Harry Potter walked through the carriages of the Hogwarts Express. He had arrived there late, but none of his friends were with him and he couldn't seem to find them anywhere.
Coming into the final carriage, Harry could see quite a sizeable queue grouped around the last compartment. He didn't care about them, but looked inside the compartment to check if any of his friends might be there. To his shock, quite a few of them were, and they were all sitting around a gorgeous girl with long, dirty blonde hair.
"Luna!" Harry exclaimed, bewildered. He made to enter the compartment. but someone grabbed his wrist, holding him back.
"Hey, wait your turn!" Harry whipped around to see Draco Malfoy, who was staring back at him with a look of annoyance on his haughty features. "If you want a go, get to the back of the queue!" He said, gesturing with his thumb.
"It's alright, Draco," said Luna, her dreamy voice drifting into the hall. "He's a special friend of mine; he can come in." Malfoy glared at Harry, clearly outraged. This confused Harry to no end. A queue? To see Loony Lovegood? Malfoy? What the hell was going on?
Harry entered the compartment to a murmur of displeasure from the crowd outside. Luna ushered Ginny Weasley aside, and beckoned Harry to sit down. Ginny hissed.
It was now that Harry could get a good look at Luna. She was completely different from how he had remembered her, but he knew this was Luna Lovegood. Her once straggly hair was now sleek and incredibly shiny, with perfect waves all the way to her waist. Her eyes were no longer pale and protuberant, but large and sapphire blue. She still wore radishes in her ears, but they were diamond, not orange. She was gorgeous, not to mention voluptuous.
Harry couldn't help it; he flung himself onto her lap and began to snog her heartily. He couldn't believe what he was doing; he completely expected Luna to shove him off of her chest, but she started snogging him back instead. It was incredible - she was such an excellent kisser. Harry never wanted it to end, but soon he heard angry yells of "Hey!" and "No fair!" in the compartment and outside in the hallway, and Harry and Luna broke apart.
"He can't do that!" shouted Dean Thomas, who was a few places back in line. "We've been waiting this whole time, and he just got here!"
"Harry is one of my best friends, and he can do whatever he damn well pleases!" retorted Luna, indignant. She turned to Harry, grinning at him with sparkling teeth. His heart thumped madly, but he was still extremely confused as to what was going on with everyone in the carriage.
Luna picked up on his confusion. "Don't worry," she whispered, still smiling, "I'll explain everything when we get back to Hogwarts."
This was quite unnecessary, though. The remainder of the train ride was spent with Luna snogging (and occasionally sneaking off to another compartment with) everyone in the queue outside their compartment. Harry soon realized that he was not the only one who had a strong desire for Luna - apparently, half the school did. Luna knew it, and was taking advantage of it too.
"Well," sighed Luna, having just returned from another compartment with Blaise Zabini and Ron Weasley, both of whom were looking quite pleased with themselves, "that's enough for now. We'll be coming up on Hogwarts soon." She closed the compartment door and started pulling up her jumper. "Let's change into our robes." Everyone in the compartment leaned in to get a better look as Luna pulled her jumper off over her head. Everyone except Ginny, who was looking livid.
"I can't believe you!" She screeched at Luna, who was finishing putting on her robes. "Going off with my brother like that. . .what nerve!"
Luna smiled at Ginny while she made quite a show of fastening her cloak over her endowed bosoms. "Oh, Ginny," she breathed. She walked over to Ginny, put a hand on her chin and kissed her. Harry figured Ginny would probably slap Luna, but she didn't. In fact, Ginny looked calmed - pleased, even. Again, Harry was utterly perplexed.
Without even looking at him, Luna said, "Oh, Harry, didn't I ever tell you that I was bi?" as if he was supposed to know this. And with that, she got off the train.
"So, you wanted to know how I got so.. .different all of a sudden?" Luna asked Harry, conjuring up dinners for the both of them. They were hiding in the Room of Requirement, having skived off the Start-of-Term feast so Harry could find out about Luna's new "personality." He nodded.
"Well, as you may know," she started, handing him a plate of shepherd's pie and Yorkshire pudding, "my father and I went to look for Crumple-Horned Snorkacks this summer." Harry snorted. "Don't laugh!" she exclaimed crossly, her hands on curvaceous hips. "You haven't even heard the story!" She ate a forkful of pudding and started again.
"So we're looking for the Snorkacks," (Harry suppressed a chortle through a mouthful of pie), and we found them. In Sweden, you know." She took a sip of pumpkin wine. "A small herd of them. Adults, babies, the lot."
"And you got close to them, did you? No disappearing when they caught sight of you?"
"Well that's the amazing part, isn't it? There have only been sightings before. But they let us get close to them. And their young. That's when we learned of their special powers."
Harry stared at her. Luna may have been gorgeous, and a great kisser, but she still believed in strange creatures that everyone else knew didn't exist.
"So we befriended the herd," Luna continued, clearly very much into the story. "The reason most wizards don't see them is because they don't believe in them. Snorkacks don't reveal themselves to those who don't think they exist. The reason we could see the lot of them was because we were so determined to find them. They knew we really, really believed."
Harry didn't doubt Luna's faith in Crumple-Homed Snorkacks. He just doubted the Snorkacks. Nevertheless, she was telling quite an entertaining tale, so he continued to listen.
"Well, it tums out Snorkacks are incredibly magical. And really generous if you're kind to them. We brought them lots of Bowtruckles; that's their favorite food, you know, but they're hard for the Snorkacks to get.
"So I started talking to the lead female Snorkack," Luna continued, but stopped at the skeptical look on Harry's face.
"You just waltzed up to it and started conversing, did you? I'm sure it talked back, right?"
"Well no, of course not!" Luna giggled. "They understand humans, but they certainly don't talk. Anyway, I was telling her how I hardly have any friends at school, how they all think I'm rather odd. She seemed to sympathize, really. She tweaked my features, you know, so I still look like myself, just better. She made it so I was rather irresistible." She laughed a light, bell-like laugh.
"Then she told me if there was anything else I wanted, I should just tell her-"
"I thought you said they didn't talk?" Harry interjected, determined to discredit her story somehow.
"No, they don't talk, it's all telepathic!" replied Luna dismissively. "So I told her how I'd love to understand how people feel, and she gave me these earrings." She pointed to her sparkling diamond radishes. "Inspired by my orange ones, naturally. They give me the power to sense people's feelings. It's quite useful. She also gave me one of her children, so I could have a companion."
"She gave you one of her children!"
"Yes. She advises me. Her name's Raspberry Crumpet. Isn't that just too cute for words?"
They headed towards the Great Hall so they could blend in with the people leaving the feast. Harry caught up with Ron and Hermione, who he hadn't seen since the Hogwarts Express.
"Where have you been?" Hermione asked in a very motherly sort of fashion.
"Never mind that," said Harry dismissively, though smirking at Ron behind Hermione's back. "Look, Flitwick's chewing out Luna 'the Love is Good' Lovegood!"
Sure enough, tiny Professor Flitwick was giving Luna a talking-to in the middle of the Entrance Hall. The trio scooted in closer to hear better.
"...and I can't believe you would prostitute yourself like that, young lady! You have to understand, as your Head of House, it's my job to be concerned!"
"It's not prostitution, sir!" Luna cried (Harry was sure they were genuine tears). "I was thinking about what the Sorting Hat said, you know, about the Houses standing together? I just felt I could help cheer everyone up, make them feel better about the War, and help promote House Unity!"
"Well," said Ron, turning to Harry and Hermione, smirking, "this is going to be an interesting year, isn't it?"