Disclaimer: The people, place and situations surrounding the story are not
mine.
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.
A/N: umm....yah, so I'M SORRY!!!!!! *begs for forgiveness from anyone still reading it* Life got a little crazy, but still sorry about how long this took. I have exams now so I make no promises for next chapter being soon. I'm not so sure about this chapter, wrote at some god-awful hour on a plane. But thank you again to all my reviewers and to closet geek for betaing. Please enjoy! ;)
Chapter 4: Meaningless
~~~Remus lay awake staring at the dark green ceiling, he watched the flickering of the moonlight across it. He concentrated on the even, deep breathing of Sirius next to him. He didn't want to turn to look at him, because then the reality of what they were doing would have to be faced. Sirius had been lonely and lost after being in jail for so long and being betrayed by his best friend. He had used Remus as a way to feel whole again and, in turn, Remus had used him to curb his own loneliness. In a couple hours they'd leave the room, not a word spoken but the silent pact made. They weren't in love, hell Sirius wasn't even gay, and they just needed someone. After so many years they could be there for each other. Whenever one of them felt lonely and couldn't sleep the other would come to the rescue.
A silent tear dripped down Remus' face, this is what they'd been reduced to. Rejects of society unable to find love or comfort anywhere else, reduced to a string of meaningless nights together. They were lost souls that couldn't even save the each other for more then an hour.
He lifted himself from the bed and padded to his own room to change and then to the kitchen for something to sleep. Lately he couldn't even sleep with Sirius there. It wasn't right and it never would be again.~~~
Remus jumped awake, he was disoriented for several moments. The fog cleared and he realized it had been a dream, well a memory really. He looked around, he was in the library, and he'd fallen asleep shortly after arriving. He shook his head, would nightmares of his best friends never leave him? At least this one hadn't been one where they died. Those often found him shaking and in a cold sweat.
Now that his head was clear Remus knew instantly something was amiss. He sniffed, a wolf habit he'd developed over the years. Nothing smelled strange to him. His eyes searched the dozy library, there were several students, but for the most part it was empty; the majority of students were in class. There wasn't anything wrong with the outside world; logically it must be something with him. He had no idea what was making his stomach churn and head feel dizzy, yet not sickly. Severus' potion was probably wearing off. At this thought his heart beat double time, Severus. He groaned he'd freaked out at him earlier today. The only proper thing for him now, was to humble himself to apologize. His more overbearing side rationalized that it was entirely the potion's master's fault for provoking him. His lip lifted as he let out a low-pitched growl, Severus had made last night sound like it was his fault, as if him being a werewolf was to blame. It was hardly his fault Severus was a disgusting, seductive...Remus' eyes widened...seductive...where had that come from? Remus felt a sudden wave of sickness; he stood up quickly and rushed for the hall bathroom.
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'Draco Malfoy, prince of Slytherin, rich, classy, pureblood whore...NOOOO, pureblood god, stupid Mudblood, interrupting his self praising thoughts!' He was on his way to a breakthrough, a new adjective to be added, and her insult had come to mind.
A Malfoy does not admit that something has bothered him, oh something can, but it's a matter of making sure no one notices. He was having a rather difficult time keeping his cool chic façade. It was not common that two events set him off kilter, perturbing him so.
First Granger had snapped and said several things outside the normal Malfoy- golden trio naming calling criteria; she had ruined a perfectly good routine, in which he usually dominated because that stupid Weasley couldn't keep his cool. Secondly his favorite teacher and favorite semi-relation pureblood had betrayed him. Now he was not sure what was what.
He'd decided Magical Care was a waste of his time, he usually would not pass up a chance to insult the hairy oaf or the dream team, but he was not up to his usual insulting caliber and did not wish to give allusions that something was wrong. Therefore he was making his way to the library, yes, and prefect time to take out some trick spell books with no risk of anyone seeing Mr. Cool in the library. He still had a reputation to uphold and wasn't about to jeopardize it after so many hours in front of the mirror perfecting the 'Malfoy Sneer'. Oh yes, most people thought that sort of quality has inherited, it was partly, but the Malfoy himself/herself had to take the sneer and make part of it his/her own. Perfection was the ultimate goal.
He was pondering this, but not hard enough to create a wrinkle above his perfect brow, as Lupin came flying out of the library, rushed for the bath across the hall.
Draco jumped back in surprise. This was not something you saw every day, even at Hogwarts. Draco smirked again. He would have new fuel to make fun of the Golden Trio, insult their favorite teacher. Ah yes, he felt his power return...mwahahahaha.
