings last night. " Remus turned beet red, "I..."
He was interrupted by an out of breath Ms. Pince who came storming through the door.
"Albus.... Severus fainted in the library, he was brought up to the hospital wing, but you always said to come to you straight away if anything happened to him...with his situation." Ms. Pince was one of the more trusted of Dumbledore's employees and was aware of Severus' situation.
Dumbledore stood up and made his way to the door, "I'll see him in the hospital wing, thank you."
Remus stood there stunned, Severus, he wasn't sure how he felt about this. He followed Dumbledore and Ms. Pince to the hospital wing. He wasn't sure if he was concerned anymore then his general concern for people, it was only Severus, and he felt he should be happy for his misfortune considering his feeling towards him after last night. But he felt guilt, as if it was his fault...odd.
They reached the hospital wing and could hear shouts from within.
"Get away from me bloody woman, I'm fine." Came Severus' angry voice.
"Shut up and hold still Severus." Ms. Pomfrey commanded, "Goodness, you're acting like a child. Now take this potion and I'll let you leave."
Severus grumbled and grabbed the potion.
Dumbledore and Remus came into view as Severus downed the potion under the watchful eye of. Ms. Pomfrey.
"Ah, I see you're taking good care of him as usual Poppy." Dumbledore said with his good-natured smile.
"And he's being as difficult as ever," she complained. Severus sent them both a death glare; he had yet to notice Remus standing behind Dumbledore.
"How is he?" Dumbledore asked the mediwitch.
Ms. Pomfrey rolled his eyes, "He's fine, a false alarm, he refuses to tell me if he knows why he fainted. But as always I recommended he eat more and regularly, but it went on deaf ears."
Severus crossed his arms defiantly.
"You're free to go Severus, and if you'll excuse me I have other patients to attend to, good-day, Albus, Remus." She nodded to both.
Severus' eyes darted in Remus' direction, Severus' eyes hardened. "Lupin," he hissed, "Come prolong my suffering?"
Lupin started, he was always surprised by his harsh tone. "I wo...."
Severus cut him off, "It's your fault."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and Remus looked taken back, " MINE?!?!"
Severus stood up; he rushed towards Remus and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, "Yes you idiot! I'm NOT the blood thirsty animal!"
Remus' eyes flashed, he pushed Severus' hands away, his voice was icy, "I may be a werewolf, SNAPE, but I'm more human then you'll ever be." He turned and stalked out of the hospital wing.
Severus growled. He hated when someone got the last word and Lupin had a way of doing that. Lupin obviously knew he was right, that's why he'd gotten so mad, the man had no right be here, talking to him like that. He was an animal and deserved to be treated like one. It was Lupin's fault that they'd be stuck with each other for the rest of their lives. Severus shuttered, he'd have to work out this 'mating' mess. Severus continued to insult Lupin in his head, but he couldn't get rid of the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach, guilt? Nah. He ignored Dumbledore's frowning disapproval and swept out of the hospital wing, maybe he was just hungry.
*****
Remus splashed water over his face; he stared into the bathroom mirror.
'I'm not a beast, I'm a human' he repeated to himself. He could see the years of stress in the lines on his face. He felt sick; he had let the wolf side of him take over again. He was never free of it, him and the wolf were one in the same but why did it seem that sometimes they were two separate. He kept hearing Severus' words in his head, sure Severus had called him s filthy dog and other insults but this was different. This was like after the "incident" in fifth year, the accusing eyes. And like in fifth year Sirius wasn't there. Sirius had caused the damage in fifth year, he was to blame but if Remus hadn't been a werewolf none of this would have happened. The bell rang for lunch. Remus straightened himself up and put on his mask. He'd finished with his mourning, he'd finished with his hurt, he would become Remus Lupin, the cheery soft-spoken man. Harry needed that, not the hurt werewolf. He wouldn't let himself be hurt again, especially by Severus. 'Maybe last night wasn't nothing, after all,' he thought, but pushed it to the back of his mind and walked to the Great Hall.
**** Harry flopped down in a seat next to Ron, "That was one long morning."
Ron nodded and proceeded to stuff large amounts of food into his mouth.
Hermione rolled her eyes and sat across from Harry and Ron, Ginny joined them shortly after splitting up from Luna.
"So what was up with Snape?" Hermione asked looking up from her book.
"Something's wrong with the git?" Ginny asked.
Harry and Hermione told her the story, with added mutters of "slimy git" and "greasy prat" from Ron.
"He even took points from Slytherin," Harry told an awed Ginny.
"And THAT wasn't even the weirdest part," Hermione added.
