Twice Lost
Expression loose
Fixed on nothing
Looking for something
Heart withering for misuse
Mind Blank but full of thought
Soul…lost, and yet still impervious
For twelve long years...
But I knew him before
When his laugh was haughty and mirthful
Not empty or hoarse
When his smile was well-worn and ill-hid
Not vacant or lonely
He knew me.
I knew him.
That's why I was horror struck that day I heard
James...
Lily...
And then Peter.
For years I tried to convince myself
That he had changed
That he hadn't always been that way
That When I knew him, he'd been better
But he hadn't changed
The world had changed around him
Peter had
I had
Brothers again
It felt like old times
Every month a new adventure
I was thirteen again
We were Marauders once more
Why hadn't I seen it?
He couldn't stand that place
He was getting restless
He was getting reckless
I would have
Could have
Should have helped him…
So why hadn't I?
It doesn't matter anymore.
Life changed…again
First James
Then Lily
Then Peter
Now…him.
I'm the last one of us left standing
I'm alone
I'm surrounded
And Lost
Every month a new pain
Old wounds opened
Old vaults thrust open
Old memories…relived in the most painful of ways
Sirius.
Sirius?
Sirius...
He's dead, I tell myself,
Gone
I can't believe it
I won't believe it
They're all alive
Lily, James, Sirius…
I swear
I swear I'm not alone
I swear
A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned here.
Also, I am not too proud to say that I cried for three hours straight when Sirius died. The books are just not the same without him. And I swear, if Lupin dies in the next book, I'll never read, nor see another Harry Potterbook or movie again. This I so swear.