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Severus had had the whole afternoon of classes to vent his anger and disbelief concerning his current situation with the werewolf. It did nothing to alleviate his frustration. As soon as classes ended, he stormed into the headmaster's office.
"ALBUS," he roared as he climbed up the stairs to his office. After many late night meetings with his death eater friends, he was always given the passwords to the headmaster's office, and their unique relationship allowed him to call the schoolmaster by his first name in stressful situations.
He arrived in front of the headmaster's desk, red faced and out of breath. He looked up to find that Dumbledore was currently in 'discussion' with McGonagall.
"Yes I do believe those magenta curtains would liven up the...oh hello Severus." McGonagall smiled up from her tea.
Severus cringed. He ignored her and turned to Dumbledore returning to his usual schooled tone, "When you have the time headmaster I request an audience concerning a certain, DOG's stay here." He growled, and nodded towards McGonagall before departing. The headmaster would send a note his way when he was free.
Severus walked determinedly towards the Great Hall and ran into the last person he wanted to see. His heart skipped.
Remus was walking in the opposite direction with his head down. He looked unwell.
"Lupin," Severus hissed from the opposite side of the hall. To his surprise Remus made no response. This enraged Severus more; he hated being ignored when he was raining hate down on someone.
"LUPIN," he shouted, the remaining students scurried out of the hall, leaving the two teachers alone. Severus was still feared.
Remus looked up in surprise. His already discolored face, paled further.
"Severus..."
Severus strode towards him till they were about a foot apart. Remus cringed visibly, but kept his hand on his stomach.
"I never want your filth to grace my presence again. I've talked with Albus and he has agreed that considering the current situation, you should depart immediately." He said professionally. So it was a lie, Severus never claimed to be an honest man.
Remus gave Severus a baleful look with his beautiful amber colored eyes, "Severus, I had wished you would be apologizing after this afternoon and we could put this whole matter of last night behind us. But apparently I forgot your inability to forgive or forget."
"You bloody well tried to kill me in fifth year, and you always expected me to forgive you, how the hell could I forgive a blood thirsty monster, especially that I am now stuck with your sorry soul forever." Severus spat back directly into Remus' face.
"You know very well I had nothing to do with what happened, and using it again and again in this poor 'Sevie act' is just...pathetic of a man of your...stature." Remus snarled.
Severus' fists tightened and he backed Remus up against the wall.
Remus' lips tightened. "Fine, I'll be gone by morning and you'll get what you want, you'll never have to see my 'sorry soul' again."
Severus brought his hands up and roughly pushed Remus against the wall. "This game is not funny Lupin, you know very well it won't work that way and we'll have to meet up considering our situation."
Remus laughed, "If you're concerned about Order meetings, don't bother, I'll make sure I conveniently miss those ones you attend."
Severus was mere inches from his face, his face redder then it had been earlier. "YOU SEEM TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER FOREVER."
Remus stared back speechless as Severus finished his rant. Severus puffed; he felt the adrenaline rushing in his ears. His eyes traveled to Remus' cute feminine lips and he felt the need to control. He grabbed Remus by the shoulders and pushed his face forward.
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Ginny wandered aimlessly through the halls, she wasn't really ready to go for dinner. She was sick of the negative aura that surrounded Harry these days. She'd tried to bring a brighter element to the conversations but she'd probably made things worse. She wondered why no one was around, when she heard shouting from the adjacent hall. She could clearly make out the voice of her grouchy potion's professor but could hardly make out the other softer voice. She peeked around the corner as Snape shoved her beloved ex- professor towards the wall. Her fists clenched. That bastard! She felt like rushing forward but decided against it; she was less rash then her older brother. She decided to listen to the conversation instead.
"This game is not funny Lupin, you know very well it won't work that way and we'll have to meet up considering our situation."
Remus laughed, "If you're concerned about Order meetings, don't bother, I'll make sure I conveniently miss those ones you attend."
Severus was mere inches from his face, his face redder then it had been earlier. "YOU SEEM TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER FOREVER."
Ginny watched as Snape leaned forward, she gasped. She watched for Remus' response to being kissed by the disgusting potion's master, and was surprised yet again as Remus leaned into the kiss and his hands went behind Snape's head.
Then something changed, something clicked seemed to click in Snape's head, something was wrong with this picture. Ginny watched as he roughly pushed Remus away again. Remus fell surprised and unceremoniously to the floor.
"NO!" Professor Snape said loudly, "This is not going to happen again."