"Yah," Harry agreed, "he kept his head down on the desk, and he kind of looked like my uncle after his poker night. " Ginny giggled, "You mean hung-over?" she asked. The trio nodded.
Harry was about to say something else when Remus Lupin walked through the Great Hall doors. Harry jumped up and made his way towards the haggard looking werewolf.
"Professor Lupin," he cried to get Remus' attention.
Remus' face broke into a smile, "Hello Harry."
Harry stopped in front of him and eyed him up and down, he looked worse then the last time Harry had seen him. But Remus gave away none of his pain.
Remus held out his hand to shake Harry's but Harry pulled him into a hug. Remus was taken by surprise but hugged Harry back. (A/N: no RL/HP slash)
Harry let go somewhat embarrassed, there were several snickers from the Slytherin table. Hermione, Ginny and Ron came up behind Harry.
Remus turned to them, he gave both Hermione and Ginny hugs and shook Ron's hand. "How have you all been?" he asked.
Harry looked towards his feet, Remus gave him a pitying look and a pat on the shoulder, "I know Harry, don't worry you've still got me and I'm not going anywhere," he whispered to Harry.
Harry smiled at his words, "I know."
Remus looked up to the head table and watched as Dumbledore took his seat, obviously having left the hospital wing.
"I would love to have a chat, but I think Dumbledore wants to introduce me and I am very hungry." Harry looked disappointed, "Don't worry after your classes we'll go down to Hagrid's and have some tea, kay?"
The children nodded and Remus made his way to the head table taking a seat next to Filtwick near the end.
****
Severus refused to eat in the Great Hall, he did the only thing he could to calm himself down in his current state...he made deadly potions. He pushed the horrors of the day to the back of his mind and spent the entire lunchtime concocting a particularly deadly poison. By the time his afternoon classes arrived he was in a much better mood, a good enough mood to remember he favored Syltherin's, the 3rd Ravenclaws and Slytherins had a normal potions class, as did the rest of the classes for the day. Save for some funny looks from a certain Ginny Weasley.
***** A/N: So yah...not too happy with this chapter...i hope you guys liked it! I really don't think this is as good as my others but I was impatient to get it up! PLEASE review, I love 'em!
And btw shoutout to closet geek: Love yah Jenn! Next chapter more Snape/Lupin interaction and someone DOES find out!
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.
A/N: Okay...soo this took me forever, and I lied, no one else finds out this chapter, I changed my idea, so hopefully next chapter...
Chapter 3: Headaches
Remus sat nervously in Dumbledore's office, not only did the Headmaster somehow know his whereabouts this morning, Albus had also been subjected to Remus' behavior last weekend. Remus still felt embarrassed about that. He was over sensitive and became dramatic when he was mourning. Remus rubbed his head, he still felt groggy but he had snatched a headache potion from Severus' medicine cabinets that morning.
Dumbledore looked up from his papers and smiled sympathetically, "How are you Remus, my boy?"
Remus bit back a retort, " Fine."
Dumbledore's smile faded, "Don't worry about offending me, I know what it's like to loose someone close, no one expects you to be cheery at a time like this, me least of all."
Remus could feel tears welling up yet again. The hollow painful feeling within him had gone ignored with the surprise this morning but it had returned, an ever present part of Remus' lonely life.
Remus blinked back his tears, to save himself more embarrassment, " I know, but I hate to worry people and be such a problem." Remus gave Dumbledore a shy half smile.
Dumbledore sighed, Remus had returned to his 'polite act'. "You know you never are." Remus gave him sheepish smile. "But I can't convince you, can I?" Remus looked down and Dumbledore sighed audibly. After several minutes of silence he continued. "So Severus told you of my invitation?" Dumbledore watched closely for the reaction, and was rewarded by a blush creeping over Remus' cheeks.
"Um...yes...he um, did," Remus looked everywhere but Dumbledore's knowing eyes.
Dumbledore chuckled, "So you will be staying then?"
Remus looked up in surprise, " Why would I stay?" he asked defensively.
Dmubledore raised an eyebrow, " Why for Harry's sake, unless there's some other reason?"
Remus blushed harder, " Right, Harry, I mean, no, no other reason."
Dumbledore smiled again, "I believe it will help him to have you around, Harry I mean."
Remus scowled a little, this was not funny anymore. As if he could forget the fact he'd slept with Severus Snape, greasy git extraordinaire, and his dead best friend's enemy. He didn't need Dumbledore and his innuendos, but he couldn't very well tell off the respected leader of the Order. He gave Dumbledore a half-hearted smile to mask his thoughts.
Dumbledore continued unperturbed, "Poor boy, you both need to spend some time together, it'll help you both."