'AGAIN?!?!?!' Ginny couldn't believe this, this had happened before. She leaned in to hear Remus' softer response.
"Please don't yell at me Severus, you kissed me..." Remus said more harshly then Ginny had ever heard him speak. This kiss thing had obviously had a large effect on him.
"You're the werewolf." Snape used his age-old argument.
Remus hung his head, "Sorry..." then seemed to change his mind, "No Severus, I'm not sorry for what I am. I'm sorry for last night, I'm sorry you can't see past the beast and I'm sorry for what Sirius did to you, but I'm not sorry for who I am." Remus smiled to himself and looked up into Snape's onyx eyes, "Bye Severus, I'm sure you'll have me gone by morning." He stood and pushed past Severus and moved on without looking back.
Snape stood stunned. The look of pity in Remus' eyes was the same bloody look he received from Albus many times. He despised it. He turned sharply but Remus was already out of his grasp and at the end of the hallway opposite to Ginny's end.
He sneered was much as possible, "Running away again Mutt?" Remus only shook his head and continued on. Severus growled in frustration and turned with a sweep of his robes in the other direction. He walked purposefully to his chambers; he completely missed the small red head, flattened against the wall.
As soon as Snape was out of sight Ginny raced to her rooms.
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Hermione picked at her food, occasionally throwing Ron a disgusted look. Honestly would it kill the boy to eat properly? She guessed so.
Hermione wondered where Ginny had gotten to; she could use the younger girl's conversation. She'd had a short confrontation with Malfoy on her way back from Arithmathy; it wasn't a big deal, just the usual insult parents, looks and such. But she wanted to vent and she could hardly tell Ron or Harry because they'd freak and try to pick a fight with Malfoy, they'd probably lose more house points. Hermione leaned on her hand and sighed, yes she needed her female friend today, boost her self-esteem. But apparently Ginny couldn't hear her thoughts because she missed dinner all together.
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A/N: Thanks for reading through this chapter. I promise the next one will deal with the whole 'mating' theme. And sorry to closet geek for the dream part...*hugs*.
If you enjoyed this chapter of this particular story, please do review; the author would greatly appreciate the thought!
Summary: "...we now have to dance around a deranged werewolf who might off himself at any moment...", Remus isn't dealing well with the aftermath of OotP, Severus doesn't deal well with life. RL/SS.
Warning: OotP spoilers and some suicide themes. This is a slash fic, meaning m/m relationships, don't like it, don't read it. I put this as PG- 13, but there is swearing, so it might even be R, dunno.
A/N: umm....yah, so I'M SORRY!!!!!! *begs for forgiveness from anyone still reading it* Life got a little crazy, but still sorry about how long this took. I have exams now so I make no promises for next chapter being soon. I'm not so sure about this chapter, wrote at some god-awful hour on a plane. But thank you again to all my reviewers and to closet geek for betaing. Please enjoy! ;)
Chapter 4: Meaningless
~~~Remus lay awake staring at the dark green ceiling, he watched the flickering of the moonlight across it. He concentrated on the even, deep breathing of Sirius next to him. He didn't want to turn to look at him, because then the reality of what they were doing would have to be faced. Sirius had been lonely and lost after being in jail for so long and being betrayed by his best friend. He had used Remus as a way to feel whole again and, in turn, Remus had used him to curb his own loneliness. In a couple hours they'd leave the room, not a word spoken but the silent pact made. They weren't in love, hell Sirius wasn't even gay, and they just needed someone. After so many years they could be there for each other. Whenever one of them felt lonely and couldn't sleep the other would come to the rescue.
A silent tear dripped down Remus' face, this is what they'd been reduced to. Rejects of society unable to find love or comfort anywhere else, reduced to a string of meaningless nights together. They were lost souls that couldn't even save the each other for more then an hour.
He lifted himself from the bed and padded to his own room to change and then to the kitchen for something to sleep. Lately he couldn't even sleep with Sirius there. It wasn't right and it never would be again.~~~
Remus jumped awake, he was disoriented for several moments. The fog cleared and he realized it had been a dream, well a memory really. He looked around, he was in the library, and he'd fallen asleep shortly after arriving. He shook his head, would nightmares of his best friends never leave him? At least this one hadn't been one where they died. Those often found him shaking and in a cold sweat.
Now that his head was clear Remus knew instantly something was amiss. He sniffed, a wolf habit he'd developed over the years. Nothing smelled strange to him. His eyes searched the dozy library, there were several students, but for the most part it was empty; the majority of students were in class. There wasn't anything wrong with the outside world; logically it must be something with him. He had no idea what was making his stomach churn and head feel dizzy, yet not sickly. Severus' potion was probably wearing off. At this thought his heart beat double time, Severus. He groaned he'd freaked out at him earlier today. The only proper thing for him now, was to humble himself to apologize. His more overbearing side rationalized that it was entirely the potion's master's fault for provoking him. His lip lifted as he let out a low-pitched growl, Severus had made last night sound like it was his fault, as if him being a werewolf was to blame. It was hardly his fault Severus was a disgusting, seductive...Remus' eyes widened...seductive...where had that come from? Remus felt a sudden wave of sickness; he stood up quickly and rushed for the hall bathroom.
***********************************************************************
'Draco Malfoy, prince of Slytherin, rich, classy, pureblood whore...NOOOO, pureblood god, stupid Mudblood, interrupting his self praising thoughts!' He was on his way to a breakthrough, a new adjective to be added, and her insult had come to mind.
A Malfoy does not admit that something has bothered him, oh something can, but it's a matter of making sure no one notices. He was having a rather difficult time keeping his cool chic façade. It was not common that two events set him off kilter, perturbing him so.
First Granger had snapped and said several things outside the normal Malfoy- golden trio naming calling criteria; she had ruined a perfectly good routine, in which he usually dominated because that stupid Weasley couldn't keep his cool. Secondly his favorite teacher and favorite semi-relation pureblood had betrayed him. Now he was not sure what was what.
He'd decided Magical Care was a waste of his time, he usually would not pass up a chance to insult the hairy oaf or the dream team, but he was not up to his usual insulting caliber and did not wish to give allusions that something was wrong. Therefore he was making his way to the library, yes, and prefect time to take out some trick spell books with no risk of anyone seeing Mr. Cool in the library. He still had a reputation to uphold and wasn't about to jeopardize it after so many hours in front of the mirror perfecting the 'Malfoy Sneer'. Oh yes, most people thought that sort of quality has inherited, it was partly, but the Malfoy himself/herself had to take the sneer and make part of it his/her own. Perfection was the ultimate goal.
He was pondering this, but not hard enough to create a wrinkle above his perfect brow, as Lupin came flying out of the library, rushed for the bath across the hall.
Draco jumped back in surprise. This was not something you saw every day, even at Hogwarts. Draco smirked again. He would have new fuel to make fun of the Golden Trio, insult their favorite teacher. Ah yes, he felt his power return...mwahahahaha.
********************************************************************
Severus had had the whole afternoon of classes to vent his anger and disbelief concerning his current situation with the werewolf. It did nothing to alleviate his frustration. As soon as classes ended, he stormed into the headmaster's office.
"ALBUS," he roared as he climbed up the stairs to his office. After many late night meetings with his death eater friends, he was always given the passwords to the headmaster's office, and their unique relationship allowed him to call the schoolmaster by his first name in stressful situations.
He arrived in front of the headmaster's desk, red faced and out of breath. He looked up to find that Dumbledore was currently in 'discussion' with McGonagall.
"Yes I do believe those magenta curtains would liven up the...oh hello Severus." McGonagall smiled up from her tea.
Severus cringed. He ignored her and turned to Dumbledore returning to his usual schooled tone, "When you have the time headmaster I request an audience concerning a certain, DOG's stay here." He growled, and nodded towards McGonagall before departing. The headmaster would send a note his way when he was free.
Severus walked determinedly towards the Great Hall and ran into the last person he wanted to see. His heart skipped.
Remus was walking in the opposite direction with his head down. He looked unwell.
"Lupin," Severus hissed from the opposite side of the hall. To his surprise Remus made no response. This enraged Severus more; he hated being ignored when he was raining hate down on someone.
"LUPIN," he shouted, the remaining students scurried out of the hall, leaving the two teachers alone. Severus was still feared.
Remus looked up in surprise. His already discolored face, paled further.
"Severus..."
Severus strode towards him till they were about a foot apart. Remus cringed visibly, but kept his hand on his stomach.
"I never want your filth to grace my presence again. I've talked with Albus and he has agreed that considering the current situation, you should depart immediately." He said professionally. So it was a lie, Severus never claimed to be an honest man.
Remus gave Severus a baleful look with his beautiful amber colored eyes, "Severus, I had wished you would be apologizing after this afternoon and we could put this whole matter of last night behind us. But apparently I forgot your inability to forgive or forget."
"You bloody well tried to kill me in fifth year, and you always expected me to forgive you, how the hell could I forgive a blood thirsty monster, especially that I am now stuck with your sorry soul forever." Severus spat back directly into Remus' face.