Remus and Dumbledore continued to discuss Harry and other facts of the world, but neither brought up Remus' actions of the weekend before.
******
Severus' roved around his office. It was immaculate. Severus prided himself in his organization; his potion ingredients were perfectly arranged by name, color and purpose. He tried to keep his Hogwarts life consistent and constant to counteract the spontaneity of his spy and Deatheater life. Lupin had screwed it up, now he had to reevaluate himself. It was only a drunken one-night stand he tried to convince himself.
He had a free period so he left his office to go to his rooms and shower, he still smelt of brandy and Lupin's musty scent. It was driving him crazy.
He stood in the shower, after a whole bar of soap he still felt unclean. He'd slept with a werewolf, not any werewolf, REMUS J. LUPIN! A marauder, Black and Potter's little dog, the same beast that had tried to kill him in fifth year. UGH!
He finally finished and sat in his living room, reading. For some reason he felt the need to read up on werewolves. He scanned the pages searching for further reasons to hate Lupin. He came across a section on mating habits.
"Werewolves mate for life," Severus read aloud. His eyes went wide; he dropped the book and leapt from his seat and out the door. He raced down the halls, the students in the halls stared in disbelief, the bat wasn't gliding. Snape was running, he was frantic mouths dropped open in shock.
He burst into the library gaining a glare from Ms. Pince, which he completely ignored. He flew to the section on dark creature. He pulled the most reliable resource on werewolves from the shelf, the very book that he'd gotten most of the information for the Wolfsbane potion from. He quickly flipped to the section on mating, he knew his other text wouldn't be wrong and he knew in his mind it was the truth but he searched with a glimmer of hope that wasn't there. He stared at the page, his eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped to the floor.
****
Dumbledore chuckled as Remus finished another one of his famous Marauders stories, "It's always better when told in first person."
Remus smiled, "We caused a lot of trouble didn't we?"
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, "And much amusement I assure you."
Remus thought back to his days, and suddenly to the prank that had solidified Severus' hate for him, he frowned, "And pain." He said quietly.
Dumbledore remained silent.
Remus looked up and broke into a strained smile, "Anyway, I should leave you to your work, it was nice to talk to you, as always Albus."
"It was a pleasure." The Headmaster replied.
Remus stood to leave, but stopped, "Oh, I forgot to ask about rooms."
Dumbledore looked confused for a moment, "Oh? I was unaware you needed one; I thought you found yourself some suitable lodgings last night. " Remus turned beet red, "I..."
He was interrupted by an out of breath Ms. Pince who came storming through the door.
"Albus.... Severus fainted in the library, he was brought up to the hospital wing, but you always said to come to you straight away if anything happened to him...with his situation." Ms. Pince was one of the more trusted of Dumbledore's employees and was aware of Severus' situation.
Dumbledore stood up and made his way to the door, "I'll see him in the hospital wing, thank you."
Remus stood there stunned, Severus, he wasn't sure how he felt about this. He followed Dumbledore and Ms. Pince to the hospital wing. He wasn't sure if he was concerned anymore then his general concern for people, it was only Severus, and he felt he should be happy for his misfortune considering his feeling towards him after last night. But he felt guilt, as if it was his fault...odd.
They reached the hospital wing and could hear shouts from within.
"Get away from me bloody woman, I'm fine." Came Severus' angry voice.
"Shut up and hold still Severus." Ms. Pomfrey commanded, "Goodness, you're acting like a child. Now take this potion and I'll let you leave."
Severus grumbled and grabbed the potion.
Dumbledore and Remus came into view as Severus downed the potion under the watchful eye of. Ms. Pomfrey.
"Ah, I see you're taking good care of him as usual Poppy." Dumbledore said with his good-natured smile.
"And he's being as difficult as ever," she complained. Severus sent them both a death glare; he had yet to notice Remus standing behind Dumbledore.
"How is he?" Dumbledore asked the mediwitch.
Ms. Pomfrey rolled his eyes, "He's fine, a false alarm, he refuses to tell me if he knows why he fainted. But as always I recommended he eat more and regularly, but it went on deaf ears."
Severus crossed his arms defiantly.
"You're free to go Severus, and if you'll excuse me I have other patients to attend to, good-day, Albus, Remus." She nodded to both.
Severus' eyes darted in Remus' direction, Severus' eyes hardened. "Lupin," he hissed, "Come prolong my suffering?"
Lupin started, he was always surprised by his harsh tone. "I wo...."
Severus cut him off, "It's your fault."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, and Remus looked taken back, " MINE?!?!"
Severus stood up; he rushed towards Remus and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, "Yes you idiot! I'm NOT the blood thirsty animal!"
Remus' eyes flashed, he pushed Severus' hands away, his voice was icy, "I may be a werewolf, SNAPE, but I'm more human then you'll ever be." He turned and stalked out of the hospital wing.
Severus growled. He hated when someone got the last word and Lupin had a way of doing that. Lupin obviously knew he was right, that's why he'd gotten so mad, the man had no right be here, talking to him like that. He was an animal and deserved to be treated like one. It was Lupin's fault that they'd be stuck with each other for the rest of their lives. Severus shuttered, he'd have to work out this 'mating' mess. Severus continued to insult Lupin in his head, but he couldn't get rid of the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach, guilt? Nah. He ignored Dumbledore's frowning disapproval and swept out of the hospital wing, maybe he was just hungry.
*****
Remus splashed water over his face; he stared into the bathroom mirror.
'I'm not a beast, I'm a human' he repeated to himself. He could see the years of stress in the lines on his face. He felt sick; he had let the wolf side of him take over again. He was never free of it, him and the wolf were one in the same but why did it seem that sometimes they were two separate. He kept hearing Severus' words in his head, sure Severus had called him s filthy dog and other insults but this was different. This was like after the "incident" in fifth year, the accusing eyes. And like in fifth year Sirius wasn't there. Sirius had caused the damage in fifth year, he was to blame but if Remus hadn't been a werewolf none of this would have happened. The bell rang for lunch. Remus straightened himself up and put on his mask. He'd finished with his mourning, he'd finished with his hurt, he would become Remus Lupin, the cheery soft-spoken man. Harry needed that, not the hurt werewolf. He wouldn't let himself be hurt again, especially by Severus. 'Maybe last night wasn't nothing, after all,' he thought, but pushed it to the back of his mind and walked to the Great Hall.
**** Harry flopped down in a seat next to Ron, "That was one long morning."
Ron nodded and proceeded to stuff large amounts of food into his mouth.
Hermione rolled her eyes and sat across from Harry and Ron, Ginny joined them shortly after splitting up from Luna.
"So what was up with Snape?" Hermione asked looking up from her book.
"Something's wrong with the git?" Ginny asked.
Harry and Hermione told her the story, with added mutters of "slimy git" and "greasy prat" from Ron.
"He even took points from Slytherin," Harry told an awed Ginny.
"And THAT wasn't even the weirdest part," Hermione added.
"Yah," Harry agreed, "he kept his head down on the desk, and he kind of looked like my uncle after his poker night. " Ginny giggled, "You mean hung-over?" she asked. The trio nodded.
Harry was about to say something else when Remus Lupin walked through the Great Hall doors. Harry jumped up and made his way towards the haggard looking werewolf.
"Professor Lupin," he cried to get Remus' attention.
Remus' face broke into a smile, "Hello Harry."
Harry stopped in front of him and eyed him up and down, he looked worse then the last time Harry had seen him. But Remus gave away none of his pain.
Remus held out his hand to shake Harry's but Harry pulled him into a hug. Remus was taken by surprise but hugged Harry back. (A/N: no RL/HP slash)
Harry let go somewhat embarrassed, there were several snickers from the Slytherin table. Hermione, Ginny and Ron came up behind Harry.
Remus turned to them, he gave both Hermione and Ginny hugs and shook Ron's hand. "How have you all been?" he asked.
Harry looked towards his feet, Remus gave him a pitying look and a pat on the shoulder, "I know Harry, don't worry you've still got me and I'm not going anywhere," he whispered to Harry.
Harry smiled at his words, "I know."
Remus looked up to the head table and watched as Dumbledore took his seat, obviously having left the hospital wing.
"I would love to have a chat, but I think Dumbledore wants to introduce me and I am very hungry." Harry looked disappointed, "Don't worry after your classes we'll go down to Hagrid's and have some tea, kay?"
The children nodded and Remus made his way to the head table taking a seat next to Filtwick near the end.
****
Severus refused to eat in the Great Hall, he did the only thing he could to calm himself down in his current state...he made deadly potions. He pushed the horrors of the day to the back of his mind and spent the entire lunchtime concocting a particularly deadly poison. By the time his afternoon classes arrived he was in a much better mood, a good enough mood to remember he favored Syltherin's, the 3rd Ravenclaws and Slytherins had a normal potions class, as did the rest of the classes for the day. Save for some funny looks from a certain Ginny Weasley.
***** A/N: So yah...not too happy with this chapter...i hope you guys liked it! I really don't think this is as good as my others but I was impatient to get it up! PLEASE review, I love 'em!
And btw shoutout to closet geek: Love yah Jenn! Next chapter more Snape/Lupin interaction and someone DOES find out!