"You know very well I had nothing to do with what happened, and using it again and again in this poor 'Sevie act' is just...pathetic of a man of your...stature." Remus snarled.
Severus' fists tightened and he backed Remus up against the wall.
Remus' lips tightened. "Fine, I'll be gone by morning and you'll get what you want, you'll never have to see my 'sorry soul' again."
Severus brought his hands up and roughly pushed Remus against the wall. "This game is not funny Lupin, you know very well it won't work that way and we'll have to meet up considering our situation."
Remus laughed, "If you're concerned about Order meetings, don't bother, I'll make sure I conveniently miss those ones you attend."
Severus was mere inches from his face, his face redder then it had been earlier. "YOU SEEM TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER FOREVER."
Remus stared back speechless as Severus finished his rant. Severus puffed; he felt the adrenaline rushing in his ears. His eyes traveled to Remus' cute feminine lips and he felt the need to control. He grabbed Remus by the shoulders and pushed his face forward.
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Ginny wandered aimlessly through the halls, she wasn't really ready to go for dinner. She was sick of the negative aura that surrounded Harry these days. She'd tried to bring a brighter element to the conversations but she'd probably made things worse. She wondered why no one was around, when she heard shouting from the adjacent hall. She could clearly make out the voice of her grouchy potion's professor but could hardly make out the other softer voice. She peeked around the corner as Snape shoved her beloved ex- professor towards the wall. Her fists clenched. That bastard! She felt like rushing forward but decided against it; she was less rash then her older brother. She decided to listen to the conversation instead.
"This game is not funny Lupin, you know very well it won't work that way and we'll have to meet up considering our situation."
Remus laughed, "If you're concerned about Order meetings, don't bother, I'll make sure I conveniently miss those ones you attend."
Severus was mere inches from his face, his face redder then it had been earlier. "YOU SEEM TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER FOREVER."
Ginny watched as Snape leaned forward, she gasped. She watched for Remus' response to being kissed by the disgusting potion's master, and was surprised yet again as Remus leaned into the kiss and his hands went behind Snape's head.
Then something changed, something clicked seemed to click in Snape's head, something was wrong with this picture. Ginny watched as he roughly pushed Remus away again. Remus fell surprised and unceremoniously to the floor.
"NO!" Professor Snape said loudly, "This is not going to happen again."
'AGAIN?!?!?!' Ginny couldn't believe this, this had happened before. She leaned in to hear Remus' softer response.
"Please don't yell at me Severus, you kissed me..." Remus said more harshly then Ginny had ever heard him speak. This kiss thing had obviously had a large effect on him.
"You're the werewolf." Snape used his age-old argument.
Remus hung his head, "Sorry..." then seemed to change his mind, "No Severus, I'm not sorry for what I am. I'm sorry for last night, I'm sorry you can't see past the beast and I'm sorry for what Sirius did to you, but I'm not sorry for who I am." Remus smiled to himself and looked up into Snape's onyx eyes, "Bye Severus, I'm sure you'll have me gone by morning." He stood and pushed past Severus and moved on without looking back.
Snape stood stunned. The look of pity in Remus' eyes was the same bloody look he received from Albus many times. He despised it. He turned sharply but Remus was already out of his grasp and at the end of the hallway opposite to Ginny's end.
He sneered was much as possible, "Running away again Mutt?" Remus only shook his head and continued on. Severus growled in frustration and turned with a sweep of his robes in the other direction. He walked purposefully to his chambers; he completely missed the small red head, flattened against the wall.
As soon as Snape was out of sight Ginny raced to her rooms.
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Hermione picked at her food, occasionally throwing Ron a disgusted look. Honestly would it kill the boy to eat properly? She guessed so.
Hermione wondered where Ginny had gotten to; she could use the younger girl's conversation. She'd had a short confrontation with Malfoy on her way back from Arithmathy; it wasn't a big deal, just the usual insult parents, looks and such. But she wanted to vent and she could hardly tell Ron or Harry because they'd freak and try to pick a fight with Malfoy, they'd probably lose more house points. Hermione leaned on her hand and sighed, yes she needed her female friend today, boost her self-esteem. But apparently Ginny couldn't hear her thoughts because she missed dinner all together.
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A/N: Thanks for reading through this chapter. I promise the next one will deal with the whole 'mating' theme. And sorry to closet geek for the dream part...*hugs*.
If you enjoyed this chapter of this particular story, please do review; the author would greatly appreciate the thought!